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sweetheart table

Knottie31105463Knottie31105463 member
in Wedding Reception Forum
there is one issue that is i do not want to come across. My brother just recently got married a year ago thy decided on a sweetheart table in hopes that the guest would let the happy couple be alone and then mingle as they get up. The guests at their wedding still decided to go up to their table and bother them. i was wondering if anyone knew of an idea to stop that from happening. i want to be able sit at our table an eat next to my husband and not worry about people coming up to us. anything could help me right now.
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Re: sweetheart table

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    atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I sat at an eight top with my MOH, her husband, the BM, MOG, and my parents.  People left us alone while there was food being served, but sauntered by at other times.  It's part of having a celebration in your honor.

    I have seen elevated seating, like atop a stage, for either the couple or bridal party.  I would not have wanted to be eating "above" everyone, but it certainly makes it harder to get to you.  Then there's awkwardness in moving those tables when band needs stage.  But anyway...
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    kritter4789kritter4789 member
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    We are doing a sweetheart table and this had never even crossed my mind... We plan to do a greeting line as guests move in to the cocktail hour, in hopes we can get all our "hellos" and "congrats" out of the way early and then we can just relax and enjoy our meal. Maybe if you do that, people will leave you be during your meal. At least I am hoping so!
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    jacques27jacques27 member
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    A sweetheart table isn't for you to be alone and ignore your guests.  It's usually done to avoid having the whole wedding party on display and give your wedding party the opportunity to sit with their significant others and enjoy the wedding.

    You're the host of a party thanking your guests for attending your ceremony.  Guests who probably will want to spend time with you and congratulate you, otherwise they would have declined the invitation.  If you want to be alone, don't have a wedding ceremony with guests.  Once you invite guests, it's about them, not you.

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    banana468banana468 member
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    climbingwife said:
    I'm sorry. I can't stop laughing at this. You don't want your guests to bother you at your wedding? 

    Wait. I have an idea. You should just wear a sign around you neck that says, "Assholes, it's my wedding day. Don't bother me." Problem solved! Hooray! 

    For the record, we had a sweetheart table. Many guests came up to talk to us, and it was GREAT. I was so happy to be able to talk more with some people. The day goes so fast, and it's over before you know it and you're left thinking, "Shit, I barely got to talk to some people." 
    Seriously.   If you don't want your guests to talk to you on your wedding day why the fuck are you inviting them??   Of all the things to worry about this is one of the more self-centered aspects.   They want to talk to you BECAUSE YOU ASKED THEM TO BE THERE!!

    I'm going to use the party in your home analogy again.   If you invited people over for dinner, wouldn't you expect to talk to them?? 
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    lovegood90lovegood90 member
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    jacques27 said:

    A sweetheart table isn't for you to be alone and ignore your guests.  It's usually done to avoid having the whole wedding party on display and give your wedding party the opportunity to sit with their significant others and enjoy the wedding.

    You're the host of a party thanking your guests for attending your ceremony.  Guests who probably will want to spend time with you and congratulate you, otherwise they would have declined the invitation.  If you want to be alone, don't have a wedding ceremony with guests.  Once you invite guests, it's about them, not you.

    Basically all this. The sweetheart table is mainly to benefit your honoured guests, aka the wedding party. If you're so concerned about being bothered, you should elope.

    Formerly martha1818

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    MandyMostMandyMost member
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    I don't understand inviting all your nearest and dearest to a party and then not wanting to spend time with them.

    I didn't do a sweetheart table because I hate the idea of being on display, especially when eating, and really it IS an invitation for people to approach you. I mean, you invited these people, they want to talk to you. A sweetheart table is a way to set yourself apart so people can easily approach. If you sit at a regular table (that's what we did--we each had 2 of our closest friends and their dates, so it was a table for 10. We actually got a bigger table than the rest, which were set for 8 people each, so we wouldn't be squished) then you are talking to the people at the table, and each other, and there's not a good way for people to approach. Also, they see you engaged in a conversation with people and don't want to interrupt. 

    Your reception is just not a time to be alone with your new husband, or a time to relax. It's a party your throw to thank people for attending your wedding ceremony. It's about THEM, not YOU. 
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    tammym1001tammym1001 member
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    We did a sweetheart table and nobody bothered us while we were eating because they were all also eating. After that, we weren't at the table again one single time because we were up mingling with our guests. If you plan on just sitting at a table with your husband all night and not talking to anyone then you should rethink your plan of having guests.
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    Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    The maitre'd hoovered near our table and chased anyone who tried to interupt our dinner away. It was very nice.
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    BlueBirdMBBlueBirdMB member
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    MandyMost said:
    I don't understand inviting all your nearest and dearest to a party and then not wanting to spend time with them.

    I didn't do a sweetheart table because I hate the idea of being on display, especially when eating, and really it IS an invitation for people to approach you. I mean, you invited these people, they want to talk to you. A sweetheart table is a way to set yourself apart so people can easily approach. If you sit at a regular table (that's what we did--we each had 2 of our closest friends and their dates, so it was a table for 10. We actually got a bigger table than the rest, which were set for 8 people each, so we wouldn't be squished) then you are talking to the people at the table, and each other, and there's not a good way for people to approach. Also, they see you engaged in a conversation with people and don't want to interrupt. 

    Your reception is just not a time to be alone with your new husband, or a time to relax. It's a party your throw to thank people for attending your wedding ceremony. It's about THEM, not YOU. 
    This exactly.

    We had a table with our siblings and parents.  It was really nice.  I personally do not like sweetheart tables because it makes the bride and groom look like the king and queen providing over their subjects.  I also think it looks anti social.  You are the hosts of an event.  If you don't want to act like a host, elope.

