Went to a wedding this weekend.. photos are banned!

trulymarvelous

We had a pretty great time at my FSIL's wedding yesterday.  With an open bar and a great table of people, it's hard not to.  However, I wanted to share some experiences with you that I definitely learned from and will avoid at my wedding.

I think the most annoying part of the wedding was the walk down to the ceremony site.  We were asked to park in a paddock across from the venue and hoof it down to the ceremony site.  I'm not one to mind a bit of a walk, but let me give a bit more detail on this trek.  The paddock was grass.  No big.  The paddock was grass that had been flattened to be a parking lot.  The problem with parking in a paddock that cows and horses have been in, is that there are divots from their hooves made in the mud that dry solid.  The long, flattened grass covered all these divots so you couldn't see them.  If I were in boots or even sneakers this wouldn't have been a big problem... but I typically wear heels to an event like this!  I had to hang off of FI because I couldn't see or trust my footing.  After the paddock we though we were safe, but not quite.  We then had to walk down a steep, thick graveled driveway to the big open field where the wedding was being held.  I was fortunate to be wearing wedges, but it was still tremendously difficult not to snap an ankle walking downhill on gravel. 

This means our 80 year old grandparents also had to make this hike down there, and then all the way back up when it was time to go to the reception venue!  Not necessarily an etiquette breach as far as I know, but I will absolutely be considering this when I lock down my venue.

We were also out in a sun exposed field with no shade covering, in 80F weather.  Some people brought umbrella's (and politely closed them when there ceremony started 20 minutes late).  This is a perfect example of why it's inappropriate to put a start time earlier than you intend on being there. 

Everything else really went very nicely.  The reception was air conditioned and there was an open beer and wine bar.  There were nibbles making their rounds around the site while we waited for the bridal party to make their entrance.  There was a massive head table that was almost the length of the hall, but was still bridal party only.  We had a couple of husbands stuck at our table.  We tried to make them feel welcome and avoid letting them feel awkward. 

Here's a question for you though.  The officiant stated at the beginning of the ceremony that we were "allowed" to take photos, but were asked to please not post anything to social media.  I thought it was silly to ask this, as I would never dream of posting photos of a bride and groom (or any integral parts of the wedding) on their wedding day but could possibly understand the request, despite it being a bit abrupt at the start of the ceremony.  It was clarified that they meant ALL photos from the evening where not allowed on Facebook.  This would include pictures of just FI and me, or pictures of us with his parents.  We've been asked not to post anything until they get their pictures back from the professional photographer, and have the chance to upload them.

It strikes me as a bit controlling and over bearing, but my mom doesn't think it's unreasonable. 
What do you think?

JCbride2015

trulymarvelous said:

We had a pretty great time at my FSIL's wedding yesterday.  With an open bar and a great table of people, it's hard not to.  However, I wanted to share some experiences with you that I definitely learned from and will avoid at my wedding.

I think the most annoying part of the wedding was the walk down to the ceremony site.  We were asked to park in a paddock across from the venue and hoof it down to the ceremony site.  I'm not one to mind a bit of a walk, but let me give a bit more detail on this trek.  The paddock was grass.  No big.  The paddock was grass that had been flattened to be a parking lot.  The problem with parking in a paddock that cows and horses have been in, is that there are divots from their hooves made in the mud that dry solid.  The long, flattened grass covered all these divots so you couldn't see them.  If I were in boots or even sneakers this wouldn't have been a big problem... but I typically wear heels to an event like this!  I had to hang off of FI because I couldn't see or trust my footing.  After the paddock we though we were safe, but not quite.  We then had to walk down a steep, thick graveled driveway to the big open field where the wedding was being held.  I was fortunate to be wearing wedges, but it was still tremendously difficult not to snap an ankle walking downhill on gravel. 

This means our 80 year old grandparents also had to make this hike down there, and then all the way back up when it was time to go to the reception venue!  Not necessarily an etiquette breach as far as I know, but I will absolutely be considering this when I lock down my venue.

We were also out in a sun exposed field with no shade covering, in 80F weather.  Some people brought umbrella's (and politely closed them when there ceremony started 20 minutes late).  This is a perfect example of why it's inappropriate to put a start time earlier than you intend on being there. 

Everything else really went very nicely.  The reception was air conditioned and there was an open beer and wine bar.  There were nibbles making their rounds around the site while we waited for the bridal party to make their entrance.  There was a massive head table that was almost the length of the hall, but was still bridal party only.  We had a couple of husbands stuck at our table.  We tried to make them feel welcome and avoid letting them feel awkward. 

