WR: Hair and makeup help? Also a tiny dose of bridal shower

KeptInStitches

Hi everyone.

First off I'm KUI because I decided tequila was an excellent way of dealing with this problem. I recommend against this solution, by the way.

Owing to some decidedly junior-high level drama, my mom is fighting with her group of friends again. This is problematic on a WR level because one of them was going to do my hair and makeup as well as my mom's hair and MOH's hair. Since my mom has been fighting with her friends off and on since September, I told her that this just wasn't worth it and I didn't want my wedding to be influencing the decisions she made regarding her friends. I'm pretty sure that this will shake down to me doing my own hair and makeup as well as my mom doing her own hair and possibly my mom and I doing my MOH's hair.

Now I'm not worried about my own look overmuch. As you've seen from my engagement pictures, I wear my hair very short. My job between now and April is to grow it out just enough to put a clip in it, probably something like a large flower. My mom and I are making it, details to come. I don't really ever do my own makeup, but I'd still rather do mine unless someone can give me a really good reason to hire that done.

My mom isn't worried either. She wears her hair the same way for every occasion and is very good with her own makeup.

I don't know what to tell my MOH. I promised her that we'd have her hair done if she wanted and she did. I'm kind of thinking about asking her what she wants to have done and seeing if we can do that easily ourselves.

And the further complication that shouldn't be my circus or monkeys is that my mom's friends have offered to throw me a bridal shower which my mom now doesn't want them to do and IDGAF whether I get a bridal shower or not. Now her brilliant idea is to ask my brother's GF to throw me a shower. I have no idea whether this is okay at all. DB's GF did offer to throw me a shower before when drama went down but my mom didn't say yes or no and I've just tried to stay out of it.

And I'm mad that my mom dragged me into another one of her fights with her friends. And I have no idea what I did to get involved in this or how to get out.

Now that I've used TK as LiveJournal, can someone help me girl? I'll never have the patience for liquid makeup, so what do I need to do to make powder work well enough? I don't have Ulta, I have Sephora and drug store brands as well as major department stores ... and go.

Also how do I learn how to do hair when I don't have hair of my own to practice on?

And is my mom about to stomp all over etiquette hell asking my brother's GF to throw me a shower when she offered before?

KeptInStitches

And yes I know there are bigger issues here, like my mom's relationships with her friends. I can't fix those. These are the things I have some measure of control over. Therefore I am going to control them.

AuroraRose41

First off I want to say how sorry I am that you are in the middle of this drama, and that I think you have the right attitude about all of it. I don't think it is really appropriate to come out and ask the GF to throw you a shower, especially if she knows about the drama and knows that the friends already offered. 

As for the hair, I am useless. The best I can do is put my hair into a ponytail or messy bun. However, I love makeup, and can help you there a little (I'm a liquid girl and rarely use powder though). I would highly suggest going to Sephora and getting a makeover done. They will try to push products, but most of the time the people that I have had do mine do a pretty good job of listening to what I want and select products accordingly. 

I would also highly suggest looking at the Makeup Addiction subreddit. I found THIS post about better ways to apply powder without using liquid makeup. I'm sure there are other posts on the topic, and they can even provide constructive criticism if you want to do some trial runs and post pics. 

Also, have a drink for me since I am stuck working with people overseas right now! I wish I could be KUI! 

bethsmiles

I second @AuroraRose41's suggestion of going to Sephora and having them help you out. I've never been to Sephora but I've done the same thing with Clinque (their's is only make-up I can find that doesn't make me break-out) and they are always wonderful and helpful so I'm happy to buy the products they suggest. I suck with make-up but when someone shows you how to use the products you are buying it's a lot easier!

I also suck with hair, so I have no tips except to keep it simple if you are going to do it yourself.

Dignity100

I've NEVER had any luck at Ulta (I just don't think I'm enough of a 'girl' for that store; the ones in our area you pretty much have to have some sort of clue as to what you're looking for)- but the girls at Sephora have always been super helpful.  I would recommend going there.  Even one of the department store make up centers in the mall.  **I know you said you don't have an Ulta near you - just pointing out if you're already lost, you're probably not missing much if other stores are like the ones here.

As for your MOH - just talk to her.  Tell her what's going on.  Maybe you two can make an evening of watching YouTube videos and trying different hair styles on her to see what works and if you're able to do it.

KeptInStitches

Thanks for the suggestions. I will be sure to go to Sephora for help - it's rare that a place comes so highly recommended!

@dignity100, should have mentioned. Slight complicating factor with MOH - she's 1500 miles away, so I really can't try anything on her in advance.

Dignity100

@KeptInStitches - Road Trip!!!  Just kidding - I would talk to your MOH, just let her know what's going on and that you are looking at figuring out how to do her hair in a style she would like - have her send you the styles she likes and then YouTube them, see if it looks like something you can do.

