Snarky Brides

RUDE

IT IS NOT OK TO PLAN YOUR OWN DESTINATION BACHELORETTE PARTY. 

It is especially not ok when most of your invitees have indicated they do not want to do a destination bach party, and when you insist on it anyway. 

It is truly egregious to force people to decide in a matter of 30 minutes whether they will shell out half a grand for the honor of attending a party that will require airfare and a passport. 

SO FRUSTRATING.

Sorry I'm shouting. 
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Re: RUDE

  • Yuck! Shout on, boo!
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • I'm sorry what??  Who does this?? 
  • This is one of those situations where I would pretend I didn't see the email for several days.

    "Oh no, sorry we were so busy with holiday things! Probably too late anyway, but as I indicated before, that trip won't be feasible for me. Hope you have fun!"

  • Gross. I was a BM over the summer for a PPD and the bride asked me to plan her bach because her MOH was "too broke" and followed up by saying she's always wanted to go to Vegas...

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  • banana468 said:
    I feel like anyone who does this around the holidays and demands a quick answer is just conducting an exercise in futility. I'd meet that request with a laughing NO so fast the bride wouldn't be able to jingle even one bell.
    So true. It is the worst time of year to ask me to shell out extra money. Just to visit my family FI and I are spending $800+ on plane tickets. Plus of course Christmas presents for my huge family. 

    I did say no. It sucked. I am that person who always will say yes to requests from friends, but this was just so over the top and so badly timed. 

    It is so so irritating because I have told previously that she really shouldn't be planning her own bach, let alone a destination bach. She found a deal last week and basically put everyone on the spot. Sadly I think I'm one of few who actually said no. I don't know everyone else going but the ones I do did not want to go but feel obligated. Yuck. 
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  • peachy13 said:
    Gross. I was a BM over the summer for a PPD and the bride asked me to plan her bach because her MOH was "too broke" and followed up by saying she's always wanted to go to Vegas...

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    Love the sig. I don't get why brides think it's ok to demand Vegas. Have they not seen bridesmaids? 
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  • that is just disgusting.. 

  • banana468 said:

    I feel like anyone who does this around the holidays and demands a quick answer is just conducting an exercise in futility. I'd meet that request with a laughing NO so fast the bride wouldn't be able to jingle even one bell.

    So true. It is the worst time of year to ask me to shell out extra money. Just to visit my family FI and I are spending $800+ on plane tickets. Plus of course Christmas presents for my huge family. 

    I did say no. It sucked. I am that person who always will say yes to requests from friends, but this was just so over the top and so badly timed. 

    It is so so irritating because I have told previously that she really shouldn't be planning her own bach, let alone a destination bach. She found a deal last week and basically put everyone on the spot. Sadly I think I'm one of few who actually said no. I don't know everyone else going but the ones I do did not want to go but feel obligated. Yuck. 


    Ugh. Good for you for sticking to you guns and saying no instead of giving into this ridiculousness. Especially after you had already hinted you wouldn't be able to!

    Formerly martha1818

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  • peachy13 said:
    Gross. I was a BM over the summer for a PPD and the bride asked me to plan her bach because her MOH was "too broke" and followed up by saying she's always wanted to go to Vegas...

    image
    Love the sig. I don't get why brides think it's ok to demand Vegas. Have they not seen bridesmaids? 
    Even worse in this case, because the bride is a wife.
  • This is gross.  


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  • I would not go
  • I totally missed bach parties being a destination thing. Why? Why on earth would you do that?
  • hahaha no. BMs spend enough to just be part of the day, without adding in that mountain of cost. No way, Jose. In a heartbeat, I'd say something along the lines of "Are you serious right now? No way I can afford that."
  • edited December 2014
    Totally not acceptable - unless the bride is paying for everything. Hotel room, airfare, all meals. If more bridemaids suggested that as part of the conditions, they'll be able to see the bride clam up quickly.
  • FSIL planned her own destination bach (to a destination I actually would really want to go to) but I had to decline for cost reasons and also YUCK.  What makes it worse is that the bride's new FSIL and other bridesmaids had been planning a local bach within their budget that would have been really fun.  They chose to borrow money from their parents to go to the destination, and wound up having a shitty time because once they got there they couldn't afford anything.  I'm so glad I didn't go.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • I totally missed bach parties being a destination thing. Why? Why on earth would you do that?
    If the people/bridesmaids are scattered around the country/world, then a destination often makes more sense than getting everyone to go to the same location multiple times. Especially if you can pick someplace that's more centrally located, potentially more economical, easier to get around, and more fun. 

