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Well-Intentioned Sexism is Still Sexism

flantasticflantastic member
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in Chit Chat
So I need to vent about my MIL again...

She mentioned a while ago that she had gotten magazine subscriptions for H and I (presumably for Christmas, although a lot of times she just mails us little gifts). A postcard showed up a week or so ago indicating that MIL had bought a subscription to Time for H, and today we received a Christmas card from her with the gift note for me - Food Network mag. She wrote on it To: Flan, From: MIL and wrote along the edge "Time -->> H" in case we didn't know yet, I guess. I'm pissed.

I know she doesn't mean it to be offensive, but it's not like I have a particular interest in cooking. Both H and I are upping our food game and cooking for us. LEARNING HOW TO MAKE THE FOOD FOR THE FAMILY IS NOT OBVIOUSLY MY JOB. H can sit and read commentary about current events, while I can learn 12 fun new ways to use the goddamn cake plate for Christmas dinner parties!
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Re: Well-Intentioned Sexism is Still Sexism

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    princessofgenoviaprincessofgenovia member
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    Now come on...you know you wouldn't understand what they're talking about in Time magazine. Your lady bits prevent it.

    And men...oh they're just a fall down mess in the kitchen! I mean the other day FI was trying to make his oatmeal and damn near set the house on fire! Poor dear, couldn't even figure out what a bowl was!
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    That would bug me, too. Better bake a cake to put on that stand, woman!




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    chibiyuichibiyui member
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    Yeah. Thats pretty crappy if you specifically don't have a general interest in cooking.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Ha!! My MIL did this two years ago. She got DH "the family handyman" and "this old house" and she got me "cooking light" and "southern living". Yay gender roles!!
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    That is pretty awful. And I find it ridiculous she even needed to specify whom each magazine is for when they are obviously going to the same house. God forbid you pick up Time.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    InkdancerInkdancer member
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    ohannabelle said:
    If you read news magazines, your vagina seals up. Forever. 
    Don't ask me how I know this.
    Not forever. You can cure it by cooking a full steak and potatoes dinner for your man while wearing crinolines, pearls, and heels.
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    eyeroll
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    sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    ohannabelle said:
    If you read news magazines, your vagina seals up. Forever. 
    Don't ask me how I know this.
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    alpacalunchalpacalunch member
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    JCbride2015 said:
    That is pretty awful. And I find it ridiculous she even needed to specify whom each magazine is for when they are obviously going to the same house. God forbid you pick up Time.
    It's never good when we womenfolk get to into the book learnin'. 
    We can just go pick up our necessities at Loaves and Fishes, and then get back where we belong.

    OP, should your H be very into being current, and you into cooking, fine. Cool. But just assigning roles? Nope. 

    Also, Food Network magazine is TERRIBLE. "This month, 40 ways to use Velveeta!" I'll pass thanks.
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    Teddy917Teddy917 member
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    @HaileyDancingbear‌ Actually women don't cross their legs. That causes the skirt to ride up and is too revealing. Women cross their ankles, left behind right. But I agree with everything you said.
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    ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
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    Oh gosh I would love to get the Food magazine, but then I realized the implications associated with what your MIL did. Nope, not cool @flantastic's MIL. 

    My boyfriend gets the food magazine subscription and we sit by the fire and read it and plan what we're going to make next. Now I want to get a magazine subscription for National Geographic. Do you think your MIL would faint at the idea of my desire to learn seeing as I'm faint of heart and as a girl can't handle such heavy understanding of the world. lol Just kidding but still, not cool.
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    novella1186novella1186 member
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    Inkdancer said:
    ohannabelle said:
    If you read news magazines, your vagina seals up. Forever. 
    Don't ask me how I know this.
    Not forever. You can cure it by cooking a full steak and potatoes dinner for your man while wearing crinolines, pearls, and heels.
    Well damn. The only magazine I ever read is a news magazine. (The Week. It's fucking awesome). My mom occasionally sends me fashion magazines so I use them to light the grill. 
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    thespeshulestsnowflakethespeshulestsnowflake member
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    princessofgenovia said:
    Now come on...you know you wouldn't understand what they're talking about in Time magazine. Your lady bits prevent it.

    And men...oh they're just a fall down mess in the kitchen! I mean the other day FI was trying to make his oatmeal and damn near set the house on fire! Poor dear, couldn't even figure out what a bowl was!
    Though true story from college, one of my roommates did set oatmeal on fire in the microwave, but she did know what a bowl was.
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Maybe you can try to tell her that your DH does most of the reading of the food mag?   This wouldn't bother me nearly as much as something like a "How to clean the house" book to give to the little wife.

