Probably nosy, but....

LadyMillil

I ditto larry as well.

About a year and a half ago DH and I barely saw each other because of work and the results was we never did anything sexy. It might sound weird, but it helped us to plan that every Saturday morning we would have sex. 

The BC I'm on now completely kills my libido until I'm in the moment. It really sucks because I'm just like meh about sex all the time. DH hated initiating all the time and I hated never having sex. We had a long talk about all these issues and came to a plan that works for us, which includes me making an effort to initiate whenever it is a good time for me.

ashley8918

lolo883 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

----------------------

This is my life. I don't O, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. H doesn't really understand this, so I am a master faker.

VulgarGirl

ashley8918 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

---------------------- This is my life. I don't O, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. H doesn't really understand this, so I am a master faker.

I am the worst faker ever. I've tried. I don't do the slow build up, I just go right into porn-star level screaming orgasm shit. It's really terrible.

Also apparenlty when I actually O my vocal pitch gets lower. When I fake, I go higher. Per wife. 

KatieinBkln

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off.

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

So obviously there are many things that affect which antidepressant your doc describes, but if you haven't already, ask him/her about trying another type. Some are known to be much more libido-killing than others. Wellbutrin is supposed to be good about NOT fucking with your orgasms.

Definitely something for you and your doc to work out (I am NOT trying to prescribe you anything!) but there is hope out there, at least in theory....

LakeR2014

ashley8918 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

---------------------- This is my life. I don't O, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. H doesn't really understand this, so I am a master faker.

Lol, this was my life until H.   Seriously I've had a lot of partners (too many to count really) and H is the only one who has ever gotten me to O.   It's not everytime, so I still fake it sometimes, but it's amazing when it happens.   He's also not the biggest by far that i've had, so he made me a complete believer in size does not matter.

Blergbot

H and I have sex every night. What it really comes down to, for us, is having a routine, as boring as that sounds. If I waited until I was horny, we'd probably be doing it a lot less. Sometimes it takes intitiating something to get yourselves in the mood. 

Granted, we are about to have a baby, so all of this could change very, very quickly for us, but while we can we just try to make sex a priority. Maybe once or twice a month we "take a night off" for whatever reason. Right now H is on a 5 day business trip. I'm also experiencing this thing called pelvic girdle pain, which is common in the third trimester, so I need to talk to my doctor about whether or not I need to go on pelvic rest. 

Anyway, we don't have the most interesting sex life, but we do put a lot of effort into maintaining it. Maybe try a month of having sex every day?

WhatawagSBNy

I guess I figure that OP sounding concerned and saying things that sound less than comfortable and happy means not enough for them.

But yes, enough for some couples.

Years of people's confidences in a medical setting, I think I have rarely heard of a time when BOTH members of a newlywed couple were happy with such a low frequency, with the notable exception of folks who have been living under the same roof for many years already, and people mid fifties and up.

beethery

ashley8918 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

---------------------- This is my life. I don't O, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. H doesn't really understand this, so I am a master faker.

Have you gotten a shower head or vibrator yet? I swear to god the next time I see some shit go on sale I'm going to send you links.

ashley8918

beethery said:

ashley8918 said:

lolo883 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

----------------------

This is my life. I don't O, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. H doesn't really understand this, so I am a master faker.

Have you gotten a shower head or vibrator yet? I swear to god the next time I see some shit go on sale I'm going to send you links.


--------------------------------
The shower head was a fail, but no vibrator yet.

beethery

ashley8918 said:

ashley8918 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

---------------------- This is my life. I don't O, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. H doesn't really understand this, so I am a master faker.

Have you gotten a shower head or vibrator yet? I swear to god the next time I see some shit go on sale I'm going to send you links.

-------------------------------- The shower head was a fail, but no vibrator yet.

Pray tell what setting did you have it on? Like regular shower?

littlemushroom

I am so happy DH understands that it isn't always about the O for me, and that sometimes it just isn't going to happen no matter what he does. It doesn't mean I didn't still enjoy everything we did. Faking is too much effort, and I am glad I don't have to do it with him.

ashley8918

beethery said:

ashley8918 said:

ashley8918 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

---------------------- This is my life. I don't O, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. H doesn't really understand this, so I am a master faker.

Have you gotten a shower head or vibrator yet? I swear to god the next time I see some shit go on sale I'm going to send you links.

-------------------------------- The shower head was a fail, but no vibrator yet.

Pray tell what setting did you have it on? Like regular shower?

