Somebody help me, or B-slap me

hugsy76103

Somebody help me, or b*tch slap me so I know if I am being bridezilla or unreasonable or if I have any room to be annoyed/mad about this situation.

Most of my maids have known for a while that I would like to go to Vegas or go do a short getaway as my bachelorette party. I asked my made of honor to send out communication to them so that they could start planning and to let me know how they all feel about it and what they wanted to do. i told her to make it clear (even though i already expressed this to some of them) that of course they are not obligated to go at all. Well, one of my bridesmaids made a not so ideal response (unless i am just being psycho) that my MOH felt necessary to tell me. Now, we would plan on going probably anywhere between April and June, if anyone wanted to go. My bridesmaid responded that her and her husband will be trying to have kids around then and so she will probably be pregnant therefore going to Vegas is out of the question for her.......Now, someone PLEASE tell me if I am being to crazy about this, but.....you are not pregnant now! And saying you do not want to be a part of my planning because you MIGHT be pregant then? I do not get. I might as well mention that I did EVERYTHING for her bachelorette party last year when she got married, and she was ALL FOR going away for mine....now all of a sudden, sorry I don't want to hold you back planning because I may be pregnant.  Can someone give me advice please? Do I just shrug this off and let it go? Do I just let her not even be a part of it? Should I ask my other bridesmaids what they think? What if I decide not to go away and just do something in town...if she's pregnant is she going to even want to do that? I get this is her life and I don't want it to revolve around my wedding plans, but to be counting yourself out for a baby that doesn't even exist yet? I just don't want to have that extra stress on me about trying to plan my wedding events around a "potentially pregnant" beidesmaid. If she actually were pregnant that would be a different story. I would understand if she was pregnant right now, when we are trying to plan, and felt maybe she would be too far along to travel. BUT SHE'S NOT PREGNANT. SHE'S planning on maybe being pregnant and somehow instantly knows she won't want to travel....I'm afraid to talk to my other bridesmaids about this because I definitely don't want to ruffle any feathers or have them think that I am being too bridezilla and controlling.

 I tend to have big irrational freakouts over nonesense, so someone please tell me if I am having a big irrational freakout.

beethery

She told your MOH that she doesn't think she'll be able to go because she'll either be pregnant or will be trying to become pregnant. She probably wants to hold onto some money for her potential baby.

She basically told your MOH that she won't be in for the party. Why are you making such a dramatic shitshow out of it?

Maggie0829

hugsy76103 said:

Somebody help me, or b*tch slap me so I know if I am being bridezilla or unreasonable or if I have any room to be annoyed/mad about this situation.

Most of my maids have known for a while that I would like to go to Vegas or go do a short getaway as my bachelorette party. I asked my made of honor to send out communication to them so that they could start planning and to let me know how they all feel about it and what they wanted to do. i told her to make it clear (even though i already expressed this to some of them) that of course they are not obligated to go at all. Well, one of my bridesmaids made a not so ideal response (unless i am just being psycho) that my MOH felt necessary to tell me. Now, we would plan on going probably anywhere between April and June, if anyone wanted to go. My bridesmaid responded that her and her husband will be trying to have kids around then and so she will probably be pregnant therefore going to Vegas is out of the question for her.......Now, someone PLEASE tell me if I am being to crazy about this, but.....you are not pregnant now! And saying you do not want to be a part of my planning because you MIGHT be pregant then? I do not get. I might as well mention that I did EVERYTHING for her bachelorette party last year when she got married, and she was ALL FOR going away for mine....now all of a sudden, sorry I don't want to hold you back planning because I may be pregnant.  Can someone give me advice please? Do I just shrug this off and let it go? Do I just let her not even be a part of it? Should I ask my other bridesmaids what they think? What if I decide not to go away and just do something in town...if she's pregnant is she going to even want to do that? I get this is her life and I don't want it to revolve around my wedding plans, but to be counting yourself out for a baby that doesn't even exist yet? I just don't want to have that extra stress on me about trying to plan my wedding events around a "potentially pregnant" beidesmaid. If she actually were pregnant that would be a different story. I would understand if she was pregnant right now, when we are trying to plan, and felt maybe she would be too far along to travel. BUT SHE'S NOT PREGNANT. SHE'S planning on maybe being pregnant and somehow instantly knows she won't want to travel....I'm afraid to talk to my other bridesmaids about this because I definitely don't want to ruffle any feathers or have them think that I am being too bridezilla and controlling.

