i feel so lonely in this wedding biz

Knottie69817349

my mother passed 11 years ago. my father is unreliable. i've been with my aunt and uncle for the last 9 years, and my uncle's (by marriage) family is about all i have. my sisters can't be bothered with me, because i don't feed into their drama. i just recently ended a toxic friendship which left me with one girl who is just about as toxic, a man of honor (my only truly healthy, trustworthy friend) who lives 2 hours away and possibly another bridesman, who at this point i'm not even sure if he is coming and my future sister in law, who is 3 hours away at school, and because she's been there since we started dating, we aren't super close dispite the fact that i adore her. my future in laws are just absolutely amazing. my fiance's friends are wonderful, and i enjoy the company of their girlfriends, but we're not close, they're relatively new relationships. i can't bring myself to solicit advice or help from them. but the main thing i can't bring myself to get over is they just aren't MY friends and family. but they're all i have. i come from a long line of losers, and recently i've gotten rid of the yucks in my life. i am so blessed to be joining such a wonderful, positive family and being accepted by his friends. they're the kind of friends everyone deserves. the best kind. but i'm not bringing much to the table here. i have so little people in my life, i don't even want to do a stupid wedding, but my fiance has so many people he wants to share this with, and they're great people to have on such a day. so i agreed to for him, and them. my fiance's best friend and best man is planning a little trip for his bachelor party. he's going out with the guys to figure out what to wear. he has atleast 3 more guys than i do bridesmaids/men. i pretty much told people what colors to wear as they're not close, around, too busy. no one has even brought up a bachelorette party for me. i'm so happy he's getting to experience all the fun things that come with weddings. i'm just really sad that not only am i doing a wedding i don't want to do, but i don't have friends to help me pick a dress, or to plan something fun. i sound so selfish, and i am. i'm just so bummed how this is all playing out. i'm the bride. not that i'm a big deal kind of girl, but it just seems like for once, maybe i could have a team to lift me up on the first day of the rest of my life. i'm going into it alone, but thank god i'll be coming out of it as part of a team.

*Barbie*

you might want to try and summarize that and use paragraphs - it was difficult to read, and all i really gathered before I gave up was:

"i don't have a lot of friends. most of my extended family sucks and i don't have a relationship with them. people are too far away. I love my fILs. I am lonely."

Knottie69817349

That's about it. Thanks

penguin44

You aren't alone. You have your fiance. It's great that you get along with his family. The pre-wedding parties won't matter after the wedding. You will just have your new little family.

Knottie69817349

Thank you. This is all very fast, and very overwhelming!

MesmrEwe

So go on a road trip to FSIL's school and go shopping together!  If no one is going to do that type of thing for you, then do it yourself!  Or have your bridesmen go with you too!  Learn to love your own skin.  Contrary to popular belief not every bride even with a large wedding party gets a Bachelorette party.  That said, I had FAR more fun shopping by myself for an anniversary gown than I ever did when I went wedding gown shopping with differing groups of people.  I was less pressured,  could state my opinion without being overcrowded, it was awesome! 

Surround yourself with the good positive energy even if it's not necessarily coming from "your side".  That's o.k., learning to live and love your own skin is one of the best things you can do for yourself! 

short+sassy

I can relate to a lot of what you said.  My biggest sadness as I was getting ready for my wedding is that I wouldn't have anyone to shop with for my wedding gown because I live very far away from my mom and my sister (MOH).  And I have a lot of casual friends where I live, but no good, close friends.  I mentioned to two of my coworker/friends (who are both a bit older than me and have adult daughters) how I wished my mom was there to come dress shopping with me.  One of them said she would love to go, if I didn't mind, and the other one expressed the same sentiment.  I had resigned myself to just going alone and was so touched and excited they offered to come.

Could your aunt go with you?  Or like MesmrEwe mentioned above, would your FSIL be interested if you met her up at school?  Or one of your bridesmen?

I got also got married in my hometown, near my mom and sister, but far away from my home.  And had a small, intimate at-home ceremony/reception.  Because of the choices I made, I knew I would be giving up a lot of the "typical, traditional" stuff that I had always "pictured".  Like a cake tasting, a shower, a bachelorette party, a first dance (no room for dancing), etc.  And, while those would have been nice events and memories to have, I really didn't and still don't miss them. 