Like, allllll the different settings.

l9i

ashley8918 said:

beethery said:

ashley8918 said:

ashley8918 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

---------------------- This is my life. I don't O, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. H doesn't really understand this, so I am a master faker.

Have you gotten a shower head or vibrator yet? I swear to god the next time I see some shit go on sale I'm going to send you links.

-------------------------------- The shower head was a fail, but no vibrator yet.

Pray tell what setting did you have it on? Like regular shower?

Like, allllll the different settings.

So DH would always make jokes about using the shower head.  I guess he thought I was always joking until just recently when we found out I was serious... Oh the questions the man has haha

emmaaa

I put once a week but honestly, it varies. I've been sick and/or on my period since we got bac from our honeymoon, so we haven't had sex since then. i agree with Larry (and everyone else who added on to her points) that it isn't healthy to compare your sexual needs to other couples. h and I are happy with our sex life. It may not be super often but some weeks it is 4 or 5 times a week and others it is more like 1 time per week. 

larrygaga

lolo883 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

Ehhh don't fake it. It could lead into him believing something works when it doesn't. 

larrygaga

beethery said:

ashley8918 said:

Inkdancer said:

For me, sex also equals anything that gets me off. 

Well, gets H off. My antidepressants are interfering with my orgasms. It fucking sucks, and I think it discourages H from trying.

Does it bother you, or just him? 

If you like the intimacy even if you're not getting off... I'd honestly suggest just faking it.

---------------------- This is my life. I don't O, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. H doesn't really understand this, so I am a master faker.

Have you gotten a shower head or vibrator yet? I swear to god the next time I see some shit go on sale I'm going to send you links.

THIS 

southernbelle0915

I used to fake it. I felt bad he wasn't getting me off and wanted him to feel like he was accomplishing something. 

I don't anymore. I don't want H to think "oh, this thing I'm doing is getting her off" when it's not. That doesn't help either of us. Things have gotten WAY better since I stopped faking. It was frustrating for a few months, but worth it to get to a place that's real.

levioosa

I'm with Larrygaga.  Numbers don't matter.  What matters is if it's working for you.  It doesn't sound like it is, so that's something to talk about with your H.  Now, if you're happy and it's only one time a month, then awesome, you're happy with it.  I think assigning an arbitrary optimal "number" is foolish because it's highly subjective to the couple.  I would also rather have less often super good quality sex than frequent shitty sex. 

SO and I have a range of 1-5x per week, depending on the week.  We often joke that "we're old" because we'll both be in the mood and in bed, but we're simply too exhausted to do it so we sleep instead.  My problem is that on my BC I'm not as "in the mood" as normal.  But I'm staying on this sucker because it's the first one that hasn't made me BSC.  Sometimes I just have to start going through the motions to get it through to my brain. 

EF: words

afox007

I answered daily, but that's basically the average. Like this week we have had sex 4 times but two of the times were on Tuesday and we didn't do anything last night.   

fwtx5815

southernbelle0915 said:

I used to fake it. I felt bad he wasn't getting me off and wanted him to feel like he was accomplishing something. 

I don't anymore. I don't want H to think "oh, this thing I'm doing is getting her off" when it's not. That doesn't help either of us. Things have gotten WAY better since I stopped faking. It was frustrating for a few months, but worth it to get to a place that's real.

Same. I realized that if we're having sex, I shouldn't have to pretend to orgasm just to protect his ego. When I told him that plain ol missionary was not doing it for me, he was kinda shocked and probably a little hurt. I had to do some legitimate research and show him that he's not broken and that a LOT of women don't get off from penetration. Once he realized that it wasn't anything he was doing wrong, he was all about making sure I had orgasms. He even went to get a vibrator with me to use together.

We don't use it anymore, because he's waaay more handsy during foreplay and even during sex. I'm so glad I spoke up about it.

emmaaa

southernbelle0915 said:

I used to fake it. I felt bad he wasn't getting me off and wanted him to feel like he was accomplishing something. 

I don't anymore. I don't want H to think "oh, this thing I'm doing is getting her off" when it's not. That doesn't help either of us. Things have gotten WAY better since I stopped faking. It was frustrating for a few months, but worth it to get to a place that's real.

Same. H and I had to learn from each other. He was my first and only and I was his second (literally only the second time he had sex). It was a lot of awkward moments and one of us being like "oh, no, that is not working" but now we know what the other likes. 

hellosweetie1015

I think I can count on one hand the number of times we've had sex since August. It's like I can't shut off my monsters any more, and they're getting in the way.

amelisha

Not to get graphic, but we have a size issue that sometimes limits frequency, as I sometimes need a recovery day depending on the previous day's exuberance or duration, and more than once a day is asking for a painful next day as well.

