My Matron of Honor refuses to get a babysitter for the wedding

ashley8918

I'm ready!

sophhabobopha

ashley8918 said:

I'm ready!

mrsdee15

Oy.  

rachel&liv2015

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

Damn, a lot of these women are harsh and mean. I don't think you're being too unreasonable to want your best friend to be actively involved in what is definitely one of the most important days ever, but you could try to reach some sort of compromise. As she is a new, and what sounds like first kid mom, it's no wonder she's a lil...overprotective. Understandable, lots of new moms are like this. I think you should just expect her to only be a part of the ceremony, do the speechy maid of honor bit and then pics. That's the bare minimum of any MoH. If she's not willing to put her lovely new kid off with a family member for these moments, then I'd kindly ask her to step down.

sophhabobopha

rachel&liv2015 said:

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

Damn, a lot of these women are harsh and mean. I don't think you're being too unreasonable to want your best friend to be actively involved in what is definitely one of the most important days ever, but you could try to reach some sort of compromise. As she is a new, and what sounds like first kid mom, it's no wonder she's a lil...overprotective. Understandable, lots of new moms are like this. I think you should just expect her to only be a part of the ceremony, do the speechy maid of honor bit and then pics. That's the bare minimum of any MoH. If she's not willing to put her lovely new kid off with a family member for these moments, then I'd kindly ask her to step down.

esstee33

rachel&liv2015 said:

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

Damn, a lot of these women are harsh and mean. I don't think you're being too unreasonable to want your best friend to be actively involved in what is definitely one of the most important days ever, but you could try to reach some sort of compromise. As she is a new, and what sounds like first kid mom, it's no wonder she's a lil...overprotective. Understandable, lots of new moms are like this. I think you should just expect her to only be a part of the ceremony, do the speechy maid of honor bit and then pics. That's the bare minimum of any MoH. If she's not willing to put her lovely new kid off with a family member for these moments, then I'd kindly ask her to step down.

Oh for fuck's sake, do you read? Like, did you even bother reading a single post before yours? 

NOOOOOOOOO. 

[Deleted User]

.

flantastic

rachel&liv2015 said:

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

Damn, a lot of these women are harsh and mean. I don't think you're being too unreasonable to want your best friend to be actively involved in what is definitely one of the most important days ever, but you could try to reach some sort of compromise. As she is a new, and what sounds like first kid mom, it's no wonder she's a lil...overprotective. Understandable, lots of new moms are like this. I think you should just expect her to only be a part of the ceremony, do the speechy maid of honor bit and then pics. That's the bare minimum of any MoH. If she's not willing to put her lovely new kid off with a family member for these moments, then I'd kindly ask her to step down.

"Kindly ask her to step down" is an oxymoron. Impossible. It is an unkind action.

If you had read the thread, you would know that your assumptions about overprotective moms and "active participation" are stupid. But you didn't (or didn't comprehend), because of course you didn't.

annathy03

Maybe she read the thread, and then Hermione took her memories of it before she responded.

She also must have only obliviated the parts where everyone agrees during the ceremony she holds a bouquet instead of a baby, but it's unreasonable to expect your MOH to be away from her newborn all damn day.

ashley8918

rachel&liv2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

Damn, a lot of these women are harsh and mean. I don't think you're being too unreasonable to want your best friend to be actively involved in what is definitely one of the most important days ever, but you could try to reach some sort of compromise. As she is a new, and what sounds like first kid mom, it's no wonder she's a lil...overprotective. Understandable, lots of new moms are like this. I think you should just expect her to only be a part of the ceremony, do the speechy maid of honor bit and then pics. That's the bare minimum of any MoH. If she's not willing to put her lovely new kid off with a family member for these moments, then I'd kindly ask her to step down.

doeeyedbecky

I made it to page 6 and my brain was yelling at me to stop...so if this HAS been answered, forgive me but I DO have to ask this;

c+j2015 said:

I never said she HAD to get a babysitter. I asked her if she would because that would be a logical solution. I also asked if she could bring someone with her to help watch him. I also asked if she could let him sit with someone during the ceremony. She said no to all my options. That's when I got frustrated and made the OP.

