Who really WANTS to be a bridesmaid?

climbingsingle

I've been a bridesmaid 6 times. Both of my brother's ex-fiances asked me to be in the wedding (the last one asked me to be MOH) but those weddings didn't happen. 

There really was only one time I didn't enjoy being a BM. The bride behaved like an entitled jerk. We're no longer friends. All of times, I honestly enjoyed it. 

I've never been disappointed when not asked. The older I get, the more of a relief it is, honestly. However, 5 of my very closest friends are still unmarried, so I have a feeling more bridesmaid dresses are in my future. 

stefuhknee

I have only been a bridesmaid once for my parents wedding 10 years ago. I didn't have to worry about anything and I just enjoyed the day celebrating the love between two people whom I love. I don't know if anyone is excited to spend money on dresses they probably won't wear again but they are excited to be apart of something with the people they care about. I have two really close friends and when they get married I would love to be apart of their bridal parties and I would be offended if they didn't ask (unless they weren't having a bridal party) because it would be more than just "standing up in heels and wearing a fancy dress". They are my closest friends, practically sisters and it would mean a lot that they would want to have me by their side on such a special day.

labro

I've been a bridesmaid once and a MOH once. I'd definitely do either again...but I have to say I had a lot more fun being MOH than just a bridesmaid.

I was a BM in one of my best friend's weddings. She let us choose any dress at DB as long as it was "Apple Red" or whatever it was and long. She had a very short engagement because they had just found out they were pregnant and wanted to plan a wedding and get married before the baby came so we didn't have any showers. We did have one bridal tea that was a lot of fun, we had a dress shopping excursion with her at DB for her dress, and her bachelorette was really low key because pregnancy and her little sister wasn't over 21. I helped her assemble invitations and helped her mom and dad do some clean up after the reception was over (low key reception in a church hall) but none of that bothered me nor did I feel put upon. I really wanted to be involved and help her out. The only thing that bugged me later is I never got a thank you note for being a bridesmaid or for giving her some really nice gifts off of her registry. I never got a thank you note for the gifts I gave at her baby shower either.

I was co-MOH in my little sister's wedding. The title was shared with our other little sister but honestly I took on the majority of what you'd consider traditional MOH duties. I hosted a couple's showed for her and her H and arranged a weekend getaway bachelorette party (with the full involvement and participation of the rest of her BP and some other friends). Our dresses were something like $170 which was a little more than I wanted to spend but I really loved the dress so I just made it work. I preferred being MOH over just a BM because I really just love planning and hosting events. It was expensive, I spent A LOT of money between a dress, gifts, food, alcohol, etc. for everything but I had so much fun and I really enjoyed giving my sister a fun engagement/being a bride experience and I knew she appreciated it.

At this point I'm sad because most of my friends are married so I don't think I'll have too many other opportunities to be a MOH or bridesmaid again. I think the most likely ones are if my youngest sister and youngest SIL ever get married and ask me to be in their bridal party. If they do, I definitely plan to accept!

lovemyrunner

I've been an MOH for my sister and a bridesmaid for a good friend of mine.  The dresses weren't great.  Neither were ugly or terribly expensive.  My sister's was $144, but required alterations and was completely unflattering.  My friend's was very pretty, but had a sweetheart neckline, which left a busty girl like myself feeling totally exposed all day.

For my sister's wedding, I planned the shower and spent way more money than I had.  But she never asked this of me, I did it of my own accord.  The only thing she asked was for me to go dress shopping with her.  And I ran interference between my sis and our mom who got a little BSCMOB.

For my friend's wedding, she asked another friend and I to plan the shower and bachelorette party because we were the only bridesmaids that were in town.  Again... spent waaaaay too much money on that.  And none of the other bridesmaids offered to chip in.  And then I didn't get to go to either party because I came down with... chicken pox.  Yeah.  I was upset about that one.  Then, the day of the wedding, she had us get our hair done at this salon in her small hometown, but didn't mention that the salon doesn't take debit/credit cards so we would need cash.  And, her party bus wasn't big enough to hold the entire wedding party and dates, so while some of the wedding party got to bring their dates, the two of us who planned all her pre-wedding parties did not.