    Because we sat at a table with our family, people didn't feel as comfortable just coming up to us because we were talking to other people.  We did however make an effort to walk around the room talking to guests at their tables.  This is what hosts do.  It's a lot of work, not going to lie, but nobody's forcing you to have guests at your wedding.
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    erinlin25erinlin25 member
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    No matter if you sit with the wedding party or at a sweetheart table, people may come up to your table.  Be courteous and talk to them if they do.  You are the bride and groom--people are there for you. 

    We did a sweetheart table and I don't recall anyone "bothering us."  I remember a friend asking if we wanted a drink and bringing us drinks at one point and other than that we enjoyed our meal, mingled with guests, took pictures here and there, visited the tables, etc.  You probably will be up and down A LOT, and that is normal.  Our wedding coordinator brought us a plate of apps during the cocktail hour so we were able to have some food just the two of us before we were announced into the reception.  Coordinator and photographer worked together to be sure we got to eat dinner.  If someone came to the table I was just as happy to see/talk to them and they were to see/talk to us. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    If you don't want guests "bothering" you at your wedding reception, your only option is not to invite them in the first place.

    You can have a sweetheart table so that you don't have to worry about seating incompatible parents and/or stepparents together or so that you don't have to put the wedding party together, but as the honorees, your guests are going to try to talk to you even while you're eating, and politeness requires you to respond graciously rather than trying to isolate yourselves.
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    blushingbride8888blushingbride8888 member
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    My Fi and I are planning to have a sweetheart table so we don't have to do the traditional head table and our families are too large to merge together at one table. However, we want to put our sweetheart table between both sides of our families rather than far from everyone. Maybe if you're closer to everyone and they can see you they won't crowd around your table since you'll be around other tables. Honestly, I think they'd go up to the head table too if that's how they are so I don't think there's much you can do.

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    MandyMostMandyMost member
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    blushingbride889 said:
    My Fi and I are planning to have a sweetheart table so we don't have to do the traditional head table and our families are too large to merge together at one table. However, we want to put our sweetheart table between both sides of our families rather than far from everyone. Maybe if you're closer to everyone and they can see you they won't crowd around your table since you'll be around other tables. Honestly, I think they'd go up to the head table too if that's how they are so I don't think there's much you can do.
    There are plenty of options other than a sweetheart table, even if your families are too large to merge and you don't want a traditional head table. You can really sit with anyone you want! The BM and MOH and their dates. Them and other members of the bridal party. Just your parents on both sides. Just your siblings on both sides, etc. There are no "rules" other than don't separate anyone from their significant other!
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    justsiejustsie member
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    The ONLY thing I can think of would be to have all of your pictures taken before the ceremony, and then eat dinner with you DH when everyone is at cocktail hour and then join them at the reception. My friend did this and since the cocktail hour is typically used for when the new couple is taking pictures most people don't miss the couple during that time. 

    That being said, its a pretty rude move to try and avoid all the guests that you are not only hosting but want to congradulate you and be a part of your day. 
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    Knottie61023985Knottie61023985 member
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    Eat alone together while everyone is having cocktails or before the start of the reception. Then mingle with your guests while they are eating.  Use this time to cherish your day and compare notes about who you don't know from your spouse's guest list!
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    Coalette2013Coalette2013 member
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    If by "bother" you mean not get a chance to eat before spending time with anyone you might want to eat some before you join everyone. We did a sweetheart table and knew that we would be eating very little due to hosting our guests. Something we did that I think helped us eat a little bit more than we would have, was our caterer brought us our food and drink first before tables were called to the buffet line. So we were eating while some guests were in line for their food and we did have some guests come up to us while at the sweetheart table. But the majority of guests ate while we ate and not a whole lot of people came up until we had nearly finished.

    Honestly, I thought I would be so hungry throughout the reception, but you really don't notice because you are having so much fun and 4 hours will go by and it only feels like 15 min. Our caterer made us up some boxes to take with us and we had those at the end of the night available, but we weren't hungry.
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    mrscomposermrscomposer member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2015

    I WISH we had a sweetheart table - we were going to sit mixed in with our guests, but as it happened, I didn't sit down the whole night because I was too busy talking to people, dancing, etc.  If we had a sweetheart table at least I could have used that as my 'headquarters' and planted myself down every once in a while.  We had a receiving line right after the ceremony, but that's not enough time to get a good visit in.

    And I just want to add my vote to everyone who has said that people 'bothering you' at your own dang wedding reception makes you sound rude and selfish.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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    anne2018anne2018 member
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    The people that come up to speak to the bride and groom are trying to be polite. You will have the rest of your lives to be alone.
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    kimandrob1317kimandrob1317 member
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    edited January 2015
    I am planning on doing a sweetheart table so that we can face all of our guests and be accessible! Our bridal party tables will be a few feet to each side from us, but we will have a chair on each side of our table for anyone to come sit and talk with us while we eat and enjoy the night. Even though I do not plan on staying locked down at our table for long, it still gives us a chance to sit down with a guest without them/us sitting in someone else's chair. When you have the traditional head table, you have to come up and stand in front or all the way around it to be able to speak with the B or G. As intimate as the sweetheart table is, i feel like it's more inviting for guests to come speak to you.

    Something like this to each side of our table
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    slothiegalslothiegal member
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    Guess we've officially reached the end of any and all real problems and are just grasping at straws at things to worry about now, eh?
    Anniversary

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    Psych819Psych819 member
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    I'm having a sweetheart table too but not so that my guests wouldn't bother us. Our wedding party is too large to have a dais. But if you're worried about your guests disturbing you then I would wonder why you'r re having a reception to begin with. 
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