Here's a question for you though.  The officiant stated at the beginning of the ceremony that we were "allowed" to take photos, but were asked to please not post anything to social media.  I thought it was silly to ask this, as I would never dream of posting photos of a bride and groom (or any integral parts of the wedding) on their wedding day but could possibly understand the request, despite it being a bit abrupt at the start of the ceremony.  It was clarified that they meant ALL photos from the evening where not allowed on Facebook.  This would include pictures of just FI and me, or pictures of us with his parents.  We've been asked not to post anything until they get their pictures back from the professional photographer, and have the chance to upload them.

It strikes me as a bit controlling and over bearing, but my mom doesn't think it's unreasonable. 
What do you think?

Yes, this.  

What do you think would happen if you posted photos of you and Fi at the wedding, say, next week?  Are the Photo Police going to come get you?

WhatawagSBNy

I think it is perfectly reasonable. It is their wedding to them, even though a lot of guests seem to consider it a social event. Until about 10 years ago with phone camera tech, at weddings lots of people asked no cameras at all, wedding or reception,except for the official photographer, and most people would respect that. It was common courtesy for many to ask the couple if they would mind, in advance. Maybe half the weddings I have been to through the years, no one except the photographer has taken a single pic. It varies greatly in different social groups.

It still is possible to go some places just for the event and not share a picture with social media. When hand held video cameras first became common I was a kid, and there were wars fought in some places when someone would bring a video recorder and people did not want to be filmed. And then the possibility that it could hit the web or social media or tv did not exist.

trulymarvelous

It is possible, of course.  But I think it's odd to try and mandate it.  I live abroad with FI and my family and I rely heavily on Social Media to keep up with each others lives.  It is sometimes the only way I can include them in my life. 

This isn't to say that I should be an exception or anything like that, my point is that sharing parts of my life via facebook is something my life has turned into. 

This was their wedding, and I am incredibly happy for them to be married.  And while I can understand them not wanting me to upload pictures of her walking down the aisle, their first kiss, or cutting their cake (as those really should be left to professionals who aren't struggling to get their camera over other peoples shoulders!), I'm a bit put off by being told I can't upload a great photo we got of FI and me with his parents in front of some trees.

This is absolutely a difference of opinion, but personally I'd be super excited to see the photos people got of each other- or even FI and me - as photographers can take quite a while to get those edited!

esstee33

Um, yeah, I'll be damned if anyone is telling me I can't post pictures of myself and FI that I happened to take at their wedding to my personal social media. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you own me. 

WhatawagSBNy

People do have very different and strong feelings about social media. And I seem to run into mostly FOR or AGAINST, very little middle ground amongst my friends and family.

About a third of my relatives lives out of this country in Scandinavia, Greenland, northern Manitoba and all over Quebec or Labrador. Everyone either exchanges photos a lot by private e mail, or put photos in letters or packages. And only the youngest generation of hubby's family uses social media, the rest do all private email. And still write letters. Maybe half my friends use social media a lot. The rest never.

Viczaesar

Nope.  They don't get to tell other people what to do with their pictures.  If I liked a picture of me and my husband that was taken at the wedding and wanted to put it as my official photo on Facebook or whatever I'd go ahead and do that. 

WhatawagSBNy

My personal feeling is if the wedding pictures are of yourself and SO , date or friends and do not include the couple or anyone who objected to being photographed to begin with, you should be able to do this.

But when in a private home for the wedding or reception or after party, I hate people who think they can sneak around with a camera phone and take pictures all over the home, then post them on any site or social media , especially for the purpose of making insulting comments. Guest was invited to the public parts of the home, only, and the hundred friends on Facebook were not invited at all.

Also, unless you are in a public place where there are people not involved with the wedding around, the space is a private affair only for invited guests.
Taking pics of another guest who is drunk, or who has food spilled on them or clothes that show too much when they bend, then exporting them to the web and Facebook to humiliate them is bad manners, and I understand that hosts may preempt this by saying, no pictures on web, or take no pics at all.
When I was in the service some people were discharged or disciplined for pictures taken while they were on leave, and out of uniform, and at a wedding in a private hall, clowning around after drinking. It cost their job, their benefits and their family's, and their on base home. Because a guest with no manners put pics on the web.
Is that right?

AddieCake

If I had a picture of my husband and I from this wedding that I wanted to post, I would. As long as the bride, groom, wedding party, or cake (or other wedding element) are not in it, who the hell cares? Us at a table. Oooh. Ahhh. Ohhhh.

charlottesmom0626

AddieCake said:

If I had a picture of my husband and I from this wedding that I wanted to post, I would. As long as the bride, groom, wedding party, or cake (or other wedding element) are not in it, who the hell cares? Us at a table. Oooh. Ahhh. Ohhhh.

