Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Still fighting the good fight (NYE party invite) - UPDATE!

edited January 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Today my boyfriend came home from his parent's house with an invitation addressed to his name and "Girlfriend" for a New Year's Eve party that one of his family members is throwing. I looked over the invitation, and let him know that there's about two handfuls of etiquette violations. It was a great educational opportunity lol and then he dared me to post it all on here so you guys can have a field day. Dare accepted.

1. "Girlfriend" invite: I explained that this is rude because it's not that difficult to open Facebook and figure out my name, my name is not "Girlfriend." He agreed.

2. The invite specifically states "No kids, no adding friends, adults only, couples only." He asked why that's rude, his rationale being that if it's your house and your party, you should be able to say who is allowed and who is not. I told him it's rude to state on an invitation who is not allowed, and that the only appropriate way to do that is to address the invite to the people you want there, and if they try to RSVP with others, call 'em up and say "The invitation is actually just for _____ and ______." To my pleasant surprise, he replied "Hm, that actually makes perfect sense."

3. POTLUCK! Not only is it a potluck, but apparently each guest is assigned what to bring! The invite had his name written on it with "Beers" next to it, and on the next line down that said "Girlfriend," the potluck assignment line just had an 'x' written in (so I guess I'm off the hook? Lol) Even better, the fine print indicated that all beverages had to be delivered to the host's house no later than 12/30, cold food must be delivered by 12pm on 12/31 and hot food be delivered AT 8pm on 12/31. It didn't take much to convince him that it's insanely rude to not only ask your guests to subsidize the party YOU decided to throw but to dictate what they must bring. He said "How are you supposed to force people to bring food or drinks? WTF?" 

4. DRESS CODE! Men must where black pants with a white shirt and a green necktie or bow tie. Women must wear a white dress and something green. This one annoyed him the most, as he replied after I read that part of it to him, "Hold on, I didn't even see that part, they can't tell me what to wear! If I was even thinking about going, I'm definitely not now!"

We won't be attending either way, especially since we won't be back from our vacation until about 9pm on 12/31 and the last thing we're interested in doing is going to a party with a dress code more strict than Catholic school. I have to admit, though, that after all of that nonsense included in this invitation, they're still much better people than my boss, because they invited me whereas she only invited couples who were married. The fact that I'm included is enough to make me feel good. 


I have an update!! My SO told him that his mom went to this party and there was practically nobody there because the invitation was so stupid and annoyed so many of the family lol I did see a couple pictures that his little sister posted (odd, because she's 15 and I thought it was couples & adults only!), and while she did do the white and green outfit, she wore pants & shirt. 

There ya go, lurkers.... your controlling, dictating, rude invitations will not be appreciated!
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Re: NWR: Still fighting the good fight (NYE party invite) - UPDATE!

  • Lol that's going to be one jamming ass party. Woo! You're totally missing out.

    FWIW: FI's aunt sent a graduation party invite TO OUR HOUSE addressed: (fiances name) and friend. FRIEND. Face. Palm.

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  • I don't get the couples only thing. So if you invite Wife and Husband and for whatever reason Husband can't go, Wife can't show up on his own? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. What, is it going to somehow throw off the even teams for their midnight game of Charades or something? 

    I was single for a long, long time and quite happy to attend events alone. Luckily most of my friends were single at the time, too, so this was never an issue. I can't even imagine how I'd feel if I found out friends weren't inviting me to things because I wasn't party of a social unit or some BS.
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  • That dress code is just gross. I can't for the life of me figure out why you need all the people at your party to be wearing the same thing. And something green. WTF? 
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  • Oh. My. Everloving. No. Just no.

    I wonder what would happen if you were to show up sans dress code and designated beers (I'm surprised they left it open and didn't tell him specifically which brand and how many to bring).
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  • Wow. I just can't with that invite. Good call declining!
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  • What the everloving fuck? I'm glad you guys are declining.

