I can't get a girl to take a second look (or date).

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
I’m an ugly man in my mid-20s. I try to date but my response rates are very poor and my dates never turn into anything. I’ve been on one second date in my entire life. I have done almost everything within my power to make myself desirable, but I am still alone. I developed talents by learning to play a couple of instruments, I became fit and cleaned up my diet, I have a successful career, I cook, and I dress very well. All good things and I don’t regret them; however, I am still remarkably unsuccessful at dating. I feel mostly happy with my life, but I physically ache for the love and affection that comes with being in a romantic relationship. I am able to afford plastic surgery. Should I spend money on it? Should I work to accept that I am one of those people who will never be with someone and focus more on my mostly wonderful life? Should I keep picking myself up and trying over and over again and deal with the despondency and depression that comes with the endless rejection? 

—No Second Date

NOLABridesmaid

What kind of women is he approaching? I'm sure there is a nice girl out there that is looking for a good guy and is open in the looks department. Unattractive people date too.

PMeg819

I like that he blames it on his looks. Like women are so shallow that we could never get past it. Dude, your personality sucks. You may think you're the total package but you probably suck at conversations or are a douche.

dharmabunny

I'll go with Pmeg. Either a grade A douche, insufferably boring or Rapey Jim. Or some serious selection bias.

Time to stop watching those TV shows and movies where plain/homely/nerdy/boring dudes bag impossibly hot bitches with some sort of testosterone roofie and come back to real life. Preferably with someone telling him like it really is, and he keeps his trap shut.

Where women have brains, feelings, and are, like, people ::::eureka!:::

GBCK

Everyone I know who has been all "I'm awesome, but not pretty enough to have a bf/gf" has an obvious issue w/ throwing themselves only at people who are an 8 or above in looks.
Mrs. Conn, I bet you're being shallow

VarunaTT

Patriarchy is a helluva thing.

mrsconn23

VarunaTT said:

Patriarchy is a helluva thing.

Word. 

"Wah, wah, wah...Why aren't these laydeezz worried about my boner?!" 

*Barbie*

i want to know what this guy looks like. 

VarunaTT

Mm, I think it goes beyond that.  Patriarchy goes both ways and affects men w/in the system too.  He believes his attractiveness is formulaic and he's missing the formula therefore women don't like him b/c women only like this formula b/c that's what patriarchy tells you they do.  

If you didn't know or just changed the gender of this letter writer, I don't think the assumption would be that the writer douche, an insufferable bore, or the other things that've been said.  It would probably have been something else; really this man strikes me as someone very lonely.

drunkenwitch

Ah yes, eau de desperation, what woman can resist that?

MesmrEwe

If he can afford plastic surgery, he can afford to hook up with a dating and relationship expert for some coaching...  A "Mock Date" with an expert will give him the cold, hard truth that he's trying too hard and/or bringing up "Till death do us part" subjects on a first date...  ..  And secondary to that, he's not dating the right women.  If he's so great at the gym, why hasn't he gotten gym women friends into the same interest areas as he is.  Even the meatheads at the gym can attract chicks, and no one ever gave them points for looks...