This. I remember another thread where there was a iphone picture of a bride before the ceremony on FB? Something like that; which I agree is wrong. If you don't want your FI to see you before you walk down the aisle, no one else should have a right to ruin that moment...

But if aunties want to take a selfie of themselves, fuck it. They have that right too.

anne2018

I think they should have asked for people not to take photos at all.

APDSS22

I think it would be fair to ask that no photos of the wedding couple be put up but this seems a bit controlling.

Of course there was a video of me taken with a phone of my walk down the aisle posted to Facebook during my ceremony. We didn't have a videographer but I don't think I would've minded had we had one either.

I figure if you invite guests to an event, you have to trust them to behave themselves. Anybody who would post spoilers or pictures of other guests in compromising positions aren't the type to stop just because they were asked and it might insult people like OP who just want to put up a picture of themselves.

banana468

Unless you're a dignitary, you're really out of line to tell me not to post ANY photos from your event.

What is it about social media that is so much worse than uploading to Picasa or showing the entire family the next time we visit? How special do you think you are that you get to control my social media which contains (gasp!) Weddings among social events?

kaitlynmichelle

I'd love to know what their plan is if someone just posts them anyway.

I loved seeing photos from our friends and parents! The 7 weeks we waited for our pictures felt like forever by the end. My mom posted a photo of me before the ceremony to FB the morning after the wedding. I thought it was lovely.

JoanE2012

Sorry, no.  Way too controlling.  If it bothers them that much, they should have had a private wedding.

lyndausvi

I think it's overbearing, but at the same time would respect them by not posting any pictures of them.   Pictures of myself and family/friends are fair game though. I would not say "at dick and jane's wedding", just pictures.  The next day of course.  I don't post to social media during an event anyway.

I will say at least in my family I have to disagree that until 10 years ago only the professional photographers took photos and lots of people asked for no pictures.  i've been going to weddings since the 70 and yes people always had their camera and never one were we asked not to take pictures.  

I had family who had one of these:

oh this:

Can't forget the good ole Polaroid: 

In the 80's it was these:

Then we went on to these:

Now of course camera phones and social media have taken to a whole new level.  But it's incorrect to say only professionals took photos at wedding over 10 years ago.  Us old folks took our own pictures at weddings.  I have boxes of various wedding photos to prove it.

WhatawagSBNy

It amazes me that so many people on tk are such sticklers about etiquette when it comes to whether or not to write honour with a u or not, or writing guest of guest of guest names on invitations rather than & guest, yet have absolutely no idea of the traditional and still current etiquette pertaining to private functions. Two of the rules are, you do not take photos within the confines of the affair without the knowledge and permission of the hosts, and you you do not make or receive any non-essential or emergency phone calls within the function area.

This is why Miss Manners over and over says, though one should never have to tell people to please turn off their phones at private ceremonies and occasions, it is less of a faux pas than numerous people not doing so. As says it is fine to say, we consider this a private affair, and ask that only the photographer take pictures in the church or in the venue of the reception.

Why are people so up in arms when a person does not respect nit picky rules, and so WHO CARES about the privacy and wishes of their hosts about photos, or so rude as to pull out phones in the midst of other people paying attention to a ceremony or having conversations?

anne2018

People taking photos can also get in the way of the professional photographer.  As we know it's all about the photos, right?

JCbride2015

anne2018 said:

People taking photos can also get in the way of the professional photographer.  As we know it's all about the photos, right?

You're hilarious!

Jen4948

Actually, I'd rather people didn't post photos of me, wedding-related or not, on social media or elsewhere without my permission.

That said, if people want to take selfies or photos of their families or friends at my wedding and post them online, I think that's their privilege and I wouldn't side-eye those-as long as there is no mention of my wedding in the captions or anything in the photos themselves.

WhatawagSBNy

Lyndausvi - If the people were all fine with it, and said nothing about the instamatic or Polaroid, and everyone knew your family was okay with it, then picture taking was okay. But I was not saying only pros took pictures but that others did not unless it was okay with the hosts.

whovianstark

trulymarvelous said:

We had a pretty great time at my FSIL's wedding yesterday.  With an open bar and a great table of people, it's hard not to.  However, I wanted to share some experiences with you that I definitely learned from and will avoid at my wedding.

