inconsiderate? petty?

Knottie47688424

My wedding date was picked for November 6, 2015 months ago and my cousin just eloped the other day 11-23. I feel like she is being inconsiderate of my wedding date and she still plans on having a big wedding. I've been planning mine since July and she just decides on a whim to get married now. I feel like something has been taken away from me. My plans started first, I picked my date first, so why would she get married so close to my date? Now everyone is going to think of her whim wedding when mine rolls around. I cant say anything because I cant say anything about my feelings without being called inconsiderate or a bitch.... my feelings rarely matter but I feel very slighted.... I hate feeling this way. Am I being petty or are my feelings in the right place?

flutteringinfl

I don't understand. She got married this November, your wedding isn't for another year, and you think she was in some way inconsiderate?

Sorry, you're being petty. Imagine saying to her, "I feel it was very rude of you to get married on November 23rd of this year when I have plans to get married on November 8th of next year." If you don't see how silly that sounds, I don't know what to tell you.

Thousands of people get married every day, and everyone plans a wedding according to their own needs and wants. I promise her desire to get married quickly in no way affects you.

arrrghmatey

Umm, you get one day for your wedding. Not a week. Not a month. Not a year. And guess what? Lots of other people will be married on the exact same date as you. You have no right to say "I did this first. This is my time for wedding bliss and no one else's, blah blah blah." You are blowing this WAY out of proportion and being very bratty about it rather than be happy for your cousin. That makes you petty and selfish. Just because you're engaged doesn't mean everyone else's wedding plans have to be put on hold.

As the PP said, her getting married in a hurry has no affect on you and your wedding. So stop being a whiny baby about it and focus on your wedding rather than always needing to have the spotlight on you. 

Knottie47688424

Out of respect for her I left out details. You dont know our relationship or my family and I talk to my grandmother and she said my feelings are not out of place. Yall are just being mean because you can be anonymous on a screen. I regret asking for advice. I acknowledged that I might just be acting petty so it didnt need to be rubbed in my face. A simple yes or no would have sufficed.

arrrghmatey

Knottie47688424 said:

Out of respect for her I left out details. You dont know our relationship or my family and I talk to my grandmother and she said my feelings are not out of place. Yall are just being mean because you can be anonymous on a screen. I regret asking for advice. I acknowledged that I might just be acting petty so it didnt need to be rubbed in my face. A simple yes or no would have sufficed.

.

YES (you're feelings are inconsiderate and petty).

And I'd be very honest (aka 'mean' according to you) whether I was behind a screen or standing right in front of you. No one has to know you or your family to agree that your behavior towards your cousin is immature and petty. Feeling slighted and whining about the fact that she got married A FULL YEAR before you, and claiming her special day robbed you of yours? Now THAT is mean. Be happy for her, and carry on with your own wedding. No one is going to be thinking about her wedding that happened a year prior on your wedding day.

Edited: for spelling.

slothiegal

Knottie47688424 said:

My wedding date was picked for November 6, 2015 months ago and my cousin just eloped the other day 11-23. I feel like she is being inconsiderate of my wedding date and she still plans on having a big wedding. I've been planning mine since July and she just decides on a whim to get married now. I feel like something has been taken away from me. My plans started first, I picked my date first, so why would she get married so close to my date? Now everyone is going to think of her whim wedding when mine rolls around. I cant say anything because I cant say anything about my feelings without being called inconsiderate or a bitch.... my feelings rarely matter but I feel very slighted.... I hate feeling this way. Am I being petty or are my feelings in the right place?

JIC.

Also, my simple answer is: yes, yes you are being petty.  No, your feelings are not in the right place.

Also, some friendly advice: not a great idea to try and instruct people how to post.  The internet may not be for you.

Liatris2010

Knottie47688424 said:

Out of respect for her I left out details. You dont know our relationship or my family and I talk to my grandmother and she said my feelings are not out of place. Yall are just being mean because you can be anonymous on a screen. I regret asking for advice. I acknowledged that I might just be acting petty so it didnt need to be rubbed in my face. A simple yes or no would have sufficed.

 I don't need to know any details to know that being upset because someone got married before you is petty. If your grandmother agrees with you, I can't help but wonder if she is part of the reason you have such an entitled attitude.

There is enough happiness to go around. Your cousin's wedding ONE YEAR before yours will not have sapped all of the wedding joy and bliss from the family, leaving none for you. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to realize this.

joneka

Yes..petty....she got married a year prior to your wedding and even her anniversary is weeks after your wedding, so there is not overlap or stealing of your joy. Be happy for your cousin and congrats on your engagement!

flutteringinfl

Knottie47688424 said:

Out of respect for her I left out details. You dont know our relationship or my family and I talk to my grandmother and she said my feelings are not out of place. Yall are just being mean because you can be anonymous on a screen. I regret asking for advice. I acknowledged that I might just be acting petty so it didnt need to be rubbed in my face. A simple yes or no would have sufficed.

If we don't know your whole situation, then why ask us for advice? You give us the details, we assess them, we give you the answer based on that assessment.

But I really doubt any details would make us say, "No, you're not being petty." If you think we're being mean, honey, pray you never meet actual bullies.