Vow Renewals

Vow Renewal-Need Some Opinions-Very Sensitive Subject

Hello All, 

I need some input on having a vow renewal next year. It will be our 1 year anniversary next August. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions here's the situation. My now husband and I got engaged in February, after dating and living together for 2 years. Each of our parents were kind enough to gift us money that we could use for a house or wedding and we choose to buy our first house with it, renovate it and then spend our own money on a smaller wedding (we were aiming for May of 2015). When we got back from vacation in July our whole world was turned upside down. My MIL had dental surgery and never fully recovered, she was in the hospital for a month and no one could figure out why she could no longer communicate, feed herself or recognize anyone. As her health deteriorated, we decided that we couldn't wait any longer and that we wanted to be married with both sets of our parents alive. My mother and MOH helped me start planning on a Monday and we got married in the hospital the following Tuesday. It was a beautiful ceremony, not a dry eye in the place, and I wouldn't change the way we did things. We found out 20 minutes before the ceremony that my MIL had Crutzfeld-Jakob Disease and she passed away peacefully a week and a half after our wedding, she was only 58. We did have a small cocktail hour, with just our very closest family and friends, back at my parents house. A small cake, a little food and some drinks, but no dancing and only my father gave a toast (which is traditional since I'm English). 
I by no means want to redo the wedding, but I would like to have some kind of vow renewal with all of our friends and family. A big party where we could eat, drink, dance, and celebrate our marriage but no gifts. My MIL's sisters threw me a wonderful bridal shower after the wedding and I honestly don't need anything. I'd like to celebrate but I have some concerns. 1-Would it be selfish to have a vow renewal at all after just 1 year? 2-I'd like to do it close to our anniversary, would it be appropriate to do so close to the anniversary of my MIL's death? I'd love to find a way to honor what an amazing and wonderful person she was. She was like my second mother and there is not a day that goes by where I don't miss her. Thanks for listening <3

Re: Vow Renewal-Need Some Opinions-Very Sensitive Subject

  •  A big party where we could eat, drink, dance, and celebrate our marriage but no gifts.

    Hi there! I am sorry about your MIL.

    I'm glad that, even though it was not what you may have been envisioned, it sounds like you are happy with your wedding. And I am happy you were able to have it before your MIL passed away.

    I quoted the line above from your post to point out that you can do all of that without a ceremony. NOT saying that you shouldn't have a vow renewal. But it just sounds like you want a big celebration (which would be an awesome way to celebrate your 1st anniversary especially since the time around your wedding was very sad) as opposed to wishing more people had witnessed the actual vows.

    But I don't think a vow renewal is "selfish" to answer your question. If a friend or family member of mine invited me to a vow renewal or first anniversary party, I would happily attend, knowing and understanding the circumstances of your wedding and why it wasn't a large affair.


  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited December 2014
    Hello All, 

    I need some input on having a vow renewal next year. It will be our 1 year anniversary next August. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions here's the situation. My now husband and I got engaged in February, after dating and living together for 2 years. Each of our parents were kind enough to gift us money that we could use for a house or wedding and we choose to buy our first house with it, renovate it and then spend our own money on a smaller wedding (we were aiming for May of 2015). When we got back from vacation in July our whole world was turned upside down. My MIL had dental surgery and never fully recovered, she was in the hospital for a month and no one could figure out why she could no longer communicate, feed herself or recognize anyone. As her health deteriorated, we decided that we couldn't wait any longer and that we wanted to be married with both sets of our parents alive. My mother and MOH helped me start planning on a Monday and we got married in the hospital the following Tuesday. It was a beautiful ceremony, not a dry eye in the place, and I wouldn't change the way we did things. We found out 20 minutes before the ceremony that my MIL had Crutzfeld-Jakob Disease and she passed away peacefully a week and a half after our wedding, she was only 58. We did have a small cocktail hour, with just our very closest family and friends, back at my parents house. A small cake, a little food and some drinks, but no dancing and only my father gave a toast (which is traditional since I'm English). 
    I by no means want to redo the wedding, but I would like to have some kind of vow renewal with all of our friends and family. A big party where we could eat, drink, dance, and celebrate our marriage but no gifts. My MIL's sisters threw me a wonderful bridal shower after the wedding and I honestly don't need anything. I'd like to celebrate but I have some concerns. 1-Would it be selfish to have a vow renewal at all after just 1 year? 2-I'd like to do it close to our anniversary, would it be appropriate to do so close to the anniversary of my MIL's death? I'd love to find a way to honor what an amazing and wonderful person she was. She was like my second mother and there is not a day that goes by where I don't miss her. Thanks for listening <3
    What you are describing is a kick ass anniversary party.  You will get some side eyes if you have a full vow renewal after so short a time, but nothing should stop you from having a fabulous anniversary party!  Just leave out the vows.  No wedding dress.
    The date of your late MIL's death is not an issue.  Just don't have it on the same date that she passed away/
    You can have dancing, dinner, toasting your first year of marriage. Go for it!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    Have a big party to celebrate your first anniversary.  I would shy away from any type of ceremony.  Just have great food, drinks and dancing.  Just invite people and say nothing of gifts on the invitations.  If anyone asks about a registry, just say you aren't registered and would just like for people to come and have a good time and celebrate. 

    I'm sorry about your MIL.

    CMGragain
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL. I'm glad you were able to get married before she passed! 

    Echoing what other PPs have stated: this sounds like an awesome anniversary party. Don't make it like a do-over wedding, and it's just fine. 
    image
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I'm sorry that must have been absolutely devastating. I'm sorry for your loss.

    However, I think the point of a vow renewal is to renew the vows between two married people. So if your relationship with your husband has changed since your wedding, or you would like the relationship to change, then renew your vows.

    But if the point of it is to throw an awesome party with your friends, then throw an awesome party with your friends. I don't think you should throw in a vow renewal just so you have an excuse to get your friends and family together.



    Anniversary
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  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited August 2015
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    zombie!!!! -closed-

     







    CMGragain
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