Attending Cross-Country Wedding

ja67

I have been invited to a friends wedding cross-country.  I don't speak to or see her that often, maybe an email once a year, but she's an old friend that I've known since we were teens.  Attending the wedding would be tight, financially, as I do have the money, but I also have a lot of big expenses and commitments coming up.  I would be paying for a flight, hotel, car and gift just for a weekend wedding.  If that were the issue alone, I probably wouldn't attend and just send a gift and card.  However, this friend attended my small wedding, cross-country, a few years ago and I feel guilty if I didn't attend her wedding in return.  Though her situation was slightly different as she only had to pay for a flight (she had a car and housing available, and I told her no gift) and she spent a few extra days visiting family that lived in the same town as my wedding.  Do you think I have a legitimate reason for not attending?  Or do you think it would be unfair or selfish of me not to attend her wedding?

jacques27

It's an invitation, not a subpoena.  Also, weddings aren't tit for tat (or any event for that matter).

Send your regrets along with a nice congratulations card.  No need for the angst.

[Deleted User]

If you can't comfortably afford to go, then don't. You can always send a card and gift if you want.

*Barbie*

ja67 said:

I have been invited to a friends wedding cross-country.  I don't speak to or see her that often, maybe an email once a year, but she's an old friend that I've known since we were teens.  Attending the wedding would be tight, financially, as I do have the money, but I also have a lot of big expenses and commitments coming up.  I would be paying for a flight, hotel, car and gift just for a weekend wedding.  If that were the issue alone, I probably wouldn't attend and just send a gift and card.  However, this friend attended my small wedding, cross-country, a few years ago and I feel guilty if I didn't attend her wedding in return.  Though her situation was slightly different as she only had to pay for a flight (she had a car and housing available, and I told her no gift) and she spent a few extra days visiting family that lived in the same town as my wedding.  Do you think I have a legitimate reason for not attending?  Or do you think it would be unfair or selfish of me not to attend her wedding?

I think you just answered the question there. Unfortunately attending the wedding is not in your budget, so you can send your congratulations and a card/gift. 

Most people don't have unlimited funds, unlimited vacation time, etc. You get to choose how you need/want to spend that time and money, and accepting an "obligation" invitation isn't your top priority. Nothing wrong with that. Given your description of your relationship with this person, they may have just invited you out of a sense of obligation ("I went to OP's wedding, so I guess i need to invite her to mine.").