Snarky Brides

RANT thats all i need right now

I have been friends with this girl for almost 10 years now. we have had our rough patches but stayed in touch. i feel like after i got engaged she got distant and when she is in town she does not want to hang out or even talk to me. It has been over 5 months since the last time i really tried to talk to her or tried to do anything like dinner lunch or drinks because she never gets back to me in time. She was going to be my MOH even asked her already and she said yes  but now i am second guessing myself.

I have another friend who i havent known for more than a year who has never fell out on me but once. This friend has been there (even though she is going through a hard time) with planning the wedding, has let me rant and rave to her about anything but not this. 

END RANT. 
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Re: RANT thats all i need right now

  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope.
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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    A few things:

    I told another poster this, but people have absentee phases where they are involved in doing their own thing.

    You asked her to be your MOH almost 2 years out. That is REALLY, really early. Too early. The ship has sailed, but you should've waited until 9mos-1 year out before you asked anybody. Especially because situations like this happen. If you ask her to step down or whatever, that is a friendship-ending move.

    Your bridesmaids do not owe you anything but to buy the dress and show up on time and sober to the wedding. If you have expectations other than this, that's on you.

    Also, I don't understand the second paragraph. The other friend has helped you with wedding stuff and acts as a sounding board, but doesn't want to hear it about the first girl? I just want to make sure that's what you're saying, because it's a little confusing.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    holyguacamole79climbingwifenovella1186
  • i havent talked to her about her because of what she is going through in her personal life. i understand that the only thing they need to do is show up. i just feel like the friend i have known for 10 is jealous or something. i once told her she needs a vacation (she obviously has time to take some) but she said she was going to only take time off for my wedding that at the time we were going to push off until 2017, thats 3 years away. but we pushed it up to do it locally and will be doing it in 2016 i just feel like she thinks she should be the one engaged and not me. i have been wanting to rant about it for months and cant on facebook. my FI has told me to just give up on her and im not one to usually do that to someone because i have had it happen to me to many times to count. honestly if i cant trust her to get drinks with her when she is in town i dont think i can trust her to be a MOH. 

    i just dont want to do that to someone but i feel like its necessary for myself to do so to feel better mentally because it drives me crazy. 
    image
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    jalem616 said:
    i havent talked to her about her because of what she is going through in her personal life. i understand that the only thing they need to do is show up. i just feel like the friend i have known for 10 is jealous or something. i once told her she needs a vacation (she obviously has time to take some) but she said she was going to only take time off for my wedding that at the time we were going to push off until 2017, thats 3 years away. but we pushed it up to do it locally and will be doing it in 2016 i just feel like she thinks she should be the one engaged and not me. i have been wanting to rant about it for months and cant on facebook. my FI has told me to just give up on her and im not one to usually do that to someone because i have had it happen to me to many times to count. honestly if i cant trust her to get drinks with her when she is in town i dont think i can trust her to be a MOH. 

    i just dont want to do that to someone but i feel like its necessary for myself to do so to feel better mentally because it drives me crazy. 
    I hate when people go directly to the "she is jealous" card.  Could it be that maybe she is going through something in her personal life?  Maybe something with work or family?

    And you told her to take a vacation?  What?  For your wedding?  I am confused on that one.

    Your wedding is not until 2016.  That is a year and a half away.  There is no sense in doing anything now.  Why not give it a year and see where you two are at that point?  You should definitely not kick her out by any means, but you will have a better understanding of where you are friendship wise.

    bethsmiles
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    I can't even with this post. This is some petty fucking bullshit. 

    You can't "trust her" to get drinks, so you can't "trust her" to be your MOH? What does that even mean? Have you actually tried to be a friend to this girl? Maybe she's going through some shit? 

    I think you should kick her out. It sounds like she doesn't need a friend like you. 

    beetherynovella1186abbyj700
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope.
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    jalem616 said:
    i havent talked to her about her because of what she is going through in her personal life. i understand that the only thing they need to do is show up. i just feel like the friend i have known for 10 is jealous or something. i once told her she needs a vacation (she obviously has time to take some) but she said she was going to only take time off for my wedding that at the time we were going to push off until 2017, thats 3 years away. but we pushed it up to do it locally and will be doing it in 2016 i just feel like she thinks she should be the one engaged and not me. i have been wanting to rant about it for months and cant on facebook. my FI has told me to just give up on her and im not one to usually do that to someone because i have had it happen to me to many times to count. honestly if i cant trust her to get drinks with her when she is in town i dont think i can trust her to be a MOH. 

    i just dont want to do that to someone but i feel like its necessary for myself to do so to feel better mentally because it drives me crazy. 
    This is the most asinine shit to be mad or ranty about.

