How soon to ask & uneven wedding party...

mikeandsam788

My wedding is not until april of 2016, my bridesmaids are going to be my family - my MOH will be my best friend.  I am going to have 6 all together.  I figured since most are family that I can ask them a little sooner since I know they are still going to be around.  Any opinions??

Also my fiance is probably going to have 4 groomsmen - has anyone encountered problems with uneven wedding party?

Maggie0829

Just because they are family does not mean that there isn't a chance of a falling out.  I would ask them no earlier then a year out.  And really, why ask early anyways?  There isn't anything for them to do this far out.

H and I had an uneven wedding party.  I had 2 BMs and he had 5 GMs.  The world continued to spin, we still got married and we have some awesome pictures of us and our closest friends in our fabulous wedding attire.  Not sure what type of problems you are thinking will occur with an uneven wedding party, but rest assure that uneven wedding parties are almost the norm now a days.

zitiqueen

mikeandsam788 said:

My wedding is not until april of 2016, my bridesmaids are going to be my family - my MOH will be my best friend.  I am going to have 6 all together.  I figured since most are family that I can ask them a little sooner since I know they are still going to be around.  Any opinions??

Also my fiance is probably going to have 4 groomsmen - has anyone encountered problems with uneven wedding party?

I would ask them no sooner than July of 2015.

levioosa

Do not ask so soon.  Wait until 8-10 months before the wedding.  

Uneven sides are fine.

thisismynickname2

The only "problems" of an uneven wedding party are of a couple's own creation. 

We almost had an uneven party by circumstance and DH almost had a heart attack trying to figure out who should walk with whom and where folks would stand. I was like, dude, just walk up and stand somewhere, it's fine. No need to over-complicate things! 

lacqueredlover

I asked my Bridesmaids just under 11 months in advance.  I am having 7 ladies, my FI is having 4 guys.  Not a big deal, we both know I have more friends than him haha

OliveOilsMom

Ditto Maggie on the whole family thing.  A frequent poster on this board had a falling out with her cousin while as a BM, so it can happen.

I also had an uneven BP.  I had 5 BM and 3 GM.  The last two BMs processed out together and were introduced at the reception together.  The GM started the ceremony at the front with H, so we only had to "worry" about the recessional.  But these things all work themselves out!

714hbbride

My wedding is June 2016. I already asked my girls to be my bridesmaids and my fiance has asked his groomsmen. 

Part of my reason we had to set a date very early is that his family is all in a different state and we wanted to give everyone in his family enough time to save for travel expenses. 

As soon as we decided who we wanted, we asked. I have my sisters, my best friend and his sister (4). He has all of his friends from growing up, his brother, my brother and military friend (6). They all have to travel and plan to be there. Just be sure to keep it to who you know you will still want in your life at that time. Never hurts to give people extra time to prepare even if they don't have to do anything right now. 

artbyallie

714hbbride said:

My wedding is June 2016. I already asked my girls to be my bridesmaids and my fiance has asked his groomsmen. 

Part of my reason we had to set a date very early is that his family is all in a different state and we wanted to give everyone in his family enough time to save for travel expenses. 

As soon as we decided who we wanted, we asked. I have my sisters, my best friend and his sister (4). He has all of his friends from growing up, his brother, my brother and military friend (6). They all have to travel and plan to be there. Just be sure to keep it to who you know you will still want in your life at that time. Never hurts to give people extra time to prepare even if they don't have to do anything right now. 

Most people won't save money for a year and a half just to attend someone else's wedding. If it really requires that much saving, speaking for myself at least, I just wouldn't go, no matter how close I was to the person. And for the record, all but two of our attendants (out of 10) had to travel. One couple would not have been able to afford being in our wedding if they had to pay for a hotel, which we knew ahead of time and for that reason pre-emptively offered them a place to stay.

Expecting people to start socking away their money now for June 2016 is IMO unreasonable.

mikenberger

714hbbride said:

My wedding is June 2016. I already asked my girls to be my bridesmaids and my fiance has asked his groomsmen. 

Part of my reason we had to set a date very early is that his family is all in a different state and we wanted to give everyone in his family enough time to save for travel expenses. 