    The "couples only" thing pissed me off. I was single for many years (by choice), and I was constantly excluded from things because most of my friends were in relationships. I finally cornered someone to ask why, and they said, "Well, we just feel so bad for you, being single and surrounded by all those couples. Isn't it awkward and painful?" 

    I told her they didn't have to "feel bad" for me, because I was happy, but being excluded from things made me really sad and angry. Why the fuck wouldn't you want to hang out with a supposedly good friend just because they're single? Singledom isn't leprosy.

    I ended up finding a new group of friends who loved having me around and didn't treat me like a 3rd/5th/7th wheel. Once I met H, I continued to invite my single friends to everything because - duh - they're my friends.

    I agree - the "couples only" thing was pretty offensive to me.  what if someone's SO was a doctor and had to work that night?  What if the SO was at war?  Do they have to get these special circumstances cleared before purchasing the pre-approved outfit and making the assigned food to bring?
  • esstee33 said:
    allispain said:
    Oh. My. Everloving. No. Just no.

    I wonder what would happen if you were to show up sans dress code and designated beers (I'm surprised they left it open and didn't tell him specifically which brand and how many to bring).
    I'd be showing up in jeans and a t-shirt with a case of Natty Light. 
    YES!
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    I'm also curious as to who would even go to a party like this. Jesus. 
  • Let me get this right: your boss invited only married couples, among her employees, to her party? I'd look for a new job!
  • Why the white and green?  I just don't get it.

    And all the rest...no, just no.  Are people really this fucking dumb?

  • Man, I have always wanted to go to a party where I matched other women.

    I wish you were going because you know that's going to be a shit show and a good story! Your vacation will be a million times better, anyway!
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  • Why the white and green?  I just don't get it.

    And all the rest...no, just no.  Are people really this fucking dumb?
    Those are  clearly new years colors, don't you know that? Kids these days.....
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  • Let me get this right: your boss invited only married couples, among her employees, to her party? I'd look for a new job!

    The reference to my boss was with regard to her wedding this past summer, where she ONLY invited couples if they were married or engaged, and it caused huuuuge issues at work because she didn't invite any of our boyfriends with us (she even told us that her bridesmaid was rude for wanting her bf to be invited!) With this party, I'm saying that at least they invited me with my boyfriend and didn't exclude me just cause we aren't married or engaged. But yes, for millions of other reasons, I'm looking for a new job as soon as I take my last exam for law school this Friday :)

    And to everyone else: I have no idea why the hell it's a couples only party, I have no idea why the hell everybody has to dress the EXACT same. His family is gigantic and I don't think I've ever met the hosts of this particular party, but I'm pretty sure a photo op of all the family dressed up the same is the general motivation (ugh)

    And no, the brand of beer wasn't stated but knowing his family in general, if it isn't Corona then it isn't the right kind lmao
  • Seriously, a white dress in the middle of winter! And why so freaking fancy, why not "wear white and green" or something somewhat less offensive? See, I'm always on the right side of the argument when people come in wanting to put attire on dress codes, just because common sense tells me what's right and what's wrong. However, legitimately being on the receiving end of such an offensive invite REALLY illustrates why it's so inappropriate to do! It's essentially the hosts saying, "We don't trust you to dress nicely enough for our tastes, so here's what we want you to wear" AND/OR "We have a very specific vision in mind for our party and you'll have to wear this outfit so that everything works out the way we imagined it."

    I can't get over the potluck assignments, personally. What's the thought process behind it? "I know what we can do, we'll just have everyone provide something and we'll assign it so we know exactly what we're going to have and we don't have to do it ourselves." I just... I simply cannot.
  • Seriously, a white dress in the middle of winter! And why so freaking fancy, why not "wear white and green" or something somewhat less offensive? See, I'm always on the right side of the argument when people come in wanting to put attire on dress codes, just because common sense tells me what's right and what's wrong. However, legitimately being on the receiving end of such an offensive invite REALLY illustrates why it's so inappropriate to do! It's essentially the hosts saying, "We don't trust you to dress nicely enough for our tastes, so here's what we want you to wear" AND/OR "We have a very specific vision in mind for our party and you'll have to wear this outfit so that everything works out the way we imagined it."

