Second Reception

aleciajaye

My Fi and I are having a destination wedding with family only. We will be having a second reception at home for friends and coworkers. My question is... How do I do STDs given not everyone will be attending the actual ceremony? Thanks!

mikenberger

You're not having a wedding reception. You're having a celebration of your marriage. No wedding dress, no wedding-esque things as you're already married (I hope you're holding a reception of some sort for your DW guests). if I weren't on my phone, I would link you to some other threads on this topic, but visit the etiquette board and you'll find some there.

MobKaz

aleciajaye said:

My Fi and I are having a destination wedding with family only. We will be having a second reception at home for friends and coworkers. My question is... How do I do STDs given not everyone will be attending the actual ceremony? Thanks!

An after party, or celebration of your marriage will not require STD's.  Simply send out invitations as you would an anniversary or other large party.  What you can send out  are wedding announcements immediately following your actual wedding. 

southernbelle0915

To make it clear, send out wedding announcements - see Invites and Paper for proper wording on those. Then send out normal party invites - agree with PPs that its just a party, not a wedding reception.

Sugargirl1019

What the other PPs said. Send out wedding announcements that you were married, and also send out a party invitation.

Don't do a cake cutting or a first dance. Now, you can have a spotlight dance for you because the party is in honor of you, but don't call it a first dance because, well, it's NOT your first dance.

I'm in the boat where I would be okay if you wore your wedding dress to this (because I want to wear my dress over and over) but don't make your DH rent another tux or your bridesmaids wear their dresses/groomsmen rent suits or tuxes. I wouldn't even ask your wedding party to be there unless they are so close to you that they are invited to everything.

Just don't inconvenience your guests, and don't call this a wedding reception. Because you are not receiving your guests for attending your wedding. You are at a party in celebration of your marriage.

Hope that doesn't sound mean. Because it all sounds lovely!

Nymeru

Like PPs said, only send STDs to your actual wedding guests.  Then, send out wedding announcements with an invitation to your party afterwards once you get back from the wedding/honeymoon.

Lauderdale Pink

The rules that have been invented with this generation of brides make me dizzy.  If you want to send out STDs, then just make it clear that it is for a reception.  If you want to wear your wedding dress, then for heaven's sake do it!  I bet most of the guests would love to see you all "done up".  I am on board with everything Sugargirl said.

CMGragain

Sorry, OP, but you won't get a different answer here than you got when you posted on the Invitations board.  You only get on wedding reception, and that must be on your wedding day for your ceremony guests.

aleciajaye

I didn't mean to try to get "a different answer." I just realized there was a better board to post my question and I couldn't figure out how to remove the post. No need to be catty. We're just here to help each other.

aleciajaye

scribe95 said:

The rules of this generation? Give me a break. In past generations brides didn't have attention-seeking second and third parties. They had ONE wedding with ONE reception, often in their parents home, with only close friends and families. Then if they wanted to go to a destination they went on their honeymoon - as opposed to having their friends and family spend their own money to attend your wedding. 

I honestly can't believe the negativity I'm getting on this board. I am NOT seeking attention. My wedding is closer to my family, as well as my fiance's. My sister is my only attendant and she will have a 2 month old. Easier for her to travel a couple hours instead of fly across the country. Not all of my friends have the money or are even able to travel to the wedding, although they all want to celebrate with us. So we are having a celebration where we live. And my sincerest apologies to the etiquette police for calling this a reception.

Maggie0829

aleciajaye said:

I honestly can't believe the negativity I'm getting on this board. I am NOT seeking attention as one PP said. My wedding is closer to my family, as well as my fiance's. My sister is my only attendant and she will have a 2 month old. Easier for her to travel a couple hours instead of fly across the country. Not all of my friends have the money or are even able to travel to the wedding, although they all want to celebrate with us. So we are having a celebration where we live. And my sincerest apologies to the etiquette police for calling this a reception.

Look, no one was rude, but everyone was honest.  I think second receptions back home are silly. Invite everyone that you wish to attend your wedding and then celebrate with the one's that can make it.  No matter where your party is being held there is always a chance that certain people can't make it.  I get that this wedding/marriage is OMG the most important thing to you, but it is not that important to those around you.  Yes, I am sure your friends would be happy to celebrate with you, but I can also guarantee that if they can't their worlds will keep turning and they will get over it.

fwtx5815

Maggie0829 said:

aleciajaye said:

I honestly can't believe the negativity I'm getting on this board. I am NOT seeking attention as one PP said. My wedding is closer to my family, as well as my fiance's. My sister is my only attendant and she will have a 2 month old. Easier for her to travel a couple hours instead of fly across the country. Not all of my friends have the money or are even able to travel to the wedding, although they all want to celebrate with us. So we are having a celebration where we live. And my sincerest apologies to the etiquette police for calling this a reception.

Look, no one was rude, but everyone was honest.  I think second receptions back home are silly. Invite everyone that you wish to attend your wedding and then celebrate with the one's that can make it.  No matter where your party is being held there is always a chance that certain people can't make it.  I get that this wedding/marriage is OMG the most important thing to you, but it is not that important to those around you.  Yes, I am sure your friends would be happy to celebrate with you, but I can also guarantee that if they can't their worlds will keep turning and they will get over it.

