Help! Separate ceremony and reception guests - how to do invites for it!

Knottie0805461

Hey guys,

So I am recently engaged, trying to get stuff done before grad school starts up. My fiancé and I have decided to do a intimate ceremony with a larger reception. As I am the first in my family to get married out of the kids, I am not sure how to set up the invitations for this. Do I make the bigger insert for the reception and then do smaller, ceremony inserts? Do you think this would be kind of offensive to people? I am just a bit at a loss for how to word things and what makes it the simplest way to explain it all to the guests.

I appreciate any advice!

Thank you in advance

Daniella

Jen4948

Sorry, but I don't think you're going to find the help you're looking for here.

A "wedding reception" is thrown immediately after the wedding ceremony to thank those who were at the ceremony for their attendance. It really isn't polite to use it to "celebrate" an occasion by inviting a large number of people to a "wedding reception" who weren't invited to the ceremony.

You can hold a "celebration" of your marriage later and invite anyone you like to it, but a "celebration" is not the same as a "wedding reception." It needs to be treated as a separate event from your wedding and not have certain elements that are associated with weddings, such as a reenactment of the ceremony, attendants, a traditional bridal gown, spotlight dances, and so on.

misshart00

Define intimate ceremony. If it's just you and parents and siblings, then technically it's okay etiquette-wise though I still think its super lame. I'll answer the rest if your questions after I find this out.

Knottie0805461

It will be parents, siblings, grandparents, and 2 best friends. It was a request by my late grandfather, so I honoring that, plus it's sort of tradition to keep it small in our families. 

We are doing the ceremony a bit earlier, plan on having a cocktail hour for out-of-town guests, then dinner and dancing after. Trying to just keep it simple and not necessarily "traditional". 

AddieCake

I would send separate invitations and skip inserts so there is no confusion.

Knottie0805461

Thank you so much AddieCake!

CMGragain

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the wedding reception of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time o'clock (Your reception begins at the cocktail hour.)
Venue
Address
City, State

(Separate insert)

The honour of your presence is requested  (pleasure of your company)
at the wedding ceremony
time o'clock
Church Name (Ceremony venue)
Address
City, State

Knottie0805461

Wow CMGragain, thank you so much for taking the time to do that! I was feeling kinda meh (see above), means so much you would do that!!

CMGragain

This form is only good if you are hosting your own reception.  If your parents are hosting it would be

Mr. and Mrs. Bridesparents
request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception of their daughter
Bride's First Middle
and
Mr. Groom's Full Name (etc.)

You are welcome.  I am an old time regular, and I do this all the time.
I do think you might get more declines.  Some people will be disappointed not to see your ceremony.

misshart00

What everyone else said.

Maggie0829

Knottie0805461 said:

It will be parents, siblings, grandparents, and 2 best friends. It was a request by my late grandfather, so I honoring that, plus it's sort of tradition to keep it small in our families. 

We are doing the ceremony a bit earlier, plan on having a cocktail hour for out-of-town guests, then dinner and dancing after. Trying to just keep it simple and not necessarily "traditional". 

I have a question about the bolded.  Do you have local guests?  If so it would be pretty rude to not invite them to the cocktail hour as well.  Having an intimate wedding is etiquette correct, but then don't tier the rest of your events.  All guests should be invited to the cocktail hour and the dinner/dancing portion.

Also, I am with Scribe.  I personally don't understand wanting to keep your ceremony small but then want to party with a large number of people afterwards.  I just don't get keep people who you want to celebrate with from seeing the thing that is being celebrated.