Just Engaged and Proposals

SO: Did he ask your parents?

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Re: SO: Did he ask your parents?

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    My FW asked my Dad. At Thanksgiving, she took my Dad aside and talked to him. He laughed and said, "You don't need my permission, she's 40 years old!"

    All kidding aside, my FI was a bit of a surprise to my family, and I think she needed to make that connection with my Dad.
  • My FI did not ask my mom. While I was in the shower one night, he told my mom that he bought a ring and was going to ask me to marry him. He showed her the ring and that was that.

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  • Hell to the no!

    I think if my partner had asked for my parents' permission/blessing they would have told him he obviously doesn't know me well enough to be marrying me. I am nobody's property, and I don't stand for any sexist bull****.  

    Asking for permission is super gross for obvious reasons (what if they say no?  relationship over?), but I think getting a "blessing" ahead of time is almost as icky.  Like, don't plan my life out behind my back.  If you want to marry me, I should be the first person in the loop about that.  Not to mention that my relationship with my parents is mine to manage; I would not look kindly on someone taking away my chance to share my news with my parents.

    When my partner and I decided to get married (as equals having a series of conversations, not as a surprise proposal) we took my parents out to a lovely dinner and shared our exciting news.  I am really close to my family, and I wouldn't trade that dinner for anything.  We got to hold hands and both look into their eyes as we told them they were going to have a son-in-law.  We had been together for over 3 years and living together for 2+, so it wasn't a surprise to anyone.  His parents are divorced and his mom lives across the country, so we took his dad out to dinner too and then did our sit-down with his mom over skype.  
    Greenjinjo KeptInStitchesdrunkenwitchkimmiinthemitten
  • Greenjinjo Greenjinjo New Zealand
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    @SaintPaulGal this is pretty much what my partner and I will be doing. I would seriously be doubting my relationship with my partner if he decided to go behind my back and ask my father for permission to pop the question. IMO asking for permission feels like I'm a child, not responsible enough to make a decision on my own and that parental validation is needed. F*** that. 
  • TyvmTyvm
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    We got surprise-engaged (no real planning on either of our parts), which worked nicely for us. When we told my parents the following day, my mother was very happy but my dad did.not.react.at.all. Mom says that's because he already considered us engaged (we'd lived together for 3 years, dated for 5 at that point, it's reasonable).

    Later, I was talking to mom about it, and she said that if wanted dad emote more about the engagement, FI should've asked his approval. Which, first, no. But secondly, is in direct conflict with him supposedly considering us already engaged.

    Ah, parents!


    k thnx bye

  • My FI asked my dad, and also asked his parents how they felt about it previously as well. He's not a traditional person -at all-, but he said he wanted to do this the "right" way. I thought it was a sweet gesture. He is pretty close with my dad, and he had said that he just didn't feel like he could do it until they had spoken. He said my dad just smiled and said "You better ask the Mrs., she's the one in charge here." FI didn't ask my mom, he wanted her to be surprised. Of course, my dad spoiled it for her, but, point being, I think it's all about what the couple wants. I can see how some people view it as "permission" or viewing women as "objects", but I never felt that way at any point. It's your wedding, your marriage, and no one can tell you how you are supposed to feel about/do/not do any sort of tradition. 
  • He tried!  Apparently he gave my dad a call the day he wanted to propose, couldn't get ahold of my dad, and started panicking.  He said he almost didn't go through with it but just couldn't wait!  Then when I told my dad and my dad asked to talk to him, he almost had a tiny heart attack (even though I told him my dad totally wouldn't care).

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  • He didn't ask but he told them that he was planning to propose. They didn't know specifics just general date if when it would happen. 
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