Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

How to deal w/ hurt feeling after wedding

How do you respond to people close to you that didn't show up at the wedding. My two half-sisters and one of my DH's sisters didn't show up to our wedding as well as several "close friends". They "just have other things to do that day." None of my 5 wo-workers that swore they were coming didn't show up either and no real excuse was given. What do you say to people that didn't show up then keep saying "Im so sorry I wasn't there" or "I wished I had been there" or the ones that just don't bother to apologize?

 My very sweet cousin chaged me $200 for our wedding and groom's cakes but they were ugly and tasted horrible. I have had her cakes before that were delicious and beautiful but ours were just ugly and weren't good. She cried and apologized but I wanted to ask "What the h*ll happened today?". I have made many cakes and would never have charged someone full price for a cake that looked that bad and tasted terrible. I guess I have to let that go but I really feel like she should have only charged me half price when it looked so bad.

How do you handle those hurt feelings?

Re: How to deal w/ hurt feeling after wedding

  • I think you just have to find a way to let those things go. One of my niece's won't be coming to my wedding. Her reasoning is a job, and summer college course, and does not want to drive 3 hrs. I was hurt and angry especially since she wouldn't even call me or message me herself. I was told these things by my sister. I also have to take into account that she is 20 years old and I am probably not as important in her life as I used to be. She probably doesn't realize how much it hurts.
  • Thats way harsh, and truthfully, I'd give them a little distance right now. Yes your hurt & things didn't go as planned but you're married & thats what it's all about isn't it?
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  • Almost everyone have some people no-show. We did & it wasn't fun. Nothing you can do about it, just let it go. Most of my no-shows were people that I didn't stay in contact with in my day-to-day life anyway, so that's the way it will stay. I won't ignore them, but I certainly won't go out of my way to spend any time with them. If I wasn't important enough to them, then they don't deserve my time. Just cut your loses and continue. 

    Regarding the cake, that's tough. If this was a cousin, I'm guessing you didn't have a contract. If it was a professional, it would be easier to demand a refund (at least partial). Since it's a relative, you have to decide if the possibly damaged/ruined relationship that will happen after you ask for a refund is worth the amount of money back. If it is, then go for it. 
  • Wow. I would be pissed. 
    We had a no show.. Like pp said, you usually end up with a couple-few because.. Sometimes life gets in the way.. But to now have siblings show up that said they were going to.. I would be ROYALLY pissed. 
    It's understandable that you are hurt, but unfortunately you don't control others.. only yourself. 
    So all you can do is give yourself a little distance to cool off and move on. 
    As for the cake.. I mean.. So she obviously KNEW that it was wreck, if she was crying about it? If that were the case I would have asked for a discount, but honestly that's why I don't mix business and family. Stuff happens, and you feel badly if you are upset with it.. 

    Ultimately, you did what you wanted to do. You got married to your husband. As long as that happened, it was a successful wedding.. 
    Hope you feel better soon..
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
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    Just let it go.  Some people are just rude and, when it is about something this important, I know it is not easy to let it wash over you.  One of H's sisters did not come to the wedding b/c another sister, with whom she's been feuding forever, chose to attend.  I will not say it has been easy to let it go, but there's really nothing to say.  She made her choice, missed a great time and that's on her.

    About the cakes, I'm sure your cousin is mortified.  She apologized, right?  There is not much more she can do.
  • Let it go, like PP said.  Someone who was supposed to do a reading in my wedding didn't show up (he did let me know the day before, but the excuse was totally bogus IMO).  We had a couple of other no-shows as well.

    When they say, "I'm sorry I couldn't make it", I don't pretend like it's ok and say "oh, that's okay, I understand."  I'd just say something like "Yeah, that's too bad, everyone had a great time!" and change the subject ASAP.

    As far as your cousin goes, I think she probably feels embarassed enough.  I'm sure she didn't make terrible cakes on purpose.  If she cried while apologizing, I'm pretty sure that's all you can ask for.

