Wedding Etiquette Forum

Because I knew you guys would understand

Sooooooo I haven't been on here in forever because I had a baby, and she's kept me busy.  I'm not sure if anyone here will remember me.


But I belong to a Facebook group (unrelated to weddings), and a girl posted an off-topic post asking for wedding planning advice.  Specifically, she was asking how many people she should expect to RSVP yes, and could she invite more than the venue could hold.  o_O

Already I'm side-eyeing the girl, but whatever, she's new to planning, no big deal.  Many people told her to expect 100%, but some were throwing out numbers like 75%... or one person even said 50%!!!!!!!!  50%??  That could get some people into MAJOR trouble!

Then she starts talking about how she's only inviting significant others if she knows them, because DUH... who wants strangers at the wedding?  When I tried to explain that you can't judge people's relationships, she attacked me for getting off-topic.  Then she gave her whole thing about how it's HER wedding, and she knows her guests.  And some people were backing her up on this stuff!

AND IT JUST GOT WORSE.  Then she starts talking about doing B-listing.  THEN she starts talking about how she doesn't even want a reception.  She's going to try to convince her fiancé to just let them leave on their honeymoon after the ceremony.

FINALLY... someone suggests to her to solve her problem of having too many guests to invite by just inviting some to the dinner and some to come for punch and dancing afterwards.  And this chick thinks it's a great idea.  SO. MUCH. FAIL. IN. ONE. THREAD.

My head nearly exploded.  And I knew you guys would understand!

Also, if you read all of this, thanks, and here's a baby picture as your reward!



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Re: Because I knew you guys would understand

  • Welcome back and congratulations! Send the bride to us, we'll take care of it ;)
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  • Someone actually did suggest that--I wonder if she'll actually come over!  Probably run straight for wedding bee or something,

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  • Welcome back!  And yuck!  I feel sorry for her guests.


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  • It just makes me wonder what else she's doing.  Cash bar?  Not enough chairs?  A money tree or something?  

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  • Great minds @monkeysip‌. Great minds. :-)
  • I think the 3 of us were the only etiquette-minded people on that thread.
  • Your baby is adorable. Welcome back!
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    Anniversary
  • What a beautiful baby! Congrats!
  • Beautiful child!  Congratulations!  Of course, I remember you!
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  • Welcome back!!  Congrats on your baby girl!

    Sounds like she would like to elope but then she wouldn't get presents.  Some people are just beyond help. 

  • Welcome back!!  Congrats on your baby girl!

    Sounds like she would like to elope but then she wouldn't get presents.  Some people are just beyond help. 
    I agree with this. The best thing to do is just ignore them and be thankful you don't have to go to their wedding, because when they're that rude, it's a lost cause. There are rude people everywhere. Unfortunately wedding planning is one of the areas where their rudeness is blatantly put on display (and forced upon other people). 

    I remember in college it was pouring rain and I was going out to get on the bus. A guy walked out of the building right in front of me and let the door close right in my face. He couldn't be bothered to hold onto it for one second longer so I could grab it. I then get to the bus, in the rain, and another guy comes up and cuts right in front of me, practically shoves me out of his way so he can get on the bus before me. I just wanted to yell "your parents didn't raise you right!" But what can you do? Rude people everywhere. 

    On a brighter note, your baby is gorgeous! Welcome back! 
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  • The thread made me stabby.   I also loved the comment that SOs were invited but only if they LIKED the other person.

    My, how Christian of her. 
  • Can I add to this?
    I was on Instagram and saw a picture from The Knot was in the "popular" page.
    It was a sign about being fully present during the ceremony and not using your phone or camera.

    Comments included "Great idea!"  "This is manners 101" and "Yeah, leave it to the REAL photographers."

    I backed away slowly. 
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  • Yeah, that sounds like a shit show. 