 I tend to have big irrational freakouts over nonesense, so someone please tell me if I am having a big irrational freakout.

Yes, I think you are being a bit of a bridezilla.  It is great that you want to go to Vegas or a weekend getaway for your bach party but really it is not up to you to decide what you do.  It is up to whoever wants to throw you a party.

Your friend has every right to not want to go to Vegas or help plan a party if she does not want to, regardless of the reason she gave to you.

It was completely on you to do EVERYTHING for your bach party.  You do things for your friends because you want to not because you expect the same in return.

Your friend and her SO are going to be trying to have a baby.  That is a big deal.  Kids are also expensive.  Did you ever consider that they are trying to save up their money for the future and that her spending a weekend in Vegas or elsewhere is not the best idea at the moment?

I personally think you should tell your friends/BMs that whatever they want to plan will be fine with you.  It is a lot to ask people to spend money on a multi-day getaway for your bach party.  Now if they decided as a group that that is what they want to plan for you great.  But you have basically pressured them into it by telling them that is what you want to do.  Do you really expect them to tell you no now?  So you need to back off and stay out of your bach party planning.  And you need to stop complaining about your friend who has decided that her starting a family is more important then going to your bach party.

beethery

I agree with Maggie, and I'm going to expand upon it.

I would love to go to somewhere not-local and do something fucking awesome for my bachelorette party. That would be fucking sweet.

However, I don't know what my friends' budgets are, and it's up to them if they want to plan something. If they want to plan something, they'd do it within their means. My friend asked me what I wanted to do for mine, and I said, "I heard Chipotle serves margaritas now. If y'all want to get me a burrito and a margarita, I'm game. I'm down for whatever you guys want to do. Doesn't need to be a big deal."

If my friend, who hates to fly asked me what I wanted to do for a B party and I said VEGAS! TRIPS! THINGS! I would look like a fuckin' asshole.

teddygirl9

Maybe she thinks vegas will be too alcohol-ey and she won't want to drink if shes preggo? But she can still go and party and have a good time. Depending on where you live, a vegas trip can be relatively cheap or expensive. I know from Canada its min $500 for flight+hotel, not including any spending money, so that could be a part of it too.

 

Just plan it with the other girls/let them take care of it. If she wants to come, she will come.

esstee33

teddygirl9 said:

Maybe she thinks vegas will be too alcohol-ey and she won't want to drink if shes preggo? But she can still go and party and have a good time. Depending on where you live, a vegas trip can be relatively cheap or expensive. I know from Canada its min $500 for flight+hotel, not including any spending money, so that could be a part of it too.

 

Just plan it with the other girls/let them take care of it. If she wants to come, she will come.

Yeah, my first thought it that if they're TTC, there's a very good chance she's not going to be drinking alcohol, even if she's not already pregnant. The last place I want to be when I can't drink is in Vegas partyin' it up. Not to mention the financial concerns as other PPs have mentioned. 

OP, you're being a bridezilla. If she can't go, she can't go. You can't make her decisions for her, even if you don't agree with them. Chill out.

kat1114

lovegood90

I agree with what everyone else said.

But further, why are you even involved at all in the planning of your bachelorette party? The first step is for your MOH (assuming she OFFERRED to throw you something) to ask everyone else what THEIR budget is. Did they even confirm they could afford/get the time off for such a trip? 

mikenberger

hugsy76103 said:

Somebody help me, or b*tch slap me so I know if I am being bridezilla or unreasonable or if I have any room to be annoyed/mad about this situation.

