how many is too many?

[Deleted User]

How many bridesmaids do you have? i am currently working on asking my closest friends, and i have the number down to 8. I think that number is rather large but i don't think i could exclude anyone. Are there any many common difficulties any of you face with having a large group?

AddieCake

I had 2, and my husband had 1. It's up to you how many you want to have. Just keep in mind, that for every wedding party member, that's another gift, and another bouquet or boutonniere to pay for.

lmcooper86

It's up to you, it should be the people that you are closest to and can't imagine NOT having standing with you. Like @AddieCake said, the more people you have the more gifts and bouquets/bouts you'll have to purchase, so budget might be a consideration. 

A friend of mine had 7 and it was like trying to wrangle cats on a few occasions. I have 4 and that's enough budgets and schedules and gifts to keep in mind!

mlg78

I had 4... The number doesn't really matter as long as you can afford them (gifts, bouquets, etc.) and that they're truly your nearest and dearest and you're not simply trying to fill holes or make sides even.  That being said, I do find it ridiculous when there are a crapton of bridesmaids in a small intimate wedding.  Being a "guest" is an honor too.

holyguacamole79

I had 3. I never wanted a large bridal party, though.

Lauderdale Pink

My daughter in law had, wait for it, 14.  The bridal party was gorgeous and she got some really beautiful pictures.  The numbers were not at all unmanageable and it all worked out very well.

agenevieve22016

I'm having 5 and initially wanted 4 because picture wise and coordinating it's much easier. But it's whatever you want. 8 is a lot and I've been in weddings with 10 but if you truly feel you can't leave these people out then it shouldn't matter as long as you can afford all you have to give for them as well. I have a tight knit group of friends and if I ended up asking them it would of been crazy I also didn't end up asking people thT I've been in there's cuz then again it would of gotten too big so I picked my one VIP from that tight knit group then the other 4 are family and other friends. It's hard when you have a big group of friends

thisismynickname2

holyguacamole79 said:

I had 3. I never wanted a large bridal party, though.

Ditto

danamw

I am going to give a number, I think more than 4 is excessive. How can anyone be THAT close to that many girls?

Have fewer, then each one is more special, and she stands out more. That is an honor too, not to be part of a mob.

Jen4948

danamw said:

I am going to give a number, I think more than 4 is excessive. How can anyone be THAT close to that many girls?

Have fewer, then each one is more special, and she stands out more. That is an honor too, not to be part of a mob.

I'm close to more than that many girls, all of whom deserve a place in my wedding.  You don't get to make the decision that that's excessive.

mlg78

danamw said:

I am going to give a number, I think more than 4 is excessive. How can anyone be THAT close to that many girls?

Have fewer, then each one is more special, and she stands out more. That is an honor too, not to be part of a mob.

So if someone has a few sisters they're SOL if they also have close friends?  That's why you can't give a certain number as the cut off for "excessive".

MGP

I have said this before and I will say it again: take into account YOUR financial and etiquette obligations in determining the number of your bridal party. For the lurkers: 

Inviting that person + their SO to the wedding 

Inviting that person + their SO to the rehearsal dinner ***** The size of your bridal party by default impacts the guest list so it is extra important to consider if someone else is hosting. If your RD host is not comfortable with that number, do NOT allow them to cut the guest list. Just host it yourself. 

Gifts. 

Flowers. 

Extras that you require such as hair, makeup, shoes, and accessories. 

As long as you can afford and are willing to take on those responsibilities ask however many you want. Personally I think anything over 10% of the total guest list looks odd but it's not my wedding.

ETA - consider quality over quantity.  Would you rather buy $50 gifts for 8 girls or $100 for 4?  BBQ for 8 or filet for 4 at the RD?  Having the budget to spring for updos if someone (like me) isn't good with hair?  Or getting everyone those shoes you loved but would never expect someone to buy just for your wedding?  Personally - I would rather do more for less and would prefer that too if the tables were turned. 

danamw

Jen4948 said:

danamw said:

I am going to give a number, I think more than 4 is excessive. How can anyone be THAT close to that many girls?

Have fewer, then each one is more special, and she stands out more. That is an honor too, not to be part of a mob.

