Wedding Etiquette Forum

wedding guest list headache!

edited December 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello all! I have a quick question. My fiance and I are trying to keep our wedding as small as possible. 75 is what we wanted. Just close friends and family. Well he has a large immediate family. So 75 came and went. We are at 85. Not too bad but still more than we wanted. Now, where my headache begins. My fiance has a son from a previous relationship, they were never married. We get along great. We have a great friendship and an understanding of each other. But, do I have to invite her to the wedding? My fiance and her are civil but honestly don't even acknowledge the other is in the room. They only speak when they have to. Other wise, her and I take care of it. Would not inviting her hurt our relationship or make it seem like I am being hateful? My fiance doesn't want her there but she is the mother of my stepson. I'm on the fence because I want to respect my fiancees wishes but at the same time, I would rather save face to potentially prevent any drama. What would you do?!?

Re: wedding guest list headache!

  • Hello all! I have a quick question. My fiance and I are trying to keep our wedding as small as possible. 75 is what we wanted. Just close friends and family. Well he has a large immediate family. So 75 came and went. We are at 85. Not too bad but still more than we wanted. Now, where my headache begins. My fiance has a son from a previous relationship, they were never married. We get along great. We have a great friendship and an understanding of each other. But, do I have to invite her to the wedding? My fiance and her are civil but honestly don't even acknowledge the other is in the room. They only speak when they have to. Other wise, her and I take care of it. Would not inviting her hurt our relationship or make it seem like I am being hateful? My fiance doesn't want her there but she is the mother of my stepson. I'm on the fence because I want to respect my fiancees wishes but at the same time, I would rather save face to potentially prevent any drama. What would you do?!?

    You absolutely do not have to invite her. I think it'd almost be odd if you did invite her... But if you want step son there, just make sure your FI has custody that weekend.
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  • How old is the boy?
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  • yogablossomyogablossom member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    There's nothing wrong with wanting your step son there. And I think his mother would probably understand his being invited and not her. Attending your wedding would probably be uncomfortable for her, too.
  • I think it's more important to respect your FI's wishes than it is to "save face" with his ex. HE is the person you're spending your life with; not the ex. It's totally fine not to invite her. Especially since you're having a pretty small wedding. If she brings it up, all you have to do is say "We would have loved to have you there but unfortunately we couldn't accommodate everyone we would've liked to. How's that bean dip?" 
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  • Given their relationship, I wouldn't invite her. 
  • I think it's fine to invite your stepson without his mother.
  • I think the rule is that if you invite a child, you need some form of parent there. FI will be there, so the ex is unnecessary. She would most likely not come, anyway. 
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