    I can't get over the potluck assignments, personally. What's the thought process behind it? "I know what we can do, we'll just have everyone provide something and we'll assign it so we know exactly what we're going to have and we don't have to do it ourselves." I just... I simply cannot.
    What gets me the most about the potluck thing (besides all of it) is assigning exactly WHEN to bring things over. What the fuck is that nonsense?! 
    I'd bring a 6 pack of my favorite beer. Or just one bottle. And be like "yeah, I brought the beer, just like you said." 
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  • @novella1186 I believe the "due dates" are so they can get all the beverages chilled and stored properly, and same with the food (if the party starts at 8:30 they don't want the hot food there any earlier than 8 or else it will get cold). I'm not justifying or excusing this ridiculous behavior by any means lol just attempting to explain whatever shred of rationale there may be.

    And yeah, the couples only thing is very exclusive and strange. In fact, out of all my boyfriend's adult siblings, only one sister is single so that means if all her siblings attended this party she would literally be all by herself. She is also the one that lives the closest and, from what I've always observed, is the closest with the most family members (if that makes sense) so to exclude her because she's single is really unfair. I'm glad my boyfriend was genuinely offended by this bullshit, it shows me that while he might not get "etiquette," he knows when something is truly fucked up. I just got a good laugh out of the invite, especially since I haven't met these people yet so I don't feel too bad for shitting all over his family members' party lol I'm going to hell, it's fine.
  • @novella1186 I believe the "due dates" are so they can get all the beverages chilled and stored properly, and same with the food (if the party starts at 8:30 they don't want the hot food there any earlier than 8 or else it will get cold). I'm not justifying or excusing this ridiculous behavior by any means lol just attempting to explain whatever shred of rationale there may be.

    And yeah, the couples only thing is very exclusive and strange. In fact, out of all my boyfriend's adult siblings, only one sister is single so that means if all her siblings attended this party she would literally be all by herself. She is also the one that lives the closest and, from what I've always observed, is the closest with the most family members (if that makes sense) so to exclude her because she's single is really unfair. I'm glad my boyfriend was genuinely offended by this bullshit, it shows me that while he might not get "etiquette," he knows when something is truly fucked up. I just got a good laugh out of the invite, especially since I haven't met these people yet so I don't feel too bad for shitting all over his family members' party lol I'm going to hell, it's fine.
    I'm sure that's what they're trying to do, but the added level of rudeness of demanding that the food/drinks be delivered at a precise time is just insane. 
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  • afox007 said:
    Etiquette aside it seems completely ridiculous to assign potluck items before RSVPs come in. What if the people who decline were already assigned the main dishes and the only guests who accepted were assigned booze, salad, cheese, and dessert?
    This too! I thought the same thing. What if the majority of people are so offended by this/have other plans/want to watch paint dry that night, and they all decline? At least the hosts were honest up-front about the responsibilities you will have if you decide to RSVP! Nothing like co-sponsoring someone's party
  • WTF is with people?  I especially can't get over the timing requests for the potluck-- seriously?  So you're going to bring your assigned cold food to their house at noon, then go home and change into the white and green outfit you purchased for the party... and sit around for 8 hours?

    FMIL is pulling something similar for Christmas Eve and it's pissing me off.  She wants everyone to show up at her house in slippers and "ugly Christmas pajamas" because she wants a picture.  And "We should assign a color theme."  I told her I don't own Christmas pajamas or ugly slippers and she said, "You can buy some."  No!  No I will not!
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • marie2785marie2785 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2014
    Mandating people bring food and assigning dishes is really rude and a bit of a pet peeve. It can be esp tough on people without much money or time--beer/wine/major dishes can be EXPENSIVE and require alot of coordination if you happen to be busy that weekend. I dropped out a Thanksgiving potluck when they requested a dish which would cost me more than the turkey to make (oh, and had to be gluten free/vegan/organic, which would have required me to go to a store 10 miles away for ingredients). I have no issues with casual email invites from close friends that have something along the lines of "if you can bring something let me know!" at the end, but it's not cool for formal, large parties. 


