Proper Invitation Wording

runningtomywedding

I'm not sure how to word my invitations. My father and my fiancé's mother both passed away recently. His father is helping pay for the rehearsal but not the wedding. My mom is contributing nothing. We are paying for the wedding with part of the life insurance policy my dad left for me. 

I know you usually put whoever is paying for the wedding, which is technically my dad. Obviously that would be a bit weird since he's not alive. But I don't feel right wording it like we are the ones paying for it, because honestly that money has just sat in an account for a year because I do not feel like it is mine and I've been unable to bring myself to use it for anything. I know my dad would have paid for my wedding and would have wanted me to have one and would have enjoyed every minute, and that's the only way I've been able to bring myself to use it for this. 

 He is the one paying for it, and I want people to know that, but I know I can't put it on the invitation. So two questions I guess:

1) How do I word the invitations?

2) How do I honor my dad and his contribution to the wedding? We aren't doing a program or anything. I'm walking down the aisle to his favorite song but only those close to him will know that...

thespeshulestsnowflake

I'm sorry for your loss, but your father is not paying for the wedding, you are. The person who is hosting the wedding is who is mentioned on the invites. It sounds like you and your FI are hosting. I think walking down the aisle to his favorite song is a good tribute. 

NYCMercedes

runningtomywedding said:

I'm not sure how to word my invitations. My father and my fiancé's mother both passed away recently. His father is helping pay for the rehearsal but not the wedding. My mom is contributing nothing. We are paying for the wedding with part of the life insurance policy my dad left for me. 

I know you usually put whoever is paying for the wedding, which is technically my dad. Obviously that would be a bit weird since he's not alive. But I don't feel right wording it like we are the ones paying for it, because honestly that money has just sat in an account for a year because I do not feel like it is mine and I've been unable to bring myself to use it for anything. I know my dad would have paid for my wedding and would have wanted me to have one and would have enjoyed every minute, and that's the only way I've been able to bring myself to use it for this. 

 He is the one paying for it, and I want people to know that, but I know I can't put it on the invitation. So two questions I guess:

1) How do I word the invitations?

2) How do I honor my dad and his contribution to the wedding? We aren't doing a program or anything. I'm walking down the aisle to his favorite song but only those close to him will know that...

Invitations never list who is PAYING for the wedding. They identify who is HOSTING the wedding. 

Hosts are you and your husband so  you could say, "Together with their families" if you choose. 

Alternatively "The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of".  

PrettyGirlLost

Honestly, you can put whomever you like on your invitations.

My parents and my FILS did not host our wedding in that they did not pay for it- DH and I did.  But we still listed both sets of parents on the invitations because we love our parents and we wanted to include them on the invitations.

floridabride44

I'm sorry for your loss!

The invitation reflects who is hosting the wedding, not necessarily who is paying, and from what you described it sounds like you & your FI are hosting so your wording would reflect that. 

The pleasure of your company is requested*
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
(etc.)
* If the wedding will be held in a church, or other house of worship, you must use "request the honor (honour) of your presence". Honour of your prersence is ONLY used for church weddings.

There's a good post about invitation wording in the Invites & Paper Board

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1044338/how-to-word-your-wedding-invitation#latest

[Deleted User]

Deceased people cannot host an event.  Please do not list them on the invitation.  An invitation is a notice to your guests as to what they are invited to, where and when it is, and who they should talk to should they have any questions (the hosts.)

runningtomywedding

Yes, as I stated in my original post I know that I 100% cannot put my dad's name. My question was what I should put, and how I can honor/give credit to my dad in other ways.

Thank you everyone for your reading my questions and responding to them!

blabla89

adk19 said:

Deceased people cannot host an event.  Please do not list them on the invitation.  An invitation is a notice to your guests as to what they are invited to, where and when it is, and who they should talk to should they have any questions (the hosts.)

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

You wouldn't list them as the host, but you could list it as:

Runningtomywedding,
daughter of the late Father Name and Mother Name,
and
FI's Name,
son of FIL Name and the late FMIL Name

Hope that helps!

pinkcow13

runningtomywedding said:

I'm not sure how to word my invitations. My father and my fiancé's mother both passed away recently. His father is helping pay for the rehearsal but not the wedding. My mom is contributing nothing. We are paying for the wedding with part of the life insurance policy my dad left for me. 

I know you usually put whoever is paying for the wedding, which is technically my dad. Obviously that would be a bit weird since he's not alive. But I don't feel right wording it like we are the ones paying for it, because honestly that money has just sat in an account for a year because I do not feel like it is mine and I've been unable to bring myself to use it for anything. I know my dad would have paid for my wedding and would have wanted me to have one and would have enjoyed every minute, and that's the only way I've been able to bring myself to use it for this. 

 He is the one paying for it, and I want people to know that, but I know I can't put it on the invitation. So two questions I guess:

1) How do I word the invitations?

