Havent even started and already wanta throw in the towel

KrysMathews4

I don't even know to start with all this! I live hours away from all my family so I battling in my head where to have the wedding. His family is about an hr and a half away so weather we have it where we live of where my family can join they have the same drive away. But if we do it 3 hours away no one from our home area will drive down. I don't have close friends most are just my children's friends moms or coworkers. So that again leave me with no bride maids. My sister wants to do the photos so shes out of the questions. My kids are all boys. I don't have anyone Im close to. So until I figure out where its going to be I cant get a head count. I cant figure out what the food will cost without a head count. The church I wanted now has a new astor so I cant have the one I wanted because he was kinda run out when the assistant came in. Its hard to find a hall when u live 3 hours away. and I have a special needs son who will need a nurse with him the whole time unless someone in my family steps in which Im not really close to them anyways. I want a wedding I want it with the ones I want around me but I know if I do it where I live it will be small and Im worried Ill feel like I missed out on it.

Maggie0829

KrysMathews4 said:

I don't even know to start with all this! I live hours away from all my family so I battling in my head where to have the wedding. His family is about an hr and a half away so weather we have it where we live of where my family can join they have the same drive away. But if we do it 3 hours away no one from our home area will drive down. I don't have close friends most are just my children's friends moms or coworkers. So that again leave me with no bride maids. My sister wants to do the photos so shes out of the questions. My kids are all boys. I don't have anyone Im close to. So until I figure out where its going to be I cant get a head count. I cant figure out what the food will cost without a head count. The church I wanted now has a new astor so I cant have the one I wanted because he was kinda run out when the assistant came in. Its hard to find a hall when u live 3 hours away. and I have a special needs son who will need a nurse with him the whole time unless someone in my family steps in which Im not really close to them anyways. I want a wedding I want it with the ones I want around me but I know if I do it where I live it will be small and Im worried Ill feel like I missed out on it.

First take a deep breath.

How do you know that know one will travel?

You and your FI need to have the wedding where ever is most convenient for you.  Invite those that you want to invite.  Make plans that will make you and him happy (as long as you host everyone fully).  Be content with who does come and cherish every second of your wedding day. 

In regards to your one son, you should hire a nurse to take care of him that day.  You cannot expect any family to take on that role.

For your bridal party, you can have anyone you want, not just women.  Who are you close to?  If it is only one person then just ask them.  Do you want your sister to be your photographer?  If not, tell her thanks for offer but that you really want her to be a BM.

Has the former pastor of your church gone to a different church?  If so, then have your wedding there.

Wedding planning, when you think about it all at once, can seem very overwhelming, but as long as you and your FI agree on plans then that is all that matters.  So take it one step at a time and you will be fine.

southernbelle0915

Don't let the unknowns overwhelm you. Start with things you CAN know. 

1) How much can you afford to spend on a wedding? That's your budget. 

2) Who do you want to invite? Don't think about who might/might not come. Just make a full-on list of people you'd want to be there.

3) Look for a venue. Do this where YOU and your FI want to get married. Don't think about who may/may not come if it's here or there. Just pick a city and look at venues. 

4) Find a venue that can accommodate your budget and your full guest list. Always plan on 100% attendance. If it doesn't happen, that's extra money in your pocket - for a honeymoon or whatever else. Choose a date with the venue and put down a deposit.

5) Find a church or an officiant who can legally marry you. Book them for your date.

Everything else = details. You don't "need" a bridal party. You don't "need" decorations. All you really need is a marriage license and someone who can legally marry you. 

Then, if you invite guests, you need to make sure they have a place to sit down and that you host a reception. A reception doesn't have to be dinner and dancing. If you get married at 2pm, you could have a light appetizer/cake/punch reception from 2:30-5pm. 