    FWIW, next time suggest the Cooks Illustrated mag.   It's perfection.   They even film in New England and some day I want to go to there. 
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    banana468 said:
    Maybe you can try to tell her that your DH does most of the reading of the food mag?   This wouldn't bother me nearly as much as something like a "How to clean the house" book to give to the little wife.

    FWIW, next time suggest the Cooks Illustrated mag.   It's perfection.   They even film in New England and some day I want to go to there. 

    Oh this happened at the shower - it's wasn't MIL, it was their older lady friend from next door who hosted it at her house. She put together a binder of cleaning tips she'd collected from various magazines and newspapers and wrote out herself. I do think she said that the cleaning strategies book was for both of us, but it did happen at the shower.

    And yes, Banana and @larrygaga, I will be doing that.

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    princessofgenoviaprincessofgenovia member
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    HaileyDancingbear said:
    I really hate binary gender roles.  On both sides.  For women, we get shoved in this stupid 50's housewife box where we look pretty, shoot out babies, clean and cook all day, and are too damn busy putting on more red lipstick for they hubby (in order to look just a little sexual but not too sexual because a female's sexuality is horrible and should only exist when men have boners but otherwise she should have her legs crossed at all times)  to speak her mind.  

    Then men get shoved into this equally ridiculous box of "UH UH.  STOVE???? ME NOT NOW HOW TO WORK IT.  MANLY HANDS TOO BIG TO WORK MICROWAVE BUTTONS.  NEED WOMAN HELP.  ME NO WASH CLOTHES EITHER.  ME NO LIKE SOAP.  SHOPPING? BUT NO WOMAN AROUND.  IT OK ME STARVE.  FEELINGS?  WHAT THAT.  NO FEEL, NOT MANLY.  ME JUST SUPPRESS ALL EMOTION EXCEPT RAGE, RAGE SUPER MANLY."  

    And frankly when you have women taught to shut the fuck up and let men take over, and you teach the man that aggression=manliness, it's no wonder we live in such a fucked up world.  We encourage men to abuse and women to just shut up and take it.  And god forbid a man is actually a well-meaning person that respects women as equals, can actually handle his own shit, is intellectual, and isn't a douche for the sake of being a douche, that makes him a fucking pansy who would have balls if they weren't in some chick's purse (Because that's how deeply rooted misogyny is in our society, to NOT view yourself as better than women and treat them as inferiors is compared to actually losing your male genitalia.  We directly compare manliness to domination of the opposite gender as a commonly used figure of speech.)  on top of reinforcing horrible standards, we literally see the good in people and do our best to snuff it out.  

    And super ultra mega god forbid your little boy tries to play with something that is pink or wear a dress (as someone who works with young kids, I can tell you this is SUPER COMMON.  Why?  Because gender roles are stupid manmade things and no kid who hasn't been brainwashed yet gives a fucking shit what color something is or what gender we've assigned to an inanimate object.  Toys are toys and clothes are clothes until some asshole adult steps in and tells them what they're doing is bad.) Ugh, he's gonna hear shit from everyone, because colors and clothing and all sorts of inanimate objects apparently have fucking genders and most people just don't find that concept at all weird.

    Just to clarify, this rant isn't entirely related to your post.  I'm not hating on your MIL.  But you mentioned something that reminded me of binary gender roles so I had to hate on them and when I start hating on gender roles I can't stop.  
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    larrygaga said:
    I would say something like "Oh H just loves trying out the recipes in this cooking mag and did you read X article in Time?  H didn't read it so I have nobody to discuss it with." Even if it's a straight up lie, it would be hilarious. 
    You beat me to it!  I was just about to suggest this! :)


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    sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    flantastic said:
    banana468 said:
    Maybe you can try to tell her that your DH does most of the reading of the food mag?   This wouldn't bother me nearly as much as something like a "How to clean the house" book to give to the little wife.

    FWIW, next time suggest the Cooks Illustrated mag.   It's perfection.   They even film in New England and some day I want to go to there. 

    Oh this happened at the shower - it's wasn't MIL, it was their older lady friend from next door who hosted it at her house. She put together a binder of cleaning tips she'd collected from various magazines and newspapers and wrote out herself. I do think she said that the cleaning strategies book was for both of us, but it did happen at the shower.

    And yes, Banana and @larrygaga, I will be doing that.

    I really want this. 
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