Cousin's save the dates

mrsk616

i come home after working on my furture home with FI. We received the save the dates for my cousins std. i have been engaged for a year now. she addressed it as my name and guest. ummm since was this ok? i always thought if you were engaged it was addressed as your name and fi name, not as guest. 

i need to rant and cant do so on facebook so this is my safe haven for ranting. 

now i feel so much better. 

allispain

Not just engaged - if you're in a relationship (whether it's been a month or 5 years), your SO should be listed by name and not as "and guest." I get being annoyed about it - not the worst faux pas out there, but irksome nonetheless.

mrsk616

allispain said:

Not just engaged - if you're in a relationship (whether it's been a month or 5 years), your SO should be listed by name and not as "and guest." I get being annoyed about it - not the worst faux pas out there, but irksome nonetheless.

Not to mention a bad day in general. She doesn't even care to find out names or anyone other than herself

MnHGirl

If she is a close cousin I would be irritated since she should know your FI name. But if it is more of a distant cousin I would not let it bother you too much.

At least she acknowledged that you are with someone and are inviting both of you! 

I have some cousins that I am inviting to our wedding that tend to always be dating but not always the same person... I will be saying "and guest" since it may change by July! 

bethsmiles

MnHGirl said:

If she is a close cousin I would be irritated since she should know your FI name. But if it is more of a distant cousin I would not let it bother you too much.

At least she acknowledged that you are with someone and are inviting both of you! 

I have some cousins that I am inviting to our wedding that tend to always be dating but not always the same person... I will be saying "and guest" since it may change by July! 

It's really not that hard to find out someone's SO's name. You can call, e-mail, look on facebook...seriously the only reason to put "and guest" when inviting an SO is because you are lazy/rude.

mrsk616

bethsmiles said:

MnHGirl said:

If she is a close cousin I would be irritated since she should know your FI name. But if it is more of a distant cousin I would not let it bother you too much.

At least she acknowledged that you are with someone and are inviting both of you! 

I have some cousins that I am inviting to our wedding that tend to always be dating but not always the same person... I will be saying "and guest" since it may change by July! 

It's really not that hard to find out someone's SO's name. You can call, e-mail, look on facebook...seriously the only reason to put "and guest" when inviting an SO is because you are lazy/rude.

thats her family in general. rude and in considerate. she was a close cousin while growing up but we grew apart. my other cousin did find out the information from facebook. its not that hard. she could have asked. i am not even going to correct her, because she will just ignore it anyways because of how rude she can be. 

AddieCake

Someone on TK got an STD or invitation without an SO's name on it again?  Color me shocked. 

Pellegcm

I thought STD's didn't need to have a SO's name on them. Isn't that just the invitation? By all means, snark away, but I thought STD's were informal in the first place.

beethery

Pellegcm said:

I thought STD's didn't need to have a SO's name on them. Isn't that just the invitation? By all means, snark away, but I thought STD's were informal in the first place.

They're informal but if you can't be bothered to ask for the name or find it yourself to put on there, you're going to look like a douche.

misshart00

AddieCake said:

Someone on TK got an STD or invitation without an SO's name on it again?  Color me shocked. 

Agree with this. No offense to OP, but the "look at this etiquette violation" posts are getting kind of crazy.

beethery

misshart00 said:

AddieCake said:

Someone on TK got an STD or invitation without an SO's name on it again?  Color me shocked. 

Agree with this. No offense to OP, but the "look at this etiquette violation" posts are getting kind of crazy.

Same. There's funnier, more relevant shit to snark about than small things like this.

huskypuppy14

Pellegcm said:

I thought STD's didn't need to have a SO's name on them. Isn't that just the invitation? By all means, snark away, but I thought STD's were informal in the first place.

You don't have to put plus ones on the STD. You always should include SO.

mrsk616

thing is i know she wont correct them on the invites and will get hissy with me when i try to correct her. not to mention he brother when they sent his invitations out they sent one for my whole family with only 1 rsvp card. that is 6 people (my parents my fi and i and my sister and her boy toy) 

my other cousin who got married in November was cool about things went on facebook and found out my FI information expect last name was wrong (long story) corrected her and she didnt get hissy. 

i would love to address her about it but my mom knows how her father is and how that family is so there really is no point in correcting them. 

mikenberger

Pfft. My FI's aunt addressed an invite to us as "X and friend". 