KrysMathews4

Well budget is between 2500-5000. we would like to stay around 3 but have extra just incase. WE cant seem to agree he says he likes the idea of my home town but I think hes says that cause he thinks that's what I want. He does that a lot. I would invite my family, friends in the area were in and his family too.

blushingbride8888

Try to take a deep breath. All the advice the other knotties gave you is great. All I want to say is if you have a big wedding you can't afford you may regret it and wished you did something smaller and vice versa. You always want what you don't have.

Part of me wanted to elope at a beautiful beach ceremony but we opted for a traditional wedding at home. One of my gfs is eloping in March and I keep thinking how stress-free the planning has been for her. However, she says she might miss the traditional wedding. In the end, all that matters is you're marrying the person you love surrounded by the people that matter to you the most.

ohannabelle

Your pastor is probably still fully licensed and able to perform legal ceremonies, regardless of if he still has a church and congregation. If that's the person you really want to marry you, give him a call, and see if he's able to perform the service, if not in his former church, maybe another place. But not yet. 

Breathe. Make a list. Take things one at a time. 

Southernbelle's list up there is exactly right. 

1. You've already done this! You already have your budget. Call it 3. Extra is nice, but you need a good firm figure to work with. Check it off your to do list. 

2. Make your guest list. As said above, don't worry about who may or may not show. Just make a list of the people you really really want to be there.

 (I admit I'm a huge fan of small weddings. I vote for small. My daughter had a litmus test for keeping the number reasonable- do I genuinely love this person, and would I be honestly sad and miss them if they weren't there? It was a good method. Family members and very best friends, on the list. Co workers, meh. Casual acquaintances, not so much. The smaller the wedding, the easier it will be to plan, and easier on your budget. A small wedding can be just as beautiful, meaningful, and memorable as a giant one. Just food for thought.)

That's all. Don't stress or worry about anything else. The next orderly step will be determined by the guest list, so get that done. Without that, you can't even think about venue because you need to know how many you need to fit in. 

CMGragain

KrysMathews4 said:

I don't even know to start with all this! I live hours away from all my family so I battling in my head where to have the wedding. His family is about an hr and a half away so weather we have it where we live of where my family can join they have the same drive away. But if we do it 3 hours away no one from our home area will drive down. I don't have close friends most are just my children's friends moms or coworkers. So that again leave me with no bride maids. My sister wants to do the photos so shes out of the questions. My kids are all boys. I don't have anyone Im close to. So until I figure out where its going to be I cant get a head count. I cant figure out what the food will cost without a head count. The church I wanted now has a new astor so I cant have the one I wanted because he was kinda run out when the assistant came in. Its hard to find a hall when u live 3 hours away. and I have a special needs son who will need a nurse with him the whole time unless someone in my family steps in which Im not really close to them anyways. I want a wedding I want it with the ones I want around me but I know if I do it where I live it will be small and Im worried Ill feel like I missed out on it.

This last bit concerns me.  Are you thinking of a wedding vision that you have been dreaming about for years?  If you are, forget it!  I am readin a lot of "I WANT" in your post.

You get to marry the one you love.  You deserve that.  Everything else is frosting on the cake.

The easiest wedding for you to arrange will be an afternoon church wedding with a cake and punch reception in the church hall.  It can be done on your budget.  The new pastor will be happy to marry you.  Getting married in your own church where you are a member will save you a lot of money.

You will need invitations (Vistaprint is very budget friendly!), a wedding dress, (NO tuxedos!)  flowers, music, cake and punch.  The cake does not need to be a fancy tiered cake.  Sheet cake decorated from the grocery store works just fine, and often tastes better.  Your guests won't care.

Your biggest expense will be photography if you choose to have it.  Professional photography takes a big chunk out of your budget.  How lucky you are to have a sister who can do this for you!

As others have posted, you simply invite who you want to be at your wedding.  It is not your concern who will come, or not.  You will find out when you get responses to your invitations.  This is not something that is under your control.

The wedding I described is a lot like my own, many years ago.  It is very traditional.  We will be glad to answer your questions and help you plan.  I hope you are more relaxed by now.