Engagement Party Invites 1/20/15

heatherrae8

Hello! So my fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year, we had our engagement party at the end of June and at the time I was teaching at a fairly small school and had invited 3 other teachers to the party but none of them showed. I have not been in contact with two of them and only talk to the other occasionally on Facebook. Do I need to invite the one I am still in contact with, even if our communication consists of the occasional "like" on his statuses/pictures?

Maggie0829

heatherrae8 said:

Hello! So my fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year, we had our engagement party at the end of June and at the time I was teaching at a fairly small school and had invited 3 other teachers to the party but none of them showed. I have not been in contact with two of them and only talk to the other occasionally on Facebook. Do I need to invite the one I am still in contact with, even if our communication consists of the occasional "like" on his statuses/pictures?

Yes.  Everyone who has been invited to a pre-wedding event should also be invited to the wedding.  So that means those 3 individuals and their SOs (if they have SOs) should be invited to your wedding.

This is why I am not a fan of engagement parties.  They happen early on in the planning process and usually the wedding guest list is not completely finalized so things like this can happen.

[Deleted User]

Maggie0829 said:

heatherrae8 said:

Hello! So my fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year, we had our engagement party at the end of June and at the time I was teaching at a fairly small school and had invited 3 other teachers to the party but none of them showed. I have not been in contact with two of them and only talk to the other occasionally on Facebook. Do I need to invite the one I am still in contact with, even if our communication consists of the occasional "like" on his statuses/pictures?

Yes.  Everyone who has been invited to a pre-wedding event should also be invited to the wedding.  So that means those 3 individuals and their SOs (if they have SOs) should be invited to your wedding.

This is why I am not a fan of engagement parties.  They happen early on in the planning process and usually the wedding guest list is not completely finalized so things like this can happen.

This is absolutely correct.  HOWEVER...  Basically uninviting them is a friendship-ending move.  So, if you want to completely end the friendship, I guess you don't really have to invite them.

heatherrae8

Well, I think to call our current status a "friendship" is a little far fetched, maybe not with the one I am "friends" with on FB but I haven't had so much as a text from the other two in 7 months. Also, none of them called/text/emailed to say "sorry we can't/couldn't make it...blah blah blah" which was a little disappointing... Maybe I will invite the guy I am in contact with along with his wife, but that's it. Thank you for the insight, in retrospect I should have been a little more careful with my invites (I didn't think we were all going to leave our school at the end of the year). 

WhatawagSBNy

If you invited them to the engagement party and they did not come, and neither of you have made any effort to socialize since you left the job, former coworkers do not need to be invited

The general guideline, you invite to parties only those you are closest to and will definitely invite to the wedding, is just that. A guideline. Not a commandment chiseled in stone.

Common sense rules. Most people feel obliged to send a gift if invited to a wedding, because you only invite people you are close to, usually.
But if you make a friendly gesture to work friends to now become social friends, and they decline not because of an emergency or conflict, but because they are not interested in being friends, all obligations cease.
It is like some one who says, sorry but I'm not interested and closes the door . You don't come back and ring the bell to see if this time they will say no, close the door and turn off the porch light. That is rude.
And so is sending a wedding invitation after clearly being told, not interested. Your intentions were good, inviting someone you thought a potential friend to your E Party, and had they extended social overtures back to you, I am sure you would have had the good manners to invite them to the wedding. They didn't, you don't

SP29

I agree with @WhatawagSBNy.

Yes, anyone invited to pre-wedding events should be invited to the wedding, BUT if you are no longer friends with these people then I don't think you should be obligated to invite them to your wedding.

It would be different you invited your acquaintance Sally whom you hang out with in a group setting because you wanted her to celebrate your engagement, and despite the fact that you still hang out with Sally, you have decided not to invite her to your wedding because of "budget". That would be telling her she's good enough to come have fun with you on someone else's dime and possibly give you a present, but not for you to host. However, I think it is different with these people as you are not trying to continue a friendship (if you are, you should invite).