Just Engaged and Proposals

SO: Did he ask your parents?

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Re: SO: Did he ask your parents?

  • He asked both my mother and my father, since my parents are divorced, he wanted to respect both of them. He also asked my father to court me when we started courting. To me its not about wether or not Im an adult, its about the respect he has for you and your family. 
    JaniV123
  • I really believe every detail, including the "traditional" ones are solely up to the bride and groom. I did not want to be forced into a cookie cutter wedding. I chose to keep some traditions and create new ones.
    My fiance only asked me to marry him and did not seek out the blessing of anyone else. I have not been in contact with my biological father in years, so that was out of the question. Also, my fiance lives in England, and I, in the US.
    In the short amount of time my fiance and I have been planning our wedding, we have found that if we do what pleases us, tradition or not, we are going to have a happy memorable wedding that reflects our relationship. And, at the end of the day, that is what a wedding is all about.
    All the best to you,
    Layla
    JaniV123
  • xx802xxxx802xx
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    edited January 2015
    My parents would have also been pissed if my fiancé had not approached them first. It's not just a sign of respect still, but an opportunity for the father or parents to express any concerns the groom or parent(s) might have and hopefully end with blessings for the marriage. This of course though would also depend on the relationship the daughter has with the parents. A shaky or distant relationship of parent(s) and daughter probably wouldn't require this.

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  • nope...it was more important to me that he asked my kids (they're older, 13 and about to be 11) - and he did.
    JaniV123Jen4948runsonveggies
  • I'm sure lots of women would agree, no doubt about that! Although I personally look at asking the parents first as a gesture of deference and respect, more of permission to join the two families since technically it's not just the two of you being affected by the union, it's asking if two families can join. and of course permission to announce it as a joyful occasion!
    JaniV123onefootinthebayoujaprincess24
  • My fiance did ask my stepdad just before he proposed. I told him it meant a lot to me for him to be old fashioned and traditional if he did ask my dad, since he has four other daughters whose husbands never thought to ask him, let alone gave him the honor of walking them down the aisle. I believe it's up to the couple to decide whether or not to include the parents in the proposal.
    JaniV123
  • My sister's FI asked my dad, and she liked that--but she's more traditional. I wouldn't have wanted my FI to ask my parents for permission, because it goes against my personal principles (ie: it should be my decision and no one else's; I love my dad, but I'm not his property). So I think it's all about personal preference.
    JaniV123
  • I feel like its more of a respect thing. My parents basically knew we were headed in that direction. My fiance is a bit of a traditionalist but my parents tend to get excited and don't do well with surprises so he compromised and asked me in front of them. His logic being that if they weren't going to "allow it" then they could say so. 
    JaniV123
  • khugs15khugs15 The Heart of Dixie
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    edited January 2015
    I know that I'm not his property and I definitely know that I don't need his *permission* to get married, but my dad and I are very close so it was important to me that FI at least ask for his "blessing". My FI snuck over to my house while I was on a Six Flags trip & talked to my parents. He kept trying to convince me he wasn't going to do it :)
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    JaniV123
  • He didn't ask permission. He said we are adults and he's going to ask me regardless. But, he did ask for my dad's blessing.
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    JaniV123
  • No he did not ask, and I really did not want that. As many have said I am a grown women and he did not need their permission. If he had talked to my mom ahead of time that would have been fine, but she is really bad at keeping secrets with me. I the idea of asking my dad would have annoyed me but that is family drama. 
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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia
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    H didn't ask my parents, or even tell them he was proposing. Only his mom was in on it, and that was because he was using a diamond that she gave him from a ring that she never wore.  When we called them my stepdad joked that he hadn't been asked first.  We'd been together nine years, and really, it was my own decision and not my parents.  I know for a lot of people it is a nice gesture, but with my family dynamics, it just didn't feel right for us.  

    I'm sure my parents would have loved it.  But oh well.
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    JaniV123
  • I think it just definitely depends on the situation. My FH asked, but I'm still young and I supported by my parents, and it was more of an "asking for his blessing" than asking for my hand like I'm a possession. It also made him feel happy and gave him the opportunity for him to talk to him about his expectations for us together (i.e. "Please take care of me when I'm old.") Also-just a thought-if it's your opinion that your FH shouldn't ask for your hand, then do you want you dad to "give you away" at the alter? That sounds kind of opposite to me.
    JaniV123
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    It was very important to DH to met and ask for my parents blessing. NOT PERMISSION.  As I said it was important to him, not to me or my parents (although BIL did ask them before proposing to my sister and my brothers both asked their in-laws). 

    Do to distance, he had not met them yet.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    JaniV123twoleighs
  • My husband asked my father. We are young, just graduated college and are very traditional. He has a lot of respect for me and my family so it seemed like the right thing to do. He made an extra effort to do it even though my dad was overseas. They emailed and skyped and were the only two people who saw the proposal coming. I was so thankful he did that. 
    JaniV123
  • Nope. I'm not property and I don't have a great relationship with my family. The decision was mine and his alone, and so we did what felt right to us.
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  • FiloricanFilorican Dunedin
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    Yes, my FI asked my parents before without me knowing. He had brought them a liquor bottle as a gift and asked for my hand in marriage to both my parents. Because of our customs and culture it is a form of respect, maturity and tradition that the boyfriend ask the parents. Although we do not come from the same culture we do have similar or equal values, traditions and customs. He is Filipino and I'm Puerto Rican but we are both Roman Catholics. It all depends on your traditions and your values. If it matters to you then it's important, if you see it as an opportunity to take your independence then go for it. :) 