I think the most annoying part of the wedding was the walk down to the ceremony site.  We were asked to park in a paddock across from the venue and hoof it down to the ceremony site.  I'm not one to mind a bit of a walk, but let me give a bit more detail on this trek.  The paddock was grass.  No big.  The paddock was grass that had been flattened to be a parking lot.  The problem with parking in a paddock that cows and horses have been in, is that there are divots from their hooves made in the mud that dry solid.  The long, flattened grass covered all these divots so you couldn't see them.  If I were in boots or even sneakers this wouldn't have been a big problem... but I typically wear heels to an event like this!  I had to hang off of FI because I couldn't see or trust my footing.  After the paddock we though we were safe, but not quite.  We then had to walk down a steep, thick graveled driveway to the big open field where the wedding was being held.  I was fortunate to be wearing wedges, but it was still tremendously difficult not to snap an ankle walking downhill on gravel. 

This means our 80 year old grandparents also had to make this hike down there, and then all the way back up when it was time to go to the reception venue!  Not necessarily an etiquette breach as far as I know, but I will absolutely be considering this when I lock down my venue.

We were also out in a sun exposed field with no shade covering, in 80F weather.  Some people brought umbrella's (and politely closed them when there ceremony started 20 minutes late).  This is a perfect example of why it's inappropriate to put a start time earlier than you intend on being there. 

Everything else really went very nicely.  The reception was air conditioned and there was an open beer and wine bar.  There were nibbles making their rounds around the site while we waited for the bridal party to make their entrance.  There was a massive head table that was almost the length of the hall, but was still bridal party only.  We had a couple of husbands stuck at our table.  We tried to make them feel welcome and avoid letting them feel awkward. 

Here's a question for you though.  The officiant stated at the beginning of the ceremony that we were "allowed" to take photos, but were asked to please not post anything to social media.  I thought it was silly to ask this, as I would never dream of posting photos of a bride and groom (or any integral parts of the wedding) on their wedding day but could possibly understand the request, despite it being a bit abrupt at the start of the ceremony.  It was clarified that they meant ALL photos from the evening where not allowed on Facebook.  This would include pictures of just FI and me, or pictures of us with his parents.  We've been asked not to post anything until they get their pictures back from the professional photographer, and have the chance to upload them.

It strikes me as a bit controlling and over bearing, but my mom doesn't think it's unreasonable. 
What do you think?

Yeah it seems to me that they don't want the "excitement" of their wedding photos to fade before they get their professional photos back. So, it is really important to dictate what guests can do so their professional photos can gather 1000 likes. *sigh*. Most people I know don't post their photos until MONTHS later. If my photographer takes a while to get back to me I would be thrilled to get some guest photos.

WhatawagSBNy

You might, a hundred people might. But if someone asks you not to at their wedding, request from the host of this private affair, will you then respect their wishes?

That is the question of etiquette here. Will you be deliberately disrespectful of the people who care enough to invite you to share their milestone ceremony?

climbingsingle

I think it's pretty controlling to ask that of your guests.

One of my favorite things was spending the day after the wedding looking at all the pictures our guests had posted.

bethsmiles

I think it's ridiculous and rude to try to dictate the behavior of your guests.

WinstonsGirl

Eh, I don't mind them asking politely to not post wedding related stuff to social media, though personally, I couldn't wait to get up the next day and check FB cos I wanted to see how everything looked.  We didn't get our pro photos for a month or two after.   But I'm also a person who doesn't want my photo all over the internet through random photos.  

But no one has any right to tell me that I can't post photos of me and DH.  If you're not in the photo you have no say on where/when it gets posted.  

allispain

I think it's rude to tell your guests to not post anything to social media - especially photos that don't actually include the bride and groom in them.

MobKaz

WhatawagSBNy said:

You might, a hundred people might. But if someone asks you not to at their wedding, request from the host of this private affair, will you then respect their wishes? That is the question of etiquette here. Will you be deliberately disrespectful of the people who care enough to invite you to share their milestone ceremony?

Their request was disrespectful.  It is not up to this couple to dictate what I choose to do with my photos.  I do not need to be told not to post pictures of the B & G.  I always wait to follow the lead of what I see on the page of the B & G.  But do not tell me what I can post regarding pictures of myself, friends, or family from an event.  That is not within the purview of the couple. 

Viczaesar

anne2018 said:

I think they should have asked for people not to take photos at all.

Are you experimenting again?

holyguacamole79

Tacky request, and I have no idea how they would "enforce" it.

SP29

The request is kind of odd- we had a guest or two post a photo of us at our ceremony on FB during the reception (neither myself or DH saw it until the next day as WE weren't on our phones), but I didn't mind at all- we had lots of FB friends give well wishes. 

BUT, if someone requested no wedding photos on FB I would respect that request, just a bit odd, to me. I can respect someone else not wanting me to post photos of them on FB. Not allowed to post photos of yourself is the part I find odd.