Wedding Reception Forum

BYO Reception Ideas

2

Re: BYO Reception Ideas

  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    I still want @tnvolgirl711 to answer the questions about all the other logistical concerns. I dont care how big your house is. Very few houses are equip to handle a 100 person dinner party. No matter how causal.
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  • While i understand your concerns, logistically the house poses no issue. We really wanted a potluck/bbq laid back feel. We also discussed just inviting everyone over under the guise of a housewarming party and then surprising them with a backyard wedding. After reading all the heated responses i received, i think this seems more appropriate.
    You can very easily cater that with sandwiches or BBQ or something similar. Your guests should not, under any circumstance, provide for your wedding. Or your make believe house warming party surprise wedding. NO. NO. NO.
    Don't do a "surprise wedding" either.  This pisses off people close to as much as potlucks-because people who don't know that a major event is planned for that time often RSVP no and then are angry to find out that it's a wedding.  Also, this is me, but I think "surprise" weddings just have an element of not-seriousness about them that I find off-putting.  And I don't like surprise parties anyway.
  • While i understand your concerns, logistically the house poses no issue.

    We really wanted a potluck/bbq laid back feel. We also discussed just inviting everyone over under the guise of a housewarming party and then surprising them with a backyard wedding. After reading all the heated responses i received, i think this seems more appropriate.

    If you can afford a home that can accommodate 100 bladders, asses, stomachs and cars at once, I would hope you would be able to afford to feed them.  

    The fact that you are so nonchalantly brushing aside the logistical nightmare that PPs have pointed out pretty much shows that you aren't at all concerned about your guests' comfort or feelings.

    To be able to do this, you'd need a very large home with a gourmet kitchen, presumably in the country. On the off chance (like WAYYY off chance) that you DO in fact have the space and resources to pull off having 100 people in your home for a full meal reception, they would be so distracted and off-put by the surprise-you're-paying-for-my-wedding thing that they wouldn't even be impressed by your palatial, MTV Cribs-worthy home.

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  • I just wanted to add a little story to expand on what @dallasbetch‌ said. My grandparents have a huge house and my grandmother is hostess with the mostest. She owns literally hundreds of champaign glasses, etc. She has thrown tons of parties with that many people, smaller showers, weddings, etc. That being said, she threw a 100 person wedding reception there a couple years ago. She confided in me that it was awful. The logistics were a nightmare and the pressure was insane. So, even if you weren't responsible for the food, it's not as easy as just having 100 people over and you're done. It has the potential to be a mess.
  • I just wanted to add a little story to expand on what @dallasbetch‌ said. My grandparents have a huge house and my grandmother is hostess with the mostest. She owns literally hundreds of champaign glasses, etc. She has thrown tons of parties with that many people, smaller showers, weddings, etc. That being said, she threw a 100 person wedding reception there a couple years ago. She confided in me that it was awful. The logistics were a nightmare and the pressure was insane. So, even if you weren't responsible for the food, it's not as easy as just having 100 people over and you're done. It has the potential to be a mess.

    Yeah, this laid back vibe you're going for absolutely WILL NOT happen if you're doing this in your home. You're going to be the point person when the toilet clogs, someone gets stuck in the driveway with all those cars, an outlet gets zapped, napkins run out, etc.
    You'd be pulling your hair out. It's so counterintuitive

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     fka dallasbetch 


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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    While i understand your concerns, logistically the house poses no issue. We really wanted a potluck/bbq laid back feel. We also discussed just inviting everyone over under the guise of a housewarming party and then surprising them with a backyard wedding. After reading all the heated responses i received, i think this seems more appropriate.
    No problem. Invite your guests to a back yard wedding.  Have Famous Dave's cater it.  Surprise  weddings are not well received, either.
    There are lots of nice casual wedding invitations available cheap from Vistaprint, and they sell in small quantities.   We will be happy to help you word them for your back yard wedding.
    My sister had a pig roast (FFIL was a farmer and donated the pig.)  They had coleslaw and potato salad from the grocery store, and a sheet cake from Costco.  There was beer and sodas in a cooler.  It was very laid back and fun.  What they did NOT do was to ask their guests to furnish any part of the refreshments.  This is taboo at a wedding reception!
    You can have a potluck party after you are married.  Don't do it for your wedding day.
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  • While i understand your concerns, logistically the house poses no issue. We really wanted a potluck/bbq laid back feel. We also discussed just inviting everyone over under the guise of a housewarming party and then surprising them with a backyard wedding. After reading all the heated responses i received, i think this seems more appropriate.
    If you want a backyard bbq/laid back feel, you can have that-but what's not appropriate is either a potluck or a "surprise" wedding.  I already mentioned why "surprises" don't go over well for weddings, and potlucks are not appropriate for weddings because those need to be hosted in full by the hosts-guests cannot be politely expected to pay for their own thank-you for attending.  Not to mention, for out-of-town guests who do not have access to cooking or food storage facilities, it is often not possible or practical.

