Another wedding breakdown

snarky_girl

I know I have an amazing guy. Let me say that first. I love him dearly and would take a bullet for him. But I swear to god I'm gonna hurt him if he doesn't get his crazy/anal planning desires under control. 

I spent the weekend working and I'm now at Day 20 without a true day off. So I'm frazzled, stressed, etc. A real fun person to be around essentially. He starts asking me if I've written my vows yet while I'm in the middle of writing a story about people who have survived cancer. I just looked at him like he was crazy and said "I'm working. I need to finish this. Then we can talk about the vows. Give me an hour." He doesn't seem to hear me and keeps going on and on about the vows. How he wants us to write them ourselves, where we can go for help on wording, etc.

I just told him to let it go. We're not there yet. Or if he feels he needs to write them now, go for it. But I'm not there yet. 

So he asked me "Where are we then?" And I said "We're trying to STILL get the damn invitations out first. Then WE can talk about our damn vows!" And I promptly burst into tears. And I apologized for yelling. He then apologized for not listening. It's 89 days to the wedding -- I NEED to get the invitations out. Then we can move on to something else. Sheesh.

He keeps saying he's just trying to plan ahead and help me. But I swear to god - it's a form of OCD. He just wants to keep going over and over the details like when are we going to start setting up the decorations and chairs on the day of the wedding - stuff I'm not even sweating yet. 

I think he needs a project - like planning the honeymoon. What do you think? Anyone else freaking out?

colsta

Give him a project and make it complicated. Otherwise he'll get it done too fast! Trust me!

Most people's FHs are the opposite though. Mine just fixates on one thing for awhile though - probably like yours. He keeps getting the projects I assign him done too fast though.

I work long stretches like you too (just did 7 days in a row of 13 hours days) and so I am sure it is just being tired that makes you feel emotional. Hang in there.

snarky_girl

Thanks Colsta. I'm glad I'm not alone. 

I gave him total control of the honeymoon (I sent an email after writing that post!) and he is beyond jazzed. He told me he is going to start researching today. I think he'll have to find side trips and activities as well. All I can say is thank god. Now I'll be free to get stuff I need to get done today! 

sarahmarietm

FI likes to do that too, and it drives me up the wall!! It's like, I really appreciate that you want to do wedding stuff, but do we have to do it this VERY MOMENT!?  Snarky babe, I totally feel your pain on the invitations.  They felt like a huge weight on my chest, and it was all I could think about.  But when you're CONSTANTLY working, it sucks.  You'll get there, and let us know when you do so we can rejoice!  Good call with the giving him the responsibility of the honeymoon.  That should keep him busy for a while!

nannabug42

I think you handled it brilliantly. I probably would have been so frustrated with everything I would have said something awful. Mine is really involved in the wedding process and wants to help, but doesn't quite know how sometimes.

Deep breaths on the invitations, with 89 days left you still have 3 months. You still safely have 3-4 weeks to get those suckers out.

Again, brilliant thought giving him the honeymoon. That should keep him busy for weeks, not to mention take the weight off your shoulders AND maybe have a few fun surprises on the HM as well.

snarky_girl

OK .. so it's time to rejoice!!

After the mini freakout yesterday, I had to work another dang split shift today. So I used my five hours off wisely. I got the invites done - to the printer done. He's doing them today and tomorrow and we can pick them up in the afternoon. Best thing? All 100 of them are only costing $41 to print and cut!! God love the small businessman. So the next few days will be spent getting the envelopes addressed (an FI computer label project!) and the maps showing where the ceremony is at done. Here's hoping we can mail them out by Friday. And the second best thing -- I'm off of work starting around 10 a.m. on Wednesday until Monday. So I just MIGHT get my sanity back!! Might being the key word here!!

nannabug42

Woohoo congrats! Split shifts are the absolute worst.

I was thinking about it and the best way to get him off your back (only after the invites are done!) is to buy him a videogame. Always works for me

colsta

Ditto the videogame idea!

My FI doesn't play video games (unfortunately, b/c I love guitar hero and secretly want him to get it) but I got him a skateboard and it works!

My FI also got the HM planned in 2 days. I was hoping it would take a week!

It's tough when we have slightly different ideas of what the wedding will be. Just slightly though. For example, I mentioned having more than enough picnic tables out since we aren't doing assigned seating. He asked why - people can just eat with the food in their laps. We are having salmon and chicken. No, no they can't. They need a table. Boys...