Maid of Honor Zilla???

amstecker

Ladies, I need an opinion and/or help!! My MOH is planning my bachelorette party, as a mostly surprise for me.

BUT here's my problem.. There are people that I absolutely want invited, that she's not planning on inviting..

How do I get her to invite the ladies that I want there?

We all work together, but in different departments, and she's saying that my friends in my dept kissing up to me is NOT the way to get her to invite them.

My MOH is my best female friend, and I love her, but she's making it really hard for me

I would really like to give her a guest list with everyone's contact info, and have her invite them that way, rather than her being picky about who SHE wants to invite. I mean, it IS MY wedding & my party, right?

And she's trying to kind of take over how we all do our hair, and what Tim and I will do for our flowers. For instance, I LOVE the look of burlap flowers, like the ones you find at Hobby Lobby. She says she WILL NOT carry burlap flowers. How do I squash this behavior??

bluedaisies18

@amstecker, I have been in many weddings - and part of planning many bachelorette parties - and though my own wedding is not for the next year or two - I sympathize with what you are saying.

My first question, is why is she your MOH?  I know already that my MOH and I have discussed my wants/desires for my bachelorette party and she is willing to do within reason what I asked...

You should talk to your MOH, and explain who you want there and give limitations, sure you do not get to plan the place or what happens but it is absolutely reasonable that you choose who is there.

If you cannot ask for these reasonable requests, I would ask you to consider why she is your MOH. As when the wedding happens if she will act with the same discretion when you invite these people to the reception.  Remember this is YOUR wedding, YOUR bachelerotte party... it can be about HER when her time comes.

WhatawagSBNy

amstecker said:

Ladies, I need an opinion and/or help!! My MOH is planning my bachelorette party, as a mostly surprise for me.

BUT here's my problem.. There are people that I absolutely want invited, that she's not planning on inviting..

How do I get her to invite the ladies that I want there?

We all work together, but in different departments, and she's saying that my friends in my dept kissing up to me is NOT the way to get her to invite them.

My MOH is my best female friend, and I love her, but she's making it really hard for me

I would really like to give her a guest list with everyone's contact info, and have her invite them that way, rather than her being picky about who SHE wants to invite. I mean, it IS MY wedding & my party, right?

And she's trying to kind of take over how we all do our hair, and what Tim and I will do for our flowers. For instance, I LOVE the look of burlap flowers, like the ones you find at Hobby Lobby. She says she WILL NOT carry burlap flowers. How do I squash this behavior??

*************
There are social conventions meant to clarify people's roles in weddings, and you have brought up several common issues.
Showers and bachelorette parties where you are the guest of honor, you may nominate people with whom you have the kind of relationship that would make them appropriate guests. People the closest to you of those invited to the wedding. After this, as bride you must then step away and let the hostess plan.
She invites as many of these people as she wants and can afford, and she decides which individuals she wants to entertain and who she wants to drop from the list. Your MOH is right. Drop it.

She has no say in how you all do your hair.
Bride has no say in how you all do your hair.

Every adult person in the wedding party chooses their own style, and nobody including the bride has any right to say anything , unless someone is totally outrageous, like wanting to wear a fruit basket on their head like Carmen Miranda. Any style appropriate for a work or social setting is fine.

Flower bouquets, or any book or ribbon cluster, or fake flowers are chosen by the bride only, WP only has a say if you go against their religion, like asking someone not Christian to carry a missal or New Testament.
A bride who wants a MOH to carry a bulldog down the aisle is being outrageous, and MOH could refuse. But a reasonable request of a kind of fake flowers is the bride's choice.

Liatris2010

Whoever is hosting the party gets to choose the guest list. You should provide a list of people you would like invited, but the host gets the final say. If you do not like the party that is being planned in your honor, you are free to decline it.

Your MOH can decide how she wants her hair styled. It is her hair, on her head. If you are asked for your opinion, you may offer it, otherwise can it.

You pick the flowers. The MOH doesn't get a say. Since she hates what you like, refuse to discuss it. She doesn't need to know anything about the flowers or other details.

artbyallie

In all honesty, I'd be kind of annoyed to be a bridesmaid carrying burlap flowers, but I wouldn't say anything to the bride because ultimately that doesn't do me any harm and it's not my place to.

But for the love of God, do not dictate how the bridesmaids do their hair. Nope nope nope.

rcher912

The bach thing is out of your hands, unfortunately. If you really want to do something with the ladies who weren't included, maybe invite them out for a girls' night (movies, dinner, drinks, something small like that, where you can tell them more about wedding-related stuff, if that's what they want).

As for hair - nope. Just nope. Squash it. Nope. Not only is it not her wedding but she isn't paying for it. So I'm going to do my own hair, thanks.

As for flowers, she's just being absurd. If that's what you want to do for your flowers, that's totally fine and within reason. Again, she's neither hosting, nor paying, so she doesn't get a say. If flowers are such a huge deal to her that she'll refuse to carry what you have provided and paid for, then that's...a very interesting kind of friend you have there. There are way bigger issues than flowers.

novella1186

If she's being a jerk about your bachelorette party and planning something you don't even want, just decline the party. She doesn't HAVE to throw you one, and I would quite honestly decline rather than trying to deal with the stress. Or, as PP suggested, host a fun girls night out (this would not be a bach party because you cannot host your own bach party, but you can most definitely put together a girls night out and invite whoever you want!)

The MOH has every right to decide how she wears her own hair. It's her hair on her head. Don't try to dictate that. However, it read to me like the MOH was also trying to dictate how the other girls do their hair? NOPE! She does NOT get to do that, at all. Not at all. Tell her to leave the other girls' hair alone, because it's up to them how they want to style it. Tell her it's none of her business and she needs to knock that off.

For the flowers, she's being ridiculous there. If one of my BMs told me they REFUSE to carry the type of flower I chose (unless they have a terrible allergy to them or something) I would laugh. Your flowers are none of her business, and it's not up to her. She gets no say-so and no input there. She needs to shut her mouth. Don't discuss flowers or any other wedding details with her anymore. She can't bitch about things she doesn't even know about. When she shows up on the wedding day, hand her the bouquet you've chosen. If she seriously refuses to carry it, then she makes herself look like a total asshole, and her looking like an asshole will not ruin your wedding day.