QFT

Cookie Pusher

Maggie0829 said:

aleciajaye said:

I honestly can't believe the negativity I'm getting on this board. I am NOT seeking attention as one PP said. My wedding is closer to my family, as well as my fiance's. My sister is my only attendant and she will have a 2 month old. Easier for her to travel a couple hours instead of fly across the country. Not all of my friends have the money or are even able to travel to the wedding, although they all want to celebrate with us. So we are having a celebration where we live. And my sincerest apologies to the etiquette police for calling this a reception.

Look, no one was rude, but everyone was honest.  I think second receptions back home are silly. Invite everyone that you wish to attend your wedding and then celebrate with the one's that can make it.  No matter where your party is being held there is always a chance that certain people can't make it.  I get that this wedding/marriage is OMG the most important thing to you, but it is not that important to those around you.  Yes, I am sure your friends would be happy to celebrate with you, but I can also guarantee that if they can't their worlds will keep turning and they will get over it.

So much this. I had a high decline rate for my wedding (40%-ish) because it was over a holiday weekend. When I got on social media the next day, I saw tons of pictures of people having fun and enjoying their long weekend. Many of them did send congratulatory messages/posts and commented on some photos that were put up, but not a single person has turned into a mope over missing our wedding or expected us to throw another party so they could attend.

CMGragain

aleciajaye said:

I didn't mean to try to get "a different answer." I just realized there was a better board to post my question and I couldn't figure out how to remove the post. No need to be catty. We're just here to help each other.

When you post the same question on different boards, it is polite to put "X-post" in the title.  No one was catty.

theartistformerlyknownas

Lauderdale Pink said:

The rules that have been invented with this generation of brides make me dizzy.  If you want to send out STDs, then just make it clear that it is for a reception.  If you want to wear your wedding dress, then for heaven's sake do it!  I bet most of the guests would love to see you all "done up".  I am on board with everything Sugargirl said.

Excuse me?! "This generation" is the first one to bother pre-warning people of a future invitation to come. No other generation needed rules about STDs because they didn't need them. They were perfectly capable of sending normal invitations for normal parties within a normal timeframe. 

OP, nobody was rude. Your plan to have an "at-home reception" is perfectly fine. It's just not a WEDDING reception, but that's OK. STDs aren't even necessary for weddings, so they're definitely not required for this. Send wedding announcements as soon as you get home from your wedding. Send at-home reception invitations about 6 weeks prior to the date. If that falls BEFORE your wedding, word it at "Aleciajae and FI will  be married in a private ceremony on date. Please join them in celebrating their marriage at location on date." If they're sent AFTER your wedding, you just change it to past tense. (And FTR, I'm cool with you re-wearing the same wedding dress, and having a giant cake, and a spotlight dance. Just don't walk down an aisle or anything cuz that's super weird.)

You don't send STDs for birthday parties, Halloween parties, BBQs, etc, you just invite people. Same goes for this. Put that money toward your wedding announcements instead!

aleciajaye

Thank you, @lolo883. I appreciate your input and will take your advice. I understand about other users being honest. However, when I'm called "attention seeking" because I want to have a small, intimate ceremony with family and a celebration with friends, most of whom who don't have the funds or time to travel but are all able to attend and excited about a second event, that's leaning more toward judgmental, not advice. Again, I apologize for using the term "reception." As a wedding noob, I'm not well versed on a lot of the etiquette and terms.

theartistformerlyknownas

aleciajaye said:

Thank you, @lolo883. I appreciate your input and will take your advice. I understand about other users being honest. However, when I'm called "attention seeking" because I want to have a small, intimate ceremony with family and a celebration with friends, most of whom who don't have the funds or time to travel but are all able to attend and excited about a second event, that's leaning more toward judgmental, not advice. Again, I apologize for using the term "reception." As a wedding noob, I'm not well versed on a lot of the etiquette and terms.

Well a lot of times those parties are thrown as an attention grab, and we get a lot of posts from people like that. So when people say things like "just make sure you don't do x, y, z" they're more re-iterating just in case, not necessarily assuming that you're a giant AW. You'll also get opinions from people who don't care for these parties at all, which is a good reality check that your family and friends may feel the same way and decline. It's WAY better to get blatant honesty from strangers in advance, so it doesn't feel like a gut punch when someone IRL says "nah, don't feel the need to come to this party, but thanks."

aleciajaye

Gotcha. Thanks again.

loro929

I attended a celebration of marriage party this past summer. Bride and groom were married in a small ceremony in the Carribbean with only their parents in attendance sometime last winter.

They sent out STDs for their celebration of marriage party, which was held in the summer, saying something along the line of Save the Date to celebrate the marriage of X and Y. I don't really see the problem in sending one if it is worded properly. Afterall, it is a big party (on the same level of a wedding reception) and you want to make sure that people are aware of it and can plan accordingly - I, for instance, had to fly in to the party and knowing ahead of time allowed me to make my plans in advance (and for much cheaper!).

The party had all of the bells and whistles of a wedding reception - great food, open bar, awesome music, pictures of the ceremony on the escrot card table. FoB and FoG made a nice speech. We ate, we drank and we were merry. It was a rocking party.

mrsk616

if i remember right my sister invited the whole family to go to florida for the wedding but because of travel cost most didnt go so back home she had a reception to celebrate with family. its fine to do it that way. i would not see it as a second reception.