I love my friend dearly, but I will not be repeating these mistakes.  I told my bridesmaids to wear a solid blue knee length dress.  Whatever they want, however much they want to spend.  The party bus can hold the entire wedding party plus spouses (they're all married) and a few more.  We will not have a head table, everyone will be seated with their spouse.  We're not registering for gifts, so no shower to plan.  And hey, if they want to take me out and get me drunk for a bachelorette, cool.  If not, that's okay too.  I'm trying to be as un-bridezilla as possible.

LadyMillil

I've never been a BM. I was told (not asked) to be MOH for BSC sis. It was a huge stress for me. I've said many times that she kicked me out of the bridal party over attire issues. It would have been a financial hardship for me to pay for everything she was demanding and she didn't care. She was a special snowflake bridezilla so I can only imagine what the BMs went through.

NowIamMrsKlein

I've been a bridesmaid 4 times. 3 family members and a friend. All brides were really awesome about staying within budget and being really chill about what dresses we wore. So think the brides attitudes really helped me want to be one.

The only time I had a small issue with being a bridesmaid was in the summer for my sisters wedding. And that was merely because I was a 7 hour drive away, so money was a little tight for all the 'extras' because of how much it cost me just to attend things, and i felt obligated to attend the showers/stagette because I was a bridesmaid and her sister. If it had been a friends wedding I probably would have graciously declined attending any pre wedding events.

maeday2

larrygaga said:

I want to add that the honor comes from if they really love you and want you there next to them.If you are a prop to even sides or because you are the right look for the wedding it's obviously just a bunch of shit. 

Pretty much what I came to say. 

I was MOH in my sister's wedding and MOH for my best friend. I would do anything for those two ladies. They both are respectful and considerate people who didn't let their wedding vision get in the way of feelings. 

I am only having my sister as my Matron of Honor in my wedding. She knew it would be her, but still cried when I asked. It's a role derived from a relationship, not a vision. 

levioosa

I always wanted to be a BM for my friends until I was finally asked to be in a wedding this year.  The wedding itself was the most stressful event of my year, including graduating and submitting grad school applications, which says a lot.  It kind of ruined the experience for me, and if I never was a BM again, I would be totally fine with that.  That being said, I'm co-MOH for my BFF right now, but so far it has been much easier than the guilt tripping and catty fights between the girls at the other wedding this year.

I feel really sad because I think my friendship with the bride from this year was adversely affected by all of the expectations and the things I refused to do because of my financial situation.  Honestly, the bride probably shouldn't have asked me, because although we were childhood best friends, we don't see each other or talk very often, which led to the problem of being viewed as an "outsider" by the rest of the girls who hang out all the time and met in college.  I was actually told I wasn't really part of the BP.  It was hurtful.  I would have much rather attended the wedding with my parents (since SO wasn't invited either) and danced the night away without all of the petty drama and bullshit. 

Overall, if most brides didn't see their BP as bridal slaves instead of honored guests, I wouldn't mind being in more weddings.  But I feel like bridezillas are sadly the norm.  I've learned a lot about what not to do for my wedding, and although I'm grateful I know it, I'm kind of bummed I had to learn the hard way.     

kat1114

I've been a bridesmaid twice (sort of), and I had fun both times.

The first time was for my friend who had a small 25 person wedding. They didn't have an official bridal party, but all of the friends who were invited took bridal-party like pictures. We just had to wear yellow or grey. This was 3.5 years ago, and I still wear the dress I bought for their wedding. 

The second time was the complete opposite- it was a huge wedding! There were 9 or 10 of us in the bridal party. I volunteered to plan the bachelorette weekend in Vegas, which ended up being a small headache because I fronted the money for the hotel room and a few girls didn't think it was important to pay me back on time. But we ended up having so much fun that it was worth it.

