Poor hosting.... again (update)

Bubblegum5586

I am back to complain about another party poorly hosted by my SIL & BIL. Yes I have complained many times, I keep going so it is my own fault. So this is more of a lesson to lurkers that YOUR FAMILY DOES MIND even though "they love you".

So it really feels like everything that happens in their life MUST be celebrated by all (and hosted by all as well). So this weekend is the party and it is a theme party. Which I am not necessarily against... but REALLY didn't feel like getting a costume. I ended up spending $50-$60 on mostly accessories (well and my dress) for H and I. So not terrible... but we are trying really hard to save money and pay down debt that I rather not spend it on something for someone else's party. 

But once I got it all together we look pretty awesome so I was getting pretty excited. I do love H's family and we always all have fun together. Today I get a text from my BIL to bring a veggie platter.... ughhhhhh. Since H has work that day we have to leave right as he get's home so I asked BIL if we should get dinner on the way or if there will be enough food for a dinner. He said to get food on the way, there will only be a few snacks....ughhh

Then I get an email reminder that the big party is this weekend! There will be "bubbly" but feel free to BYOB... ughhh

I mentioned this to H and his response was if we are supposed to bring a gift too? I said Hell No. I will bring a card.

This past summer was our first summer in our new house and I threw H a bday party (I talked about it before on here). I hosted dinner for everyone (Grilled steak and chicken with pasta alfredo) and beer and wine (along with soda, juice and water) and of course ice cream cake. AND BIL and SIL didn't even bring a card for H. We weren't looking for gifts at all (and were surprised that people did bring gifts) but they couldn't even show up with a card?  They constantly ask us to bring food and booze to every party of theirs (they have asked for gifts too). I was hoping that by providing good food and drink to all of our guests... I could show how easy (and polite) it is to properly host your guests....

I will say again I don't mind potlucks/BYOB in general. I just can't stand it when it is a "gift giving" event or a party in someone's honor. New Year's eve party - Yes- what can I bring? Your birthday party I need to buy a costume for and bring food and booze? SO RUDE!!!

fwtx5815

I would anonymously send them an etiquette guide with all their offenses highlighted.

Chipmunk415

Evil chipmunk suggests getting yourselves some fast food, and purchasing a dozen happy meals to "auction" off to other attendees who dont know about how little is being offered.

Evil Chipmunk doesn't care about etiquette in these situations with the repeat behavior by the BIL and SIL, and needs to be given a margarita...

teddygirl9

I often ask if I can bring anything, even if it is something like that. If they just told me to bring a veggie platter, I'd be like 'oh gosh, we are coming straight from X and won't have time...Sorry, if we realized you wouldnt be prepared we could have changed our plans earlier! See you at 6!' Annoying indeed.

theartistformerlyknownas

Booooooooo.

I'm with Teddy. I normally ask if there's anything I can bring... but people normally say no!

VulgarGirl

dallasbetch said:

I would anonymously send them an etiquette guide with all their offenses highlighted.

I would do this except not anonymously. 

KatieinBkln

I have to ask: Why do you keep showing up to their parties? They sound fucking awful.

lyndausvi

I come from a family/social group where there is enough food for a meal regardless of the time of day.   There is always booze waiting for you when you walk in the house.   I've never in my life have attended a social event where those 2 things were not readily available.  And I'm talking about a simply stopping by to say hello.

Yep, when you walked into grandma's teeny, tiny apartment she rented with her fixed income you still were offered food and a cocktail.  (my cousins and me would gift her booze and beer as xmas presents so she could still host properly).

A party?  Yeah, there is always way too much food and booze. 

This thing of inviting people over and then only feeding a few snacks and telling them to bring their own drinks is a foreign concept to me.   

pinkcow13

Totally not cool on their part. Either properly host your guests, or just don't have a party at all. I don't see why that's such a hard concept for some people.

wandajune6

I was raised that you always ask what you can bring- and you are always told the same thing: "nothing but your gorgeous selves and a big appetite."