Yup. I'm the friend. Water off a ducks back. I've got bigger fish to fry.

mrsk616

mikenberger said:

Pfft. My FI's aunt addressed an invite to us as "X and friend". 

Yup. I'm the friend. Water off a ducks back. I've got bigger fish to fry.

i just needed to snark (had no where else that family wouldnt see it) what i am more mad about is the fact she will not try to find out information and is only in this to get gifts and money (thats all they care about) we are lucky they even remembered our names, actually they only remember it when they need something. 

badbnagdway

FI does not know the last name of his step-brother's gf who he apparently lives with and has lived with for years. Even step-brother's mom doesn't know her last name. She says she just refers to step-brother's gf with his last name because it's like they're married. So I had to address the STD with "Mr. Step-brother's full name and Ms. Stepbrother's gf's first name with step-brother's last name". That was the best I could come up with. 

I hope the gf is not too annoyed about it. 

mrsk616

badbnagdway said:

FI does not know the last name of his step-brother's gf who he apparently lives with and has lived with for years. Even step-brother's mom doesn't know her last name. She says she just refers to step-brother's gf with his last name because it's like they're married. So I had to address the STD with "Mr. Step-brother's full name and Ms. Stepbrother's gf's first name with step-brother's last name". That was the best I could come up with. 

I hope the gf is not too annoyed about it. 

now that is understandable and hopefully she will correct you if she notices.

like how do i even bring it to her attention without sounding rude? my fi wants to just address hers when it comes down to it as cousins name and guest because out save the dates will be going out at or right before her wedding,

badbnagdway

mrsk616 said:

badbnagdway said:

FI does not know the last name of his step-brother's gf who he apparently lives with and has lived with for years. Even step-brother's mom doesn't know her last name. She says she just refers to step-brother's gf with his last name because it's like they're married. So I had to address the STD with "Mr. Step-brother's full name and Ms. Stepbrother's gf's first name with step-brother's last name". That was the best I could come up with. 

I hope the gf is not too annoyed about it. 

now that is understandable and hopefully she will correct you if she notices.

like how do i even bring it to her attention without sounding rude? my fi wants to just address hers when it comes down to it as cousins name and guest because out save the dates will be going out at or right before her wedding,

If you are going to see this cousin anyway, try to slip it into conversation. "Hey, we got your save the date, it was so cute/pretty/elegant. I realized you might not have FI's full name, it's ___". 

If it feels unnatural, I would just leave it be. I wouldn't try to get them back about it. 

huskypuppy14

badbnagdway said:

FI does not know the last name of his step-brother's gf who he apparently lives with and has lived with for years. Even step-brother's mom doesn't know her last name. She says she just refers to step-brother's gf with his last name because it's like they're married. So I had to address the STD with "Mr. Step-brother's full name and Ms. Stepbrother's gf's first name with step-brother's last name". That was the best I could come up with. 

I hope the gf is not too annoyed about it. 

Why can't someone in his family call up the step brother and ask for the GF's last name? It's not that hard. 

My FIL's cousin has had a girlfriend for many years and my inlaws didn't know her last name. I told them to find out so I could put it on the invites. They did. If these people are important enough to invite to your wedding, they are important enough to find out their last names. 

mrsk616

problem is i wont see her until probably her shower so there isnt really a point in saying something. she wont even converse with me actually her whole family is its about us and that is it. honestly if i didnt want her at mine i wouldnt even bother going to hers. 

mrsk616

huskypuppy14 said:

badbnagdway said:

FI does not know the last name of his step-brother's gf who he apparently lives with and has lived with for years. Even step-brother's mom doesn't know her last name. She says she just refers to step-brother's gf with his last name because it's like they're married. So I had to address the STD with "Mr. Step-brother's full name and Ms. Stepbrother's gf's first name with step-brother's last name". That was the best I could come up with. 

I hope the gf is not too annoyed about it. 

Why can't someone in his family call up the step brother and ask for the GF's last name? It's not that hard. 