In the second wedding, the bride's mom is a costume designer so she made all of our dresses for free! It's not something I'd ever wear again, but they fit perfectly, and it was definitely nice not to worry about paying for a dress. It was a local wedding, so my only real expense was the bachelorette party.

I've never been hurt for not being asked to be in a bridal party, but I've only had 2 close friends get married (and I was in both weddings).

daria24

I've been a BM three times and it was never a crazy experience. However I hate the whole concept of a WP. I don't get forcing your nearest and dearest into a uniform. I will happily throw you a shower. I will plan a bachelorette party. I will help you assemble invitations, wrap favors, go to cake tastings, listening to you bitch about planning. Just please don't make me purchase a dress in a particular color/style.

Thankfully the only two people left to get married who might ask me to be in their weddings both show zero interest in having a WP. My sister might ask me to be her MOH/witness, but I know she wouldn't force me into a particular dress style. And my BF has too many close friends/family members to have a WP, she'd probably have her (one) sister as her MOH and be done with it. 

snarkymaid

I've been a BM twice and will be MOH for my sister's wedding next year. The first wedding I was in, it was a great experience. Then again, the bride was planning from Australia and didn't ask any of us to do anything, so we were more than happy to help the week of (plus it was an excuse to spend more time with her since she's so far away). Her parents also rented a house for the bridal party to use for 4 days so we didn't have to pay for hotel rooms, so my only expense was my dress and hair, and chipping in for a small party we threw for the bride the day before.

Other than that, I really haven't enjoyed being BM/MOH. It's not even always the bride, but the other BMs who make things difficult and I've never really been one to enjoy a lot of "bonding" time with strangers. I don't love showers or bachelorette parties, and trying to plan them with other BMs who are broke but demanding high end parties, or who say "we need to plan," but then don't actually give any input when asked, really irritates me. Plus, cocktail hour is my favorite and I've always missed it as a BM.

I'm always honored to be asked, and I always say yes and I'm genuinely excited at first, but it wears off and then it's a headache and I'm counting down the days until the wedding is over. After my sister's wedding next year, I'm putting my foot down and will not be in another wedding. It has nothing to do with my feelings towards the bride; I would just much rather be a guest.

drunkenwitch

I have been a bridesmaid several times. It is an expensive, thankless, stress filled experience lacking any if that "honor" bullshit. Never again. Never. Ever. Ugh.

carrie0924

I've been a bridesmaid twice. The first time, I was one of two bridesmaids for a woman I barely knew. Her MOH clearly wanted nothing to do with the wedding, and it was a very rushed and limited budget wedding that was quite depressing. I just really felt very bad for the bride.
The second time, I was asked by a very good friend I've known since middle school (about 10 years at the time of the wedding). By the end of it, I was a little bit annoyed by how much everything was costing BUT I was so honored to be a part of my friend's wedding day. She was the complete opposite of a bridezilla, and a lot of the cost was stuff I technically could have backed out of (like plane ticket and hotel costs associated with the bachelorette party). Our dresses were very reasonable in price, and although I will never wear mine again, it was at least comfortable and flattering.
I've never been passed over by somebody I was close to, so I can't speak to that. I will say, we are choosing not to have a bridal party. It sucked a little to tell the women I would have chosen that we weren't having a bridal party, but to be honest, it's nice not burdening our friends with the costs associated with being IN our wedding on top of the costs associated with attending our wedding as guests (travel, hotel, etc).

jacques27

There was a time when I would have been miffed to not be a "chosen" one (say, in my early 20's).  And with enough time and experience, I've come to the conclusion that my self-worth and how I value my relationships with others is in no way derived by wedding party status and I just don't give a flying fig anymore.  I feel like being a guest is sufficient enough for me these days and an honor in its own right.  I would much rather wear a dress I already own, mingle without other obligations (getting ready, taking pictures, etc.), eat, drink, party, and come and go as I please.