Hang around on these boards .  They definitely helped me "snap out of it" and realize weddings and pre-wedding events don't need to be like the movies and the wedding industry dictates.

For the record, the only two people at my wedding that were my "groom's guests"...so to speak...were his BM and the BM's GF.  Everyone else was "my" family and friends...of course, my immediate family already loved and considered him family.  Not only did he have a great time, but he was really excited to finally meet a number of my relatives and family friends that he had heard about but never met...and they all welcomed him with open arms in return.  I'm getting that same vibe from your situation .

WhatawagSBNy

I shopped by myself first, even though I have family, friends near. But I have been shopping in groups before, and had too many opinions, and always what I chose and was happy with was never in the top 10 of what others see me wearing.

Once I narrowed it down to 3, we went shopping. When I came out in the dress which was third but my favorite, he just stared and kept saying my name and it was the right dress, in his eyes. I knew.

So many people do not want their FI to shop or see their dress. I am so happy my now hubby shopped with me.

FI is the man you love, maybe you need to let him be your best friend , too. After you get an idea what you want for styles, take HIM with you. Don't feel you need a bunch of people there, or only a woman's opinion.
Let his family embrace you, and do not worry about having fewer BM than groomsmen.

If you need advice, try a Miss Manners Weddings book, about 5 dollars on eBay, or get it from the public library. Or Miss Manners Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. It is a more general book on etiquette, also very funny. It has a weddings section, and also everyday manners, and things about entertaining as a couple after marriage.

You may feel less lost, and more self assured if you know what to do on wedding planning, and maybe then you can discuss things with FI'S friends' girlfriends, and his family. It might make you closer, doing it .
It will get better. Good luck.

Iamnowmrsjms

*Barbie* said:

you might want to try and summarize that and use paragraphs - it was difficult to read, and all i really gathered before I gave up was:

"i don't have a lot of friends. most of my extended family sucks and i don't have a relationship with them. people are too far away. I love my fILs. I am lonely."

Really? That is your reply? You're an ass.

 

OP-I'm sorry you're feeling so down during this time that you're supposed to be enjoying.  It sounds like you have a great FI and his family and friend' are welcoming you.  So they WILL be YOUR family and friend too.  Chin up-the best is yet to come!

Heffalump

futuremrsjms said:

*Barbie* said:

you might want to try and summarize that and use paragraphs - it was difficult to read, and all i really gathered before I gave up was:

"i don't have a lot of friends. most of my extended family sucks and i don't have a relationship with them. people are too far away. I love my fILs. I am lonely."

Really? That is your reply? You're an ass.

 

Because there's nothing classier than calling a stranger an ass online.  Well played.

FWIW, Barbie was spot on, IMO.

Iamnowmrsjms

OP is clearly feeling sad and upset, so instead of sympathizing with her a little, you first feel the need to chastsise how she posted? RUDE, but that seems to be the MO around here

*Barbie*

futuremrsjms said:

OP is clearly feeling sad and upset, so instead of sympathizing with her a little, you first feel the need to chastsise how she posted? RUDE, but that seems to be the MO around here

You don't need a wall of text to say, "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess i'll go eat worms."

I would venture to say that calling someone an ass is just as rude as telling someone that their wall of text was difficult to read/follow. 

mrsconn23

If you want to be understood online, paragraphs are your friend.  If you want people to read your issues, a few short, to the point, paragraphs are your *best* friend.  

Wall o' text definitely gets the TL;DR treatment from most people. 

futuremrsfama

I also live far from my family and my longtime friends.  I have made a few of my "own" friends (though I know that is an odd thing to say), though similar to you, most of my current circle is made up of people I met through my fiance.  What I have found, is people (especially the grooms mother, sister, etc.) love to be included in the wedding stuff.  Since it sounds like you have a great relationship with your future in-laws, I bet your future Mother-In-Law would be Thrilled to go shopping with you, as would other friends!

I also encourage the idea of the road trip to see your future sister in law, I'm sure she would love to take you out on the town for a night to have a bachelorette!

Best of luck!!