I'm close to more than that many girls, all of whom deserve a place in my wedding.  You don't get to make the decision that that's excessive.

It is only my opinion. That is what I would do, not what I think everybody should do.

danamw

mlg78 said:

danamw said:

I am going to give a number, I think more than 4 is excessive. How can anyone be THAT close to that many girls?

Have fewer, then each one is more special, and she stands out more. That is an honor too, not to be part of a mob.

So if someone has a few sisters they're SOL if they also have close friends?  That's why you can't give a certain number as the cut off for "excessive".

Every individual bride can decide for herself what she wants to do. For me, it looks nice and neat to have about 3-4 maids. Strictly my opinion on what I like. It is not a matter for discussion, as everyone can do what she likes.

nicole4793

I plan on having 3, but my SIL had 7 bridesmaids. It was tons of fun on the big day,and the limo didn't feel too overcrowded or anything (I was a BM). Organizing the shower and bachelorette party weren't too chaotic or anything with that amount of girls. We all kind of had the same tastes anyway. I think 8 is a great number if you're okay with it. It's a personal choice. 

Jen4948

danamw said:

Jen4948 said:

danamw said:

I am going to give a number, I think more than 4 is excessive. How can anyone be THAT close to that many girls?

Have fewer, then each one is more special, and she stands out more. That is an honor too, not to be part of a mob.

I'm close to more than that many girls, all of whom deserve a place in my wedding.  You don't get to make the decision that that's excessive.

It is only my opinion. That is what I would do, not what I think everybody should do.


You asked, "How can anyone be THAT close to that many girls?". That doesn't come across as "what I would do, not what I think everybody should do" at all. It comes across as you thinking everyone should do it, which is 1) inapplicable in many instances and 2) not your decision to make.

mhoffman17

I have 10!  With sisters, sisters in law, best friends from high school and college, it adds up!  If you have 8 ladies in your life that mean everything to you and you cannot imagine saying your vows without them by your side, then go for it!

danamw

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

danamw said:

I am going to give a number, I think more than 4 is excessive. How can anyone be THAT close to that many girls?

Have fewer, then each one is more special, and she stands out more. That is an honor too, not to be part of a mob.

I'm close to more than that many girls, all of whom deserve a place in my wedding.  You don't get to make the decision that that's excessive.

It is only my opinion. That is what I would do, not what I think everybody should do.

You asked, "How can anyone be THAT close to that many girls?". That doesn't come across as "what I would do, not what I think everybody should do" at all. It comes across as you thinking everyone should do it, which is 1) inapplicable in many instances and 2) not your decision to make.

I think a good way to decide how close you are to someone, male or female that you are considering in your wedding is, "will I still be close to this person in 20 years?" It requires a great deal of self-honesty.

You are correct, it is not my decision to make, how many attendants a bride or groom has at the wedding. No one has ever asked me how many they should have. It is only my opinion of what I see when I look at pictures, that I like 3-4.

Jen4948

And someone still might have an answer to your question that is more than 4.

danamw

Jen4948 said:

And someone still might have an answer to your question that is more than 4.

Yes, you are absolutely right. They may very well have more than 4 people in their lives who they will still be close to in 20 years. And they are free to have that many, plus anyone they choose, as their attendants.

Anyone can do anything they like, regardless of my opinion.

theartistformerlyknownas

danamw said:

Jen4948 said:

And someone still might have an answer to your question that is more than 4.

Yes, you are absolutely right. They may very well have more than 4 people in their lives who they will still be close to in 20 years. And they are free to have that many, plus anyone they choose, as their attendants.

Anyone can do anything they like, regardless of my opinion.

You'll just judge them for being excessive and not thinking each of them is special because they're just part of a mob, right? And the pictures definitely won't look as nice.

danamw

lolo883 said:

danamw said:

Jen4948 said:

And someone still might have an answer to your question that is more than 4.

Yes, you are absolutely right. They may very well have more than 4 people in their lives who they will still be close to in 20 years. And they are free to have that many, plus anyone they choose, as their attendants.

Anyone can do anything they like, regardless of my opinion.

You'll just judge them for being excessive and not thinking each of them is special because they're just part of a mob, right? And the pictures definitely won't look as nice.

