"have fun and give freely" with these charitable favor tokens that make me want to vomit

redoryx

Apparently charitable favors are totes okay if you make cute lil wooden nickels

http://offbeatbride.com/2015/01/charitable-wedding-favors

flantastic

I mean, every donation counts, but it's not even like they gave a significant amount of money after the big "thing" they made of how generous this idea was at the reception.

flantastic

I wonder how much additional money they could have donated if they didn't have to buy/make the damn wooden coin/note card setup.

redoryx

Right?

short+sassy

Is it just me, or would any one else be so tempted to write their REAL preferred charity on the token and then place it next to the (gag more) "official" mason jars?

Do you know what those wooden nickels always remind me of?  They sometimes throw them out as advertising at Mardi Gras parades.  Like, on the wooden nickel is printed, "Bring this to Popeye's and get $1 off a combo."

I'd rather have the $1 off a Popeye's combo. 

sophhabobopha

short+sassy said:

Is it just me, or would any one else be so tempted to write their REAL preferred charity on the token and then place it next to the (gag more) "official" mason jars?

Do you know what those wooden nickels always remind me of?  They sometimes throw them out as advertising at Mardi Gras parades.  Like, on the wooden nickel is printed, "Bring this to Popeye's and get $1 off a combo."

I'd rather have the $1 off a Popeye's combo. 

SITB

Popeye's is so fucking good.

LondonLisa

Wow! At our local shop they do that with every weekly grocery purchase. How tacky to do it at a wedding!!

mikenberger

Ew. No thanks.

kinney0515

I surprisingly don't hate this!  I think it's a thoughtful way to do a charitable "favor".  I think its nice to give guests choices- especially since none of the charities were overly controversial sounding.  

flantastic

kinney0515 said:

I surprisingly don't hate this!  I think it's a thoughtful way to do a charitable "favor".  I think its nice to give guests choices- especially since none of the charities were overly controversial sounding.  

@kinney0515, the point is that one shouldn't do charitable favors. If you are going to donate to a cause or three, just do it - don't set up a big to-do at your reception designed to show everyone how generous you are.

Especially because by choosing favors to eliminate, you're not actually giving up anything meant for yourself, but rather something you would otherwise have given your guests. Make a sacrifice yourself - buy the less expensive dress and donate that money.

blabla89

And the fact that all the commenters love the idea...ughhh

princessgracekelly

kinney0515 said:

I surprisingly don't hate this!  I think it's a thoughtful way to do a charitable "favor".  I think its nice to give guests choices- especially since none of the charities were overly controversial sounding.  

Yeah, there are a lot worse ways to go about doing this. I saw in a wedding magazine the idea that you make guests "vote" between the charities, as in it's a competition, not the way they have it set up here. So not only do you not get a favor, but your charity may not even "win."

[Deleted User]

Genuine question - is it frowned upon to donate? For example, make a stupidly simple card on a table that says "In lieu of favours, we are donating to XYZ cause"...and then also have Kisses in wedding colours scattered in the middle of the table?

flantastic

purplepinkcupcake said:

Genuine question - is it frowned upon to donate? For example, make a stupidly simple card on a table that says "In lieu of favours, we are donating to XYZ cause"...and then also have Kisses in wedding colours scattered in the middle of the table?

It is never frowned upon to donate to a cause.

However, why do you need to tell people about it in any way? No one expects favors, so you don't have to explain away their absence. It's just bragging to put it out there that you donated.

redoryx

purplepinkcupcake said:

Genuine question - is it frowned upon to donate? For example, make a stupidly simple card on a table that says "In lieu of favours, we are donating to XYZ cause"...and then also have Kisses in wedding colours scattered in the middle of the table?

No, of course it's never frowned upon to donate. 

