Florida

HellomynameisHappySadd

I have read all the helpful and honest comments other members of the commuinty wanted to give me and am all good now.

mikenberger

HellomynameisHappySadd said:

My grandparents were kind enough to offer to house us in Tampa, FL for our honeymoon as we could not afford to go on one otherwise. Although we are very grateful we recently ran into a problem along the way. I called my grandmother to tell her when our flight was and to confirm that they would not be attending as they are wintering in Florida, (this hurt me but what can I do?). Well, when I mentioned the rental car she got upset and said that she thought we would be going everywhere with THEM in THEIR CAR!!! I was mortified as she knew that this would be our honeymoon and although we did plan to spend time with them we also wanted newly wed time, just us! I should have known this would happen as we visited them early last year and they insisted upon the same thing. We were only there two days and it was more to visit them then to vacation so we humored them and did nothing on our own. It turned out to be very stressful for us as they treated us like we were their "grand-babies" not two grown adults. I don't know how to talk to her about it now as I would have thought she knew all this and I don't want to hurt her feelings or seem ungrateful.

Your paragraph is a little hard to follow, so I'm trying here:

Your grandparents offered their house to you for your honeymoon. You called them about your flights to your honeymoon/Florida and to confirm they were not coming to your wedding (assuming it's in another place) because they're in Florida, wintering for the season. And you mentioned a rental car for you and FI so you'd have your own independence.

Yeah, your honeymoon came with strings, my dear. You're staying at your Grandparents house. It's not a hotel. You should play by their rules. Now should they be understanding of your newly married status as they were newly married once? Sure. Do they have to? No. You're staying in their house.

Personally, I would either see what I could do to find a cheap place to stay for the honeymoon or cancel it. Either way, I wouldn't be staying with my Grandparents. Because I know if it was my Grandma, there's no way I could tell her "Thanks but no thanks" for her offer after I'd already accepted. She would see it as "Well she said that she was going to, now she's not. She doesn't want to spend time with me."

And you went to visit your Grandparents and you spent every waking hour with them. How could you assume now would be any different? Because you're married? 

ETA: Stuff. Words. Things.

Maggie0829

If you wanted alone, newlywed time then why would you think staying at your Grandparents, when your Grandparents were going to be there, was a good idea?

I understand that you wouldn't have been able to afford a honeymoon otherwise, but this is an instance where postponing a honeymoon until you could afford one would have been a wise decision.

HellomynameisHappySadd

I saved the $5000 for the wedding over three years! With the car crash, funerals and losing my job it got tough! I do wish I had more to spend but things are tight and 80% of what I have spent on the wedding was for my guests not me! I was just confused by their reaction as this was the big reason why they could go to the birthday party of my half uncle, their son's, daughter in Indiana but not to their granddaughter's wedding. It was like, "Stay with us! We'll do this nice thing for you so we don't feel so guilty about spending $2000 to go to her party and not coming to one of the most important moments in your life!" It sound awful but that is exactly what happened! My grandmother wouldn't even look at my dress when she visited because she knew they wouldn't come. It really hurt as they are my favorite grandparents and it ment so much for them to come!

Maggie0829

HellomynameisHappySadd said:

I thought that it would be an obvious thing. Everyone else knew this but her apparently as when I told other family members about it they understood that we would spend time with them just not all of it! They were horrified that we were too poor to go on honeymoon so they offered to let us stay at their rented summer home for five days. When you live in poverty you have to except whatever you can get. Something is always better than nothing! We already bought tickets so we would like to not pay a cancellation fee if we can help it.  I don't mind spending time with them! We will only be there five days and two of them we hoped to go places with them. I don't have the money for anything better, my whole wedding budget was $5,000 dollars and I am right on target with that! If I could afford to go to Tokyo for a week I would!

Okay, just stop.  

You needed to discuss your plans with your Grandparents PRIOR to accepting their offer.  Just because everyone else knew your plans doesn't mean that your Grandparents did.  They aren't mind readers.

And sorry, but a lot of people can't afford honeymoons and they just do without for the time being. Just because this was handed to you didn't mean that it was a great offer to accept.