If you wanted the argument to 'just hire it out' here's what I have to say on it:
I had my hair and makeup done, the company I used came to my room and did it all there.  I LOVED being pampered that early in the morning and I LOVED how my hair and makeup turned out.  It was nice being able to sit in a chair and relax on my wedding morning.  Honestly, Sephora is a little pricey - it MIGHT be cheaper for you to book a person to do your makeup than buy a whole bunch of products (unless you do plan on continuing to use the products).  My makeup - for the people to come to the room and do airbrushed makeup was I think $85; if I just went with traditional I think it would have been $65 or $70.  I attached a picture, it was the best I could find on short notice - I asked for 'natural with purple on the eyes'.  The makeup lasted all day - they did give me touch up for lips and foundation (I didn't even use the touch ups).

labro

@KeptInStitches I feel like it would be ok to explain to your MOH that the hairstylist fell through. At that point you can offer the suggestion of letting you and your mom do her hair (something simple like pinned up curls is easy for just about anyone to do even with no experience in hair styling). I think if I was your friend I'd be ok with that and not upset. It sounds like your mom has experience styling her own hair and would probably have most of the products you'd need like a curling iron or curlers, all you'd need after that is lots of hairspray and bobby pins. You can also give her the option of doing her own if she'd prefer.

I'm sorry your mom and her friends can't resolve their differences. You seem to be handling everything in the best way you can!

lilacck28

Another reason to hire out...

Certain makeup is reflective, and you'll end up looking like a super pale ghost in your pictures if you use it by accident (this has happened to me... I love mineral powder abnd have used different versions of it for years. I do a very good job at applying my own makeup... but in college, in pictures, I looked like Casper! I didn't realize why for a while.) So, at the very least, make sure you know for sure that the makeup you choose will look good in pictures.

[Deleted User]

I'm a big supporter of DIY-ing makeup/hair, but ONLY if it isn't going to stress you out!  Some people really love doing it, and some people don't.  (My two sisters are cases in point: the first one, I had to remind her the morning of her wedding that she actually needed to wear makeup; my other sister did research and tried out products for months before her wedding.)

There are a ton of different places to get advice out there...I'll also add my voice to the Sephora chorus (Ulta, I've found, has actually a bigger selection of hair products than they do makeup.  I buy my shampoo there, but that's really it.)  There are also a lot of tutorials online...Make-Up Geek is a good one.

The one single biggest piece of advice I have is that if you do decide to DIY, make sure you avoid using products that have sunscreen in them, just for that day.  I'm SUPER pale, and so always wear sunscreen...except, like @lilacck28 said about the mineral powder, it's reflective in photos and can make you look like you're wearing chalk.  Another thing you might think about is liquid-to-powder foundation...it gives a little more coverage, but you're not exactly dealing with a full-on liquid.

eilis1228

I second @AuroraRose41 's recommendation for Sephora/MAC and the Makeup Addiction subreddit. They've helped A LOT of women with engagement pic makeup/wedding day makeup. You'll find tons of reviews and step-by-step instructions for looks. YouTube is also a good place for hair and makeup tricks.

If you want to hire someone, you could either use Yelp or Wedding Wire to look up artists in your area... you could also ask whoever your normal hair stylist is if they're A. willing to do hair for your wedding and B. if they know any makeup artists. 

KeptInStitches

@eilis1228, that's part of my problem. My normal hair stylist was going to do my hair for the wedding. I don't even know how to get a haircut anywhere else because I sit down and she just makes things happen. And she's been doing this for 10 years now. (I work a consistent look, I tell you). I wouldn't know what to ask for.

This is so stupid. You guys are being so nice and helpful to me and all I want to do is cry now because I don't understand how this went so far south.

eilis1228

@keptinstitches Don't cry! You've got plenty of time to figure out an alternative for hair and makeup.

KeptInStitches

@eilis1228, thanks. I know there's lots of time and this is a silly thing to be upset over in the big scheme.

AuroraRose41

@KeptInStitches don't cry! You will look beautiful that day no matter what!

lavenderfields13

Personally I would hire someone unless you're really confident in your DIY abilities. Some people are really good at doing their own hair and makeup. I am NOT one of those people. I hate my hair and I have a ton of it. I wear makeup almost daily but just the basics. I would be so stressed out if I didn't have a professional doing these things for me for my wedding since I want it all to look good in pictures.

If you feel good about being able to pull it off on your own then I'd definitely look into some things the other ladies suggested. If not, I'd look for someone to hire soon. Even if your mom starts talking to the friend again I wouldn't trust that. And that situation sucks- sorry you are in the middle of it

Good luck!