As a whole, I feel like wedding parties above and beyond state requirements for a witness are pretty much superfluous though.  I just find them sort of unnecessary since all of the "requirements" people think wedding party members are supposed to have are completely optional and can be done by anyone who loves you, not just your wedding party.  I'd rather tell the people closest to me how special they are by actually telling them how special they are and how much they mean to me and leave it at that alone rather than having it be implied as a function of choosing them for my bridal party.

decembergrl2014

I've been a bridesmaid once and MOH twice. The first time I was a BM in my friend's wedding. The dresses were a pretty shade of dark purple, but it had spaghetti straps and the wedding was a chilly day in October. We didn't have any shawls or wraps to keep us warm. Oh well. It was still an awesome day. We've been friends for over 20 years! I was MOH for 2 weddings that were 5 days apart. One was for my cousin (she was my MOH last week) and a friend who had a Disney wedding. My cousin put me in a pretty lavender dress, and my friend put me in a GORGEOUS royal blue dress with a white sash and blue beading. I had a fun time at my cousin's wedding, but got sick the next day. By the time I got to Disney I had full blown bronchitis, but still walked down the aisle as MOH for my friend, even with 101 fever. Unfortunately I was too sick at that point to really enjoy myself so I left the reception early and took the next flight home. I was sick for 9 days after that. I'm the last of my friends that got married, but I really enjoyed the experiences even though they were expensive. I wish I could do it again.

briscoe1031

I've been a bridesmaid twice now.

The first time was when I was like 7 or 8. So barely remember that besides the fact that I had to ride with the men in their limo and then the other bridesmaids forgot my bouquet.

The second time was just this past year and while I was honored to be one, it wasn't worth all the stuff that happened. We all had the same dress, same shoes, same jewelry, and almost the same hair style. The dress was a long chiffon strapless dress in DB sangria. While pretty it was way too long for me at 5'0". She had us get them in March for her Oct wedding due to the Brides magazine checklist. While I was ok with that at first, I ended up gaining weight and went from a size 2 to a size 6.  We then had to rush to get me another one the week before the wedding. Then she had 2 registries, one exclusively for her bridal shower and one for the wedding. I got something for her off both. Which meant I bought something for her off of both. Got the thank you for wedding but not bridal shower. She then had 2 bachelorettes and I of course went to both. I also was made to walk down the aisle without my glasses. That I was totally uncomfortable about.. At that point I was so glad her original plan about the whole ceremony being outside went down the drain. I would have ended up walking on stairs and gravel in 4 inch heels...yeah no.

Even with this, I would definitely be a bridesmaid for someone if they ask. I do feel honored and mainly its the dress for me. I don't get many chances to dress up right now.

themuffinman16

I have never been a bridesmaid. I have been asked before, but turned it down because I would be traveling and because of finances.  being a bridesmaid is really expensive.  If it were my twin sister or my best friend, I would say yes in a heartbeat. To me, standing up for her would be worth every penny spent on parties, a dress, or even traveling if she chose to have a DW. 

lovesclimbing

Those of you who have, were you anxious to be a bridesmaid in a wedding?  I wouldn't say I was anxious to be a bridesmaid.  I have completely enjoyed my one turn as a bridesmaid and one and a half turns as a maid of honor (currently MOH for a wedding this spring).  I have always been very honored to be asked.  I do know that when I was younger, I did want to be a bridesmaid at some point in the future. 

Were you excited to spend that money on a dress you would probably only wear once? This question doesn't really apply to me. For the two weddings I've been in so far, the mother's of the bride/one of the BMs have made the dresses.  So I wasn't actually out any money for the dress itself because they bought the fabric and pattern.  For the wedding that already happened in which I was MOH, the bride had us wear any black pump, and I already had a pair.  For the wedding I was a BM, the bride required cowboy boots.  I didn't really want to buy a pair, but I do wear them occasionally, so no real loss there.

For the upcoming wedding, the bride's MIL and the bride are sewing the dresses. They bought the pattern and fabric.  I don't live close, so they will be putting the dress basically together and I will be getting it tailored here.  I don't mind the cost and it's a dress I may be able to wear again if I hem it a little (which I could do myself).  The bride has not mentioned shoes so I assume we can wear whatever we have.