But, again, 1) why do you need to tell everyone and 2) why must it come out of the favors line of your budget? Why take something away from your guests instead of cutting back on flowers or buying a cheaper dress? 

futuremrsfama

I don't hate this, I agree with most of the comments, though I don't hate this.  I do think if you are going to donate, it's nice to pick a charity that means something to you and explain that to guests.  For example, when my bro got married, his FI (now wife)'s dad was diagnosed with Cancer only a few months before the wedding.  This was right when the Live Strong bracelets were coming out.  They made a donation on behalf of everyone and gave everyone the Live Strong bracelets, with a little note about why the charity was chosen, etc.

JCbride2015

futuremrsfama said:

I don't hate this, I agree with most of the comments, though I don't hate this.  I do think if you are going to donate, it's nice to pick a charity that means something to you and explain that to guests.  For example, when my bro got married, his FI (now wife)'s dad was diagnosed with Cancer only a few months before the wedding.  This was right when the Live Strong bracelets were coming out.  They made a donation on behalf of everyone and gave everyone the Live Strong bracelets, with a little note about why the charity was chosen, etc.

No.  Again... no.  Did you read the thread?

It's a wonderful thing to donate.  But why do you have to make it a big spotlight thing?  It's like, GUESTS LOOK AT HOW GREAT I AM.  I could have bought you favors, but I didn't, and instead I gave that money away.  But I feel like have to tell you about it so you can know what a wonderful, selfless person I am.  Everybody has to know about it!

Just donate the money quietly and don't grandstand about it.  Your wedding is not a charity fundraiser ball.

thecastlebride

I don't hate the overall concept but I don't get the point of announcing it or doing it instead of favors. I've always felt that things like this are best left anonymous. You don't tell everyone you put money in the Church collection for example, so why would you tell them about this? If you want to do it in honor of your wedding and your guests then by all means explain that to the place/organization/fund/charity that you are donating to but I don't like the idea of making a big production of it.

That being said, I don't mind things like donating to cancer and giving out the live strong bracelets because there is a real, valid reason to do that and it, to me, is like honoring the bride's father in that instant.

flantastic

thecastlebride said:

I don't hate the overall concept but I don't get the point of announcing it or doing it instead of favors. I've always felt that things like this are best left anonymous. You don't tell everyone you put money in the Church collection for example, so why would you tell them about this? If you want to do it in honor of your wedding and your guests then by all means explain that to the place/organization/fund/charity that you are donating to but I don't like the idea of making a big production of it.

That being said, I don't mind things like donating to cancer and giving out the live strong bracelets because there is a real, valid reason to do that and it, to me, is like honoring the bride's father in that instant.

But the wedding is not a charity fundraiser and is also not a memorial for the bride's father. Each of those things has a very separate place and time.

thecastlebride

flantastic said:

thecastlebride said:

I don't hate the overall concept but I don't get the point of announcing it or doing it instead of favors. I've always felt that things like this are best left anonymous. You don't tell everyone you put money in the Church collection for example, so why would you tell them about this? If you want to do it in honor of your wedding and your guests then by all means explain that to the place/organization/fund/charity that you are donating to but I don't like the idea of making a big production of it.

That being said, I don't mind things like donating to cancer and giving out the live strong bracelets because there is a real, valid reason to do that and it, to me, is like honoring the bride's father in that instant.

But the wedding is not a charity fundraiser and is also not a memorial for the bride's father. Each of those things has a very separate place and time.

I agree, I just don't mind them as much as just giving and announcing it because you were feeling generous or something.

I really do dislike the whole coin idea. I think it makes a thing that is iffy, at best, extremely tacky.

larrygaga

I'll give my favor to the charity where the bride and groom cancels their wedding, donates their own damn money and learns to stop being so goddamn rude.

lvshelleyjm

You guys are going to hate me for it. But, I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm not expecting any wedding favors, and it's not my money that I will have to put in. But I'm indirectly contributing the donation. In the article, the bride donated equal amount of money to chips in each jar. I think that's cute. 

I think the biggest problem is that you guys think it's rude to announce that you are donating. So what? They are doing something nice, and they are making sure that all the attendees get participated as well. I really don't see anything wrong with that. 