Most of my maids have known for a while that I would like to go to Vegas or go do a short getaway as my bachelorette party. I asked my made of honor to send out communication to them so that they could start planning and to let me know how they all feel about it and what they wanted to do. i told her to make it clear (even though i already expressed this to some of them) that of course they are not obligated to go at all. Well, one of my bridesmaids made a not so ideal response (unless i am just being psycho) that my MOH felt necessary to tell me. Now, we would plan on going probably anywhere between April and June, if anyone wanted to go. My bridesmaid responded that her and her husband will be trying to have kids around then and so she will probably be pregnant therefore going to Vegas is out of the question for her.......Now, someone PLEASE tell me if I am being to crazy about this, but.....you are not pregnant now! And saying you do not want to be a part of my planning because you MIGHT be pregant then? I do not get. I might as well mention that I did EVERYTHING for her bachelorette party last year when she got married, and she was ALL FOR going away for mine....now all of a sudden, sorry I don't want to hold you back planning because I may be pregnant.  Can someone give me advice please? Do I just shrug this off and let it go? Do I just let her not even be a part of it? Should I ask my other bridesmaids what they think? What if I decide not to go away and just do something in town...if she's pregnant is she going to even want to do that? I get this is her life and I don't want it to revolve around my wedding plans, but to be counting yourself out for a baby that doesn't even exist yet? I just don't want to have that extra stress on me about trying to plan my wedding events around a "potentially pregnant" beidesmaid. If she actually were pregnant that would be a different story. I would understand if she was pregnant right now, when we are trying to plan, and felt maybe she would be too far along to travel. BUT SHE'S NOT PREGNANT. SHE'S planning on maybe being pregnant and somehow instantly knows she won't want to travel....I'm afraid to talk to my other bridesmaids about this because I definitely don't want to ruffle any feathers or have them think that I am being too bridezilla and controlling.

 I tend to have big irrational freakouts over nonesense, so someone please tell me if I am having a big irrational freakout.

Hello. You are having a big irrational freakout. 

ohannabelle

Slap.

There. Now straighten up.

hugsy76103

I wanted to thank you all for your honest replies. I'm not perfect, and as I said I do tend to get upset over stupid things. Once I have the time to either really think about it or talk to someone about it, I usually wake up and smell the roses. So I appreciate you taking the time to calm me down. I think I got so upset, not at her personally, but I've been having a lot of other issues with my wedding planning so far and just i am overwhelmed. Seems like just nothing can go smoothly. So regardless of the issue, any little thing prob would've made me lose it today and unfortunately now I look like an ass in front of 9 people I don't know! Anyway, thanks again and best of wedding planning and wishes to all of you!

Maggie0829

hugsy76103 said:

I wanted to thank you all for your honest replies. I'm not perfect, and as I said I do tend to get upset over stupid things. Once I have the time to either really think about it or talk to someone about it, I usually wake up and smell the roses. So I appreciate you taking the time to calm me down. I think I got so upset, not at her personally, but I've been having a lot of other issues with my wedding planning so far and just i am overwhelmed. Seems like just nothing can go smoothly. So regardless of the issue, any little thing prob would've made me lose it today and unfortunately now I look like an ass in front of 9 people I don't know! Anyway, thanks again and best of wedding planning and wishes to all of you!

Hey, it is better to look like an ass in front of strangers on the internet then looking like a crazy bitch in front of your nearest and dearest.

Crap happens and sometimes you need to vent.  Also brides tend to have wedding planning blinders and they sometimes don't realize when they may be going a bit crazy or getting upset over something silly.

We here all love talking weddings and helping each other out so stick around.  We tend to be blunt about things but sometimes that is better then your friends and family always telling you "oh don't worry everything you are doing is fine" when what you really want is a straight answer.   You know?

mikenberger

hugsy76103 said:

I wanted to thank you all for your honest replies. I'm not perfect, and as I said I do tend to get upset over stupid things. Once I have the time to either really think about it or talk to someone about it, I usually wake up and smell the roses. So I appreciate you taking the time to calm me down. I think I got so upset, not at her personally, but I've been having a lot of other issues with my wedding planning so far and just i am overwhelmed. Seems like just nothing can go smoothly. So regardless of the issue, any little thing prob would've made me lose it today and unfortunately now I look like an ass in front of 9 people I don't know! Anyway, thanks again and best of wedding planning and wishes to all of you!

Honey, you are not the first and will not be the last to show your ass around here no worries. Good luck!

larrygaga

I always say that it's better to look like a selfish asshole in front of us than your real life people! Thanks for taking the advice, it reassures me that you usually don't act like this and just had a bad case of wedding weirdo. 

climbingsingle

You are totally being a bridezeilla and you need to calm the fuck down and get over it. 