Did you really want to do the showers and the bachelorette parties, or were you worried about the money you were spending?  Yes, I find showers and bachelorette parties so much fun!  If I don't have a ton of money, I spend less. I have never been worried about the money aspect.  (I find it odd when bridesmaids/friends complain about that on here. You don't have to spend a ton of money!  Just say no!)  I have already offered to host a shower for the upcoming wedding in which I am MOH.  I hosted a bachelorette for the bride for whom I was MOH.  About six friends attended, I made appetizers and a trifle, we all gave her lingerie, played a couple games that I printed off the computer, we laughed and talked and had a ton of fun!  I co-hosted a shower for that bride as well.  I bought her a gift, made a dessert, and printed off some computer shower games.  That was it.  Not much money at all.

I keep reading posts from brides-to-be who are worried about leaving a friend out of their wedding party.  I don't have any personal experience to understand these posts.  Is this the norm? I didn't feel bad.  I just had my sisters and asked a close friend to play and sing.

 Would you be offended at not being picked to stand up in high heels in a fancy dress?  I have never been offended to not be picked.  I also have not had any super close friends get married except my sisters who are the two brides mentioned above who have gotten married already.

I have always done my own hair and makeup (kind of a lie.  My sister or mom have always helped because I literally can't do anything with my hair except a pony tail.)

All in all, I spent maybe $100 on the wedding in which I was MOH.  $55 or so for gifts.  Maybe $20 for the decorations and cute paper plates for the bachelorette. Another $10 if that for the bridal shower.  And however much it costs for a couple tanks of gas to drive there and back. We (H and I) stayed with my parents so no hotel needed.

For the wedding in which I was a BM, I spent probably around $175.  The boots were around $120 plus maybe $50 for a gift.  I provided a dish for her shower, so maybe another $15 for ingredients (I made a fancy dip with expensive cheeses and gluten-free crackers for the people who were gluten-free.) The wedding was where we lived at the time, so no money outlay. 

For this upcoming wedding, I will spend maybe $100 or so on dress alterations? I don't know at this point.  Plus a gift, maybe $50.  Plus I'm cohosting a shower, so maybe $30 dollars in decorations and ingredients to make some food for it. Plus we do have to pay airfare for this one but I already got cheap tickets way early.  I think it was around $500 for both H and I round trip. We will stay with family, so no hotel cost. So probably around $400 for just me.  H is the best man in that wedding and it's his brother, so we would be going to the wedding and paying the airfare regardless of whether I was a bridesmaid or not.  So really, that only counts as about $180 for that wedding.

raissyrais

I've been a bridesmaid twice so far and the first time was a bit hellish cause my snotty sister was a bridezilla and obssessed with Mare Antoinette. The second one was a bit  better, but bad idea for me to give the present of make up to all the girls...

JaniV123

I was in about 4 weddings when I was a child (flower girl, ring bearer, and carrying the coins, etc). 

As an adult I havent been in weddings because I am the first of my friends to get married, and the 3 cousins who got married recently I wasn't close with the brides. 

I am having 6 BM (3 BFF's, 2 cousins, and my FSIL) and I would love to be asked by all of them in the future. I love weddings and I love being in weddings. For me its no big deal. 

[Deleted User]

lbailey886

I've been a bridesmaid once. It was a very laid back friend's wedding. I didn't have to do anything but buy a dress and show up. She diy'd everything for her wedding including the food and never asked anyone for anything, she wouldn't even let anyone help when it was offered.

As good as that experience was, I can only think of two other weddings I actually want to be in: mine and my best friend's.

I'd much, much rather be a guest.

Now that I think about it, I was an honorary bridesmaid (whatever that means) when I was 18, and I think I'm supposed to do that in a cousins wedding next year... I'm pretty sure I just have to sit with the other honorary bridesmaids, but I'd much rather sit with FI than a bunch of other people I don't know..