So what you need to do now is be courteous to your Grandparents and then talk to them about a compromise.  You and your FI are adults so saying no to being with them 24/7 is fine.  But you also can't just use their house as a hotel and not expect that they wouldn't want to spend all of their time with you (since they have done so in the past).  So an adult conversation needs to be had between you and your Grandparents.

mikenberger

HellomynameisHappySadd said:

I thought that it would be an obvious thing. Everyone else knew this but her apparently as when I told other family members about it they understood that we would spend time with them just not all of it! They were horrified that we were too poor to go on honeymoon so they offered to let us stay at their rented summer home for five days. When you live in poverty you have to except whatever you can get. Something is always better than nothing! We already bought tickets so we would like to not pay a cancellation fee if we can help it.  I don't mind spending time with them! We will only be there five days and two of them we hoped to go places with them. I don't have the money for anything better, my whole wedding budget was $5,000 dollars and I am right on target with that! If I could afford to go to Tokyo for a week I would!

Pfft. Don't even start with me on the poverty thing. Honeymoons are not in any way shape or form a necessity of a marriage. Are they nice? Hell yes they are! But a necessity? No. And you do not have to *accept anything you can get. 

I don't understand why you'd be under the impression that this trip would be any different than a previous one just because it's your honeymoon. I would have an honest conversation with my Grandparents then. "Grandma, we really appreciate your offering your house up to us for our honeymoon. There will be some times I really just want it to be John and I, alone, but I promise, we'll spend some time with you. How about we plan to have dinner on the 3rd day and go to the beach on the 4th day? Thank you SO much." 

That gives them an expectation level of their involvement in your honeymoon and that sets some boundaries. If you're getting married, you're an adult. Act as such. 

And be sure to get them a little thank you card or something to show your appreciation for giving up their space to you and your new husband. 

kat1114

HellomynameisHappySadd said:

I thought that it would be an obvious thing. Everyone else knew this but her apparently as when I told other family members about it they understood that we would spend time with them just not all of it! They were horrified that we were too poor to go on honeymoon so they offered to let us stay at their rented summer home for five days. When you live in poverty you have to except whatever you can get. Something is always better than nothing! We already bought tickets so we would like to not pay a cancellation fee if we can help it.  I don't mind spending time with them! We will only be there five days and two of them we hoped to go places with them. I don't have the money for anything better, my whole wedding budget was $5,000 dollars and I am right on target with that! If I could afford to go to Tokyo for a week I would!

If you can afford to buy airplane tickets, hell if you can afford a $5,000 wedding, I'm sorry, but you are not in poverty.

Accept what your grandparents are offering or get your own place to stay.

KatWAG

HellomynameisHappySadd said:

I thought that it would be an obvious thing. Everyone else knew this but her apparently as when I told other family members about it they understood that we would spend time with them just not all of it! They were horrified that we were too poor to go on honeymoon so they offered to let us stay at their rented summer home for five days. When you live in poverty you have to except whatever you can get. Something is always better than nothing! We already bought tickets so we would like to not pay a cancellation fee if we can help it.  I don't mind spending time with them! We will only be there five days and two of them we hoped to go places with them. I don't have the money for anything better, my whole wedding budget was $5,000 dollars and I am right on target with that! If I could afford to go to Tokyo for a week I would!

 

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Enough with the self- pity party.

 

It doesnt matter if everyone else understands that you want alone time. You are staying at Grandma place, and that comes withstrings attached.

 

If you dont like it, dont go.

mlg78

How much did you pay for flights? Maybe $500? For that I'd rather get a couple nights in a hotel in a nearby city and have a little getaway privately. And please, don't say you are in poverty when I highly doubt that's the case.

lyndausvi

How old are you?   I would expect someone who is getting married to have enough of a backbone to handle this situation.      Instead you are acting like a teenager.  You are making assumptions even though history says something else.  Then you don't even have a backbone to fix the situation.

Be an adult.  Call up your grandmother and tell them since it's your honeymoon you 2 decided on doing something on your own.  You would love to do things with them on whatever day and take them out to dinner one night.

You are making this really harder then it needs to be.

SP29

I agree, you need to TALK to your grandparents about the situation. Thank them for their offer, let them know you will spend some time with them (I think making a PLAN is great), but also let them know you and your husband would like to spend time alone. I don't think it's weird for you two to rent your own car, at all, but your grandparents obviously envisioned something different and you need to clear that up.

"Thank you so much for offering to let us stay at your home. We would love to spend some time with you, why don't we go out for dinner on the Tues and Disney on Friday. We appreciate you offering to let us use your car, but we would feel more comfortable renting our own as DH and I would like to spend some time alone and do not want to inconvenience you by borrowing your car". 

HellomynameisHappySadd

Thank you for not putting me down and giving me good advice.