    To the bolded, I really hope she is not jealous of you because if you really think that way, you are not anyone to be jealous of. Pity? Sure. Jealous, absolutely not. One of the most undeservedly self-absorbed piles horseshit I've heard in days.

    image
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    fwtx5815esstee33climbingwife
  • i have tried for years. talk to her text her she how she is doing and she avoids me. i have texted (not a lot but every once in awhile to see how things are going) 
    vacation was to get a break from work because i was worried she was overworking herself.  and she told me she wasnt going to take any until then. everytime we have tried to get together she falls out on me. if i cant trust her for a quick drink then how can i trust her to show up with a dress and sober for my wedding. 
    so i have showed concern for her and her life but nothing back.
    image
  • jalem616 said:
    i havent talked to her about her because of what she is going through in her personal life. i understand that the only thing they need to do is show up. i just feel like the friend i have known for 10 is jealous or something. i once told her she needs a vacation (she obviously has time to take some) but she said she was going to only take time off for my wedding that at the time we were going to push off until 2017, thats 3 years away. but we pushed it up to do it locally and will be doing it in 2016 i just feel like she thinks she should be the one engaged and not me. i have been wanting to rant about it for months and cant on facebook. my FI has told me to just give up on her and im not one to usually do that to someone because i have had it happen to me to many times to count. honestly if i cant trust her to get drinks with her when she is in town i dont think i can trust her to be a MOH. 

    i just dont want to do that to someone but i feel like its necessary for myself to do so to feel better mentally because it drives me crazy. 
    To the bolded - um, what?  Why have you wanted to rant about this for months?  Why not have a conversation with your friend?  And your go to thought should never be to put anything on facebook.  that's just passive aggressive and childish.

    How old are you?  Your post makes you sound really young, comparing your friends, assuming they are jealous, telling someone to take a vacation.  None of this makes any sense to me.
    image


  • honestly, getting drinks occasionally and being in someone's wedding are totally different and completely separate tings.  Maybe she doesn't have time to hang out with you because she's working hard (as you said) and she doesn't want to sit around a talk about your wedding for hours, especially when it's 2 years away.  

    If you have set plans and she bails, that's disappointing - but shit happens.  
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    Sooo....why did you choose her to be your MOH in the first place if it seems like you don't even like her as a person?  


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    Maggie0829
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope.
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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    jalem616 said:
    i have tried for years. talk to her text her she how she is doing and she avoids me. i have texted (not a lot but every once in awhile to see how things are going) 
    vacation was to get a break from work because i was worried she was overworking herself.  and she told me she wasnt going to take any until then. everytime we have tried to get together she falls out on me. if i cant trust her for a quick drink then how can i trust her to show up with a dress and sober for my wedding. 
    so i have showed concern for her and her life but nothing back.
    Maybe she heard you think she's jealous that you're engaged.

    If she's not getting drinks with you, maybe she's not drinking. Then you really don't have to worry about her showing up sober for the wedding.

    This is still asinine and lame.

    image

    Just looking for made-up shit to complain about, child please.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    cafarrieesstee33climbingwife
  • jacques27jacques27
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
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    edited November 2014
    jalem616 said:
    i have tried for years. talk to her text her she how she is doing and she avoids me. i have texted (not a lot but every once in awhile to see how things are going) 
    vacation was to get a break from work because i was worried she was overworking herself.  and she told me she wasnt going to take any until then. everytime we have tried to get together she falls out on me. if i cant trust her for a quick drink then how can i trust her to show up with a dress and sober for my wedding. 
    so i have showed concern for her and her life but nothing back.
    So, she's been like this for "years", yet you still asked her to be your MOH even though you know her actions upset you?  Must suck to have your poor judgment.  Here's hoping you exercise better judgment for other, more important decisions in your life.

    You already asked.  You can't unask.  Deal with it.  Your wedding is over a year away.  In a year, text her the details of what kind of dress you would like her to have.  She's really under no obligation to give a flying fig about your wedding beyond that extent until then.

    ETA:  You may want to rethink your role in this as well, particularly if you've had people drop you "too many times to count."  Growing apart sometimes happens, but having large numbers of people drop you without warning or reason might be a red flag.  Sounds like you go to your other friend to rant about things a lot - maybe you give off negativity or she feels you are too demanding of her time or she doesn't like being accused of being jealous. 
    beetherynovella1186esstee33
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    cafarrie said:
    honestly, getting drinks occasionally and being in someone's wedding are totally different and completely separate tings.  Maybe she doesn't have time to hang out with you because she's working hard (as you said) and she doesn't want to sit around a talk about your wedding for hours, especially when it's 2 years away.  

    If you have set plans and she bails, that's disappointing - but shit happens.  
    Dit-fucking-to.

  • You sound young and immature.

    Before my honeymoon I hadn't taken a week long vacation in over 4 years. If one of my friends would have kept telling me to take a vacation - it would have enraged me. Just because you magically say she should take time off of work, have somewhere she wants to go, and have the money to go - doesn't mean all these things can magically happen. You don't seem to understand real life.

    I have a girls night tonight that has been planned for over a week. Four ladies are going to hit up a Mexican hot spot for dinner and drinks. One of the ladies hasn't been responding the last few days if she is still in. I don't sit here and say "oh she isn't a good friend". Actually, she's the only one out of the group who was a close enough friend to be in my wedding party. (and she was an overly amazing bridesmaid!) Because I know my friend, and my whole world doesn't revolve around me, I know that she is in the midst of closing on her first home with her fiance. And that the closing was pushed. And that they have to pack. And clean. AND AND AND. So yeah, she's not a terrible friend if she doesn't come tonight. I'd be a terrible friend if I didn't know what was going on in her life and yet judged her for it.

    Get over yourself.

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