Mom not so excited?

Blackbird230

My FI and I got engaged when FI had a job. FI no longer has a job and we've had to postpone the wedding. From the get go, my mother hasn't been too excited. I don't think it's felt real to her that I'm getting married. I'm the youngest and I'll be 23 in January. My older sister got married about a year and a half ago. I just want to feel like the bride. She tried to duck out of visiting the venue we are looking at about five times. She just hasn't been supportive. I've asked her to go look at dresses with me just the two of us. I just need something to kickstart feeling like a bride and feeling like she's happy I'm getting married. I've had sit downs with her and she claims she's supportive, but I haven't felt the excitement. I'm really hoping she says yes to dress shopping because I just need something.

Anyone else in a similiar situation?

southernbelle0915

Blackbird230 said:

My FI and I got engaged when FI had a job. FI no longer has a job and we've had to postpone the wedding. From the get go, my mother hasn't been too excited. I don't think it's felt real to her that I'm getting married. I'm the youngest and I'll be 23 in January. My older sister got married about a year and a half ago. I just want to feel like the bride. She tried to duck out of visiting the venue we are looking at about five times. She just hasn't been supportive. I've asked her to go look at dresses with me just the two of us. I just need something to kickstart feeling like a bride and feeling like she's happy I'm getting married. I've had sit downs with her and she claims she's supportive, but I haven't felt the excitement. I'm really hoping she says yes to dress shopping because I just need something.

Anyone else in a similiar situation?

If she says she's supportive, take her word for it. Not everyone likes being involved in the actual planning. She may not enjoy visiting venues, looking at dresses or talking wedding. I would stop talking wedding with her all together. It sounds like it ends up being disappointing for you.

You are getting married!! Just that should make you feel like the bride. Don't let material things like venues, cakes, flowers, etc. distract from what's REALLY making you a bride - the fact that you're getting married. Focus there.

fwtx5815

I agree with sb.

While it can make the wedding planning that much more fun when someone close to you shares in the excitement, I think you'll just have to accept that this is how you mother is responding to your upcoming wedding. You'll still be a bride whether she's amped for it or not. Try to focus less on her reactions/what she's showing up to, etc.

Lauderdale Pink

After more than 50 years of walking this planet and spending slightly less than that trying to get my mother to be excited for my life events, I realized that it was never going to happen.  I take my support from a group of friends who I have developed over the years and go all out to support friends' and my own children's life events to the fullest.  I finally wrapped my brain around the fact that she was not going to care and stopped trying to make it happen.  My husband (30+yrs) was a GREAT choice and my life has been pretty good.  Her loss.  

kmmssg

As a 4 time MOB a couple of ideas are rolling through my head:

1.  You are the youngest.  You getting married means her "mothering days" will change dramatically and forever.  Maybe she is having a REALLY hard time with that.  The first kid getting married isn't nearly as emotional and the youngest.  I think it is normal for parents to deal with some tricky feelings when the last child leaves home/gets married - but that child leaving and getting married is also normal and the circle of life.  Some parents deal with it better than others. 

Has she always been supportive, warm, nurturing other than  your wedding or has she always acted this way with you?

2. I am going to tread lightly here, but I would have concerns if my DD was planning a wedding and her FI was not working.  I think the amount of concern I would have would be based on the guy's track record with work.  Does he go from job to job, does he have a hard time keeping a job?  OR, did he just get downsized/company went out of business and it was beyond the scope of his control?  If it was any of these, except for the last one, I would have concerns.

If she has always been in  your corner and supportive, sit her down again and ask her if she is having a hard time.  My 4th DD got married in June and we have always been super close.  For 32 years she has never lived more than an hour from her mother.  She lives in IN with her new husband now.  I adore him.

The day after her wedding I went upstairs to my room and sobbed for HOURS.  I was ecstatic for the new life she was choosing and the wonderful man she married.  I was sad that she was going to be 6 hours away and impromptu shopping trips and lunches would no longer be happening.  This is a case of a parent needing to deal with those feelings and letting go.  I was fine the next day and I have a wonderful new son in law.

I hope there is something in there that might be helpful for you.  Good luck! 

Blackbird230

She's always been an in between kind of mom. Sometimes she can be supportive and sweet, other times not so much. FI got laid off from a downsizing, not his fault. He's been trying since then to get  a job. He's only been laid off since late May. 

She did agree to go dress shopping with me and has since been sending me a few pictures of dresses. I would say that things are definitely looking up.

@kmmssg

kmmssg

Blackbird230 said:

She's always been an in between kind of mom. Sometimes she can be supportive and sweet, other times not so much. FI got laid off from a downsizing, not his fault. He's been trying since then to get  a job. He's only been laid off since late May. 

She did agree to go dress shopping with me and has since been sending me a few pictures of dresses. I would say that things are definitely looking up.

@kmmssg

@blackbird230 I hope things stay that way.  Remember - no one in  your life changes how they interact with you because you are planning a wedding.  She will be who she has always been.  Sounds like things are moving along though!

bride2b71614

Well, if she supports your decision to get married, I think thats all that truly matters. My mom was incredibly enthusiastic once FI and I got engaged, but when we had to push the wedding back, she kind of lost momentum. I couldn't figure out why, but around September of this year, she started going wedding crazy, providing me with ideas, asking about dress shopping and doing things that showed her excitement about our wedding. 

While I can understand your mother's concerns about your FI being unemployed, he has plenty of time to find gainful employment before your wedding date (aren't you shooting for December of 2016?). As for her lack of enthusiasm, maybe your mom isn't jumping on the wedding planning bandwagon because she believes that there is plenty of time to book venues, interview caterers/DJs/photographers/florists, go dress shopping, look at invitations etc. Your sister's wedding may have set up a time line in terms of planning. Maybe as your date draws closer, she'll get more enthusiastic about the planning, until then, hang in there.

anne2018

The only person other than you that needs to be excited is the groom.  You are having a wedding to spend the rest of your life with this man...not your mother.  I would concentrate on planning your life with your fiance and not focus on your mother.