WR RANT...well that stings a little.

bride2b71614

I am going to my future in-law's house for Christmas tomorrow, but I am not looking forward to seeing them. Yesterday I received news that a bridal salon that has supplied my family with wedding dresses for three generations had a cancellation for an appointment, and it was mine if I wanted it. Overjoyed, I called my mom, dad, and my FMIL to ask if they wanted to dress shop with me. Mom and Dad said yes, FMIL said that she'd see. A few hours later, I receive a long winded text explaining why she cannot attend the appointment, and the reason really got under my skin. 

As you know, FI has a cousin who is a jackass (and that is putting it "nicely"). The cousin got married to his wife a year ago, and they decided that they want to have a "Real Second Wedding" in Peru. They sent out invitations for the PPD two weeks ago, and the "wedding" is to take place in early January. Her reason for not coming along? "I have to finish up some work before I go to the wedding in Peru, sorry there's nothing I can do"...Not  even an "oh man I am sorry I won't be able to make it, I hope you find THE dress." I feel a bit hurt because asshole cousin's PPD is getting priority over wedding dress shopping with me. FI tried to reason with her stating that the appointment won't be that long, and that it would mean a lot to me if she could come along. She said that I was over reacting, and "this is the end of this conversation."

FI, Emmett and I are traveling a long way to see them, and I swear to put this shit aside as soon as I step in the doorway (I am well trained in courtesy, and kindness even when dealing with people I dislike). I do not want to harp on Christmas joy, but am I justified in feeling this way or am I being completely unreasonable here?? 

bethsmiles

I think it's a little of both. It's disappointing that she isn't coming to your dress appointment but it's just buying the dress. I know it's one of the things that people make a bigger deal out of during the wedding planning process but ultimately it's just a shopping trip. I think you are letting your feelings about your FI's jackass cousin (which are 100% justified) make you more upset at FMIL than you need to be. It's okay to be disappoint but try to let it go.

bride2b71614

@BethSmiles, you are 100% right, I think that the whole jackass cousin really really really irks me more than her not attending. I am excited for Emmett's first christmas, and I hope that the day goes as smoothly as possible...

lilacck28

bride2b71614 said:

I am going to my future in-law's house for Christmas tomorrow, but I am not looking forward to seeing them. Yesterday I received news that a bridal salon that has supplied my family with wedding dresses for three generations had a cancellation for an appointment, and it was mine if I wanted it. Overjoyed, I called my mom, dad, and my FMIL to ask if they wanted to dress shop with me. Mom and Dad said yes, FMIL said that she'd see. A few hours later, I receive a long winded text explaining why she cannot attend the appointment, and the reason really got under my skin. 

As you know, FI has a cousin who is a jackass (and that is putting it "nicely"). The cousin got married to his wife a year ago, and they decided that they want to have a "Real Second Wedding" in Peru. They sent out invitations for the PPD two weeks ago, and the "wedding" is to take place in early January. Her reason for not coming along? "I have to finish up some work before I go to the wedding in Peru, sorry there's nothing I can do"...Not  even an "oh man I am sorry I won't be able to make it, I hope you find THE dress." I feel a bit hurt because asshole cousin's PPD is getting priority over wedding dress shopping with me. FI tried to reason with her stating that the appointment won't be that long, and that it would mean a lot to me if she could come along. She said that I was over reacting, and "this is the end of this conversation."

FI, Emmett and I are traveling a long way to see them, and I swear to put this shit aside as soon as I step in the doorway (I am well trained in courtesy, and kindness even when dealing with people I dislike). I do not want to harp on Christmas joy, but am I justified in feeling this way or am I being completely unreasonable here?? 

I'm sorry you're feeling miffed/ sad. 

So, first, I can definitely understand your feelings. My FMIL does not always seem very excited about the wedding. She's said a few things like "if it were up to me, quick just immediate family brunch!"  (instead of the 100 person brunch that is actually planned) and "oh, you don't want it to be a big thing do you?" and "ugh, you're doing bridesmaids?" that made me kind of sad, and made me feel guilty for wanting to have a "big thing" and an "all about me" kind of wedding day. But she wasn't saying it because she didn't like me, or didn't support FI and I getting married ... it's just... she's blunt and she's not super into weddings. Not her bag. I let myself be a little sad when these comments slip, I do a little vent, but now that cycle is really short. Like, 10 min. Because I know-- she likes me. She's happy we're getting married. It's not about me. 

So, with all that said: I think you're being a little unreasonable. This is a stressful time of year for a lot of people... lots going on. And dress shopping is definitely not everyone's cup of tea. You wanted her there, and you're sad that she's not coming or making an effort to come... understandable. But being mad at her for it? That's the unreasonable part. 

Dress shopping for someone is not necessarily fun. And she very likely could have a ton to do. And she's already made a commitment to go to the PPD. Even if you don't see it as an important event, she might! And even if she also feels weird about PPDs... she said she was going. That's a time commitment that has already been made. It's not your mean fi's cousin "winning" over you... it's that this event was scheduled and PPD or not.... it's a bigger event than dress shopping. She's not picking the PPD over your wedding. 

I think it's nice that your FI went to bat for you, but I can also understand his mom getting annoyed. She said she couldn't go, she may be very busy and very stressed. And even if she isn't... she made this choice. How she schedules her time is completely up to her. It's not enjoyable to have to explain your reasoning to someone else who is trying to guilt you into doing what they want, and she doesn't need to justify her decision here. She's not being a bad mom or fmil for not being able to or willing to go. No one is required to go dress shopping with you. I'd be pissed that someone is trying to make me feel guilty over not doing something they want that does not interest me or I legitimately can't do, too! That's why "its the end of the conversation" is a reply that makes sense to me. 

Basically, it's good you vented. Do what you said you were going to do: put this behind you. Enjoy Christmas, and enjoy dress shopping with your parents. I think it's more fun with less people there anyway! And, try to remember that wedding planning really isn't something everyone enjoys, and that they just won't get into it the way you would hope. That them not enjoying wedding planning doesn't mean YOU can't enjoy it, or that they don't support you. 

And, of course, that no one will be as invested in any of the planning as you and your FI. If you keep those things in mind, lower your expectations, you'll have more fun.  

Dignity100

I hope you find your dress.  I ended up finding my dress when I had NOBODY with me.  I had a few people come shopping with me once or twice (I went to a lot of stores) - in the end, I liked that my dress was a surprise to everybody.  Try not to make a big deal of it.