Article in local newspaper - ask guest to bring food and others items to save money

nhultberg461

Ok, so I've learned a few lessons on here about etiquette, but asking your guests to bring food to your reception so you can save money? Isn't that a family reunion and not a reception. 

Have at it girls, I'm baffled.....

http://www.reviewjournal.com/business/money/biggest-myth-about-what-your-wedding-should-cost

mikenberger

nhultberg461 said:

Ok, so I've learned a few lessons on here about etiquette, but asking your guests to bring food to your reception so you can save money? Isn't that a family reunion and not a reception. 

Have at it girls, I'm baffled.....

http://www.reviewjournal.com/business/money/biggest-myth-about-what-your-wedding-should-cost

That'd be a big huge NO. Your guests should have to provide nothing for your reception. Your reception is a thank you for their continued love and support. Nevermind the logistics of keeping the food warm or cold and food safe. That's another beast all together.

chibiyui

Tacky as fuck.

Cookie Pusher

All kinds of HELL NO.

lyndausvi

Anyone notice the only people who SAVE are the couple?     The money/time/hassle  is just being diverted to the guests.

True story. 

The couple gets 100% of the savings and the guests have to first plan an item.  Then go to the store to get the ingredients. Then prep and cook the item.  Then have to figure out who to get it to the party safely.   They using their time and spending money on ingredients, power, etc.   I would imagine some of them also have the cost of buying containers too.

I NEVER  want to live in a world where that is considered HOSTING.    

In a million years I can not imagine sending an invitation to someone that basically says "I INVITE you to feed me and a bunch of people  at "x" location on  "y" day and "z" time".   It's just weird.

nhultberg461

When I read the article the first time, I was actually shocked, mouth open shocked. I've learned a few lessons on here, and it seems that the majority if not all of the money saving ideas are a major no-no. I'm still dumbfounded that someone would write this article...

lovegood90

nhultberg461 said:

When I read the article the first time, I was actually shocked, mouth open shocked. I've learned a few lessons on here, and it seems that the majority if not all of the money saving ideas are a major no-no. I'm still dumbfounded that someone would write this article...

Money saving ideas are totally fine. We have issue with money saving ideas that just put the costs on your guests instead/that poorly host your guests. Saving on flowers by having fake flowers for example- totally fine. Saving on food by making your guests bring food- not fine.

Jen4948

The whole concept of wedding guests being expected to buy, bring, prepare, and serve themselves their own thank-you, and then clean it up, to save the couple money, horrifies me.

JellyBean52513

nhultberg461 said:

When I read the article the first time, I was actually shocked, mouth open shocked. I've learned a few lessons on here, and it seems that the majority if not all of the money saving ideas are a major no-no. I'm still dumbfounded that someone would write this article...

That's because most of the "money saving ideas" that get posted on this particular board are very, very rude & awful ideas, hence why they're coming to an Etiquette board for validation. As long as the people who are experts on being proper say it's ok, then it's definitely ok to do.

Thing is, we never give the thumbs up to these types of ideas. Cuz they're awful.

ETA: just like @Lyndausvi said, these also aren't not money saving ideas, but rather money redistribution ideas. Nobody saves ideas, the couple just pushes the cost onto the guests.

[Deleted User]

Interesting that they missed that the biggest myth about the average wedding cost is that that is the average wedding cost -- or rather, that judging what's "normal" to spend on your wedding based on a national average and not the MEDIAN of your particular state is a good idea. They'd do a lot more to put couple's minds at ease to frame the conversation that way than to put the burden for providing the wedding accoutrements on the guests instead.

southernbelle0915

People are so tunnel visioned. And it's never a "good" kind of tunnel vision. It's a how-can-I-save-money-who-cares-about-anyone-else kind of tunnel vision.

arrippa

nhultberg461 said:

When I read the article the first time, I was actually shocked, mouth open shocked. I've learned a few lessons on here, and it seems that the majority if not all of the money saving ideas are a major no-no. I'm still dumbfounded that someone would write this article...

I don't know why you are dumbfounded since there is a lot of bad advice out there. Honestly, I would have been more shocked if all the advice was etiquette approved under an article with money saving advice.

SP29

This reminds me of something I read on my FB that is making me "UGH!" so I need to vent .

I'm selling my dress through a few local groups on FB. A few of the groups allow "random" posts, so there are lots of advice questions. One person is asking about honeyfund jars- yay or nayt. 95% of the responses so far have been 'OMG! Such an awesome idea! We did it too! Pinterest has these cute little poems!". A couple of us have responded with "tacky" (well, I tried to make mine as politically correct as possible and educate). 

