Chit Chat

Don't you ever wonder?

There have been a few-- or maybe more than a few-- threads since I've been here about people needing help with leaving a relationship. Whether it's because they just know they're with the wrong person, neither of them are happy, there's abuse happening, whatever the reason, they come here seeking help/advice and we always rally and urge them to do what's in their best interest. That's one of the things I love most about this community, is that the knotties clearly care about others' well-being and helping people to do what's best for them, and are so caring and supportive, whether they're regs or total strangers. And despite how much SS love to say we're so mean.

So these people seeking help usually stick around for a few days and then disappear. I don't blame them; it's probably pretty tough hanging out on a site/forum that's so wedding-oriented if they've decided to end their relationship and cancel their wedding. But every so often these threads cross my mind and I wonder what happened. Did they leave? Did they get out safely? Are they ok? Are they happy? Have they moved on? What happened?

One of the ladies who posted about being abused disappeared, and I messaged her a few days later just to see if she was alright and if I could help in any way, with advice because I got out of an abusive relationship and ended up ok, or with resources, or with a sympathetic ear, or whatever. But I never heard back from her.

Maybe it's selfish of me to want some kind of update or something for my own peace of mind. Maybe I'm thinking too much (like I always do).

But don't you ever wonder?
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Re: Don't you ever wonder?

  • Yes I do.

    I wonder about how old regs are doing also.   I'm friends with some of them on FB, but most of just disappeared.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    Yes I do.

    I wonder about how old regs are doing also.   I'm friends with some of them on FB, but most of just disappeared.


    Does it ever bother you not to know?
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  • I don't lose any sleep over it.  I guess I feel it comes with the territory of being on an internet message board.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    I don't lose any sleep over it.  I guess I feel it comes with the territory of being on an internet message board.


    I've actually never been a party of any message boards before this, and I joined this one last summer. So maybe it's just something I need to get used to...
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  • Yeah I know what you mean. I always hope for the best.
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  • I definitely wonder. But I'm also an obsessive worrier, so I worry about everything.
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  • Inkdancer said:
    I definitely wonder. But I'm also an obsessive worrier, so I worry about everything.
    Ah! Me too! It's the worst
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  • Last time I was engaged, in 2007, I was on some wedding board - I can't even remember now - maybe craigslist?

    There was a woman on there who was planning her wedding, and then all of a sudden she said she had inflammatory breast cancer and I still wonder about her, even though I don't think I ever directly communicated with her!

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  • luckya23 said:

    Last time I was engaged, in 2007, I was on some wedding board - I can't even remember now - maybe craigslist?

    There was a woman on there who was planning her wedding, and then all of a sudden she said she had inflammatory breast cancer and I still wonder about her, even though I don't think I ever directly communicated with her!

    Oh man. That is sad :(
    I hate that... I always hope people like that are ok, but also I always want to KNOW that they're ok. Hoping and knowing are two very different things.
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  • I guess I kind of dealt with this for all those years I volunteered at an animal shelter. I would get really attached to a particular dog, and then watch him walk out the door with a new owner, which was obviously a really great happy thing. But still, I always wondered how things worked out for them. Every so often, a dog would be brought back because "things didn't work out." And there was one instance where I was in contact with a person who adopted one of our dogs, and she shredded a rug and got strings wrapped in her intestines and died.

    So one side of my brain says "All these dogs went to good, loving homes, and lived safe happy lives where they were very loved." And the other side of my brain says "but you don't know that, because remember that dog that died?"

    I torture myself.
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  • Right around when I started lurking there was a women that posted about having just gotten married and her new husband hitting her in the car and it got worst from there. Even as a lurker I wondered if she really left him and made it out OK. 
    oh man. that's just awful
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  • Right around when I started lurking there was a women that posted about having just gotten married and her new husband hitting her in the car and it got worst from there. Even as a lurker I wondered if she really left him and made it out OK. 

    I think about her a lot. I think there for a while she was lurking occasionally; I dunno if she still is though.

    I do worry and wonder about those posters. I always try to hope for the best with the ones that came, posted, and then went MIA. I can't do anything else but hope for the best.
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  • You're so thoughtful, @novella1186‌ It's one of many things I admire about you.

    I do think about long-gone posters as well.

  • I worry about Senecaf, too. I think about her every time I go onto TK. 
  • lc07 said:
    You're so thoughtful, @novella1186‌ It's one of many things I admire about you.


    I do think about long-gone posters as well.

    Aw thank you! 
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  • blabla89 said:
    Right around when I started lurking there was a women that posted about having just gotten married and her new husband hitting her in the car and it got worst from there. Even as a lurker I wondered if she really left him and made it out OK. 
    I think about her a lot. I think there for a while she was lurking occasionally; I dunno if she still is though. I do worry and wonder about those posters. I always try to hope for the best with the ones that came, posted, and then went MIA. I can't do anything else but hope for the best.
    Senecaf, I do think about her too and hope all the best for her and her children.