With my friends, you always offer to bring food but there's always plenty. On the rare occasion of a potluck-style event, the host still provides the the majority of the food and drink-- basically, you don't offer to host unless you plan to pick up the majority of the work and expense. The one exception is new parents- I'll bring a meal and gifts with me when I visit.

Even now, visiting my gramma in her "retirement community" means getting offered a drink (beer, glass of wine, or soda) and some sort of snack. Her memory is shot but she's still a great hostess.

I'd stop making any effort if I was in your position.

Bubblegum5586

KatieinBkln I agree that by always going and bringing what I am told to bring I am completely condoning this behavior. But to be honest once we are all together we have a blast. And MIL will always bring something to every party whether asked or not. And for family she wouldn't even bat an eye. So I rather not start drama and hopefully if I continue to host well it will wear off?!?

WhatawagSBNy

Organizing potluck parties is only polite in some circumstances, and when equally done by everyone under the circumstances.
Come, spend some bucks on a costume, and by the way bring enough food to feed a whole bunch of people, and we expect a gift??? What, no admission charge or charge for parking , or corking and plating fees for any wine and food you bring?

Bubblegum5586

Chipmunk415 said:

Evil chipmunk suggests getting yourselves some fast food, and purchasing a dozen happy meals to "auction" off to other attendees who dont know about how little is being offered. Evil Chipmunk doesn't care about etiquette in these situations with the repeat behavior by the BIL and SIL, and needs to be given a margarita...

Chipmunk415
So I just wanted to share that there was practically no food at the party and halfway through my BIL (host) literally went to McDonalds and came back with 20 burgers and 2 20 piece nugs and they were devoured in like minutes....

flantastic

bubblegum1309 said:

KatieinBkln I agree that by always going and bringing what I am told to bring I am completely condoning this behavior. But to be honest once we are all together we have a blast. And MIL will always bring something to every party whether asked or not. And for family she wouldn't even bat an eye. So I rather not start drama and hopefully if I continue to host well it will wear off?!?

In this instance, that's understandable - because it's accurate - but this baffles me. I know she thinks she's helping, but what clearer way to say, "I didn't believe you were going to adequately host this party, so I took it upon myself to help"?

theartistformerlyknownas

flantastic said:

bubblegum1309 said:

KatieinBkln I agree that by always going and bringing what I am told to bring I am completely condoning this behavior. But to be honest once we are all together we have a blast. And MIL will always bring something to every party whether asked or not. And for family she wouldn't even bat an eye. So I rather not start drama and hopefully if I continue to host well it will wear off?!?

In this instance, that's understandable - because it's accurate - but this baffles me. I know she thinks she's helping, but what clearer way to say, "I didn't believe you were going to adequately host this party, so I took it upon myself to help"?

My mom is totally the same way though. And I truly 1000% believe she believes she's helping, even when I tell her I have a perfectly coordinated, timed, and balanced Italian meal with complementary flavor profiles, and she shows up with a taco salad.

paperpusher

bubblegum1309 said:

Chipmunk415 said:

Evil chipmunk suggests getting yourselves some fast food, and purchasing a dozen happy meals to "auction" off to other attendees who dont know about how little is being offered.

Evil Chipmunk doesn't care about etiquette in these situations with the repeat behavior by the BIL and SIL, and needs to be given a margarita...

Chipmunk415
So I just wanted to share that there was practically no food at the party and halfway through my BIL (host) literally went to McDonalds and came back with 20 burgers and 2 20 piece nugs and they were devoured in like minutes....

OMG. You're joking right? Did anyone say anything?

JennyColada

Even when I just brought a friend home after school, my mom always made sure to have snacks waiting for us (it was actually something that my friends constantly complimented her on!).

My momma din't raise no fool.

SBmini

I would be so annoyed by this! I always offer to bring things to friends places when they have parties- and people typically offer to bring things when we have parties. But to ask? That's awful! At the bare minimum, you provide enough staple foods/alcohols for everyone and if someone wants something special- they can bring it. Bare minimum! 

[Deleted User]