What would you do? NWR

AlexisA01

Hey so I am iffy about what to do . About few weeks ago on November 08th, it was one of my friend's birthday, lets call her Heather. I called and messaged her to see if I could take her out for her birthday that evening. I was going to drive and I was going to take her to her favorite restaurant and bar, so I would pick her up and of course be DD. I did not hear back from her until four days later (even though she was posting on social media during the time).  I sent a good morning text and she messaged me soon after. She told me she was out doing stuff with her mom and forgot to message me back that night. I told her I wanted to take her out for her birthday and if she was free tonight, why not go out tonight. She declined the offer, so I asked if she wanted to perhaps do a rain-check for another day and she declined. 

When I she stopped by my parents on Thanksgiving, my parents gave her a happy belated birthday bottle of wine and I gave her a few charms for her Pandora Bracelet. She mentioned something to  my mom about what she did with her own mother and my mom asked me if I did anything with her. I told her I offered to take her out and she declined and Heather said she was fine. I threw it out on the table again and she says "nah I'm good, thanks for the offer though!."

Weeks passed by and now she tags me and a few others on her facebook discussing some partying and then mentions "AlexisA1 you still owe me that birthday night out at XYZ. Naturally, I am somewhat livid. I did not comment on her post and removed it from my timeline review. A few hours later  I get a text message from Heather today asking if I still wanted to take her out for her birthday. I haven't replied yet. What would you do? My FH thinks I gave her too many offers and since she declined I should not do anything. My own mom said that Heather can't decline something numorous times then think the invitation is still open. 

lovegood90

That's so strange! Did she give any reason why she declined so much before?

If you're still on good terms and want to I don't see why not just take her out?But If you don't want to anymore I don't think you should feel obligated, just bean dip.

That is strange though I agree.

larrygaga

I agree with your mom. She didn't have to commit to a day RIGHT THEN but could have accepted the offer. It's weird and kinda rude she brought it up in a facebook post with other people in it. If she's close enough for your parents to get her such a nice gift, then she obviously is close enough that you can tell her how you really feel about this and get some sort of explanation. Although if she is that close, she's your friend and you should just let it go and take her out. 

AlexisA01

lovegood90 said:

That's so strange! Did she give any reason why she declined so much before? If you're still on good terms and want to I don't see why not just take her out?But If you don't want to anymore I don't think you should feel obligated, just bean dip. That is strange though I agree.

I don't know. It was like she wasn't interested and then BAM "I want AlexisA1 to take me out now!"

 Like @larrygaga said, she could have accepted the offer for a different day and I would have been fine with it. I feel like the opportunity has sailed. I made sure to ask if she was busy we can do a different time etc and she still declined every time. 

lovegood90

AlexisA01 said:

lovegood90 said:

That's so strange! Did she give any reason why she declined so much before?

If you're still on good terms and want to I don't see why not just take her out?But If you don't want to anymore I don't think you should feel obligated, just bean dip.

That is strange though I agree.

I don't know. It was like she wasn't interested and then BAM "I want AlexisA1 to take me out now!"

 Like @larrygaga said, she could have accepted the offer for a different day and I would have been fine with it. I feel like the opportunity has sailed. I made sure to ask if she was busy we can do a different time etc and she still declined every time. 

Yeah that is so strange! You seemed to make a big effort already. If you feel the ship has sailed I don't see the problem with just ignoring it.

jacques27

My first thought was I did something kind of similar.  This was before Facebook and that sort of thing (we had LiveJournal back then).  And I had turned down a bunch of offers to take me out for my 21st birthday because I didn't think it was that big of a deal and my birthday was on a Tuesday.  And then all of a sudden at like 6:00 p.m. on my birthday I had a change of heart and decided I wanted to have a few drinks.  So then I went back to one of my friends who had offered a few weeks prior and the two of us went out for dinner and drinks.

