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Under what circumstances should you drop a bridesmaid?

dianakbetzdianakbetz member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Party
I'm at the end of my rope with my friend, whom I've known for years and whom I'd love to be at my side when I get married. My wedding is almost 2 months out and she's been the slowest to order her dress (she hasn't even paid for it yet somehow and found an iffy website to get it...and like a dummy I offered to help her pay for it). Let's just say her promise to pay me back doesn't comfort me at all...I'm 99.999% sure it will just be my gift to her, which is going to suck because this wedding is already expensive.

Keep in mind, she is having financial problems and I do want her to stand by me, but I feel taken advantage of. I'm not sure what to do :/ does anyone have advice or a similar experience? It would really help me out! Thank you!

Diana
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Re: Under what circumstances should you drop a bridesmaid?

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You can't drop a bridesmaid unless they've done something really egregious, like sleeping with your FI, without risking your friendship with her. That's considered one of the lowest things a bride could do.

    As long as she gets it and shows up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits and goes up and down the aisle, that's all she needs to do. If she doesn't have the dress by your wedding, then she's taken herself out of your wedding party and you can end your friendship with her if you want to.
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    HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Dropping a bridesmaid is a friendship ending move.  So the appropriate time to drop a bridesmaid is if you no longer wish to continue your friendship with them.  Some people would consider ending a friendship only over something serious like physical violence or just extremely nasty behavior, others would over something really stupid like not dying their hair a "normal" color.

    TBH I find both situations an appropriate time to drop a bridesmaid- in the first, you're better off without them, in the second, they're better off without you. 

    As for advice specific to your situation, if you don't get paid back, call it a lesson learned- don't lend money to a person you're not sure is going to pay you back, unless you're feeling charitable and don't care if you get paid back or not.  (Additionally, since your OP doesn't really specify, don't expect a friend to pay for anything if you don't know their budget-  If you never asked her privately how much she could afford to pay for the dress, chances are you picked one that was too expensive for her)  and as far as you dropping her as a bridesmaid, ask yourself if you're willing to lose her as a friend over this and proceed from there.  Judging from your OP the answer is no, so let it go and move on.  
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    Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    If the dress does not arrive from the "iffy" site, then the issue kind of solves itself.  Don't stress and figure the money is spent and gone.  There are worse ways to lose money than helping a friend who you want by your side when you start your new life.
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    esstee33esstee33 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    As PPs have stated, this is not really a good enough reason to drop a BM unless you're ready to completely end the friendship. Can you imagine how hurtful that conversation would be from her point of view, if you did ask her to step down? 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yeah, this is not a reason to kick her out. You said she's having financial troubles. If it were me, I'd pay for the dress no question. This is supposed to be one of your closest friends. Why not help her out? 
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    peachy13peachy13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I feel bad for your BM. She is having financial difficulties and your first response to that is to kick her out of your bridal party because she can't pay for her dress. Listen to how wrong that sounds!

    Being a bridesmaid is very expensive and you don't really sound like you care. So what if she found a weird website to order the dress? It sounds like she's doing the best she can with what she has.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


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    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    You can 100% kick her out if she sleeps with your fi or kicks your dog. But I am having trouble coming up with any other valid reasons.

     

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    novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    KatWAG said:

    You can 100% kick her out if she sleeps with your fi or kicks your dog. But I am having trouble coming up with any other valid reasons.

     

    Frames you for bank robbery? Blows up your house? 
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    novella1186 said:
    KatWAG said:

    You can 100% kick her out if she sleeps with your fi or kicks your dog. But I am having trouble coming up with any other valid reasons.

     

    Frames you for bank robbery? Blows up your house? 

    Did you get the insurance money for your house blowing up? And did you go to jail over the bank robbery? I am going to need more details. :)
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    novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    dianakbetz said:
    Thank you all for your input...I've thought it over and it's not a question for me anymore. She hasn't done anything to merit being excluded from the wedding party (or my friendship) and I'm ashamed for thinking it. My mother plants such rude ideas in my head sometimes, and we both forgot that I made a promise to help my bridesmaid out - I would like that promise to mean something.
    Good! I'm glad you re-thought it. We all have bad ideas from time to time. The important thing is you didn't act on it and hurt her feelings. You posted here, and then took our advice to heart. Good job! (These boards have saved my butt tons of times, so I can definitely relate!) 
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    esstee33esstee33 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    dianakbetz said:
    Thank you all for your input...I've thought it over and it's not a question for me anymore. She hasn't done anything to merit being excluded from the wedding party (or my friendship) and I'm ashamed for thinking it. My mother plants such rude ideas in my head sometimes, and we both forgot that I made a promise to help my bridesmaid out - I would like that promise to mean something.
    Wedding planning gets the best of us sometimes. It's so all-encompassing while you're planning that it's really easy to forget that your wedding is a blip in the radar for most people. Good for you for realizing that your friendship is more important. :) 
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    My daughter paid for her MOH's dress.  No biggie.  We knew the girl couldn't afford a fancy dress for the wedding.  It was more important to her to have her good friend stand up with her than to worry about the money.
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    jacobsmawedding15jacobsmawedding15 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    I was kicked out of a wedding for being "to needy." Which basically meant I wanted to talk to her once a month or so. However, coming from someone who has been kicked out of a wedding, you will end your friendship forever if you do it. No seriously. It's 8 months later and I still have dreams at least once a week about sabotaging the girl's wedding. A wedding is absolutely not worth losing a friendship you have been building for years. If she doesn't buy her dress, well then she dropped herself out since that's pretty much her only essential job. Remember that you wedding is not her top priority, or even her second, or hundreth priority. Unless you are willing to end your friendship, suck it up and love her through it.
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    jacobsmawedding15 said:
    I was kicked out of a wedding for being "to needy." Which basically meant I wanted to talk to her once a month or so. However, coming from someone who has been kicked out of a wedding, you will end your friendship forever if you do it. No seriously. It's 8 months later and I still have dreams at least once a week about sabotaging the girl's wedding. A wedding is absolutely not worth losing a friendship you have been building for years. If she doesn't buy her dress, well then she dropped herself out since that's pretty much her only essential job. Remember that you wedding is not her top priority, or even her second, or hundreth priority. Unless you are willing to end your friendship, suck it up and love her through it.
    That's a bit weird.  You might want to work on that.  Seriously, that doesn't sound healthy.



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