If you really do not like it, do not donate. But, remember, it is not even your money that they are donating. It is their own money. You are indirectly contributing. It's a wonderful thing. Also, it doesn't matter what they do at their own wedding. It's their wedding. If they are happy, we, attendees, should be too. 

flantastic

lvshelleyjm said:

You guys are going to hate me for it. But, I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm not expecting any wedding favors, and it's not my money that I will have to put in. But I'm indirectly contributing the donation. In the article, the bride donated equal amount of money to chips in each jar. I think that's cute. 

I think the biggest problem is that you guys think it's rude to announce that you are donating. So what? They are doing something nice, and they are making sure that all the attendees get participated as well. I really don't see anything wrong with that. 

If you really do not like it, do not donate. But, remember, it is not even your money that they are donating. It is their own money. You are indirectly contributing. It's a wonderful thing. Also, it doesn't matter what they do at their own wedding. It's their wedding. If they are happy, we, attendees, should be too. 

This bolded attitude is the worst. Just because it's your wedding doesn't mean you get to do inappropriate things that make you happy, and everyone should be happy about it. They can be happy for you getting married without being happy about any stupid shit you surround it with.

It's still inappropriate to say "Here, look, we'll donate our money instead of giving something to you! We could have donated money out of other parts of our budget, but it makes us happier to donate money earmarked for you and buy a super fancy dress for myself. You get to participate in our overwhelming generosity!"

levioosa

lvshelleyjm said:

You guys are going to hate me for it. But, I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm not expecting any wedding favors, and it's not my money that I will have to put in. But I'm indirectly contributing the donation. In the article, the bride donated equal amount of money to chips in each jar. I think that's cute. 

I think the biggest problem is that you guys think it's rude to announce that you are donating. So what? They are doing something nice, and they are making sure that all the attendees get participated as well. I really don't see anything wrong with that. 

If you really do not like it, do not donate. But, remember, it is not even your money that they are donating. It is their own money. You are indirectly contributing. It's a wonderful thing. Also, it doesn't matter what they do at their own wedding. It's their wedding. If they are happy, we, attendees, should be too. 

Because donating to charity is disgusting when it's a self-pat on the back.  Oh, and everything Flan said, too.  This is how it comes off:

Dreamergirl8812

Shit. I had a beautiful wedding with great food and booze in a beautiful venue, but I didn't have favors cuz I think they're kinda stupid.

What's shitty is that I didn't put a sign out:




"In lieu of favors, I'm paying my mortgage."

lvshelleyjm

one thing I'm seeing: do we really want favors so much?Also, if we do get wedding favors, and the bride and groom still donate, does it matter what they do? Fine, you don't need to be happy for it. But, it's still a nice thing and gesture of them to care about other stuff. And, this practice has been done throughout 21st century. Granted, it has only been done by wealthiest people until very recently where regular folks have begun that practice.

I can see how it can be tacky if they go all out on their weddings and not give anything back to the guests. What if they just did a simple wedding? A cheap 500 dollar dress and a simple ceremony with simple cheap food. Are you going to bash them about donating too?

Reading back, I can sunderstand how it looks stupid and annoying if they only did it for self pat. But what if they really didnt, assuming that they also gave everybody wedding favors? Are you guys willing to listen? or will you always overlook that and think it's tacky?

And ladies, I know lots of you didn't agree with me when I said it's their wedding, and if they are happy, we should be too. You guys think that it's inappropriate. But we all know that all your weddings include something that may seem tacky to others. yet, we do it anyway because it means a lot to us, and we want our day to be perfect. Perhaps, we need to be a bit open minded, and just accept that this may be a piece of their perfect day as well.