No, not right. I don't judge anybody. I never said anybody was "wrong" for having a certain number of attendants in their wedding. They can have as many as they want. If they want 9, that is fine. If they want 3, that is fine too.

What am I supposed to say? Everybody does what they want. If I am not expected to pay for the wedding, what do I care?

thisismynickname2

I think MGP nailed it. 

Other than the logistics, the number is purely personal taste. I'm going to be part of a party of 7 bridesmaids- sister, sisters-in-law, and friends.  Another friend of mine getting married around the same time is trying to narrow down a list to 3 or 4 to ask because she thinks 7 is tacky. 

To each their own.  

loveislouder

I have 6 - my sisters, my best friend from elementary school, my two best friends from high school and FI's cousin (who happens to be his birthday twin).  He has his three brothers, my brother, and two friends.  6 just worked well for us. Like the PP's said - its a personal decision and as long as you can afford it, have at 'er

lacqueredlover

I'm having 7.  I was in a wedding party where I was 1 of 12 recently.  You do what works for you.

Jen4948

danamw said:

lolo883 said:

danamw said:

Jen4948 said:

And someone still might have an answer to your question that is more than 4.

Yes, you are absolutely right. They may very well have more than 4 people in their lives who they will still be close to in 20 years. And they are free to have that many, plus anyone they choose, as their attendants.

Anyone can do anything they like, regardless of my opinion.

You'll just judge them for being excessive and not thinking each of them is special because they're just part of a mob, right? And the pictures definitely won't look as nice.

No, not right. I don't judge anybody. I never said anybody was "wrong" for having a certain number of attendants in their wedding. They can have as many as they want. If they want 9, that is fine. If they want 3, that is fine too.

What am I supposed to say? Everybody does what they want. If I am not expected to pay for the wedding, what do I care?

If you don't care, why announce that you think brides shouldn't have more than 4 bridesmaids? Someone who really doesn't care wouldn't need to announce it or even ask "How can anyone be close to THAT many girls?"

danamw

Jen4948 said:

lolo883 said:

danamw said:

Jen4948 said:

And someone still might have an answer to your question that is more than 4.

Yes, you are absolutely right. They may very well have more than 4 people in their lives who they will still be close to in 20 years. And they are free to have that many, plus anyone they choose, as their attendants.

Anyone can do anything they like, regardless of my opinion.

You'll just judge them for being excessive and not thinking each of them is special because they're just part of a mob, right? And the pictures definitely won't look as nice.

No, not right. I don't judge anybody. I never said anybody was "wrong" for having a certain number of attendants in their wedding. They can have as many as they want. If they want 9, that is fine. If they want 3, that is fine too.

What am I supposed to say? Everybody does what they want. If I am not expected to pay for the wedding, what do I care?

If you don't care, why announce that you think brides shouldn't have more than 4 bridesmaids? Someone who really doesn't care wouldn't need to announce it or even ask "How can anyone be close to THAT many girls?"

I misspoke, and to anyone I offended, I am truly sorry. I was indelicate and hurtful in my thoughts. I was just plain wrong. I will seek to never be so vicious in my posts, again.

 I believe everybody should have as many bridesmaids as they want to have. No number is too many. I will seek to be more considerate on the boards from now on, lest I trod on feelings.

If there is anything I need to do to correct my error, I wish someone would tell me.

Maggie0829

@danamw - It is okay to have an opinion on how many BMs is too many.  If you think 4 is more then enough that is perfectly fine.  Everyone can have their opinion.  It isn't like you are telling people they are fucking morons or are crazy for having more then 4 BMs.  You personally think that 4 is enough and that is a perfectly fine opinion to have.  And as someone who does not have a large group of super close friends, I can understand having the "how can anyone be close to that many girls?" reaction.  I have been to weddings where a bride has had 15 BMs.  In my head I personally thought that was a bit much and even questioned the closeness of the relationships because I knew the bride and knew a good portion of the bridal party.