    Me too. I had messsged her about a week after it happened asking how she was doing and she said good, but then never heard back again. I do wonder and hope the best for her.

    I also wonder about some of the old regs like hisgirlfriday. I know a ton of people on here hate her for whatever reason that I wasn't around for. But she was on every single thread for months (probably years before I joined) then with the blink of an eye, disappeared.

    I had never been on any forums before this, so I had no idea what to expect. When I found them, I thought it was going to be like thousands of people so no one would "know" the other posters. Then I started seeing people referencing old jokes and standing up for each other and I was like "whoa these people do actually 'know' the other posters". hahah I thought it was neat and I'm glad to be a part of it now :)

                                                                     

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  • I wonder about Senecaf too. I hope she's OK. 
  • Right around when I started lurking there was a women that posted about having just gotten married and her new husband hitting her in the car and it got worst from there. Even as a lurker I wondered if she really left him and made it out OK. 
    I think about her a lot. I think there for a while she was lurking occasionally; I dunno if she still is though. I do worry and wonder about those posters. I always try to hope for the best with the ones that came, posted, and then went MIA. I can't do anything else but hope for the best.
    That's the same poster I am continuously thinking about. And just like  many PP's I just hope she did what was best for her and her children and will be happy again.

  • I wonder all the time when I encounter things like that on this and other message boards. I think it's completely normal when you give a stranger advice about something so serious and personal to wonder if they took it and if they're ok.
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  • jenna8984 said:
    blabla89 said:
    Right around when I started lurking there was a women that posted about having just gotten married and her new husband hitting her in the car and it got worst from there. Even as a lurker I wondered if she really left him and made it out OK. 
    I think about her a lot. I think there for a while she was lurking occasionally; I dunno if she still is though. I do worry and wonder about those posters. I always try to hope for the best with the ones that came, posted, and then went MIA. I can't do anything else but hope for the best.
    Senecaf, I do think about her too and hope all the best for her and her children.


    Me too. I had messsged her about a week after it happened asking how she was doing and she said good, but then never heard back again. I do wonder and hope the best for her.

    I also wonder about some of the old regs like hisgirlfriday. I know a ton of people on here hate her for whatever reason that I wasn't around for. But she was on every single thread for months (probably years before I joined) then with the blink of an eye, disappeared.

    I had never been on any forums before this, so I had no idea what to expect. When I found them, I thought it was going to be like thousands of people so no one would "know" the other posters. Then I started seeing people referencing old jokes and standing up for each other and I was like "whoa these people do actually 'know' the other posters". hahah I thought it was neat and I'm glad to be a part of it now :)

    I wonder about HGF too. Whatever went down was right before I joined so I don't know what that was all about. I still lurk on NEY sometimes and those posters really know each other, although it looks like some of the regs aren't there anymore.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    I still think about Senecaf.  I really hope she and her kids are safe and well.  I also get sad sometimes when I see posts that make it obvious that there's a painful divorce in the future if they push through and ignore the red flags (ETA: And if they continue to ignore/refuse to deal with them in marriage). 


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  • I wonder, too. I really wonder about Senecaf, and I hope that she and her kids are okay. I do hope she comes back one day.

    I also wonder about HGF, she disappeared overnight. I know some people here have her contact info, and someone mentioned she was busy with work, I think that was over the summer.
                                 Anniversary
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  • I think about Senecaf and Doeydo.

    I know Doey is still around sometimes. But i really hope that one dream she will see the light and get out. Doey just doesnt seems to have enough of a support system.

    In a different way, I wonder about old regs. I know some sort of shit storm went down between Linger and Stage. And I do wonder about HGF.

    I have been here for 3-4 years so I have seen a lot of regs come and go.

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  • levioosa said:
    I still think about Senecaf.  I really hope she and her kids are safe and well.  I also get sad sometimes when I see posts that make it obvious that there's a painful divorce in the future if they push through and ignore the red flags (ETA: And if they continue to ignore/refuse to deal with them in marriage). 
    I think about this too. Whenever there is a poster that has a bunch of red flags in her post and ignores everyone's advice. I still think about it when they post later on acting like everything is normal. I lurked for a while when HGF and some other regs were around. I think about them too.
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  • I wonder about HGF too. I guess she's not coming back. 
  • I am always sad about the people who shared their struggles and revealed so many red flags--it's true they don't always come back, and while I hope they're doing well, I am not always confident.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • I thought about Senecaf the other day. I hope that she's okay. I know that we can't reach out to other posters once they disappear, as we can't locate them, and don't have numbers if we don't interact outside of this forum IRL. Is there anything we can do, especially if we believe/have proof that a member is in imminent physical danger (serious abuse such as hitting, threatening physical violence, rape etc.)? I know that all we can do is provide the poster with resources but it would make me feel better knowing that we followed up with them once they've disappeared for some time.
  • Right around when I started lurking there was a women that posted about having just gotten married and her new husband hitting her in the car and it got worst from there. Even as a lurker I wondered if she really left him and made it out OK. 
    Oh god I think about her all the time.


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