flantastic

lvshelleyjm said:

one thing I'm seeing: do we really want favors so much?Also, if we do get wedding favors, and the bride and groom still donate, does it matter what they do? Fine, you don't need to be happy for it. But, it's still a nice thing and gesture of them to care about other stuff. And, this practice has been done throughout 21st century. Granted, it has only been done by wealthiest people until very recently where regular folks have begun that practice. I can see how it can be tacky if they go all out on their weddings and not give anything back to the guests. What if they just did a simple wedding? A cheap 500 dollar dress and a simple ceremony with simple cheap food. Are you going to bash them about donating too? Reading back, I can sunderstand how it looks stupid and annoying if they only did it for self pat. But what if they really didnt, assuming that they also gave everybody wedding favors? Are you guys willing to listen? or will you always overlook that and think it's tacky? And ladies, I know lots of you didn't agree with me when I said it's their wedding, and if they are happy, we should be too. You guys think that it's inappropriate. But we all know that all your weddings include something that may seem tacky to others. yet, we do it anyway because it means a lot to us, and we want our day to be perfect. Perhaps, we need to be a bit open minded, and just accept that this may be a piece of their perfect day as well.

Your day will never be "perfect" in the way you hope or expect. It will be perfect, hopefully, in the sense that you got to marry your FI and spend the day with people you love without offending them over tacky shit.

None of what you said negates any of what we said. We don't mind at all if they donate... they just don't need to tell anyone about it because that is nothing more than a self-pat. It can't be anything else.

redoryx

Look, we're not knocking a couple donating to their charity of choice. We're knocking feeling the need to tell everyone they did it because it comes off as very self-congratulatory, all "Oh, look at us and how generous we are."

I donate to multiple organizations throughout the year, both in time and money, but I don't go around talking about it. The *only* reason to tell anyone or put out cute little notes or do it in in lieu of favors and blah blah blah is to have your donation recognized by friends and family which, in turn, you can get the old pat on the back.

thecastlebride

I don't care about receiving wedding favors. I'm just going to reiterate what I said earlier: You don't go around telling people that you put money in the Church collection or something similar. This is the same principle. A self-pat on the back is the tacky part about all of this.

To be perfectly honest, FI and I are considering donating X amount of money for each guest that attends our wedding to The Wounded Warrior Project as my Father is a soldier. We have no intention of announcing it to the guests. It's just something we want to do for us and for the charity.

Obviously I have nothing against actually doing it, it's just telling all your guests about it I see as tacky.

lnixon8

lvshelleyjm said:

one thing I'm seeing: do we really want favors so much?Also, if we do get wedding favors, and the bride and groom still donate, does it matter what they do? Fine, you don't need to be happy for it. But, it's still a nice thing and gesture of them to care about other stuff. And, this practice has been done throughout 21st century. Granted, it has only been done by wealthiest people until very recently where regular folks have begun that practice. I can see how it can be tacky if they go all out on their weddings and not give anything back to the guests. What if they just did a simple wedding? A cheap 500 dollar dress and a simple ceremony with simple cheap food. Are you going to bash them about donating too? Reading back, I can sunderstand how it looks stupid and annoying if they only did it for self pat. But what if they really didnt, assuming that they also gave everybody wedding favors? Are you guys willing to listen? or will you always overlook that and think it's tacky? And ladies, I know lots of you didn't agree with me when I said it's their wedding, and if they are happy, we should be too. You guys think that it's inappropriate. But we all know that all your weddings include something that may seem tacky to others. yet, we do it anyway because it means a lot to us, and we want our day to be perfect. Perhaps, we need to be a bit open minded, and just accept that this may be a piece of their perfect day as well.

It's not that nobody is listening to you. This is the snark board. We mock rude things. Even with overdone, pinteresty things: if a woman says shes having mason jars in a barn where she grew up people will tell her that it's fine because it means something to her. 

On the other hand people that do money dances as part of their perfect day, posters will try and talk them out of it because it is rude (not "tacky")

arrippa

I would be more impressed if I saw a sign that said "In lieu of a new dress and flowers, we have given to charity". Why is always favors that are intended for the guests that is skipped. Don't me get me wrong, favors are optional but pricewise-meaningless. If you really want to support a charity, why not give up something for yourself that is actually pricey?

Disclaimer- I hate signs so I really don't want to see them, but my point remains.