Destination wedding hometown party for not-invited guests?

tra17722

Hello! We're having a wedding ceremony and reception in a relatively accessible place for where our family members/friends live. In fact, we're probably going to have 85-90 people out of the 125 we invited, which is quite a bit for DW I think! We decided to have a destination wedding because we wanted a smaller wedding, which we sort of got. Anyways, so my fiances parents invited about 16 of their friends (all of which are coming, and this actually led to me and my fiance having to cut some of ours due to venue size, but that's a different story!) Now my fiances parents are talking about having another party when we get back (they live in a different city) for their friends that were NOT invited to the wedding. I feel like this is kind of rude to a) their friends who will feel like b-listers and b) my parents, who are throwing us a lovely wedding. Obviously, I would never argue about this with FMIL and would put on a smile and attend, but I can't help but feel like this is a tiered reception and uncomfortable with the whole thing. Is this improper etiquette to have a party like this??

Knottie0059276

I understand where you're coming from. I recently attended a 200-person reception for a couple who were married in a very small ceremony abroad and I didn't feel like it was rude at all, but if you are already having a decent-sized wedding I might think twice about attending the "b-list" party. That being said, if they feel like their friends would attend and want to throw a party I don't think it's an absolute etiquette no. It's quite common with DWs and, as always, guests have the choice of coming or not!

ETA: oops, was just reading that technically receptions for people who are not invited to the wedding are against etiquette. As I said, I see it a lot and personally don't mind, but if you're concerned about etiquette you'd have to make sure it was just a PARTY and not a reception.

Jells2dot0

I think the ONLY time it's somewhat acceptable to have a party for non-invited guests is if you have a very private ceremony. So, for example, if you eloped, or if you only had immediate family in attendance. Since you are having  fairly large DW, having a party for those NOT invited would be rude. Having a party for those that WERE invited but could not attend is acceptable.