    And if you're going to do it that way, the bride has to have some input into where it's going to be. When my girls asked me, I said I didn't know what I wanted to do blah blah blah and they essentially made me pick a place (with their input...I was leaning towards NYC because I thought it would be easiest but one girl who lives there was vehemently against it! haha). So I picked a place they people seemed to think was a good idea, and gave some options for weekends, and then they planned everything else. 
  • MandyMost said:
    I totally missed bach parties being a destination thing. Why? Why on earth would you do that?
    If the people/bridesmaids are scattered around the country/world, then a destination often makes more sense than getting everyone to go to the same location multiple times. Especially if you can pick someplace that's more centrally located, potentially more economical, easier to get around, and more fun. 

    And if you're going to do it that way, the bride has to have some input into where it's going to be. When my girls asked me, I said I didn't know what I wanted to do blah blah blah and they essentially made me pick a place (with their input...I was leaning towards NYC because I thought it would be easiest but one girl who lives there was vehemently against it! haha). So I picked a place they people seemed to think was a good idea, and gave some options for weekends, and then they planned everything else. 
    If the bridesmaids and other invitees WANT to do a destination party, that is just a whole other matter to me. 
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  • I am neither pro/anti destination bach parties, as long as the bride and most of the people invited are happy with the choice.

    I live in New Orelans...a very popular "destination bach" party choice.  But then it cracks me up a bit (not in a bad way) that a number of women I know who are from here went to the Mississippi Gulf Coast for their bach.  I guess sometimes you just have to get away, regardless of where you are coming from!  

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  • edited January 2015
    Ugh. I feel like this is almost happening to me right now.

     Sorry to hijack this thread:

     I didn't bring up a bachelorette. But my MOH and BMs asked. I said "whatever you girls come up with would be awesome! Thanks for offering" so after chatting, it was decided to do a destination bachelorette (not too far away but still not in town). 

     My MOH asked that I set up a (private) Facebook group to get a list together of who should be invited. Alright, so I did that, no problem. I assumed once I got a list together they would take over...but no plans have been made. 

    Now I have the girls I invited to the FB group asking me about details, plans, hotels, plane costs..I feel like I shouldn't really be planning this though. Do I say something to my BP? Do I just let it go and if it doesn't happen that's okay? My concern is that if they wait too long, then try to plan it at the last minute, it'll be way more expensive.

    Edit: paragraphs
  • Ugh. I feel like this is almost happening to me right now.

     Sorry to hijack this thread:

     I didn't bring up a bachelorette. But my MOH and BMs asked. I said "whatever you girls come up with would be awesome! Thanks for offering" so after chatting, it was decided to do a destination bachelorette (not too far away but still not in town). 

     My MOH asked that I set up a (private) Facebook group to get a list together of who should be invited. Alright, so I did that, no problem. I assumed once I got a list together they would take over...but no plans have been made. 

    Now I have the girls I invited to the FB group asking me about details, plans, hotels, plane costs..I feel like I shouldn't really be planning this though. Do I say something to my BP? Do I just let it go and if it doesn't happen that's okay? My concern is that if they wait too long, then try to plan it at the last minute, it'll be way more expensive.

    Edit: paragraphs
    I would talk to the MOH privately and tell her, "Hey MOH, I am so excited you guys are into doing a bach party for me and I think it will be great to go to X destination. I am really stressed about wedding stuff though, do you mind deciding the details? I just want everyone to have fun, be comfortable, and be within their budget." Since she/they have asked for input, if you have something you would like to do, I think it would be fine to suggest that activity generally, like, "I really want to go somewhere we can dance", or something along those lines. 

    I have been on both sides of the bach party discussions, as MOH and bride. As MOH, I have always asked the bride for her input, because I wanted to make sure we did things she was comfortable with. But once I knew her desires I planned the details. I found one bride wanted to be more in control (because she was so stressed, she really wanted something low key, so we did drinks and lingerie presents in the hotel room, dinner at a fondue restaurant, and then drinks). Other brides wanted to be hands off, but had certain dos and don'ts that I respected (for example, no strippers or strip clubs). 

    My MOH asked me over the holidays what I want to do for bach. Fresh off the bride demanding a destination bach debacle, my main concerns were that she 1) make sure people know they can decide to come or not come, it is not a big deal 2) talk to the invitees about budget friendly options 3) know that ideally, eating, dancing and drinking are good activities. I offered to have everyone over to my house if that would be the most budget friendly option. I also offered to pay for my share of everything. Of the 8 girls on the invite list, only three of them are local to me, so I also suggested that a nearby city with a major airport that is very cheap to fly into could be a good option if ladies from farther away wanted to come. I also told her about Air BNB which often has larger housing options for a group that ends up being a lot cheaper than a hotel. 
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