We do other stuff every day I'm not up for the whole enchilada (lol...) though, so I still consider us "daily" people. 

larrygaga

amelisha said:

Not to get graphic, but we have a size issue that sometimes limits frequency, as I sometimes need a recovery day depending on the previous day's exuberance or duration, and more than once a day is asking for a painful next day as well.

We do other stuff every day I'm not up for the whole enchilada (lol...) though, so I still consider us "daily" people. 

Damn are you dating Shaq?

theartistformerlyknownas

dallasbetch said:

I used to fake it. I felt bad he wasn't getting me off and wanted him to feel like he was accomplishing something. 

I don't anymore. I don't want H to think "oh, this thing I'm doing is getting her off" when it's not. That doesn't help either of us. Things have gotten WAY better since I stopped faking. It was frustrating for a few months, but worth it to get to a place that's real.

Same. I realized that if we're having sex, I shouldn't have to pretend to orgasm just to protect his ego. When I told him that plain ol missionary was not doing it for me, he was kinda shocked and probably a little hurt. I had to do some legitimate research and show him that he's not broken and that a LOT of women don't get off from penetration. Once he realized that it wasn't anything he was doing wrong, he was all about making sure I had orgasms. He even went to get a vibrator with me to use together. We don't use it anymore, because he's waaay more handsy during foreplay and even during sex. I'm so glad I spoke up about it.

See I feel like if his ego is already so low that they're not doing it AT ALL, it couldn't hurt to fake it for a little while until he can handle a little coaching. Especially if the problem isn't even him, it's the meds. Just gotta stoke the fire sometimes.

amelisha

larrygaga said:

amelisha said:

Not to get graphic, but we have a size issue that sometimes limits frequency, as I sometimes need a recovery day depending on the previous day's exuberance or duration, and more than once a day is asking for a painful next day as well.

We do other stuff every day I'm not up for the whole enchilada (lol...) though, so I still consider us "daily" people. 

Damn are you dating Shaq?

FI's actually only about six foot even and like 150 pounds. VERY small feet for a tallish dude too, interestingly...8.5. Which just goes to show that appearances can be deceiving.

ETA: Sorry everyone. Bet you all really wanted to know that....

larrygaga

amelisha said:

larrygaga said:

amelisha said:

Not to get graphic, but we have a size issue that sometimes limits frequency, as I sometimes need a recovery day depending on the previous day's exuberance or duration, and more than once a day is asking for a painful next day as well.

We do other stuff every day I'm not up for the whole enchilada (lol...) though, so I still consider us "daily" people. 

Damn are you dating Shaq?

FI's actually only about six foot even and like 150 pounds. VERY small feet for a tallish dude too, interestingly...8.5. Which just goes to show that appearances can be deceiving.

ETA: Sorry everyone. Bet you all really wanted to know that....

Well that's FI's size but hes a lot bigger than your FI. Maybe I just have a big vagina LOL

amelisha

larrygaga said:

amelisha said:

larrygaga said:

amelisha said:

Not to get graphic, but we have a size issue that sometimes limits frequency, as I sometimes need a recovery day depending on the previous day's exuberance or duration, and more than once a day is asking for a painful next day as well.

We do other stuff every day I'm not up for the whole enchilada (lol...) though, so I still consider us "daily" people. 

Damn are you dating Shaq?

FI's actually only about six foot even and like 150 pounds. VERY small feet for a tallish dude too, interestingly...8.5. Which just goes to show that appearances can be deceiving.

ETA: Sorry everyone. Bet you all really wanted to know that....

Well that's FI's size but hes a lot bigger than your FI. Maybe I just have a big vagina LOL

Nah, FI is just a freak, lol. I have a pretty extensive catalogue of exes to verify that against too. He was a lot easier for me to deal with back in the years he was just my FWB and I only called him once a month, man.

larrygaga

Do you use lube? Maybe you should use lube if it hurts you that much like DAMN

wandajune6

It totally depends. We do it less when DH isn't feeling well (which happens more than it should). It also slows down a lot when he's in class. That sucks. That said, there's always intimacy. And that's good.

I've found that sometimes talking about it a lot makes things worse. We'll sometimes go through periods where he feels crappy or stressed all the time and never wants to. When I start bringing it up a lot, he just feels pressured. That just makes it awful for everyone. In that case, it's just easier if I get things started-- he'll come around eventually.