However, I'm going to guess that isn't the case here.  I'm going to guess that she had someone else in mind that she wanted to go out with (whether it be a guy she's interested in or another group of friends) and she was secretly hoping they would ask her to do something and holding out for that.  And when that never came to fruition and she realized they all forgot her birthday, she decided to make it look on Facebook like she had such an awesome birthday week that she was fighting offers off with a stick (i.e. your offer) and making a show of how she had to turn down your offer and take a raincheck...even though that's not how it played out.  And now she feels badly that no one else even offered and is hoping you'll take her out.

Personally, I would still do it, even though she was kind of an arse.  I'm assuming that her birthday didn't pan out the way she wanted and that's why she's pulling this crap now...and while it's a crappy thing for her to do, it's also kinda sad.  Of course, I could be wrong - maybe she's just a selfish narcissist.  If you're still interested in being friends, but still kinda miffed, you could always respond with "Oh, I thought maybe you didn't want to celebrate your birthday this year since you turned me down earlier...but if you want to meet up for dinner one of these nights to catch up, I'm totally game."  It's vaguely passive-aggressive, which I'm usually against, but meh.

theartistformerlyknownas

Idk. I'd probably be butthurt about it and tell her "I'm not free for a while, but hopefully we can get together soon, maybe we can take a cab to (some different place)." Sort of take the offer of the table that you're going to pay/DD/etc.

But sometimes I get immature and pissy, so there's that.

sophhabobopha

Yeah, that's really strange.

AlexisA01

lolo883 said:

Idk. I'd probably be butthurt about it and tell her "I'm not free for a while, but hopefully we can get together soon, maybe we can take a can to (some different place)." Sort of take the offer of the table that you're going to pay/DD/etc.

But sometimes I get immature and pissy, so there's that.

Sorry im getting around to post, I've been thinking about what to do. I don't want lie, I'm very irritated with how this came to be. I feel like I'm not good enough to do anything with her and since then I backed off. I understand not wanting to hang with someone but don't B list my invites/plan. It's frustrating. I could meet her to hang out but she would have expectation that I'm buying her items.

As aggravated my mom said, she said to invite her over for movie night or we meet for food but to just pay separately.

AlexisA01

jacques27 said:

My first thought was I did something kind of similar.  This was before Facebook and that sort of thing (we had LiveJournal back then).  And I had turned down a bunch of offers to take me out for my 21st birthday because I didn't think it was that big of a deal and my birthday was on a Tuesday.  And then all of a sudden at like 6:00 p.m. on my birthday I had a change of heart and decided I wanted to have a few drinks.  So then I went back to one of my friends who had offered a few weeks prior and the two of us went out for dinner and drinks.

However, I'm going to guess that isn't the case here.  I'm going to guess that she had someone else in mind that she wanted to go out with (whether it be a guy she's interested in or another group of friends) and she was secretly hoping they would ask her to do something and holding out for that.  And when that never came to fruition and she realized they all forgot her birthday, she decided to make it look on Facebook like she had such an awesome birthday week that she was fighting offers off with a stick (i.e. your offer) and making a show of how she had to turn down your offer and take a raincheck...even though that's not how it played out.  And now she feels badly that no one else even offered and is hoping you'll take her out.

Personally, I would still do it, even though she was kind of an arse.  I'm assuming that her birthday didn't pan out the way she wanted and that's why she's pulling this crap now...and while it's a crappy thing for her to do, it's also kinda sad.  Of course, I could be wrong - maybe she's just a selfish narcissist.  If you're still interested in being friends, but still kinda miffed, you could always respond with "Oh, I thought maybe you didn't want to celebrate your birthday this year since you turned me down earlier...but if you want to meet up for dinner one of these nights to catch up, I'm totally game."  It's vaguely passive-aggressive, which I'm usually against, but meh.

Never looked at from that viewpoint. She took photos with people she was with and even with her mom. It's odd that after thanksgiving, I haven't heard from her and out the blue she wants to do something over a month later.