How do you know that he's "the one"

GoldenPenguin

lilacck28 said:

Hummingbird125 said:

I think I've believed my FI was the one from a few months into our relationship onward. There wasn't one specific moment when I knew, it's a collection of experiences that make me more sure all the time. Off the top of my head I can think of :

1) We are ridiculously attracted to each other. Even after almost 4 years I still can't believe I wound up with someone as cute as he is.

2) We enjoy doing the same things - we're usually on the same page on whether we want to go out or stay in, we enjoy similar music and TV shows/movies.

3) I love his family, and he loves mine. My mom and youngest sister absolutely adore him as well, and as their opinions are the most important to me, it makes me even more certain that he's the perfect partner.

4) We have the same goals/outlook for our future. We both want children soon, want to buy a home, and want jobs that give us enough money to do the things we need to do, but don't completely take over our lives. We both definitely have the same "Work to live, don't live to work." mentality.

5) We can manage our finances well together. We are able to agree about how/how much to save, and what expenses are reasonable.

6) We are considerate of each other and both do nice and unnecessary things for each other every single day.

7) We are able to argue without hurting each other's feelings, and with working towards a solution. We never yell at each other. I think whenever we have had an issue - which has been maybe twice in four years - we have always been able to work it out in a healthy way.

8) I think this one has been huge for me - I've never had to "wait" for him at any stage of our relationship. He never played any games. He asked me to be his girlfriend before I was worried about where are relationship was heading, he was the first to suggest moving in together, and he proposed at exactly the right time. I've never had any doubts about how he feels about me.

All of this! besides the fact that I don't have a sister (I have a brother), and we've been together 3 years instead of 4.... IT'S LIKE YOU WERE IN MY BRAIN! OMG.

Also, our politics/ religious beliefs match up. We're both quite politically engaged (poli sci nerds/ majors the both of us) and non religious but culturally Jewish. Those things were very important to me. I don't think I could sustain a relationship* with a conservative/ religious person.

*and by relationship, I do not mean friendships, I mean romantic, husband/ wife, life-partner type of relationship.

I don't feel like typing all of this same stuff out, but pretty much all of this. To address the bolded: 

1. We both DON'T want children. We talked about this fairly early on, because it was a dealbreaker for me. I couldn't be with someone who definitely saw himself as a father. Not having children was something that is very important to me, so as soon as I knew this was moving forward into something special, we had the conversation. We were on the same page, and that was a big indicator for me.

2. This was HUGE for me. I spent a long time in relationships where I never knew what was happening, or how they felt about me, or where it was going. I had relationships end without me realizing there were issues. I ended relationships because it was going warp speed and I wasn't ready. With FI, there were no questions. We were open, honest, and up front with each other, right from the beginning.

Well, not RIGHT from the beginning. The first two dates we went on, I wasn't even really sure if they were dates or if we were just hanging out. After the third date, he walked me to my car, and hugged me, and my stomach did flip flops and I immediately thought "OMG HE WAS JUST GOING TO KISS ME." After that, it was smooth sailing.

3. Same, same. He's actually made me MORE political and culturally aware, and I appreciate that. I enjoy having political conversations with him, and talking about important things. 

Also, we make each other laugh, daily. He supports me in ways I didn't know I needed to be supported. He's not a cat person, but I catch him snuggling with my cat all the time. He helps me when I need help, and let's me do my thing when I need alone time. He cooks, he cleans, he is an amazing life partner. He loves my friends, and my friends love him. He is my best friend, and there is no one else in the world that I could imagine spending every day with for the rest of my life. I feel lucky every single day that I get to marry him. 

morphemes

lifeisajourney said:

CLoGreenEyes 

-He needs to strive to be the best he can be. I don't care of he's a lawyer or a garbage man or what, but I want to be with someone who will go to work every day, do a good job, and work with me to take care of us..