    Yay for baby picture! Welcome back!
  • I remember you!!! Welcome back!
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  • Your daughter is GORGEOUS!  Congratulations!
    Anniversary

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  • Oooh, ooh - she's back!  She just asked this - 

    Anybody have an 'alternate' to wedding receptions? 
    I feel like there's too much emphasis being put into the reception and not about the marriage when it comes to MY planning. At first I didn't even want a reception, I had a quinceanera and am OVER planning big events I'm SUPPOSED to enjoy, because honestly, I won't enjoy it. DF and I are going to talk about it this weekend. I feel like everyone is losing the sight of the sacrament. (Kind of how Christmas is all now becoming all about gimme-gimme-gimme and not Christ).
  • Oooh, ooh - she's back!  She just asked this - 

    Anybody have an 'alternate' to wedding receptions? 
    I feel like there's too much emphasis being put into the reception and not about the marriage when it comes to MY planning. At first I didn't even want a reception, I had a quinceanera and am OVER planning big events I'm SUPPOSED to enjoy, because honestly, I won't enjoy it. DF and I are going to talk about it this weekend. I feel like everyone is losing the sight of the sacrament. (Kind of how Christmas is all now becoming all about gimme-gimme-gimme and not Christ).
    OMG IT'S NOT FOR YOU. AND WE HAVE WHOLE SEASONS FOR CELEBRATING BECAUSE CELEBRATING DOESN'T DETRACT FROM THE SACRAMENT.
  • Oooh, ooh - she's back!  She just asked this - 

    Anybody have an 'alternate' to wedding receptions? 
    I feel like there's too much emphasis being put into the reception and not about the marriage when it comes to MY planning. At first I didn't even want a reception, I had a quinceanera and am OVER planning big events I'm SUPPOSED to enjoy, because honestly, I won't enjoy it. DF and I are going to talk about it this weekend. I feel like everyone is losing the sight of the sacrament. (Kind of how Christmas is all now becoming all about gimme-gimme-gimme and not Christ).
    So what flan means is, the true meaning of the reception is frequently overlooked and forgotten in the midst of wedding planning, much like how you feel the true meaning of Christmas is lost amongst the presents and commercialization. 

    The point of a wedding reception is for the bride and groom to receive their guests, and thank them for their presence. So, the reception is a THANK YOU to your guests, which is why it's not technically a party for the bride and groom. If you invite people to something, you have to host them properly, and that is why receptions are held in conjunction with the ceremony.

    If you have a ceremony to which you invite people--ANY people, even your parents only--you have to have some sort of reception right after, even if it's just taking your parents out to dinner if they're the only ones in attendance. Also, you don't have to go crazy planning anything. I just attended my first quince and good lord it was nearly as elaborate as any wedding I've ever heard of. If you know from that experience that big elaborate event planning isn't for you, then plan a wedding that better suits you and your FI. As long as you host your guests properly, your wedding can be any style you want.

    Also, since you had a quince I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume you're Latina. I'm not, but my partner is Cape Verdean and his entire "extended family" is Domincan, so that means LOTS and LOTS of friends and family members who will have interest/advice/input to give. We aren't even engaged yet and we've always been getting an earful from everyone we know about "when are you guys next!" and "I better be invited!" etc. It can get overwhelming when you have so many people giving unsolicited advice. Just remember, this isn't your quince and you're an adult now, so you have total control of how you and your FI plan your wedding. 

    The short answer to your question: there is no alternative to a reception if you're inviting people to your ceremony, but there ARE certainly different ways of planning one. 
  • JellyBean52513, I'm not the one who wrote this.  This is from a FB group that some Knotties belong to that is about Natural Family Planning.  
  • I think she's needing to understand a lot of the BIG picture here.   The way that the posts are written, the goals appear to be short and not long-term.

    IMO, those with their heads on straight plan receptions that are a lot of fun but that aren't extensive show pieces that highlight the couple only.   Those who are walking into a marriage of issues have a reception where they feel that the guests are there for them and it's a play with food. 
  • JellyBean52513, I'm not the one who wrote this.  This is from a FB group that some Knotties belong to that is about Natural Family Planning.  
    Oh my god I can't read. I'm so sorry. Law school has ruined my brain. 


  • JellyBean52513, I'm not the one who wrote this.  This is from a FB group that some Knotties belong to that is about Natural Family Planning.  

    Oh my god I can't read. I'm so sorry. Law school has ruined my brain. 

    It's all good ;)
  • I see those similar posts on Reddit as well. You just can't talk to people normally on social media anymore
  • That situation sounds like a nightmare, but on the plus side, your baby is gorgeous!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ahhhh cute babyyy!!! congrats and welcome back!!!

    jeesh she sounds like a peach


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