Why not put "Together with their families Bride and Groom request the pleasure of your company..."

2) How do I honor my dad and his contribution to the wedding? We aren't doing a program or anything. I'm walking down the aisle to his favorite song but only those close to him will know that...

Honestly, I think walking down the aisle to his favorite song is perfect. Maybe you can take fabric from one of his favorite shirts to wrap around your bouquet. Another idea, I went to a wedding over the summer, and the Bride's dad was deceased. She did the Father/Daughter dance with her uncle, to her father's favorite song, which the DJ announced.He said something along the lines of "In honor of Bride's father who is no longer with us, Bride and her uncle will dance to  "Name of song here " which was his favorite song, and he used to sing to her as a little girl." I thought that was a very touching and sweet way to honor her dad.

[Deleted User]

blabla89 said:

adk19 said:

Deceased people cannot host an event.  Please do not list them on the invitation.  An invitation is a notice to your guests as to what they are invited to, where and when it is, and who they should talk to should they have any questions (the hosts.)

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

You wouldn't list them as the host, but you could list it as:

Runningtomywedding,
daughter of the late Father Name and Mother Name,
and
FI's Name,
son of FIL Name and the late FMIL Name

Hope that helps!

Except that an invitation is not a family tree.  Are there so many people invited to your wedding who wouldn't know who you were unless it was prefaced by "daughter of soandso"?  Are people going to be getting invitations and saying, "Ashley Smith and Jason Jones?  Who the hell are they?  Oh, wait, look here, it says Ashley is the daughter of Susan Smith and the late Arnold Smith.  Oh, yeah, I remember old Arnie.  How nice of his daughter to invite us to her wedding!"

ETA: The names of the bride and groom should not be separated by anything.  So if you insist on saying daughter of so and so and son of so and so, it would be "daughter of soandso, Ashley Smith to Jason Jones, son of soandso".

SP29

I'm sorry for you and your fiance's loss. 

Names of the host(s) go on the invite, which is you and your FI.

 I vote for "Together with their families...." or "The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of....".

As for honoring your dad, walking down the aisle to his favourite song is beautiful. You could also carry something of his with you, as part of your bouquet, or pinned inside your dress. There doesn't need to be anything more than that. It is recommended not to do things that are very showy (ie. an empty chair) as you don't know how other people will react- it might be quite upsetting for them, and possibly something they weren't prepared for. 

CMGragain

I am sorry for your loss, but your Dad is not paying for your wedding.  Deceased persons do not own property.
Here is the proper wording for your invitation:

The pleasure of your company is requested ("honour of your presence" for church wedding)
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day. date of month
year
at time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

Deceased persons cannot appear on a wedding invitation.  No!  I do sympathize.  My Dad died when I was 15, and I sorely missed him at my wedding.  I had my grandmother put a single flower from my bouquet on his grave, privately.
As for letting people know that the funds came from your Dad's estate, NO!  It is very, very tacky to talk about who paid for your wedding.  This is none of the guests' business, and as the bride, you should not discuss this.  You can have an unobtrusive memorial, such as a lighted candle at your ceremony.  You might carry something small that was special to your Dad, hidden in your bouquet.

CMGragain

blabla89 said:

adk19 said:

Deceased people cannot host an event.  Please do not list them on the invitation.  An invitation is a notice to your guests as to what they are invited to, where and when it is, and who they should talk to should they have any questions (the hosts.)

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

You wouldn't list them as the host, but you could list it as:

Runningtomywedding,
daughter of the late Father Name and Mother Name,
and
FI's Name,
son of FIL Name and the late FMIL Name

Hope that helps!

Noooooo!!!!!

LtPowers

Official word from Miss Manners (nearly 30 years ago, but I'm sure she'd say the same today):

Dear Miss Manners-I am getting married later this fall. My father gave me my wedding money in September of last year and passed away a month later. My fiance and I feel very strongly about my father`s name being on the invitations. He is paying for the wedding, deceased or not.

We want to word it: ``The late Mr. Smith requests the honor of your presence at his daughter`s wedding,`` etc.

My parents were divorced in 1981, and my mother and I are not on good terms. I do not want her name even to be mentioned on the invitation.

I am 30 and quite capable of issuing my own invitations, but really want my dad`s name there. Please help.

Gentle Reader-Miss Manners appreciates your sentiments, but you must find some other way to honor your father. (For example, she knew a bridal couple who went off privately and quietly, after their reception, to leave wedding flowers on the grave of the bride`s father.)


The person who issues the invitations is the one who will serve as host. This billing is not intended to announce the name of the financial sponsor. Miss Manners urges you to issue your own invitations, if you do not want your mother involved.

Unfortunately, your father cannot be host at your wedding. It would detract from the dignity of his memory to chill the guests by suggesting that he will do so from beyond the grave. You really do not want to use his name to give them the creeps.

Powers  &8^]