Need advice! Wedding money issues. (XP)

whytxrabbit

So our wedding is in July 2015. After the excitement of the engagement began to settle down, my mom and my fiance's parents sat down with us and offered to pay for the wedding. They agreed to a budget and that each side would pay half. We have already signed contracts and put down payments/deposits on most of our vendors. This money has come from my mom. My fiance's parents have not helped to pay anything so far. 

Recently, my future in laws decided to start making comments about how "we are forgetting who is paying for the wedding" when they don't agree with our decisions. A few days ago, my future mother in law texted my fiance and said that they don't agree with some of the life choices we have made (financed a new vehicle and moving back to my mom's to save money to get a house). And because they don't like what we are doing they are withdrawing their offer to pay half of the wedding and will now only cover half of the reception cost and the DJ...this would be about 65% of what was originally agreed upon.

I'm freaking out! My fiance wants to sit down and talk to them which we can't do for a few days. With trying to save for our own home, we can't afford to cover what we are already paying for and the other 35% of their part. My fiance's mother has been controlling from the start, but I think it is crossing the line when threatening to not cover the agreed costs. My initial reaction is to just cancel the wedding and have them cover the losses, but then that's a lose-lose situation. I am starting to try and find ways to cut back on cuts if things don't work out. I'm just not sure what to do and my fiance is hurt by this whole situation. 

Has anyone else been through a similar situation? Any opinions? 

lyndausvi

I'm sorry they are being this way.  Unfortunately we tell people all the time never count on money until you have it in your hand.

You either have to find a way to come up with whatever they are not covering or start cutting things.   

Have you sent out STD?  If not cut the guest list.   Go for less expensive flowers, invites and things like that.    If you do not have a minimum try and change the menu to a less expensive option.  Try a different bar package (if you have one at all).

I am curious though.  You said they will pay for 1/2 the reception and the DJ?  What else was on their "list" of things to buy.  Those seems like the big budget items.

apromise22

Why would she be upset at you buying a car and moving back home? I assume she doesn't approve of the money you're spending on the car, but that's more than offset by not paying rent.

southernbelle0915

Sorry this is happening to you. It's a really good lesson in never planning or financing anything without the money in your bank account. Promises fall through all the time - even from family and trustworthy people you think are "good for it". Lesson learned - I bet you won't do this again. 

@lyndausvi had good suggestions on cutting costs. Also, don't have favors, downgrade invites/linens/decor/extras. Pick a less expensive cake or just a cheaper dessert option. Don't have a rehearsal - then you won't need a rehearsal dinner (huge cost savings) - everyone knows how to walk and the officiant can just queue people. Cancel any special lighting. 

At this point, you could probably even change to a different time of day - evening weddings are always the most expensive. Do a brunch/lunch wedding with limited alcohol to save money. Or have your event at a non-meal time so that you can get away with just serving refreshments. 

I really don't think you should count on any money from your FILs until it's in your bank account. I'm talking bout this remaining 35%. Honestly, as much as it stings, you should expect that you'll be paying that. If they end up coming through, great. But with their current stance, I wouldn't count on it.

AJKiss said:

So our wedding is in July 2015. After the excitement of the engagement began to settle down, my mom and my fiance's parents sat down with us and offered to pay for the wedding. They agreed to a budget and that each side would pay half. We have already signed contracts and put down payments/deposits on most of our vendors. This money has come from my mom. My fiance's parents have not helped to pay anything so far. 

Recently, my future in laws decided to start making comments about how "we are forgetting who is paying for the wedding" when they don't agree with our decisions. A few days ago, my future mother in law texted my fiance and said that they don't agree with some of the life choices we have made (financed a new vehicle and moving back to my mom's to save money to get a house). And because they don't like what we are doing they are withdrawing their offer to pay half of the wedding and will now only cover half of the reception cost and the DJ...this would be about 65% of what was originally agreed upon.

I'm freaking out! My fiance wants to sit down and talk to them which we can't do for a few days. With trying to save for our own home, we can't afford to cover what we are already paying for and the other 35% of their part. My fiance's mother has been controlling from the start, but I think it is crossing the line when threatening to not cover the agreed costs. My initial reaction is to just cancel the wedding and have them cover the losses, but then that's a lose-lose situation. I am starting to try and find ways to cut back on cuts if things don't work out. I'm just not sure what to do and my fiance is hurt by this whole situation. 

Has anyone else been through a similar situation? Any opinions? 

JIC

whytxrabbit

Thankfully, I was just about to put the STD in the mail, but I am holding on to them just in case. Our reception has a minimum so we can't cut back there, but we can cut back on flowers, cake, favors, etc. I do have about a week to cancel the reception and not pay a huge fee (but I will be kissing a grand good bye) so we would have the option of cutting back there too if needed. 

As what they are paying for. It was agreed that our wedding budget was $15,000. When all of us - my fiance and I, his parents, and my mom - spoke about the budget our parents agreed to split it down the middle. There was no "I'll pay for the booze and DJ and you pay for the dress and flowers." This would mean 7500 from each side. The DJ and 1/2 of the reception barely come to about 5,000. You might be thinking oh, thats only 2500 you have to come up with, but we're not sure thats doable for us on top of what we are paying ourselves.

Im not completely sure why they are so upset. As you said, saving money from not paying rent helps us out and the new vehicle is only $50 than the last one. Moving in with my mom helps us financially 

and there are more career opportunities for us in this area. 

We most definitely are learning the hard way to have not counted on money that we didn't have immediately. Hopefully things work out, but if not, we have always been able to make the best of what we have.

justsie

AJKiss said:

Thankfully, I was just about to put the STD in the mail, but I am holding on to them just in case. Our reception has a minimum so we can't cut back there, but we can cut back on flowers, cake, favors, etc. I do have about a week to cancel the reception and not pay a huge fee (but I will be kissing a grand good bye) so we would have the option of cutting back there too if needed. 

As what they are paying for. It was agreed that our wedding budget was $15,000. When all of us - my fiance and I, his parents, and my mom - spoke about the budget our parents agreed to split it down the middle. There was no "I'll pay for the booze and DJ and you pay for the dress and flowers." This would mean 7500 from each side. The DJ and 1/2 of the reception barely come to about 5,000. You might be thinking oh, thats only 2500 you have to come up with, but we're not sure thats doable for us on top of what we are paying ourselves.

Im not completely sure why they are so upset. As you said, saving money from not paying rent helps us out and the new vehicle is only $50 than the last one. Moving in with my mom helps us financially 

and there are more career opportunities for us in this area. 

We most definitely are learning the hard way to have not counted on money that we didn't have immediately. Hopefully things work out, but if not, we have always been able to make the best of what we have.

I hope that you mean you are going to cancel the reception at the place that has the minimum in favor of one that doesn't and not that you are going to forgo having a reception all together. The reception is to thank your guests for coming to the ceremony, so it is rude to simply not have one. 

whytxrabbit

Yes - cancel the current reception which has a minimum. This way we could chose a place which we could afford on our own.