    In order to get that "laid back feel," just host a party in your backyard with bbq-but stop expecting your guests to pay for it.  And if this is supposed to be to celebrate your wedding, be honest about that to your guests.  Please.
  • Have a laid back wedding. Don't surprise your guests with it. If they offer to help, knowing you two just bought a house, accept if you wish, but don't have your friends cater your wedding. 

    While some people might be fine with it, others will find it offensive. Clearly. 

    Take your time, save some money (if that's the issue), have it catered.
  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2014
    lyndausvi said:
    It makes me so sad that people do not want to actually host anything anymore.      I really enjoy taking care of my family and friends.      

    For example, last night we went out with a co-worker of DH's. We have the NFL Sunday Ticket, so I invited him over on Sunday to watch the games.  On the way home DH says "he drinks Miller lite, remind me to pick some up before Sunday".    That is what we do.  We didn't say "hey we invite to bring some Miller Lites over to our house to watch some football"

     It completely blows my mind that people actually think it's okay to invite people to bring food and drinks to their home.    How bizarre is that?   It doesn't even make sense to me?   "Hey honey, the Smiths invited us to bring food to eat at their house on our own chairs on the 12th?"     Crazy.  (exception would be say a large holiday dinner when it tends to be a group of people picking a place to gather, but everyone is hosting so-to-speak or the homeowner picks up the main dish and most of the beverages)

    Now, when we do have larger events I have no problem asking a friend or family to borrow a few chairs or a table.  I do not mind asking to borrow a cooler from them or a dip dish.  I never ask, but if my mom offers to bring a dish I will take her up on the offer.  The vast majority of the food, beverages and seating will come from us. 

    Because that is what you do when you invite people to your home or anywhere for that matter.


    A real house warming would be inviting your family and friends over to show off your hosting skills.   That means providing your guests will food and beverages.   There are ways to do that on a budget.
    I am constantly asked to bring dishes to everyone's parties nowadays. For close friends and family I don't mind helping out... specially when I offer to bring something (which I always do). But when it says pot luck ON the invite, and also expected to bring a gift for someone....gahhhh it drives me crazy!!! Do people not realize how rude this is?

    Granted... I may not have noticed it as much since coming here...(SO THANK YOU!!!) H and I purchased our first home this past summer and I have LOVED having people over. The first party was for H's birthday (a way to show off the house without the pressure of having it all ready for a "housewarming"). I grilled up steak and chicken for everyone and purchased a big tray of pasta Alfredo from a great restaurant down the street. I planned on doing some sort of salad as my other side but my mom, MIL and best friend all asked if they could bring something so we had a few salads to choose from. I also set out some chips and a cheese & cracker platter, soda, beer, wine and water and ice-cream cake and cookies for dessert. It was like $300 to feed 30 people with good food and alcohol. I enjoyed hosting my guests and enjoyed it even more when my SIL was shocked she didn't have to bring anything....(like she never heard of someone hosting their own party?!?!)
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    Anniversary
  • adk19 said:
    I've declined an invitation to a Holiday party for three reasons.  One, I'm invited to bring a favorite holiday dish to share.  Two, I'm invited to bring a bottle of wine to share.  Three, the evite states specifically that I am NOT to bring beer "because this is a classy party."
    as they pour wine out of a box right?









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    adk19 said:
    I've declined an invitation to a Holiday party for three reasons.  One, I'm invited to bring a favorite holiday dish to share.  Two, I'm invited to bring a bottle of wine to share.  Three, the evite states specifically that I am NOT to bring beer "because this is a classy party."
    as they pour wine out of a box right?



    Actually, I'm just pissed that I'm specifically not allowed to bring my beverage of choice because she thinks her potluck bullshit is classy.
  • esstee33 said:
    adk19 said:
    lyndausvi said:
    adk19 said:
    I've declined an invitation to a Holiday party for three reasons.  One, I'm invited to bring a favorite holiday dish to share.  Two, I'm invited to bring a bottle of wine to share.  Three, the evite states specifically that I am NOT to bring beer "because this is a classy party."
    as they pour wine out of a box right?