    Whatever reason makes the best memories for the beginning of the rest of your life with your lover <3
    JaniV123
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC
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    My FI asked both my parents.  I think he would have done so anyway, but in my case he really had to, because my engagement ring is a family heirloom, and my mom had possession of it before FI talked to my parents.
    JaniV123
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis
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    Well there was no he involved. I proposed to my then girlfriend though and did not ask her parents. We'd been living together for over a year, dating for 2 years, I knew her dads, they seemed to like me, honestly there was no reason to ask their permission/blessing/thoughts on the engagement. 
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  • I agree, I am an adult woman, not a possession and no one needs nor should ask my father/parents for permission to marry me. I never talked to my fiance about this prior to our engagement but he knows me well and he predicted my feelings about this. :) My father wasn't bothered at all. (When I called to tell him he was like "We [he and my stepmom] thought you guys were coming to tell us you were engaged when you visited us months ago!" as if I could keep a secret long enough to tell him in person! lol) He didn't tell his parents either. It was basically a big surprise to everyone (me included!). But we had been dating for nearly 2 years and live together so it's not like anyone was THAT surprised and everyone was really thrilled. In fact a big part of the reason I ultimately like that he didn't ask my parents before hand is I loved hearing them screaming with happiness when I called to tell them! I don't think I'd have gotten that same excited reaction if they'd already known.
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  • My FI didn't exactly ask my fathers permission, but had a chat with him about it before he proposed. I can't really explain why, but it did mean a lot that he talked to him first. I guess I am a little traditional. 
    I really do think it would have bothered both me and my parents if they didn't have the conversation.
    JaniV123
  • I think it just definitely depends on the situation. My FH asked, but I'm still young and I supported by my parents, and it was more of an "asking for his blessing" than asking for my hand like I'm a possession. It also made him feel happy and gave him the opportunity for him to talk to him about his expectations for us together (i.e. "Please take care of me when I'm old.") Also-just a thought-if it's your opinion that your FH shouldn't ask for your hand, then do you want you dad to "give you away" at the alter? That sounds kind of opposite to me.
    I am still not sure about that. My parents are divorced and I lived with my mom. I have a sort of breached relationship with my dad so yeah. My dad was super chill and gave us his blessing when we told him. My mom was the one who asked "why didn't you ask me". 

    I would like for my dad to walk me down as well as my mom but no "giving away" just a walk. My dad may or may not have long left because of his health, and I would be sad if I didnt have him walking down with me. 


  • avocuddleavocuddle Connectichusetts
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    My sister's FI asked my parents for permission, but they're more on the "traditional" side of things. My parents are also paying for their wedding, so I guess asking permission kind of helped them to get finances in order. 

    When it came to MY engagement, however, my FI did not ask for permission. We also decided to get engaged together... it wasn't a big "down on one knee, pop the question" surprise to me. So we sat down with my parents and asked for their blessing together--blessing, not permission. We're paying for our own wedding, so we didn't really feel like we needed "permission" for anything.
    (formerly rusticbride27)

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  • My FI asked my parents. I am very close to my parents so I wanted my FI to have their blessing before he asked to marry me. I don't think I could ever marry someone my parents didn't agree with. I am also very traditional, I don't see it as being a possession of my parents. 

    There was also one other great thing that my FI did by asking my parents. We went to disney for New Years with my entire family. Because he asked my parents and my entire family to help him plan the engagement I had the biggest surprise and wonderful engagement I could have asked for.


    JaniV123
  • My fiancee did not ask either of my parents. First, my parents are separated. My dad lives in oregon and my mom lives in new jersey. It would not be fair to ask my mom and not my dad and same the other way around. We pretty much knew how my mom felt about our relationship, so it was obvious she would approve (which she does). My dad was also ok with not asking because I do not see him as much and he lives on the other side of the country from us. My fiancee has never met my dad either so that was understandable why my fiancee would not ask my dad. I think it is alright not to ask. If you get the vibe that your parents approve, then why ask?
    JaniV123
  • I personally think it's cute when they ask the parents, but my fiance didn't.

    We got engaged Oct 2014, but had been talking about it since Feb 2014 and people knew this. In April 2014, my dad passed very suddenly. I think if he were going to ask, it would have been a tad weird afterwards.

    My mum knew most of the planning we did prior to ring, so I think that made a difference. I also included her in certain plans for emotional reasons that I couldn't have probably handled alone or with anyone else though.
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    JaniV123
  • (NEY) I wouldn't want SO to ask. He would never ask my father (not in the picture), but I feel like he might ask my mom. We have been together for almost 9 years, own a house together, and I definitely do not need my mothers permission to get married lol. She would never say no though, so I guess it doesnt really matter.

     

    FWIW, my mothers boyfriend talked to me before he decided to buy a ring for her. He wasn't asking permission so much as keeping me in the loop. He is going to ask her valentines weekend.

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    JaniV123
  • Mine did & I was very happy about it.  It was a gesture of deference to my dad, with whom I'm very close.  My father is traditional in a number of ways, progressive in others.  FI asking him made him so happy he cried.  It was also an emotional time as we had traveled from all over the country that weekend to say good-bye to my ailing grandmother (father's mother).  It was a joyful moment for my dad during an otherwise sad weekend.  My aunt was thrilled it took place in her driveway.  I agree with many, it did not make me feel any less independent, marginalized, or insulted in any way.  I liked that it was a nod to the past and a formality that my father appreciated.  I think everyone in the family knew by the time I was 3 years old that I was nobody's property.  
    JaniV123
  • We both sat down with his father and then with my parents. I think it was really meaningful to both his dad and my parents that we all sat down together, in person, over the holidays. It was important to both of us that our parents were supportive, because they've known us longer and know us better than anyone else. It wasn't like asking permission from either side, more like, "We're thinking of getting engaged and planning our wedding. What do you think of that?" And it led to some very good conversations.
    JaniV123
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