ETA: Just saw your reply. Good on your. We all have our moments! 

ChemFanatic25

hugsy76103 said:

I wanted to thank you all for your honest replies. I'm not perfect, and as I said I do tend to get upset over stupid things. Once I have the time to either really think about it or talk to someone about it, I usually wake up and smell the roses. So I appreciate you taking the time to calm me down. I think I got so upset, not at her personally, but I've been having a lot of other issues with my wedding planning so far and just i am overwhelmed. Seems like just nothing can go smoothly. So regardless of the issue, any little thing prob would've made me lose it today and unfortunately now I look like an ass in front of 9 people I don't know! Anyway, thanks again and best of wedding planning and wishes to all of you!

Yeah I second Maggie! Better to look like an ass in front of people you don't know than in front of people who will be in your life for it's remainder (hopefully). Come to us and vent and if you need to be talked down or cheered up that's what we are here for. :-D Good luck and happy planning! 

What do you do to calm yourself down in stressful situations? If you don't have something you should look into it to help for the remainder of the wedding planning.

MandyMost

My friends planned my bachelorette party, but they asked me what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, where I wanted to do it, and who I wanted to do it with. No one was local, so it had to be a destination for almost everyone--although of course people didn't have to come if they couldn't afford it or didn't want to come. 

I brainstormed a bit with a few people, and we picked a weekend and a location that people seemed OK with. We had a ton of fun that weekend. They rented a condo/house in a beach town in early September (just off season). We cooked at "home", went out for drinks, sang karaoke, danced, shopped in little art galleries and tourist shops, and went on a bike ride. One girl couldn't make it because she had a 1-month-old baby. Another girl was 4 months pregnant but she came...she just didn't drink (and came back to the house earlier than us at night). 

slothiegal

beethery said:

I agree with Maggie, and I'm going to expand upon it.

I would love to go to somewhere not-local and do something fucking awesome for my bachelorette party. That would be fucking sweet.

However, I don't know what my friends' budgets are, and it's up to them if they want to plan something. If they want to plan something, they'd do it within their means. My friend asked me what I wanted to do for mine, and I said, "I heard Chipotle serves margaritas now. If y'all want to get me a burrito and a margarita, I'm game. I'm down for whatever you guys want to do. Doesn't need to be a big deal."

If my friend, who hates to fly asked me what I wanted to do for a B party and I said VEGAS! TRIPS! THINGS! I would look like a fuckin' asshole.

BEETH I WANT TO COME TO THAT BACHELORETTE PARTY.

twitterbird

Let it go.  Seriously let it go now.

I really don't see the big deal with going away for a bachelorette party anyways. Seems a little over indulgent but that's just me. Mine was thrown my my 2 bridesmaids and was local and awesome. Started at my MOH's house where we drank champagne and they gave me lingerie. Limo came and picked us up for a 90 minute ride around with more champagne. Then a local hip resto for apps followed by dancing at a club. It was awesome.

arrippa

beethery said:

I agree with Maggie, and I'm going to expand upon it.

I would love to go to somewhere not-local and do something fucking awesome for my bachelorette party. That would be fucking sweet.

However, I don't know what my friends' budgets are, and it's up to them if they want to plan something. If they want to plan something, they'd do it within their means. My friend asked me what I wanted to do for mine, and I said, "I heard Chipotle serves margaritas now. If y'all want to get me a burrito and a margarita, I'm game. I'm down for whatever you guys want to do. Doesn't need to be a big deal."

If my friend, who hates to fly asked me what I wanted to do for a B party and I said VEGAS! TRIPS! THINGS! I would look like a fuckin' asshole.

What? Where is this chipotle? I must got there right now.

beethery

arrippa said:

beethery said:

I agree with Maggie, and I'm going to expand upon it.

I would love to go to somewhere not-local and do something fucking awesome for my bachelorette party. That would be fucking sweet.

However, I don't know what my friends' budgets are, and it's up to them if they want to plan something. If they want to plan something, they'd do it within their means. My friend asked me what I wanted to do for mine, and I said, "I heard Chipotle serves margaritas now. If y'all want to get me a burrito and a margarita, I'm game. I'm down for whatever you guys want to do. Doesn't need to be a big deal."