  • Today my boyfriend came home from his parent's house with an invitation addressed to his name and "Girlfriend" for a New Year's Eve party that one of his family members is throwing. I looked over the invitation, and let him know that there's about two handfuls of etiquette violations. It was a great educational opportunity lol and then he dared me to post it all on here so you guys can have a field day. Dare accepted.

    1. "Girlfriend" invite: I explained that this is rude because it's not that difficult to open Facebook and figure out my name, my name is not "Girlfriend." He agreed.

    2. The invite specifically states "No kids, no adding friends, adults only, couples only." He asked why that's rude, his rationale being that if it's your house and your party, you should be able to say who is allowed and who is not. I told him it's rude to state on an invitation who is not allowed, and that the only appropriate way to do that is to address the invite to the people you want there, and if they try to RSVP with others, call 'em up and say "The invitation is actually just for _____ and ______." To my pleasant surprise, he replied "Hm, that actually makes perfect sense."

    3. POTLUCK! Not only is it a potluck, but apparently each guest is assigned what to bring! The invite had his name written on it with "Beers" next to it, and on the next line down that said "Girlfriend," the potluck assignment line just had an 'x' written in (so I guess I'm off the hook? Lol) Even better, the fine print indicated that all beverages had to be delivered to the host's house no later than 12/30, cold food must be delivered by 12pm on 12/31 and hot food be delivered AT 8pm on 12/31. It didn't take much to convince him that it's insanely rude to not only ask your guests to subsidize the party YOU decided to throw but to dictate what they must bring. He said "How are you supposed to force people to bring food or drinks? WTF?"  So what are they going to do with the food assignments from the people that decline?  Who is going to bring the beer now?  And holy shit Batman, but if you expect me to bring food to your party, I'll bring it whenever I damn well show up, not at some predetermined time that is convenient for you.  What time does the party start?

    I have nothing against potlucks, we do them in my circle all of the time, even for NYE's parties, but it's more like a bunch of us decide to co-host and we decide who is going to make certain dishes.  This is beyond that though- they want their friends to cater their NYE party and deliver and set it up for them! 


    4. DRESS CODE! Men must where black pants with a white shirt and a green necktie or bow tie. Women must wear a white dress and something green. This one annoyed him the most, as he replied after I read that part of it to him, "Hold on, I didn't even see that part, they can't tell me what to wear! If I was even thinking about going, I'm definitely not now!"  Uh, yeah, no.  I have a white dress, but I will wear it when I feel like wearing it, and I don't particularly like the color green so I don't really have anything green to wear with my white dress.  And I'm not going out to buy something green just for your party.  NYE doesn't exactly scream white and green to me.  I prefer to wear black and sparkle and bling when I go out for NYE.

    We won't be attending either way, especially since we won't be back from our vacation until about 9pm on 12/31 and the last thing we're interested in doing is going to a party with a dress code more strict than Catholic school. I have to admit, though, that after all of that nonsense included in this invitation, they're still much better people than my boss, because they invited me whereas she only invited couples who were married. The fact that I'm included is enough to make me feel good. 


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I'm with PrettyGirlLost when it comes to potlucks.  Plus, if you're deciding to have a party, you should take on the responsibility of all the major dishes.  For example, we have friends who routinely do a 4th of July party-- they supply the meat for the barbecue and a couple side dishes, and friends bring the rest of the side dishes or desserts or chips and dip.  There's a line here, guys! And the people in the OP's story have totally crossed it. Jerks!

    I really just can't with those people. They sound like micromanaging cheap asses. 
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