One person commented about how the B&G shouldn't expect their guests to fund their honeymoon. The OP responded that it is really for the honeymoon, it's to cover some of the bar costs, and if they had a toonie bar, then they wouldn't be putting out a jar. O.M.G. Because it's not a toonie bar it's OK??? AHHHH!

So I responded again, trying to explain how guests shouldn't be covering any part of the bar, and why. Plus also giving some options for making the bar cheaper (you know, wine and beer only, or, inviting less than 240 guests). 

bizzy592

What is a toonie bar?

I attended a hot mess of a wedding in the fall (posted about previously) where I was asked to bring food, basically to cover the time between the ceremony and dinner. I did, because I knew how much worse it would be if I didn't help, but holy hell. Bad taste left in mouth.

SP29

A toonie is a $2 coin. Thus, cash bar, where everything is $2. Thus, toats OK because you can get a lot of drinks for a twenty!! (GAH!!!)

polaroidgurl

Normally I would say HELL NO to this, but recently I went to a relaxed outdoor wedding where the guests were asked to bring their favourite wine and their choice of food (and you didn't share it with any other guest) even though we did but whatever. It was actually really nice as you only had worry about what you were going to eat and if you're an allergy sufferer then this is fantastic as you're not worrying about what's in the sauce, or was said poultry stuffed with breadcrumbs, etc. 

There was cake, nibbles and drinks supplied to go with what we brought for ourselves (so it wasn't totally relying on guests) and they made sure we had glasses, crockery and cutlery. We all sat outside on vintage blankets and pillows. It was very romantic actually. But I could never ask our guests to do that, especially seeing as so many are coming from very far away. 

theartistformerlyknownas

polaroidgurl said:

Normally I would say HELL NO to this, but recently I went to a relaxed outdoor wedding where the guests were asked to bring their favourite wine and their choice of food (and you didn't share it with any other guest) even though we did but whatever. It was actually really nice as you only had worry about what you were going to eat and if you're an allergy sufferer then this is fantastic as you're not worrying about what's in the sauce, or was said poultry stuffed with breadcrumbs, etc. 

There was cake, nibbles and drinks supplied to go with what we brought for ourselves (so it wasn't totally relying on guests) and they made sure we had glasses, crockery and cutlery. We all sat outside on vintage blankets and pillows. It was very romantic actually. But I could never ask our guests to do that, especially seeing as so many are coming from very far away. 

Still horribly not OK, even if you were fine with it for whatever strange reason! "Come over for dinner but bring your own food! And oh yeah, sit on the ground. Here's where I'm registered so you can bring me a gift!" GROSS.

levioosa

polaroidgurl said:

Normally I would say HELL NO to this, but recently I went to a relaxed outdoor wedding where the guests were asked to bring their favourite wine and their choice of food (and you didn't share it with any other guest) even though we did but whatever. It was actually really nice as you only had worry about what you were going to eat and if you're an allergy sufferer then this is fantastic as you're not worrying about what's in the sauce, or was said poultry stuffed with breadcrumbs, etc. 

There was cake, nibbles and drinks supplied to go with what we brought for ourselves (so it wasn't totally relying on guests) and they made sure we had glasses, crockery and cutlery. We all sat outside on vintage blankets and pillows. It was very romantic actually. But I could never ask our guests to do that, especially seeing as so many are coming from very far away. 

NOPE NOPE NOPE

That was incredibly rude of them.  The reception is a THANK YOU to your guests for attending the ceremony.

"Oh hey, thanks for traveling and attending and getting us a gift...but um...you need to provide food and drinks because I don't feel like hosting you."

Hell to the no.

justsie

polaroidgurl said:

Normally I would say HELL NO to this, but recently I went to a relaxed outdoor wedding where the guests were asked to bring their favourite wine and their choice of food (and you didn't share it with any other guest) even though we did but whatever. It was actually really nice as you only had worry about what you were going to eat and if you're an allergy sufferer then this is fantastic as you're not worrying about what's in the sauce, or was said poultry stuffed with breadcrumbs, etc. 

There was cake, nibbles and drinks supplied to go with what we brought for ourselves (so it wasn't totally relying on guests) and they made sure we had glasses, crockery and cutlery. We all sat outside on vintage blankets and pillows. It was very romantic actually. But I could never ask our guests to do that, especially seeing as so many are coming from very far away. 

I really wouldn't feel romantic eating McDonalds at a wedding. Because If I'm traveling and I don't know what options a town has, that's what I'm getting.