If my friend, who hates to fly asked me what I wanted to do for a B party and I said VEGAS! TRIPS! THINGS! I would look like a fuckin' asshole.

What? Where is this chipotle? I must got there right now.

The ones in NH partake of this LOVELY thing. Idk if it's the same in other states. If it means you guys come to NH for my bach (if we go to chipotle),  I AM ALL ABOUT IT

@arrippa

arrippa

beethery said:

arrippa said:

beethery said:

I agree with Maggie, and I'm going to expand upon it.

I would love to go to somewhere not-local and do something fucking awesome for my bachelorette party. That would be fucking sweet.

However, I don't know what my friends' budgets are, and it's up to them if they want to plan something. If they want to plan something, they'd do it within their means. My friend asked me what I wanted to do for mine, and I said, "I heard Chipotle serves margaritas now. If y'all want to get me a burrito and a margarita, I'm game. I'm down for whatever you guys want to do. Doesn't need to be a big deal."

If my friend, who hates to fly asked me what I wanted to do for a B party and I said VEGAS! TRIPS! THINGS! I would look like a fuckin' asshole.

What? Where is this chipotle? I must got there right now.

The ones in NH partake of this LOVELY thing. Idk if it's the same in other states. If it means you guys come to NH for my bach (if we go to chipotle),  I AM ALL ABOUT IT

@arrippa

NH, really? I am right below you in MA. I will be there soon.

beethery

arrippa said:

beethery said:

arrippa said:

beethery said:

I agree with Maggie, and I'm going to expand upon it.

I would love to go to somewhere not-local and do something fucking awesome for my bachelorette party. That would be fucking sweet.

However, I don't know what my friends' budgets are, and it's up to them if they want to plan something. If they want to plan something, they'd do it within their means. My friend asked me what I wanted to do for mine, and I said, "I heard Chipotle serves margaritas now. If y'all want to get me a burrito and a margarita, I'm game. I'm down for whatever you guys want to do. Doesn't need to be a big deal."

If my friend, who hates to fly asked me what I wanted to do for a B party and I said VEGAS! TRIPS! THINGS! I would look like a fuckin' asshole.

What? Where is this chipotle? I must got there right now.

The ones in NH partake of this LOVELY thing. Idk if it's the same in other states. If it means you guys come to NH for my bach (if we go to chipotle),  I AM ALL ABOUT IT

@arrippa

NH, really? I am right below you in MA. I will be there soon.

There's a Chipotle right off the DW highway across from Barns & Noble.

MAKE A TIME/DATE AND IMA BE THERE, b party or not!

esstee33

We have two Chipotles in my town. One had a sign on the menu for the LONGEST time that said "awaiting liquor license, coming soon" or some such depressing bullshit. AFAIK, they still don't have it, and it's been like 5 years. 

The other one has beer, but I don't think they have margaritas. 

KatWAG

All the Chipotles in IL that I know of serve margs!!!

Maggie0829

Fuck, now I want Chipotle!!

MegEn1

Honestly I stopped reading this like two lines in. Whenever I see something that says "For my bachelorette party I wanted X but...." in a post that's about to be a complaint about the BMs, I can't take it seriously.

JamieLynn913

Let it go. If she said she couldn't go for another reason (money, work, etc) would you get mad at her then? If she can't go, she can't go. It doesn't mean anything besides SHE CAN'T GO. I think you're being a little dramatic. Yeah, it probably hurts your feelings because you did something for her and she might not be able to do something for you, but it's really not the end of the world. She will still be your friend at the end of the day and you'll still have a bachelorette party regardless of where you go. Although you are the bride, the world doesn't stop because you are the bride. Try to remember how you would feel if you couldn't do something and somebody made a big hoo-rah out of it.

beethery

She let it go, we good now!

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/comment/7494568/#Comment_7494568

badbnagdway

OP, glad you quickly saw the light. 

It is a pet peeve of mine when a bachelorette insists on a big splashy destination bach party. The bride may have input but ultimately doesn't get to decide. It should be about the bride connecting and celebrating with her female friends, not about the actual destination. I like beethery's style.