What were her reasons for saying no to all your suggestions?

What I mean is, were her reasons valid (the baby is special-needs/disabled and not just ANYONE can provide care for him) or was it a no, without an explanation?

Maggie0829

doeeyedbecky said:

I made it to page 6 and my brain was yelling at me to stop...so if this HAS been answered, forgive me but I DO have to ask this;

c+j2015 said:

I never said she HAD to get a babysitter. I asked her if she would because that would be a logical solution. I also asked if she could bring someone with her to help watch him. I also asked if she could let him sit with someone during the ceremony. She said no to all my options. That's when I got frustrated and made the OP.

What were her reasons for saying no to all your suggestions?

What I mean is, were her reasons valid (the baby is special-needs/disabled and not just ANYONE can provide care for him) or was it a no, without an explanation?


The MOH does not have to give an explanation as to why she is saying no to her friends suggestions.  

doeeyedbecky

Maggie0829 said:

doeeyedbecky said:

I made it to page 6 and my brain was yelling at me to stop...so if this HAS been answered, forgive me but I DO have to ask this;

c+j2015 said:

I never said she HAD to get a babysitter. I asked her if she would because that would be a logical solution. I also asked if she could bring someone with her to help watch him. I also asked if she could let him sit with someone during the ceremony. She said no to all my options. That's when I got frustrated and made the OP.

What were her reasons for saying no to all your suggestions?

What I mean is, were her reasons valid (the baby is special-needs/disabled and not just ANYONE can provide care for him) or was it a no, without an explanation?

The MOH does not have to give an explanation as to why she is saying no to her friends suggestions.  

You're right; she DOESN'T. But it is the polite thing to do. Otherwise, the respondent comes off at 'stubborn' or 'noncompromising.'

I understand, it's her son and she loves him, but there's a difference between 'No, because he needs certain care/doesn't take to strangers that well' (which is nullified by the 'bringing someone to help watch him' suggestion made by OP) and 'No, he's my son and I want to carry him instead of the flowers!'

plainjane0415

doeeyedbecky said:

Maggie0829 said:

doeeyedbecky said:

I made it to page 6 and my brain was yelling at me to stop...so if this HAS been answered, forgive me but I DO have to ask this;

c+j2015 said:

I never said she HAD to get a babysitter. I asked her if she would because that would be a logical solution. I also asked if she could bring someone with her to help watch him. I also asked if she could let him sit with someone during the ceremony. She said no to all my options. That's when I got frustrated and made the OP.

What were her reasons for saying no to all your suggestions?

What I mean is, were her reasons valid (the baby is special-needs/disabled and not just ANYONE can provide care for him) or was it a no, without an explanation?

The MOH does not have to give an explanation as to why she is saying no to her friends suggestions.  

You're right; she DOESN'T. But it is the polite thing to do. Otherwise, the respondent comes off at 'stubborn' or 'noncompromising.'

I understand, it's her son and she loves him, but there's a difference between 'No, because he needs certain care/doesn't take to strangers that well' (which is nullified by the 'bringing someone to help watch him' suggestion made by OP) and 'No, he's my son and I want to carry him instead of the flowers!'



No, the polite thing to do would have been for the OP to not ask her to get a babysitter. THAT, was rude. She's the parent, and she can parent how she sees fit.   MOH doesn't have to give a reason as to why she doesn't want to get a baby sitter.  This isn't a trial, it's a wedding.

Knottie1425451036

Knottie72715334 said:

I feel ya, hon. And I dislike the others on here who are berating you for YOUR day. And it is YOUR DAY. You want them to be there for you, and their families get them for the rest of their lives. I get it. As for your problem, *sigh* - you may need to compromise. The ceremony will be quick, hopefully, and then your friend can pick up her child as she's walking down the isle and head out to the reception with her family while you and the others take your pictures and get ready for the reception. Think of a "win-win" situation, and maybe even talk to her again in private. Find out if she has a solution as well. And do ignore these other female "nay-sayers" on here - selfish? Damn right you are! It's your wedding! But being selfish doesn't mean you can't compromise. Good luck!

You.Are.The.Worst.