Military Brides

Trying to set a date, Don't know when FI's Technical Training School Begins

Hello!

Currently, my fiance is in an ROTC program at college. We both graduate this upcoming May. Here are the facts we know so far:
*His training will be 6 months at Base X. We also know where his base is after.

What we don't know:
*When that 6 month training starts. We also don't know when we'll be told.

-Kinda hard to plan a wedding when you don't know a date....
So from what I've gathered in my research, and him from questions he asks the Cadre at ROTC, is that normally they are not allowed to take leave during Technical Training School. (I do know the visitation rules in regards to phases and everything. Yes I also know about Exodus.) So if we set a date say in September, but we find out that his training will begin in July, then we're hosed. Which is why we've been putting off setting the date, so that we don't have to make any cancellations or anything.

We do, however, want to get married before he goes to Technical Training School (if the stars align). We want this for our hearts, the extra allowances he would get with us being married, and I could get a Military ID and visit him On Base. (Note: I am not planning on moving with him to his base. Study comes first. And I can keep my job down here during that time.)

So we had resigned ourselves to put everything on hold until we find out his EAD for Tech School.

However, earlier this week he met with a General. He originally was vague with his question, just asking about his EAD, but the General saw right through it and knew he was asking because he was getting married. He then told my FI that they will make it work, that his commander would probably grant him 3 days leave to go home and get married (just that we would have to do Honeymoon a different time, which we were expecting anyways). The General then turned to the ROTC Cadre and told them to make it work. That they can move the training date up a month, back a month, etc.

So now I am completely confused. Of course, I WANT to believe the General, and that we can just set a date and not worry about it. But how can I? when everything else I've seen is that he must stay at Tech School, no leave, can't even leave 25 miles from the base?

Also, I am Catholic and planning a Catholic Wedding. I know plenty of Military couples choose to have a Justice of the Peace Ceremony, and then the Big Ole' Wedding later. However, this is not what I want in my heart of hearts.

Has anyone else been in this situation? What should I do? I feel like we just need to wait to actually know his EAD, but I guess I just wanted to vent and get some advice!

Thank you!

Re: Trying to set a date, Don't know when FI's Technical Training School Begins

  • Sammy0709Sammy0709
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
    member
    edited January 2015
    What we typically suggest around here it to wait until he gets to his first duty station. While I know you're ready to be married and probably don't want to wait but it's going to most likely save you a lot of headache. As you can see you can't be too sure on much of anything right now and that's kind of just how it's going to be until he's actuslly at school (as far as if he can get leave). Unless, of course you get the date and have enough time to do it prior to training. I don't know a whole lot about officer job training but, for me, I went to visit my aunt once while I was in TX (she was in the 50 mile limit we had). I went there more or less to have a quiet place to study. I don't know how intense his training will be but if it's like mine was, taking leave to go home for an event that's going to take up a lot of time isn't the greatest idea. Another reason why I suggest waiting til he's out of training. I know it's probably not the answer you were looking for but its the best I've got.

    ETA: No matter when you decide to have it get military clauses.
    image
  • Haha, it's okay. I appreciate the info! I've just heard so many "answers" that turn out not to be true even from his Cadre that I just don't know what to believe anymore. One of his fellow cadets just graduated in December and hasn't received her official EAD yet, and is just waiting. Just wanted to see if anyone else has been closer to my situation and had any advice. Thank you for your input!
  • Lots of my classmates got married during HBL last year, and several are already separated. Don't plan on him taking leave during BOLC. Don't trust the general's word as pushing his date back would suck. You don't need a military ID to get on base. Just a DL, registration, and insurance. Visiting him at BOLC is not an issue. I saw several of my classmates/friends on holiday weekends. I saw my best friend from OCS in STL, but it was lucky because of Ferguson, they weren't allowed up there for awhile.

    If it were me, I would wait until he's BOLC complete. Or I'd get planning and do it the weekend of graduation. Being married right before separation sucks. Having a wedding to plan distracts from the suck. And don't get married for BAH. Is he going to be active duty? If so, he's going to have to pay for housing at BOLC anyway. Guard and Reserve pay less and get stuck in lodging IME, because they're meant to maintain a home in their state. The difference between married and single rate is not enough to rush a wedding.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • Oh, how I wish I could do it the weekend of graduation. I already can't attend my specific college's (and his) because it's the same day that my sister is graduating college. (Thankfully, I have a different Honors College Ceremony that I can participate in on a different day). And FI's stepfather is a FireFighter, and therefore works 24, off 48. Also difficult when planning a wedding. (ugh, right?)

    Yeah, the pay is only a minor influence. We just want it in our heart of hearts. If we have to wait until after he's out of training, then so be it.

    And yes he will be active duty, entering in as a 2nd Lt. And from what I've read, if they are married, even though they are living in a dorm, they get paid the BAH for the "family at home" to have a place to live in the meantime. (which reads to me like if they're not married, and living in dorms, they don't get BAH at all, right?) But again, that's only a minor influence in us wanting to get married before-hand.

    Another influence though is getting on his orders at his "permanent base" after training. Thankfully his base is only a 10-11 hour drive from where we live currently, but it sure would be nice to not have to pay to move all of our things! lol

    Does anyone know if in the Air Force if there is any time in between training and full-on job (besides just travel)? Because that might be an option. Everything is just still so up in the air. I guess I really can't plan anything at all until we know his EAD.
  • okay so i've been through this, so i'd say here are your options (as far as timing with the military):

    1) get married right after graduation, before he goes to his tech training. it's a small window of time in the worst case scenario, but possible.

    2) get married when he goes to his first duty station. that is where he'd be able to get more leave time to get married and honeymoon, especially if he was upfront with his command about those plans.

    he won't get leave during training and there is only a small amount of class time you can miss, but other posters are right, he would probably be allowed a 3 day to get married.

    something i would suggest is to have him be upfront about his plans and push a little bit harder (have him talk to his personnel planner, "hey, i'm getting married June 1, and i need a class date after that"). these things can be arranged and he can be slotted during different class times, but he just needs to start asking the right questions and making sure the plans are made BEFORE orders are cut!

  • I'm not sure he has a personnel planner though. I think it's different for ROTC vs. enlisted..... not 100% sure if he has a specific contact person.
  • haha yeah i know, i was IN ROTC. most programs have an administrative person assigned to their unit (ours was a civilian) who handles all the processing for orders, training, class dates, etc. THAT is the person i was suggesting to work with.
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