But what I am trying to say is that your opinion is fine to have and since you aren't telling people that they are stupid for having more and that they are free to have as many as they want then I think stating your opinion is fine.  It was nice of you to apologize, but I think what you stated was blown way out of proportion and that an apology wasn't really necessary.  You gave your opinion and from your experience and life it is hard for you to understand how one person can have so many close people in their life (which I can completely relate to).  You certainly weren't vicious or offensive.  I tend to think people on here can be a bit touchy and easily offended.

[Deleted User]

Things to remember for each BM & GM that you ask to be a part of your wedding party. Think of your budget before you start asking. 8 isn't too many, but you want to make sure you have figured out the logitics of things before you start asking. Some things are probably like, do I really need to figure that out now, but they are issues you will come across when planning your wedding.

• Boutinere/bouquet for each person
• Gift for each person
• +1 for each person for the wedding
• Rehersal Dinner cost & you need to invite their SO also
• If you plan on renting a limo, the more people you ask the bigger the limo you will need. Keep in mind if you have 18 people (including you & groom) you really need a limo that will fit 24 people unless you want people sitting hip to hip
• For that many people who is going to be the person in charge on the wedding day of making sure everyone is running on time & in their place & listening for pictures (Basically a day of coordinator in charge of the wedding party)
• Do you want to try to find a dress that all 8 women will like or just go with a color & designer
• When it comes to getting hair done, will you go to a salon or have them come to where you are getting ready (if you do this you will need extra stylist & allow a lot of extra time)
• Where will you all get ready?
• Do you want the work of following up with 8 BM & I'm guessing 8 GM to make sure that they get their dresses/tuxes ordered & picked up on time?

danamw

Maggie0829 said:

@danamw - It is okay to have an opinion on how many BMs is too many.  If you think 4 is more then enough that is perfectly fine.  Everyone can have their opinion.  It isn't like you are telling people they are fucking morons or are crazy for having more then 4 BMs.  You personally think that 4 is enough and that is a perfectly fine opinion to have.  And as someone who does not have a large group of super close friends, I can understand having the "how can anyone be close to that many girls?" reaction.  I have been to weddings where a bride has had 15 BMs.  In my head I personally thought that was a bit much and even questioned the closeness of the relationships because I knew the bride and knew a good portion of the bridal party.

But what I am trying to say is that your opinion is fine to have and since you aren't telling people that they are stupid for having more and that they are free to have as many as they want then I think stating your opinion is fine.  It was nice of you to apologize, but I think what you stated was blown way out of proportion and that an apology wasn't really necessary.  You gave your opinion and from your experience and life it is hard for you to understand how one person can have so many close people in their life (which I can completely relate to).  You certainly weren't vicious or offensive.  I tend to think people on here can be a bit touchy and easily offended.

Thank you Maggie. I was thinking I was terribly rude, and didn't see it. I am older, but I can bring to the boards the point of view of a guest at a wedding, which is an important thing too. You and I must be the kinds of people who have a smaller group of people we feel close to. My mom was borderline agoraphobic and though I am not that way, some things rub off.

MGP

Erikan73 said:

Things to remember for each BM & GM that you ask to be a part of your wedding party. Think of your budget before you start asking. 8 isn't too many, but you want to make sure you have figured out the logitics of things before you start asking. Some things are probably like, do I really need to figure that out now, but they are issues you will come across when planning your wedding.

• Boutinere/bouquet for each person
• Gift for each person
• +1 for each person for the wedding
• Rehersal Dinner cost & you need to invite their SO also
• If you plan on renting a limo, the more people you ask the bigger the limo you will need. Keep in mind if you have 18 people (including you & groom) you really need a limo that will fit 24 people unless you want people sitting hip to hip
• For that many people who is going to be the person in charge on the wedding day of making sure everyone is running on time & in their place & listening for pictures (Basically a day of coordinator in charge of the wedding party)
• Do you want to try to find a dress that all 8 women will like or just go with a color & designer
• When it comes to getting hair done, will you go to a salon or have them come to where you are getting ready (if you do this you will need extra stylist & allow a lot of extra time)
• Where will you all get ready?
• Do you want the work of following up with 8 BM & I'm guessing 8 GM to make sure that they get their dresses/tuxes ordered & picked up on time?

You nailed the things I didn't think of since I had a smaller bridal party. Bottom line is more people = more expenses = more work = more drama.