As soon as we decided who we wanted, we asked. I have my sisters, my best friend and his sister (4). He has all of his friends from growing up, his brother, my brother and military friend (6). They all have to travel and plan to be there. Just be sure to keep it to who you know you will still want in your life at that time. Never hurts to give people extra time to prepare even if they don't have to do anything right now. 

Because if they weren't in the bridal party, they wouldn't come to your wedding? So they have to start saving now? Are you in charge of their financials? I would be annoyed for someone to say "I'm asking you to be in my bridal party in 2016, start saving now! Hooray!" Seriously. How annoying and pretentious does that sound?

714hbbride

I think you misread my post. We set out date early so that his family has enough time to plan to be here in 2016 as we are in California and they are all in Texas and traveling can be expensive. I asked my bridal party now because why wait? We already know we want them in the bridal party so why not give them the heads up now. All of his groomsmen have to travel as well. 

AddieCake

I'm the one who had the falling out with the cousin. Had it while a bridesmaid in her wedding and got kicked out. Didn't speak for a few years. Reconciled, and her true colors showed again during my wedding planning, and I lost her daughter as my flower girl when we decided to sever ties permanently. Family is not necessarily forever, folks.

[Deleted User]

Even parties are fine. I would reserve to ask people until you have less then a year to go. Reason being, relationship, even family ones can change and once you ask you can't unask. Ideally 6 months would be nice to ask but realistically that's not fair to the BM to be able to plan for the expenses of being a BM (dress & shower if they want to throw you one). I think 8-9 months is ideal?

larrygaga

I have 6 and 5 because my brother dropped out and refuses to come to the wedding for no real reason, and I am going to rock the shit out of it. I hate matchy-matchy and symmetry anyway. 

ambiguousbride

I asked my MOH, my sister, already and my wedding is the month after yours. Go for it, no one will judge you for it, they will be honored you asked. Also I think giving them a few extra months can help them if they need to budget for anything.
And while others mentioned that some will likely not start saving a year in advance, they may choose to take that cruise or what have you another summer.

april&amanda

My wedding is February 2016 and I already asked my bridal party just for the pure fact we all been waiting for it to happened for her to pop the question. I already been planning my wedding because I piecing it out over time since its so expensive. It just depends if your a bride who likes to plan every detail like me Good luck! No one should judge you though! It's YOUR day do what you WANT!

MadHops21

I'm June 2016. I'm not asking yet because I had a best friend that we were so tight, but suddenly don't talk anymore the past year. I saw her at Costco the other day and she ignored me. We talked about her being my MOH after I was engaged, but now we don't have a friendship. 

It's best to wait to ask because you never know. I was going to ask SIL to be a BM, but she just had a baby, last thing she needs is to be involved in a wedding while watching her baby. 

MyNameIsNot

714hbbride said:

I think you misread my post. We set out date early so that his family has enough time to plan to be here in 2016 as we are in California and they are all in Texas and traveling can be expensive. I asked my bridal party now because why wait? We already know we want them in the bridal party so why not give them the heads up now. All of his groomsmen have to travel as well. 

There are plenty of reasons. Since you haven't been through it yet, you have no idea what could happen, but here are just a few:

-Relationships change. Even the most normal, stable relationships. Don't believe it? Hang out here a little and read the stories.

-Wedding plans change. So you asked your 4 best friends with a big wedding in California in mind. What happens when you have a budget cut/location/change of heart and now the 4 bridesmaids don't make sense?

-Budget. For each member of the wedding party, you have pay for flowers, two spots at the rehearsal dinner, gifts, hair and make up if you want it, etc. What happens when catering is going to cost more than you'd expected, and now this isn't in the budget? These are things you don't know this far into wedding planning.

-New friends. What happens when someone you don't now consider a close friend gets closer over the next year? You might want to ask her to be in your wedding, but now you can't without making her feel like an afterthought. 

Once you ask, you can't kick them out. There are dozens of reasons not to ask too early, and absolutely 0 good reasons to ask someone more than a year out. You might be one of the few who is lucky enough not to regret jumping the gun, but the odds aren't in your favor. It's always smarter to wait.