Snarky Brides

A Groomsman Apparently Dislikes Me

I had lunch and saw Mockingjay with a friend yesterday.  She is a mutual friend with one of my FI's groomsmen.  She casually mentioned how much shit he talks about me, saying he does not like me and I'm weird.  And this was recent, not when we started dating.

I am not a socially-ept human being.  I'm shy, anxious, and can be sensitive.  I'm wondering if I'm being overly sensitive in this case.  As a side note, I know I'm weird, and I like that about myself.

So that really fucking hurts, and I can't even talk to FI until later because he's off on a guy trip with this same guy.
Wedding Countdown Ticker
image

Re: A Groomsman Apparently Dislikes Me

  • What I'd want to know is if your FI knows that his GM is talking shit about you and if he's done/said anything about it.  It's one thing to know that your FI isn't someone's favorite person, but it's another to allow a friend to bad-mouth your FI if your FI hasn't done anything wrong. I wonder why the GM agreed to be part of the wedding if he feels so negatively toward you.
    theycallmelinzVivandiere8
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    jacques27 said:

    Sure it hurts.  But not everyone likes everyone.  I'm sure there are friends of your FI that you don't like.  I'm sure there are some friends of yours that aren't that fond of your FI.  Personally, I would move along and let it roll off your back.

    Though, I have to wonder how good of a "friend" your mutual friend is.  I mean really, who "casually mentions" how much another person hates you?  How is that a conversation that friends even have?  I really cannot think of any reason why I would feel the need to tell
    any of my friends that someone else doesn't like them.  Either they
    figured it out on their own or it's none of my business if they haven't
    yet - it is not my place to insert myself in other people's relationships.  I, personally, would be more concerned about the status of your friendship with this person than what someone who is not your friend (but is your FI's) may or may not have said about you.  Your friend who told you this sounds like a bit of a shit-stirrer, or at the very least has extremely poor judgment and isn't trustworthy.

    Ditto this exactly.

  • zitiqueen said:

    Your "friend" sounds like a real snatch for telling you this.

    Ditto this. And points for using "snatch" so appropriately.

    In addition, OP, what is your FI's relation to the groomsman in question? If they're related you may be stuck with him in general. Either way he needs to quit talking shit about you or at the very least your FI needs to call him out and set boundaries. The nature of their relationship will likely have to change if the groomsman can't get over whatever his issue is.

    Treat him like a lamp. And DO NOT allow him to cast any negativity on what should be a very happy time in your life.

  • mrsdee15mrsdee15
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited November 2014
    FI said he's never heard any of this and was upset when I told him.  I just didn't know where this came from, we see him ALL the time and I thought we were great.  He's just a friend of FI's, but he's one of the core group we usually see.  

    ETA: The last time someone didn't like me because I'm weird was high school.  Just putting that out there.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • Eh, he's your FI's friend and of course it would be great if he liked you but he doesn't have to. He said you were weird, which you admit. I personally would be annoyed by the shit-stirring friend of yours.
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope.
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited November 2014
    scribe95 said:
    Eh, he's your FI's friend and of course it would be great if he liked you but he doesn't have to. He said you were weird, which you admit. I personally would be annoyed by the shit-stirring friend of yours.
    I agree. If some irrelevant taint was shit-talking my friend, I'd tell him to keep her name out of his mouth so that he looks like he's got enough brain function to keep from outing himself further as an asshole, and then consider it dealt with. Didn't need to get brought up to OP.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
  • Eh, he says he never said that.  It really doesn't sound like something he would say.  Either he did and I kind of think it was weird to mention to me (like others said), or he didn't, and something entirely weird is going on with that friend.  Either way, thank you ladies for helping me stay sane and not reacting or feeding into anything!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Bubblegum5586weddingcactus
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    The wife of one of DH's GM's doesn't like me.  She is a friend of DH's too.     I'm not that fond of her either.  She blames me for DH not moving back to NY.  Whatever.  This guy and his wife have always been good friends to DH, so I just put on a smile for his sake when we are together.  Otherwise I try and avoid her.

    I'm not fond of my SIL either.  I talk smack about her to my sister.   When I am around her I again put a smile on my face and am polite for my brother's sake.

    Sometimes there are people in our lives we are not fond of, but deal with because they are either a friend  of a loved one or they are married to a friend.    Even on here you read about people not liking their friend's spouses or GFs.     It happens.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    mrsdee15
  • mrsdee15mrsdee15
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited November 2014
    Totally agree.  It just came out of nowhere and I've made a huge effort to be friends with FI's friends (they're all great so it's not a bad thing to do).  FI thinks it may be an issue because the friend that said the groomsman said something isn't in the wedding.  Don't know, but kind of don't care.