I have a question for you about this because this is something I truly struggle with. I have a stable career, I'm a teacher. I have a masters degree and plan to go back to school soon to pursue my doctoral degree. I have an issue with the idea of marrying someone that has a job rather than a stable career. I would definitely choose the lawyer over the garbage man. Be honest, do you think that's shallow?

I just wanted to throw out there that, although I realize this is just an example, the "garbage man" jobs are usually high paying, union positions. Those are careers and blue collar work, such as plumber, garbage man, etc. are incredibly valuable to our society and communities. I never take for granted that, because someone chooses such a path they are uneducated or don't enjoy learning. I am in law school and I thought long and hard about that path. But I am very close with several people falling into these "blue collar" careers and none of them are people who I would classify as uneducated or unambitious. It's simply a different preference and, quite honestly, those garbage men and women have more job security than any lawyers I know. 

Knottie7888589

I would say it is kind of shallow. 

Some people don't want a lawyer type job.

Some people are completely okay with temp jobs, or "garbage" man type jobs.

It all depends on what someone likes. 

It shouldn't be a reason to not like him because of where he works. 

He may like the fact that he's not stuck in a job that bores him for the rest of his life, and can still make a change. 

What matter is the fact that he likes to work, regardless of where it is, and that he is willing to work to support you, and your family. 

Doesn't matter what he does.. as long as he is a contributing member of society, and not a lazy bum. 

Love him for who is he, and what he enjoys. 

rn1989

I have a simple answer. I know P's the one because we just work. We click, always have. He's my best friend. We fit together like two puzzle pieces.

I just know. It's in your heart.

Knottie1463426215

I knew very early on that my fiance was "the one," but I often have a hard time putting into words exactly why. All I can tell you is that he makes me whole. I can't imagine my life before him, and I certainly can't imagine it without him. We do see eye-to-eye on most stuff (the major stuff), but we respect each other even when we disagree. He's a true partner in every sense of the word. A couple months ago his mom was diagnosed with incurable cancer. As sad as it's been, it's given me a real look at what married life with him will be like. All I can tell you was that I made the right choice and I can't wait to say my vows!

lifeisajourney

It's so sweet hearing you ladies gush about your husbands/FIs. I hope that one day I can have a love like that 

kipper88

8 years together.  Almost engaged.

 

We've seen each other at our worst and we're still here.

I can be in my pajamas with messy hair and no makeup and he still says I'm beautiful.

He's my best friend.  He's the first person I think to tell when something funny happens at work. 

He's truly my partner in life.  He picks me up when I'm down and we tackle challenges head on, together. 

 

[Deleted User]

It's hard to say. I feel like he's the one because I haven't felt that way about anyone else - actually, I've been kind of a commitment-phobe about the others. Also because he's there for me and understanding in my battle with a crippling anxiety disorder, and we've been best friends for years despite his constantly pissing me off in the early days - for some reason, I just couldn't shake him, and didn't really want to.

Something about him is just special. I can't really pinpoint it. But I want to keep him.

teddygirl9

To the person that said they'd pick the lawyer over the garbage man, I disagree. Lawyers make a ton of money (plus), they always look good (plus), generally very smart (plus), but they work sooo much. My SIL is a lawyer, and works a minimum of 10 hour days, usually 12. During busy season she was working 8am - 2am. She went home to grab an hour of sleep, shower and get ready for the next day. So personally, I would choose the garbage man. I don't want to marry someone I will never see.

 

Anyways, to the actual question haha. I don't know if he is the one. Maybe I will never know, but I know he loves me, and I know he treats me well. I haven't had anyone stick by me throughout this time, not previous friends or family, but he has always been there. And I hope he always will

stefuhknee

I think he's the one because he's truly my best friend and the one person that I feel comfortable going to about everything. We have the best time together, he makes me laugh everyday and when I come home from a terrible day and I feel defeated by the world a hug from him changes everything. When I think of the future, I can't imagine one where we aren't together.