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hmmmm... including our (my) child in our vows.

We're wondering how to include our (my) child in our vows with some sort of family ceremony. However, we're not sure how to navigate this, or if it is even necessary. None of the "new family" ceremonies that I've found online fits our situation because we are not a "new" family.

My partner and I have been together for almost eight years, and he has been a dad to my (our) daughter since she was just (barely) over two. We have fifty-fifty custody with my ex-wife, and she has been with her husband for the same amount of time. Our daughter turns ten in April, and she doesn't even remember a time without her other two dads. We don't even say step-father about either of them unless it is 100% necessary. Also, we get along great with my ex-wife and her husband. In fact, we consider them family. All that said, under the law, her mother and I are our daughter's guardians, and obviously neither my partner nor my ex-wife's husband can legally adopt her because my ex-wife and I are alive. However, to EVERYBODY else, our daughter has three dads and a mom, and all three of us are 100% equal. Although it is not legal, even her school talks to any of the four of us about our daughter, and it was never necessary to give permission. I expect that the only place it may get sticky is in a hospital with major decisions, but even then, the four of us would talk about any decision, and then her mother and I would "confirm it" with the hospital.

Do we include our daughter in our wedding? I expect that all of our guests would be scratching their heads and wonder why we would "confirm" that we are a family. He wants to give our daughter a piece of jewelry during the ceremony, as do I, but how do we navigate this? One thing that I can think of is this: We have not done our wills. (Stupid, I know.) Do we do our will and then "confirm" that she is my partner's legal heir during the ceremony? Is that weird?

Thanks for your insight.

Re: hmmmm... including our (my) child in our vows.

  • A lot of people are put off by incorporating children into wedding ceremonies, as they are not adults able to make legally-binding decisions.  The ceremony should be about you and your partner, not your child.

    I think giving her a piece of jewelry is a fantastic idea, though.  Maybe just give it at some point that day, talk to her about why, and have your photographer get some shots of it. 
    SP29
  • That's a good idea.
  • I like PP idea of giving her a special piece of Jewelry that day perhaps before the ceremony to remember the special day. She doesn't know her life any different then it is. It would be one thing if your partner came into your lives at a later point and he wanted to vow to take care of her and love her as his own, but he's been doing that for years already.

    If you want to incorporate her into the ceremony, even though she is older, you can have her be a flower girl or have her do a reading.

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