    ETA: Don't care now, at least, all of you had great responses and I feel totally better.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • mrsdee15 said:
    Eh, he says he never said that.  It really doesn't sound like something he would say.  Either he did and I kind of think it was weird to mention to me (like others said), or he didn't, and something entirely weird is going on with that friend.  Either way, thank you ladies for helping me stay sane and not reacting or feeding into anything!
    Yeah I was going to say that your "mutual friend" shouldn't even have told you this guy said anything about you. That's total shit-stirring for no reason. (But PP covered that pretty well). 

    And I was also going to add that it may not even be true. Or he could've just mentioned something simple like "Yeah, mrsdee is so weird, it's awesome!" not even meaning it as a bad thing, and then shit-stirrer blew it out of proportion. 

    If this guy says things are fine and your FI hasn't even heard him say anything bad about you, I wouldn't worry about it. But I would question shit-stirrers intentions and honesty. 
    image
  • It could have been something as simple as your FI bailed on a group hang to do something with you and the GM expressed frustration and attributed it to you, not FI. Shit-stirrer friend might have leapt on the offhand comment.

    I'd try to let it roll off. Good luck!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    mrsdee15
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I am questioning whether or not this GM actually said anything crappy about you.  Your crappy friend may have taken something out of context and then twisted it to make it seem like this person doesn't like you.  Honestly, as long as your FI has your back and will call out his friend if he ever over hears him saying some not so nice things about you, then I would just ignore what your friend said.  No point letting yourself get all upset over something that may or may not be true.

    mrsdee15
  • I've dealt with a similar situation. DH has two super close friends. The three of them have been best friends since they were small children. Well, the one has a close relationship with my MIL. Apparently he did some smack talking to her - and she in turn told me. 

    I was crushed. While I never felt super close to the said friend, he is very important to DH and I have always made an effort to get to know him and make him feel welcome in our home. I was also upset that MIL would mention it at all. She tends to stir shit so I don't know why I was surprised.

    In the long run, friend and I have continued functioning around each other. And I'm happy I never said anything and never gave up on my attempts to befriend him. DH has told me several times in the last 6 months all of the wonderful things he has said about me. And we continue to grow closer, cracking jokes together and sharing personal conversations just the two of us.

    Just be yourself and don't worry. If he doesn't like you, fine. But if you want to be friends with him - make the effort regardless of what you believe he's thinking right now.
    mrsdee15
  • This "friend" of yours owes you an explanation and maybe an apology to you and your fi as well as to fi's friend. There was no excuse for her to make things up about him and making you feel badly. Good thing she wasn't able to cause any real discord.
    mrsdee15
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn!
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    member
    edited December 2014
    beethery said:
    scribe95 said:
    Eh, he's your FI's friend and of course it would be great if he liked you but he doesn't have to. He said you were weird, which you admit. I personally would be annoyed by the shit-stirring friend of yours.
    I agree. If some irrelevant taint was shit-talking my friend, I'd tell him to keep her name out of his mouth so that he looks like he's got enough brain function to keep from outing himself further as an asshole, and then consider it dealt with. Didn't need to get brought up to OP.

    Just came here to shine a spotlight on "irrelevant taint." Which he is/might be, and which, I am sorry to say, @MrsDee15, your "friend" most definitely is. Who goes around telling their friends that a mutual acquaintance doesn't like them? Third-graders and C-words, that's who.


    ETA sorry this thread is kind of old. But I regret NOTHING when it comes to repeating the word "taint."

    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
    mrsdee15beethery
  • I told a friend about the whole thing and she said exactly what you all have said.  You're all right.  Weirdly, said gossipy friend has started "liking" EVERYSINGLE Facebook post of mine.  

    Also, I'm just going to also encourage the use of the word "taint."  It isn't used often enough.  It just isn't.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    beetherylovegood90
  • I can't remember the exact line, but Mark Twain has an awesome quote that is basically, "It takes two people to hurt you.  Your enemy to say something bad about you and your friend to tell you about it."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • From one weird bride to another - just keep doing your thing! People's opinions on such matters are irrelevant. Your fiancee clearly feels this way - he's marrying you despite his asshole friend!
    mrsdee15
  • I know I'm a little late to the party, but I would not be comfortable having someone standing up there with me and my fiancé who doesn't like me.  Those people are supposed to be people you can both lean on, and the idea of someone standing up there thinking about how much they dislike me while I'm saying my vows would bother me.  But I think that it's your fiancé's responsibility to deal with the guy and figure out wtf is going on.

    Just my two cents.
    image
  • Not that this is necessarily relevant, but it popped in my head while I was reading. image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards