Who really WANTS to be a bridesmaid?

CMGragain

I have never been a bridesmaid.  Maybe moving 17 times before I was 16 years old had something to do with it.  It is hard to form long friendships when you attend four different high schools.
Those of you who have, were you anxious to be a bridesmaid in a wedding?  Were you excited to spend that money on a dress you would probably only wear once?  Did you really want to do the showers and the bachelorette parties, or were you worried about the money you were spending?
I keep reading posts from brides-to-be who are worried about leaving a friend out of their wedding party.  I don't have any personal experience to understand these posts.  Is this the norm?  Would you be offended at not being picked to stand up in high heels in a fancy dress? 
Personally, I have never felt bad about not being a bridesmaid.  Enlighten me, please.

phira

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid twice. However, the first time, I was 12 and a junior bridesmaid, which meant that I just had to basically show up at the wedding, and my mom paid for my dress, and I had no other responsibilities. The second time, I had to back out because I couldn't afford to go to the wedding.

I was upset about not being asked to be a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding because my sister was asked (for everyone's favorite reason, by the way--to have even sides). I wasn't upset because I wanted to be a bridesmaid ... I was upset that my sister was one and I wasn't. I'm estranged from my dad, and my siblings aren't, and it felt like it was punishment for that estrangement (or like people would think it was punishment for it). And I was in only a few photos, while my sister was in a ton.

It's all super petty stuff, but it did upset me.

doeydo

I have never been one, but it would be nice I suppose.  But no, I was not hurt or offended when others' didn't choose me to be a BM.

l9i

I've been in one and will be in one this coming year.  Honestly I am honored to be in it and to think they picked me to stand up and support them on their wedding day.  I love weddings and I'm really excited to be a part of them.

Now with that in mind.  These two girls are incredibly chill and reasonable.  Dresses were in a very managable budget for all and other costs were pretty minimal and the wedding was/will be in town.  If I had a bridezilla experience I may think differently, but for these two weddings they've been wonderful.

A different perspective - A friend of H just got engaged and H is hoping he isn't asked to be a groomsmen.  With this it would require a cross country trip for the wedding and then we'd be committed for sure at the point.  Right now we are still unsure if we'll be able to afford the trip but it's still a year away.

theartistformerlyknownas

I was MOH for my sister (the weekend of finals week my senior year of college) and a BM for two of my best friends (both destination weddings, one international). Maybe I lucked out with super chill brides, but it was never any big imposition and I was honored to stand with them. And I always got to pick my dress.

I haven't been "passed over" by anyone I'm close enough with to assume I'd be a bridesmaid, so I can't speak to that.

mikenberger

I've been in three weddings:

My brothers: I got to wear an orange empire waisted floor length satin dress. In July. Did I mention I'm a ginger? Ughhhh. She was under 21 when they got married so her bachelorette party was dinner at Old Chicago and me drinking. 

My best friend: I was her MOH but she doesn't drink and can't be without her beloved. So we went bowling the night before her wedding and called it good. My dress was a canary yellow halter chiffon thing from DB. The wedding was in October in Indiana. I nearly froze to death. 

Then I'm in a wedding a month after mine with someone who is in my wedding party as well. It started out really bad: She chose the same bridal party dresses, we have the same photographer/DJ/bakery/florist/hair/nail/makeup vendors... but it's better now. We also nearly had the same save the dates, but luckily we checked in with each other to ensure that didn't happen. It's tough when you have 75% mutual friends and you're getting married 4 weeks apart.

I've always enjoyed the experience of being a bridesmaid though. I've never been passed up though, I felt, to be a bridesmaid but then again, I don't keep many very close friends.

ETA: I will say, I was invited to be in a wedding when I was... 21? A high school friend of mine, I had known her since I was 7. After she asked me to be a bridesmaid, we apparently didn't talk enough for her needs and she removed me from the bridal party... BUT DIDN'T TELL ME. I found out from another bridesmaid, who was my best friend, that they were going dress shopping. I wasn't invited by the bride, ergo I was not in the bridal party. It was awful. I called her and asked her why I wasn't in the bridal party any longer and she said "You don't call me enough. We never talk." So yup. That was awful and hurt. To this day, when I see her wedding pictures, I'm annoyed. 

porkchops926

I've only been a bridesmaid once, and it was for my brother's wedding. I was 17 and also doubled as the ringbearer, so that was exciting for me to have so much responsibility. Also, my SIL is super cool and actually chose a simple burgundy column dress that you could wear again. So... I guess my once experience with it was not typical, it was super chill and was a great experience. 

ChemFanatic25

I think the only reason I would want to be a bridesmaid is because it is an indication of how close I am to the bride. I only have two really really close friends and one is married. I was her bridesmaid and was extremely happy to be asked. My other friend is just as far away from marriage as I am so I won't be worrying about that for a while. So yeah, I guess I really want to be a bridesmaid but only for close friends. I'd rather just be invited to the wedding if I'm a friend or an aquaintance.

ashley8918

Sure, I would. I also have never been a bridesmaid, but I'm also the first of my close friends to get married (actually, I've been married twice before any of them, haha).

I can't imagine being offended at not being chosen, though.

FiancB

I've only been a bridesmaid once, for my sister when I was 11. 

One of my close friends didn't ask me and honestly I was a teeny bit hurt but at the same time I told myself sweet, I can just have fun at the wedding with (then boyfriend, now) H without any responsibilities and I can wear what I want. 

I only have one other friend I see myself being a BM for, but she is 4 years younger than me and not engaged so that's all hypothetical. 

I don't think there's anything intrinsically awesome about being a BM, but I would be honored to stand by my friend's side on a big day. It's a declaration of who your posse is, so to speak, and there are certain people that I would be a little bit hurt if it turned out they didn't think I fit into that. 

But it's not a friendship ending move by any means. If I don't get asked, woo more free time for me. 

[Deleted User]

I was a BM once. Slightly surprised I was asked but it wasn't that bad. She chose a skirt and top combo for the wedding and each girl picked the top that worked best for them. I wasn't asked a budget but it wasn't a super expensive dress so it worked out okay.

I helped with one project, helped with the engagement shower, skipped the Bachelorette party and did the wedding. I was the only single person in the wedding party and knew no one else besides the bride.

As soon as dinner was over I went outside and sat for about 2 hours until I felt it was "okay' to leave without being rude.

It wasn't a "super fun" thing but it wasn't the worst experience. I could care less if I ever get to be one again.

ETF: it's early.

novella1186

I was a bridesmaid in my college roommate's wedding. She's one of my best friends, so I was really excited and honored that she asked me. I was not excited to pay $200 for a satin dress I would clearly only wear once and then pay additional money for alterations (I was in college and she didn't ask me my budget beforehand, so I had to beg my parents to help me pay for it which sucked). 

She had already graduated college and was back in her hometown several hours away, which was where her shower was hosted so I could not attend and she didn't mind. (Personally I hate attending things like that anyway). She was very laid back. Her BSC (and quite bitchy and rude) MOH planned a weekend get-away to an island for the bachelorette party which was pretty damn expensive so that sucked but I was still excited to go just to hang out with my friend. Plus I had never been to this island before so that was cool. 

If she hadn't asked me, I would have been fine with it because I knew she had a lot of really close friends from high school so I didn't "expect" her to ask me. 

On the other hand, if my best friend who I've known since we were kids got married and had tons of bridesmaids and I was not one of them, I would be sad I think. It's the idea that the person thinks of me as someone special to them, because they were special to me. The dress and all the other bullshit is just a minor annoyance that comes with being special and honored. 

flyingfoxes

I've only been a bridesmaid once, and that was in August at my sister's wedding.  We basically only had to show up.  I plan to only ask the same of my bridesmaids.  

cupcait927

I've been a bridesmaid once and hated the experience. I ended up spending far too much money - my BFF got very demanding and had high expectations when she got married. I loved that she chose me to be her MOH but after the experience, I wish I had said no. I was young and broke and ended up getting very resentful towards her regarding her attitude.

 

I haven't had any other close friends get married yet but I do have a couple friends that I would of course say yes to if they asked me. I know they'd be completely chill and understanding. Others, not so much.

 

I chose not to have any bridesmaids - we had a small wedding and I just wanted everyone to come and enjoy themselves. My BFF was completely thrown off by this and pretty much made herself an unofficial bridesmaid, along with another close friends of ours. They planned a bachelorette party for me, coordinated outfits for the wedding (both had dark blue dresses), helped me get ready and I asked them to do readings during the ceremony. Worked out quite nicely - she got to fulfill a lot of the traditional bridesmaid roles like she wanted and I didn't have to worry about picking out dresses, extra bouquets, etc.

WinstonsGirl

I've been BM twice, MOH once.  I was happy to do it, cos it was for my close friends, but if I never have to do it again, I will be so happy.  It's lots of work, even though all you really have to do is show up in the dress.  I was happy to do the "work" for my friends, but it's still work.  I'd rather just be a guest.  

larrygaga

For me it's more the principle of the thing. I would be so mad if my MOH didn't have me as a bridesmaid, mostly because she's my sister and best friend. Unless she wasn't having any bridesmaids, but if she choose a friend and not me, or one of our other sisters and not me, I would see where I stood in her life. I have been a bridesmaid 4 times, and I was very happy that I was considered to be that close to the bride each time. I always hate the dresses but I think it's kinda fun to have so much to do with a wedding! Since I was a bridesmaid for 3 sisters, and I like to help, I had a lot to do with each wedding. It turns out I hate planning my own but for other people it's totally fun. 

I was actually kind of sad because it seemed like my maids didn't really like the dresses they decided on, and then I remembered that I was never happy with my dress either. I don't like matching other people color or otherwise. I was just happy to be there, and since I always buy a new dress for a wedding, I don't mind spending that money. I think it's the same for them. I mean nobody is jumping up and down in excitement over a plain matchy-matchy bridesmaid dress. 

I would love a break from being a bridesmaid, and I think I will get one for many years if ever. Like I said, I liked it a lot but most of them were my sisters and one was my best friend, so I had a butt ton of tolerance for it. I probably wouldn't be a bridesmaid if asked for anyone but the rest of my sisters.

lacqueredlover

I've been a bridesmaid 3 times already, am currently one and will probably have 2-3 more to be in.  Honestly, I have always been thrilled because it was for my closest friends (and sister in law) and I love them all.  None of them were demanding at all, the only expectation was to show up that day in the dress and to party all night!

Every wedding I've been in, the bridesmaids weren't expected to throw the shower because an aunt or mother in law or close family friend was doing it.  I always love to travel and be with friends so I dont' mind the Bachelorette party option.  the dresses aren't the best but honestly it's one day of my life, so who really cares.

I think it honestly depends on the bride.  Luckily for me and all of my friends, we are financially stable, respectful of each other and all just want to have fun and enjoy each others weddings.  Which is kind of how I think it should be!

yogapants

I've recently been asked to be a bridesmaid for the first time and I'm thrilled. The bride is my best friend and I'm so excited that she wants me to stand up with her. It says to me that I'm as important to her as she is to me.

I know the wedding party should only be expected to show up mostly sober wearing the proper attire, but I'm on board to help my best friend with anything she needs. She's a little bit of a princess but she's also practical, and the MOH and one of the other BMs both have small children (as does the bride), so I don't see her making crazy demands of her bridal party. 

lacqueredlover

I will say that all of my bridesmaids keep asking me what they can do to help and I'm like "um lets get cocktails and just hang out?  No wedding help needed."  I don't get these brides who expect their friends to help plan their weddings, the only input I wanted from my friends is budget for a dress!

Inkdancer

I've been a bridesmaid once, and it was a pretty chill experience. The dresses were bad, but whatevs.

One of my maids is engaged, and if she doesn't ask me I will be crushed. We've been like sisters since high school and I love her like crazy. As far as I know she hasn't asked anyone yet, because she's in grad school and letting her mom handle the planning.

abl13

I've been a bridesmaid twice. The first time was for one of my BFF's from high school. It was right after we graduated college and she was understanding of the fact that none of us had a lot of money so she picked a cheap dress, bought our jewelry and shoes and paid for our hair (we did our own makeup). I was honored to stand with her because I introduced her to her husband and her wedding was a blast. The only complaint I had was that she wanted all the BM's to get together constantly, to the point where I was relieved when the wedding was over. The only other thing I didn't like about that experience is that her H's sister was a BM and was much younger than us and we had to include her in everything. It was exhausting to have to deal with her constantly.

The second time was for another close friend. I wasn't sure if she was going to ask me but was thrilled when she did. She didn't ask for budgets and made us buy a $350 designer dress that the BM's had no input on which needed a ton of alterations. She also had a girl come to do all of our hair on the day of and didn't offer to pay (even though it was understood that we would all get our hair done). I didn't know any of the other BM's and they were kind of cliquey so I didn't have that much fun at the shower or bachelorette party. Overall it just cost a TON of money (overnight bach party, etc.) and I was also relieved when that wedding was over.

It's nice to see that you are someone that the bride considers close. On the other hand, it sucks to have to buy an expensive dress that you didn't pick out, it also sucks to have to spend a ton of money on their wedding vision. For my wedding my mom threw my shower, I chose a $100 dress and my BM's mom did the alterations, I paid for hair and makeup and asked for no bachelorette party. I think it worked out a lot better and I would hate for my friends to have to pinch pennies on my account.

My BIL will probably get engaged soon and I hope they don't ask me to be a BM. I would so much rather pick out my own dress on sale and just be in the family pics.

jaygeejay

I was a bridesmaid in my cousins wedding a few years back and I really enjoyed it. Yes, there was some crappy things about it, spending money, and dealing with the other maids but, It was worth it.

I will never forget getting ready together and sharing those last moments in the back of the church before she got married. We grew up together and this was a huge moment for us to share!! 

My best friend asked me to be in her wedding for next fall, I cannot wait! I really do believe it is an honor to be a part of someones wedding day! 

larrygaga

I want to add that the honor comes from if they really love you and want you there next to them.If you are a prop to even sides or because you are the right look for the wedding it's obviously just a bunch of shit. 

amelisha

Just last week I posted a thread about how one of my best friends is really upset that she's not in my wedding party (because I'm not having a wedding party....) so I have plenty of opinions on this one. Bridesmaids are one of those things that I don't quite get, honestly, and I've been one several times. I just don't completely understand why standing there in a specially-purcased outfit and holding flowers beside the people getting married is necessary/an honour/whatever. I know it's a thing and that's how people see it and I'd never say anything in real life to anyone, but on the Internet I feel like I can admit that it's just not something I've found significant in the past. I love my friends and if they want me to buy a dress and hold a bouquet I'm good with that and happy to do it for them, but I still don't totally understand why it happens (beyond the long-ago historical origins) or why it's such a huge deal.

Nobody throw rocks at me, please, I'm not judging anyone's choices here, I just don't get WHY it's still a tradition in general.

JennyColada

I've never been a bridesmaid and only been to three weddings in my life (one when I was 7).

I've been more upset over not being invited as a guest than not being ask to be a BM. But I ws a little sad when my one friend invited me to her wedding and didn't ask me to be a BM. I thought we were kind of close (and just as close as our mutual friend that she did ask). But it's whatever.

anjemon

I've been a bridesmaid three times. Two of those times were for my sisters. I was very pleased to have been asked (probably would have been annoyed to be left out). And since it was my sister's wedding, my parents payed for a lot. And although we threw a bridal shower, my Mom did a lot of leg work and helped organize. Both of my sisters are very chill, so it was just fun. I did a lot of work, but I figure I would do a lot of work for a family wedding no matter what. I voluntarily took a few days off before each wedding to come home and help with last minute preparations. 

The first time I was a bridesmaid, it was for a college friend. I was actually a replacement bridesmaid because her brother broke up with his girlfriend around 6 months before the wedding. I was very happy to be asked (and quite young so I didn't really think to be offended). That was one a little bit more expensive, but my friend was also a very chill bride so it was just fun. I don't think she even requested any wedding planning type help. I remember a bachelorette part, but not any other wedding type events.

There is only one more friend who I would be upset if she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. She's my MOH and best friend since high school. But she's not engaged right now, so it's not a thing. Although I know right now her sister will be her MOH. I picked a friend MOH because I have two sisters and that was easier than picking between my sisters.

Overall, I do enjoy being a bridesmaid and helping with all the planning stuff. So I would be happy to accept any friends who wanted to include me.

KeptInStitches

I was a BM once for a former friend. I knew things were going south when she told me she'd asked me because someone else had turned her down, but by then I was 3 months into this, the wedding was 7 months away, the dress had been ordered, and I felt like there was nothing I could do. 

I officially decided to end the friendship after she was an ungrateful brat at the bridal shower my mom and I threw her. I got her Pyrex from her registry and instead of saying "thank you" she said "I already have three of these at home."

I could have strangled her.

I think I mumbled something about how now she had extra in case the pieces ever broke and we ended the shower pretty quickly after that.

We haven't spoken since her wedding day and I do not regret that.

I don't want to be a BM again. I might - might - be persuaded into doing so if my DB keeps his GF, and I'd be almost "do it in a heartbeat" for my MoH (who's not dating), but ... no. Just no.

pinkcow13

I've never been a bridesmaid. My closest friends are either not married yet, or in the case of my cousin/bridesmaid, had a very small intimate courthouse wedding. With that being said, I would love to be a bridesmaid. As long as the bride is chill and reasonable and doesn't turn into a raging bridezilla, I would not mind spending the money for the one day (or multiple days when you factor in bachelorettes, etc). Of course, I highly doubt any of my friends would be anything like a terrible bridezilla. 

To me, it would be an absolute honor to be asked to be a bridesmaid or MOH. I know that my BFF/MOH is close to getting engaged - her bf already has a ring picked out and they are apartment hunting. I cannot wait for me to be her MOH on her big day.

flantastic

I was the first of my friends to get married, although a few more have since gotten engaged. All but one of them are guys, though.

I was just asked to be a BM for the first time by the one girl, and was honestly surprised - I didn't include her as a BM, but she did come down for my bachelorette party. I did have one of our mutual friends as MOH, and she asked me and the mutual friend and another girl who she was on drumline with in college. I'm a little excited about the novelty of it, and I said yes because it clearly was important to her. She's already been asking my advice about a couple wedding planning things, but I'm happy to be the "expert" and pretty confident that's not why she asked me to be a BM. There was a poem involved, but I don't anticipate this being too bad.

When my MOH/mutual friend gets married, which will probably be within a year and a half, the dress will probably be a shitshow (she's been teasing us about it for a while considering her professed favorite color is "glitter" and sending us short sequiny prom dresses), but I will be excited to wear it and for her because she's wonderful.

OliveOilsMom

I have been a BM 5 times, one of those 5 I was MOH.  I love planning showers and b-parties, so that part doesn't bother me.  I have had to fight a little bit on my budget a few times, but overall I had very great experiences.  Generally, my brides have been chill or I've been able to help tone down the crazy.  I only have one more friend I would probably be a BM for, but her BF is not the marrying type, so who knows what will happen.

The worst time I was a BM was with the Momzilla from Hell, I've written about this particular wedding a few times on here.  She had to put on the appearance of wealth, which meant the cost got trickled down to the BMs.  I am an avid baker and the look on her face when I asked to bake the cake for her shower, to save money, you would have thought I just kicked a puppy across the room.  I also asked if we could have the shower at a hall where I could bring in all the food, again to save money, was met with a "My family could NEVER have a shower in a hall, it has to be a restaurant."  The amount of money she wanted us to spend was crazy, finally we just told her flat out, I just purchased a house (on my own), my friend just had her first son, and other friend just had to find her own apartment (it was the bride that moved out!) so these expenses were too much.  She was also trying to force a BM down in KY to pay for her portion of the shower, even though she wasn't attending. 

l9i

Honestly I've gotten really lucky I haven't hated the two dresses for the weddings I was in.  My only complaint is that they are both uber similar (not their fault). But they are long, dark purple, flattering on everyone that was wearing it, and NOT strapless (I think a jersey or chiffon type material).  I can wear them for our company Christmas party.  After the second wedding I'll prb shorten one so I have a long and short one.  Both times the party went to try on dresses and the girls came to a decision on a dress (given color and length).

My girls loved (at least they said) their dreses (I wish I got one just to wear for occasions).  They were short black lace cocktail dresses in which they chose the neckline they liked.

I've never been in the 'hideous dress' camp so I can't speak to that being a downside.  I feel like this should be a spinoff - in search of the worst BM dresses you've been subjected to!