    This probably isn't the easiest thing to do, but I've just tried to forget about these things that bother me and remember all the people who DID come and how much fun we had whether those other people were there or not.
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  • I agree with PP. We had some no-shows as well. No phone call, apology etc. but what can you do?  I am sure you still had a great day and as time goes on you will forget about it.
  • Any one of my friends or family members that don't show up after rsvping yes will definitely not be contacted by me again. My wedding is next month. Not when you pay close to $250 per person and you guarantee how many people will be there a week prior to the even and are charged regardless!!! Unless there is a death or a horrific accident, there are no excuses for just not showing up after rsvping and never mentioning anything. Did those people rsvp "yes" to you? I think that is the rudest thing someone can do.

    I'm sorry. Just distance yourself from those people.
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  • i know how you feel. i have several family members not coming to mine on the 30th (even though they all attended my brother's wedding and my sister's wedding). plus the head pastor of my church isn't attending, and he's known my fiance for years.

    like everyone says, you have to be the bigger person and let it go. forgive them every time you start to get hurt. plus, you don't want people to be there who don't want to be there and look miserable when you see them in pictures. you want to be surrounded by people who are happy for you and want to celebrate with you.
  • We had nearly two tables worth of no-shows, so I understand being upset.  My husband was PISSED b/c a majority of them were on his list. But yeah, I agree with pps about not saying anything. Just remember how it feels and don't do it to someone else ;)

    As for the cake, it sounds like your cousin was embarrassed enough.  Since it's family, I would let this go to.  I would only seek some kind of refund if it was a professional (IMO).
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  • My situation was a bit different.  Every single person I invited (family/friends) declined because I was getting married in the USA and I live in Canada and so do they.  It was either too expensive or too much trouble for them to go.  So I had NOBODY from my side at my wedding.  My husband's mother said she would go, then a couple of days before said she couldn't take the day off work.  I was hurt at first, but when I walked down the aisle and saw my husband waiting for me there, I didn't give a rat's ass about what anybody else was doing/thinking/saying or whatever else.  They had a chance to witness this and they declined.  Sucks to be them.  I'm not gonna change my life and my way of doing things just because they weren't there, and I'm not gonna hold a grudge.  I will simply live my life.  If they want to be a part of it, so be it, but I'm not gonna go out of my way to have them in my life either.  I'm not a child and I don't need anyone's approval or presence to make my life better.  I'm a big girl.  I don't care. 
  • Thanks for all the posters. I just havent mentioned much about it to my coworkers that didn't come but other people there have asked how it was and since it was a perfect and wonderful I just gushed about it. I figured they heard what a beautiful wedding with great food they missed without me being a smart a$$ about it.
  • As for the no shows just let it go. We had no shows, my grandparents, they dont like flying and my brother. Amoung others. Then we had people show that didn't respond. I will tell you what my mom told me when I got VERY upset, she said "Just because it is a big important day to you, doesn't mean it's anything but a saturday to someone else." That was by far the best way to put it.

    About the cake, if you ask for a refund or complain you run the risk of ruining a relationship. I can't believe your cousin charged you full price to begin with. I had a coworkers husband who is a chef do our cake and he charged way less, made it bigger than we needed just in case, and he delived/set up, it tasted amazing and looked better than I expected.
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  • I feel your pain I have 2 older sister who will not make and while the one has let me know a month in advance (and it makes perfect sense) the othe hasn't said anything to me only telling our father that she hates me and our youngest sister but doesnt know why - so I can only assume she will not be there.  trying to let these things go is so tough! Some people have perfectly valid reasons not to make it, but there are a good handful of people we definitely thought would come and have said that they have "other plans" or don't feel like driving that far... really?  I am trying my hardest to be a more positive person and let these things go, but I agree with you it is TOUGH!
  • I'm so sorry about your cake!  I just got engaged yesterday, but I also work at a new daytime show in Chicago filming at NBC Tower.  We would love to talk to you about possibly being on the show!  It's an "I'm Sorry"/Wedding Disasters segment.  Email us if you're interested at daytime6@deepdish.tv!
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