40-Plus Brides

Register?

Hi there,
My wedding date is Sept 12th of this year, with about 100 guests. It will be the first marriage for both my fiance and I, if that matters. We have lived together for 2 years. I turned 40 last month, and he is 39. All of that said, is it appropriate to have a registry? We certainly don't *need* linens, dishes, etc, but could always use newer, "upgraded" items. We rent a condo but are moving towards purchasing a home... I just wasn't sure if even having a shower would be appropriate..(my sister really wants to throw one.) We looked into alternative registries (for honeymoon, etc) but decided that's not for us. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Tell me your stories, ladies! :)

Re: Register?

  • I am debating this as well. I am 41 and it is my first marriage and my fiance is 44 and was married before. I am told I should have one. We live together (and have two storage containers full of stuff) and have what we need but some people do not want to give cash and well, my fiance said, "Wouldn't it be cool to have a waffle maker?" I was like, we could put that on a registry. I am told I should have a bridal shower and bachelorette party (a toned down one). 
  • We are also getting married Sept 12th!!! We decided to register after seeing friends of ours in a similar situation. I don't want a shower as, IMHO, it's unnecessary. We are both 48 and  have two homes that we will be combining. I know that generally wedding gifts are checks; however, some like to buy "wrappable" gifts, so we've given them the option. There are things that need to be replaced, so that's what's on the list. Also, my house needs some work before putting it up for sale, so we are going to register at Home Depot as well. 
  • PS I am getting married 9/18/15 :)
  • My fiance and I are both 41.  It's the second wedding for both of us, but because neither of us really had a wedding the first time, we plan on having fun and enjoying the process, including registering. I say do what makes you happy.

  • I was 49 when I got married (1st wedding for me). We did not register but did make a few sugestions - we lie toentertain and could use a buffet server, platters, etc. But since we had a out of town wedding we made it clear that the effort to get to out wedding to celebrate with us we considered a gift. This was all on our wedding website.
    trisha810
  • I'm 52 and will be 53 when I get married next spring (my fiance is a few years older and we've been together for  many years).  This will be my first marriage and his second.  We'll be combining households and my initial thought was that we didn't need to register for anything.  Then my sister pointed out that he has his things and I have my things, but perhaps there should be some things that we acquire together if that makes any sense. So, as another member mentioned above, we will register for a few items that we each have that need to be replaced/upgraded.  Our wedding will be out of town and quite honestly we'll just be happy that our guests will go to the trouble of being with us that day.
  • As others have said, go with what makes you both comfortable. We are an older couple that has lived together for many years. Our wedding is going to be very small, and I am going to request "no gifts -- your presence is the perfect gift". I've seen where couples also request that in lieu of gifts, donations be made to a charity if you are uncomfortable with gifts. In our case, most of the attendees are younger family, and I really don't want them spending their money on us.


  • Hi

    First marriage for us...I will be 45 and FI will be 43 when we get married. We registered for a lot of entertaining items and for china (have my family china but wanted something different). And we upgraded our appliances (mine are 10 years old....from when I bought my house)


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  • I was 39 and my husband was 44 when we got married (my first and his second). We combined households before getting married and had everything we needed. But after each of us living on our own for 10+ years, there were some kitchen utensils & towels that were ready to be replaced. So we went through our kitchen & decided what do we need replace & registered for those things. Then we went for the things we like but would never treat ourselves to, like a small wine fridge, a rechargable wine bottle opener, a soda machine, kitchen aid mixer, games for game night with our friends, etc. It was fun getting those things. We got them more as bridal shower gifts then we did wedding gifts.
  • I will be 40 when I get married next spring and it is the first marriage for both of us - he will be 40 as well.  I absolutely intend to register so we can finally have some nicer dishes, glasses, etc.  Besides, a bridal shower is also a really nice event for all the women in your life to celebrate in a special way.  
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  • I am 40 and have owned my home for many years.  This is my first marriage.  Similar to many of you, I thought I didn't need to register because I already have most nice things I want.  But then someone made a good point.  We should start off with things that are "ours".  So I opted to register for all new linens, comforter and towels for our use.  What I have now will be used for guests in the future.  And we registered for everyday dishes.  It was fun picking out something that is all OURS, not something one of us already owned before the marriage.
    njbride2015
  • We are getting married in September and went with the honey fund register.  We live together and really have our house put together.  We felt this way would be able to have a nice honeymoon.  Along with the honey fund there is an option for guest to donate to a charity of our choice as well.  Seems like a win/win.  

    Best of luck to you all.
  • mklammklam
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    member

    We are getting married in September and went with the honey fund register.  We live together and really have our house put together.  We felt this way would be able to have a nice honeymoon.  Along with the honey fund there is an option for guest to donate to a charity of our choice as well.  Seems like a win/win.  


    Best of luck to you all.
    Oh please read about honey funds in the etiquette section of our forum... Not a good idea.
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  • mklammklam
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    member
    Oh shoot. Sorry revived old thread...
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  • I don't think there is a right or a wrong answer. Do what you feel is right for you. I am getting married next April. I am 53 years old. I am wearing a bridal gown because I want to! I am not having a shower because it doesn't feel right to me (everyone else thinks I should). We've been together for 7 years, living together for 4. We have also decided to add "no gifts" on our invitations. So really, its a matter of what feels right to YOU.
  • I don't think there is a right or a wrong answer. Do what you feel is right for you. I am getting married next April. I am 53 years old. I am wearing a bridal gown because I want to! I am not having a shower because it doesn't feel right to me (everyone else thinks I should). We've been together for 7 years, living together for 4. We have also decided to add "no gifts" on our invitations. So really, its a matter of what feels right to YOU.
    Do not add "no gifts" to the invtation, mention of gifts (or requests for none) do not belong on the invitation information. If someone calls you and asks, you can tell them you want no gifts.
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    adk19
  • IMHO, since we are older, and you have been living with someone for an extended period of time, It is inappropriate to have a registry or a shower. You probably don't need anything at this point. The point of the shower was 2 young people leaving their parents' homes with nothing, statrting a new life.  You guys theoretically  have the things you need. 
    I wouldn't mention anything about it. If people want to, the will give you money or gift cards. 
  • Ok so my situation is a little weird but hey we are going with. This is my 3rd marriage and my fiance's 2nd. As a mom, I typically put my kids above replacing or upgrading normal stuff in the home. My fiance had a very bitter divorce and pretty much ended up with the bedroom set and a few knicknacks and that is it. We are high school sweethearts that should have been married 20 plus years ago so we are having a wedding. We chose to register to upgrade and have stuff that is ours. We also decided that since the registry remains online for awhile it would make a great wish list for us. It has worked amazing so far as some relatives have used the list to purchase bday and christmas presents this year. 
  • I was thinking the same, but who am i kidding im a hoarder for kitchen gagets and stuff so we are doing a small registry maybe 75 items kitchen bath related stuff we know we could use down the line. but thats the extent of it, as for bridal shower i just dont feel i need one
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  • @KnotRiley, this thread is a year old.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    CMGragain said:
    @KnotRiley, this thread is a year old.
    No, it isn't.  The last two posts before yours were from January 2016 (last month) and December 2015 respectively.
  • I will be 43 and this will be my second marriage and his first. I don't feel comfortable receiving gifts and will make that known by word of mouth. Many of my friends already bought me a gift for my first marriage in my 20's, so I don't think it's fair to register for a second time. My fiancée agrees.
    knottie72d6b636c9389057
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