My FIL's cousin has had a girlfriend for many years and my inlaws didn't know her last name. I told them to find out so I could put it on the invites. They did. If these people are important enough to invite to your wedding, they are important enough to find out their last names. 

thats what pisses me off the most about it. if she wants me there and has known me for years she can take the time to find out my fi name. 

i mean at least i got something from her, my one cousin forgot about me for his wedding and sent me an invite on facebook. (lulz i ended up not going as i worked a 9am-1am shift at work)

badbnagdway

huskypuppy14 said:

badbnagdway said:

FI does not know the last name of his step-brother's gf who he apparently lives with and has lived with for years. Even step-brother's mom doesn't know her last name. She says she just refers to step-brother's gf with his last name because it's like they're married. So I had to address the STD with "Mr. Step-brother's full name and Ms. Stepbrother's gf's first name with step-brother's last name". That was the best I could come up with. 

I hope the gf is not too annoyed about it. 

Why can't someone in his family call up the step brother and ask for the GF's last name? It's not that hard. 

My FIL's cousin has had a girlfriend for many years and my inlaws didn't know her last name. I told them to find out so I could put it on the invites. They did. If these people are important enough to invite to your wedding, they are important enough to find out their last names. 

Step-brother's mom insists that step-brother's gf wants to be referred to in this way with step-brother's last name. I don't know them so I can't second guess that being the case. To my mind it is equally likely that she will be offended if I use her last name or his. 

bethsmiles

badbnagdway said:

huskypuppy14 said:

badbnagdway said:

FI does not know the last name of his step-brother's gf who he apparently lives with and has lived with for years. Even step-brother's mom doesn't know her last name. She says she just refers to step-brother's gf with his last name because it's like they're married. So I had to address the STD with "Mr. Step-brother's full name and Ms. Stepbrother's gf's first name with step-brother's last name". That was the best I could come up with. 

I hope the gf is not too annoyed about it. 

Why can't someone in his family call up the step brother and ask for the GF's last name? It's not that hard. 

My FIL's cousin has had a girlfriend for many years and my inlaws didn't know her last name. I told them to find out so I could put it on the invites. They did. If these people are important enough to invite to your wedding, they are important enough to find out their last names. 

Step-brother's mom insists that step-brother's gf wants to be referred to in this way with step-brother's last name. I don't know them so I can't second guess that being the case. To my mind it is equally likely that she will be offended if I use her last name or his. 

But if you call and ask then you will know what she would prefer. Do they not own a phone? Is it not possible to contact them to get her name?

badbnagdway

bethsmiles said:

badbnagdway said:

huskypuppy14 said:

badbnagdway said:

FI does not know the last name of his step-brother's gf who he apparently lives with and has lived with for years. Even step-brother's mom doesn't know her last name. She says she just refers to step-brother's gf with his last name because it's like they're married. So I had to address the STD with "Mr. Step-brother's full name and Ms. Stepbrother's gf's first name with step-brother's last name". That was the best I could come up with. 

I hope the gf is not too annoyed about it. 

Why can't someone in his family call up the step brother and ask for the GF's last name? It's not that hard. 

My FIL's cousin has had a girlfriend for many years and my inlaws didn't know her last name. I told them to find out so I could put it on the invites. They did. If these people are important enough to invite to your wedding, they are important enough to find out their last names. 

Step-brother's mom insists that step-brother's gf wants to be referred to in this way with step-brother's last name. I don't know them so I can't second guess that being the case. To my mind it is equally likely that she will be offended if I use her last name or his. 

But if you call and ask then you will know what she would prefer. Do they not own a phone? Is it not possible to contact them to get her name?

These are not my relatives, I have never met them and FI has not seen them in many years. FI's step-mom is the only one with the number. I have asked several times and at this point if my most recent inquiry is not answered, or if she says, "gf goes by his last name", I have to just believe it that is how it is and leave it alone. 

EDIT: I'm not trying to be overly defensive or give people a pass for not getting names right or not including SO's, I'm just saying there's a point of inquiry where I think it's reasonable to take someone's word for it. I would hope my mom would be able to give someone my FI's name for example. Hopefully step mom will get me the info.