Vow Renewals

Follow "etiquette" or not to

Me and my husband have been married for going on 8 years. We have never had a wedding, Just or civil marriage where some close friends were as witnesses. We are planning to renew our vows except we actually want the whole big event. everyone thats coming knows we are married but they say I can do whatever I want. I want advice, Id like to have our kids in the "wedding party" my girls want it like they saw at a wedding we went to. Whats your advice? I really dont care what people say cuz at the end of the day they will criticize no matter what.

Re: Follow "etiquette" or not to

  • A civil marriage IS a wedding and lots of people are not able to legally have a civil marriage so downplaying it and acting like it somehow is less of a real wedding just because you didn't get to wear a poofy white dress is not cool.

    A vow renewal is fine. Putting on a big theater production where you have all the pomp and circumstance is not. Plus, it sounds like you're just going to do what you're going to do regardless of proper etiquette or what people say so I'm not sure what you hoped to accomplish by posting here.

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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator 5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    I'm on mobile, so I can't bold anything. However, not trying to be mean, but if you don't care about etiquette, then why are you posting here? This is the internet and what you put on here will garner all sorts of opinions and you cannot control what is said and how others reply.

    That being said, I had a civil ceremony with no guests. It was very much a wedding and I am very much married. A wedding is when you get married, however you decide to make it legal.

    Having a vow renewal is great, lots of people do it. Having people witness it is great as well. You aren't lying about anything, so bonus. Involving only your children as attendants is also okay. Attendants are not associated with vow renewals, but involving children is different, in my eyes, than asking a best friend. As for the big dress, any tosses, or pre-event parties, I think that is a no-no. Do not have any gift giving events. That just comes off as greedy. However, throw a big party and have fun! Just don't make it look like a re-do.

     







    kmmssgOliveOilsMomadk19
  • deannabob77deannabob77
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    member
    edited January 2015
    Hi ,welcome to the board.. my husband and I got married at the JP almost 19 years ago and we are having a vow renewal next year and our kids will apart of our vow renewal our older sons will stand with my husband my daughter will stand next to me and my young son will walk me to my husband. We are cutting out many thing that is part of a wedding reception such as the money dance, garter toss, bouquet toss,cake cutting dot not want anyone smashing cake in my face anyway hahaha. when it come to a dress I'm just going with what I fall in love with it may be a wedding dress with NO veil and NOT white or a something different I just don't know yet..... you will do what you think is best you and your family,,, just remember you may get people criticizing you. enjoy planning your vow renewal
    rainbows0215
  • AddieCake said:
    I'm in the camp that doesn't mind if someone goes all out for their vow renewal as long as they are not lying to their guests. I would not at all be bothered by a big white dress and a wedding party.  But your attitude in your post is a little off-putting. If you don't care what people say, why are you asking? 

    All of this.


    adk19charcoalandblushJen4948
  • You are confusing etiquette and tradition.  Etiquette says that you must treat your guests well, and that you must not lie to them about being already married.  Yes, you MUST follow etiquette.
    Tradition means no white dresses, no bouquet tosses, no pretending that you are having a wedding.  To be honest, you will look very silly if you dress up like a bride and pretend that you are having a wedding, but if you really want to look like a child playing dress-up. no one can stop you.  Be prepared for a lot of criticism.
    You are a role model for your children.  I would think that you would want to show them how proud you are of your eight years of marriage, not that you regret not having a traditional white wedding.  Have a proper vow renewal with your children as witnesses and guests.  Nothing wrong with that.

    http://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette/?q=vow_renewal_etiquette.html


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    NoneForUs
  • Me and my husband have been married for going on 8 years. We have never had a wedding, Just or civil marriage where some close friends were as witnesses. We are planning to renew our vows except we actually want the whole big event. everyone thats coming knows we are married but they say I can do whatever I want. I want advice, Id like to have our kids in the "wedding party" my girls want it like they saw at a wedding we went to. Whats your advice? I really dont care what people say cuz at the end of the day they will criticize no matter what.
    So you only care what people say if they are telling you what you want to hear? How can anyone criticize you for having a fake wedding if you don't have one? 

    The day a couple gets married is their wedding. 

    Your family is right that you can do whatever you want. However, your family isn't telling you how greedy and childish you will likely appear to your guests.Own your decision to have a small wedding like an adult.I don't understand how you can have a wedding party when you are already married.

    I used to think just like you. My elopement and the aftermath were both terrible. My husband and I were planning a vow renewal with wedding elements. We are both very happy that I came to my senses and cancelled the Pretty Princess Day. We are buying a home instead and remembering that a wedding doesn't make a marriage. 
    Jells2dot0OliveOilsMomCMGragainDreamergirl8812
  • What I would suggest to you is ask around to the people you've planned on inviting to your vow renewal and just ask them what their thoughts are about doing a big traditional wedding ceremony/reception when someone is already married. Those who are fine with it you invite, those who say they have a problem with it you don't invite. This way you only have people who are going to support you and celebrate your marriage the way you want to that day, and those who aren't invited will know why. You're not hurting anyone or breaking any laws by celebrating the way you choose. Life is too short to have to put up with judgmental people who only want to be in your life just so they can have something to talk about.
    deannabob77
  • @AddieCake You are so right. I think the OP needs to grow up. 
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