    Actually, I'm just pissed that I'm specifically not allowed to bring my beverage of choice because she thinks her potluck bullshit is classy.
    Fuck that. Bring beer anyway. Spray paint the bottle silver so it looks super upscale.
    THIS.
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  • @wrigleyville Those are classy as hell, see? 
  • adk19 said:
    I've declined an invitation to a Holiday party for three reasons.  One, I'm invited to bring a favorite holiday dish to share.  Two, I'm invited to bring a bottle of wine to share.  Three, the evite states specifically that I am NOT to bring beer "because this is a classy party."

    I would be so tempted to go and bring a box of cheap wine, and and something very "unclassy" to share. Like, maybe literally bring some KFC, or make a "frito pie" or something like that in a tinfoil container all sloppy. :-)  (Not that there's anything wrong with these delicious foods....they're just not likely the "classy" food the host had in mind). 
  • If you want to have a relaxed backyard event & your home can accomodate the number of people, bathrooms & parking, there is no reason you can't have it. You can have a local cater do a backyard bbq menu for you. The advantage of doing a caterer is that they do all the work of making the food, setting it up & the clean up. You can let family & friends know what the vibe of the event is going to be and if any of them offer to make something to serve, by all means take them up on the offer, but let them know that there will be x number of guests so they make enough of their dish to go around.  But asking people to bring food & enough variety to feed that many people, is kind of a logistic nightmare & rude.
  • adk19 said:
    I've declined an invitation to a Holiday party for three reasons.  One, I'm invited to bring a favorite holiday dish to share.  Two, I'm invited to bring a bottle of wine to share.  Three, the evite states specifically that I am NOT to bring beer "because this is a classy party."
    There is a fantastic adage that is very apropos to this: 'Anyone who uses the word "Classy" seriously, isn't'. 
  • While i understand your concerns, logistically the house poses no issue.

    We really wanted a potluck/bbq laid back feel. We also discussed just inviting everyone over under the guise of a housewarming party and then surprising them with a backyard wedding. After reading all the heated responses i received, i think this seems more appropriate.

    I don't believe you. You were asked very detailed questions about the logistics of hosting a 100 person wedding at your house, and you didn't bother to address a single obe.

    I'm calling bullshit.

    Also, a surprise wedding sounds bizarre. If I showed up yo what I thought was a house party and then the hosts were like , "Surprise we are getting married!" I'd very much be like, WTF?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • While i understand your concerns, logistically the house poses no issue. We really wanted a potluck/bbq laid back feel. We also discussed just inviting everyone over under the guise of a housewarming party and then surprising them with a backyard wedding. After reading all the heated responses i received, i think this seems more appropriate.
    I don't believe you. You were asked very detailed questions about the logistics of hosting a 100 person wedding at your house, and you didn't bother to address a single obe. I'm calling bullshit. Also, a surprise wedding sounds bizarre. If I showed up yo what I thought was a house party and then the hosts were like , "Surprise we are getting married!" I'd very much be like, WTF?
    Or what if you are close friends or family and got invited to a backyard bbq and couldn't make it only to find out later it was a surprise wedding?  People tend to make more of an effort to attend a wedding then a backyard bbq.  You could really hurt people's feelings that would have rearranged their schedule to attend your wedding but didn't because they thought the party you were having was just a party, not a wedding.

  • edited June 2015
  • While i understand your concerns, logistically the house poses no issue. We really wanted a potluck/bbq laid back feel. We also discussed just inviting everyone over under the guise of a housewarming party and then surprising them with a backyard wedding. After reading all the heated responses i received, i think this seems more appropriate.
    I don't believe you. You were asked very detailed questions about the logistics of hosting a 100 person wedding at your house, and you didn't bother to address a single obe. I'm calling bullshit. Also, a surprise wedding sounds bizarre. If I showed up yo what I thought was a house party and then the hosts were like , "Surprise we are getting married!" I'd very much be like, WTF?
    Or what if you are close friends or family and got invited to a backyard bbq and couldn't make it only to find out later it was a surprise wedding?  People tend to make more of an effort to attend a wedding then a backyard bbq.  You could really hurt people's feelings that would have rearranged their schedule to attend your wedding but didn't because they thought the party you were having was just a party, not a wedding.
    So last year, my uncle invited me to the engagement party that he had his mistress / now FI were throwing themselves. I was still pretty revolted about his affair, and then this tacky shit came in the mail. I declined.
    Come to find out that they announced at the party that, surprise! They had gotten married two weeks prior and this was their reception. Their own CHILDREN didn't know, hadn't been invited. I'm talking kids ranging from 23 - 8 years old. And they were moving in together. And they hadn't told their ex's (you know, the people they share custody with) about any of this.


    WUT.  That sounds like a recipe for disaster.  That's a terrible way to start off a blended family.  


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  • edited June 2015
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